Chapter 14

Axon

I don't think I've ever been happier in my entire life. I watched as Ashley's chest rose and fell in the darkness. I should close my eyes and sleep, but I just couldn't bring myself to do so, not when I had such a beautiful creature right here next to me holding my hand while she slept.

Eventually, sleep did overtake me, and when it did my night was full of dreams, dreams of Ashley and I together in every way imaginable.

The next day I woke feeling more well rested than I had in a very long time. Usually I was a light sleeper, but there was something about Ashley's touch that was so soothing to me, so relaxing, that I actually slept in.

I opened my eyes to find Ashley propped up on one elbow staring down at me with a smile.

"You must have been really tired. I can't believe I woke up before you did."

I had the overwhelming urge to pull Ashley to my chest and hold her while I slept just a little bit longer, but I knew that wouldn't end well. Maybe today we'll be able to do more than just hold hands. We'll find a way , I assured myself. I could stand in the rain again to see if our touching could extend past our hands.

"Axon?" Ashley's voice drew me back out of my thoughts.

"Oh sorry, yeah I must have been pretty tired," I smiled up at her.

"You ready to get up?" She asked as she shivered in the cold morning air.

"Yeah, let's start the fire to warm you up."

I would much prefer to warm her up myself, but if a fire was all I could provide, it would be the best fire I could make.

As soon as we stood up, my tail wrapped around her leg and she halted a moment in surprise.

"Oh right, I forgot about that."

"You still don't mind?" I checked in with her.

"I don't mind," she smiled as she ran her thumb over the top of my hand in reassurance. It was a lovely sensation to feel her physical reassurance instead of just relying on her facial expressions or words. Touch added a whole new layer to our relationship, a layer that I was quickly growing addicted to.

Unfortunately, as soon as we reached the wood pile, I found most of the bigger logs had been burned already. We would undoubtedly burn through the wood by noon at the latest.

Ashley shivered again, so I went ahead and started a fire with the largest logs I had on hand.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Hmm?"

"You're doing that thing you do when you're nervous." She pointed in my general direction.

"What thing?"

"The humming. You always hum when you're either in a tense situation or seem uncomfortable."

"Really?"

"Yeah, whenever someone's having an argument or when Tarak talks about our food shortage, you start humming. You hummed a lot on our way to the mountain when we first met too, like you were nervous that we were going to get attacked."

It seemed I wasn't the only one who noticed the little things. It felt good to be noticed by Ashley, really good.

"Hmm, I've always hummed ever since I was a sietling. I like the way humming feels in my throat, I didn't realize I mostly do it when I'm nervous though."

"That makes sense. So what's got you nervous right now?"

Right, back to the subject at hand.

"We're running low on wood," I admitted with a sigh.

"Oh, that doesn't seem like too big of a problem. We passed a lot of fallen branches and logs on our way here."

"Yeah, I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about leaving you."

I didn't want to break our connection. This all felt too good to be true. What if it turns out that it was just a one-time thing? What if my sensory issues are worse when we try to hold hands again?

"You don't have to worry about me. I'll stay in the main cave here."

I hadn't thought about Ashley wandering the tunnels alone and now I had a whole new fear to worry about.

I shook my head. "I'm worried that this was a one-time thing." I held up our joined hands. "What if I come back and am unable to hold your hand again?"

"Oh," Ashley looked downcast. "I hadn't thought of that." She furrowed her brows as she looked down at the ground. "If you can't hold my hand when you come back, then we'll just do what we did before."

Her perseverance warmed my heart. I was happy that she was willing to start over again if that's what I needed.

"What if it's not raining when I get back?"

"Then we'll find a waterfall, or maybe a river will work. We'll figure it out."

She looked down again and bit her lip. "It'll be good information to have for… whomever you lumines to."

There would be no one else for me . I wanted to assure her of that, but I knew Ashely was waiting for luminescence. Speaking aloud how strongly I felt for her, wouldn't help in the long run if she glowed for someone else.

I nodded my head in agreement.

"Walk with me?" I asked. I wanted to hold onto her until the last possible moment.

"Okay," she gave me a shy smile and we walked together to the cave mouth that led outside.

I turned to face her and waited for her to pull her hand away, but to my surprise she didn't.

I didn't pull away either. I didn't want to. I didn't think I could.

"Someone's got to let go first," Ashley commented with a smile that didn't reach her eyes and a laugh that didn't sound real at all.

"I...I don't think I can," I admitted. "You'll have to do it."

Ashley chewed on her bottom lip. "You're the one leaving. It makes sense for you to pull away."

"Together?" I suggested.

"Together," she agreed.

"One, two, three," I counted us down and as soon as I said three, we both slowly pulled away. Our fingers drifted apart from one another like sad ocean waves saying Goodbye one last time. And then it was done. We were separated. The space between us looked small, but it felt as vast as the universe itself.

I wanted to grab her hand again, place it in mine, and pull her to my chest where she belonged, but I did none of those things. I needed to get firewood so Ashley could stay warm, and if I held her hand now, I might never leave. Upon my return, I'd hold her hand in mine and hope for the best.

"I'll be back soon," was the last thing I said before I shifted and headed into the forest.