Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Liam

T he moment Mum suggested the best way to pass a rainy Sunday afternoon was a family game of Monopoly and Ambrose eagerly agreed, Liam knew it was going to be a disaster. Grandad Billy recused himself, and nobody tried to talk him into staying. Not after the Monopoly Incident of Christmas 2016. The Connellys got passionate about their board games, which was great fun, but something about Monopoly turned them into bastards. Liam bit back a groan as Mum dragged the board out and shooed everyone into the living room, and Ambrose hurried after her with an evil spring in his step.

"I bags the dog!" Ambrose called out, but he didn't put up much of a fight when Riley grabbed it first. "Fine! I bags the ship!"

Marcus leaned in and snatched the top hat, tossing it casually in his hand. He didn't even have the good manners to bags it first, Liam noted, which was just rude. There was etiquette to the distribution of Monopoly pieces, and Marcus had just ignored it.

Liam wasn't the only one who noticed .

"Bridget's always the top hat," Will said, frowning.

"Then she should have moved quicker," Marcus said, and slipped the piece into his pocket as if he were worried he'd be asked to give it back. "I mean, the whole point of the game is to get in first and come out on top, am I right?"

Bridget, who'd had her hands full wiping the remains of a Vegemite sandwich off Balian's face, gave Marcus a dark look.

"Actually," Ambrose said a little pompously, and Liam took a moment to admire the way he was taking the opportunity to be a know-it-all pain in the arse, "Monopoly was originally invented as a demonstration of the failings of capitalism. It came with two sets of rules—one based on one winner taking all, and one where all players came out ahead through land taxes and equitable wealth distribution. Ironically, in a demonstration of the failings of a greed-driven society, the idea was stolen and a bastardised version was sold to Parker Brothers. So no, it wasn't the name of the game, not to begin with."

"Isn't that interesting!" Fi said too brightly, a fixed smile on her face. "Now we're going to have to play in teams, because there are so many of us. Shall we make it couples?"

"I only play solo," Marcus said quickly, "and I'll be Banker, since it's practically my job. Neve can play with Riley. That's all right, isn't it, babe?"

Neve looked slightly put out but nodded her agreement. "I guess."

Liam frowned at that, because wasn't Ambrose meant to be the professional arsehole here? But Ambrose stepped up and filled his role perfectly when he said, "Everyone knows the Banker always cheats."

"It's only cheating if you get caught," Marcus said. He tipped Ambrose a wink that Liam wasn't sure he was meant to see, and he wondered what it meant. Ambrose appeared to ignore it and instead busied himself getting settled on the floor around the board. Monopoly always ended up being played on a floor somehow, even if there was a table right there— it seemed to be an unspoken universal rule that the game wasn't complete without a numb arse from sitting on the ground and a sore, stretched back and creaking hip joints at the end of it.

Liam plopped himself down next to Ambrose, who ignored him in favour of studying the battered rule booklet closely. Liam couldn't help feeling a little rejected, and he had to remind himself that this was an act, that Ambrose liked him, and was just doing what Liam had paid him to do—namely, be all wrong for him.

Ambrose cleared his throat and asked, "Do you guys play the rule where all properties sell on landing? Or the coward's version?"

"All properties sell on landing," Will, Fi and Neve chorused in unison, and Liam was reminded again that his entire family took this way too seriously.

"Just so you know, this lot plays for sheep stations," he murmured to Ambrose.

Ambrose just grinned, sharp and slightly evil. "Oh, so do I."

Everyone arranged themselves around the board, and Marcus distributed the cash. Ambrose insisted on double counting, presumably just to be a dick, but it turned out that Marcus actually had an extra three hundred dollars. He laughed it off, and something tickled at the base of Liam's spine. Marcus hadn't even flinched at being caught out, which made Liam wonder if it was because he lied so often and so well that it was second nature. Or maybe he was being unfair, and Marcus genuinely had made a mistake. But still, the prickle of unease wouldn't go away.

They started to play, and everyone was incredibly polite for the first three or four rounds of the board, maybe because there were guests. The good manners soon fell away, though, when Ambrose bought Oxford Street and gave Will, who already had Regent and Bond Street, a shit-eating grin. "Too bad, old man. No landlord earnings for you."

"Opportunistic little bastard," Will said with a scowl.

"That's me," Ambrose agreed breezily. "But I might sell it to you later, if the price is right."

"You can't on-sell properties," Marcus objected.

"You can in the Connelly rules," Neve said firmly, and Liam suspected she was still annoyed at Marcus for ditching her so quickly.

"We've always traded," Fi said. "It keeps it interesting." Marcus was obviously either smart enough or intimidated enough not to argue with her.

Ambrose waggled the orange card he'd just bought at Will obnoxiously before tucking it under the edge of his thigh at the top of his folded legs, where it nestled next to the railroads that he'd bought so far. Well, they'd bought, since Liam was technically playing, even though Ambrose appeared to be calling the shots. "I'm open for any offers," he announced loudly.

Marcus snorted. "I'll just bet you are."

"For the property ," Ambrose clarified with a raised eyebrow. "For anything else, I'm taken. Right, cutie?" He leaned over and pinched Liam's cheek. It was obnoxiously affectionate, and Liam honestly didn't know whether to pull back in embarrassment or lean into it. Of course, then Ambrose ruined it perfectly by running a thumb over Liam's bottom lip and murmuring slightly too loudly, "God, I love your sexy mouth."

There was a moment's awkward silence, then Neve cleared her throat and sent the dice clattering across the board. "Double six!" she crowed, as Bridget leaned forward and moved their counter, landing them on Whitechapel. They didn't want to buy it, which meant that a furious bidding war soon broke out between Marcus and Ambrose before Fi swooped in and outbid them both, giving her the set.

"Congratulations, you're a slumlord," Ambrose told her. "Don't forget to never do any maintenance, turn up at the arsecrack of dawn for unscheduled inspections, and bump up the rent every chance you get. It's how you get rich preying on the underprivileged." That earned him a glare from both Mum and Dad, but he just shrugged, seemingly unrepentant. "What? I told you, I'm a kid from Macquarie Fields. I'm just telling it how it is."

Liam was struck with a sudden desire to sit his parents down and explain that Ambrose didn't mean any of what he said, that it was all an act, he really wasn't like this, and would the real Ambrose Newman please stand up, please stand up?

But then he remembered that the whole point of this was to show he had terrible luck with men, buy him some peace and quiet and get him out of dating Mary's boy Richard—he of the ferret features—so he kept his mouth shut, let Ambrose do his thing and let his family continue to think he was dating a wanker.

And Ambrose, to his credit, played the wanker incredibly well. He did little things, like extending his elbows just far enough that he continually jabbed Bridget in the side and making an obnoxious clip-clopping noise with his tongue every time someone moved their counter. He insisted on folding his cash into tiny origami shapes before he handed it over when he had to pay anyone rent. He even stole a bite of Balian's biscuit, earning an outraged squawk from the toddler.

It was just a shame he was outdone by Marcus, who seemed to be treating the game like a gladiatorial challenge to the death. Liam had thought his family played hard, but they had nothing on Marcus. He legitimately whooped loud enough to frighten the baby when he bankrupted Riley after she was two dollars short on her rent. "No mercy in the real world, kid," he said when she pouted and asked if he'd take an IOU.

"That's a bit harsh don't you think?" Will said. "We always allow IOUs with the younger ones. Family rules."

Marcus shrugged. "New family member, new rules."

Ambrose opened his mouth as if to say something, then snapped it closed again, and threw the dice with enough force that one of them skittered off the board and ended up under the armchair. Liam had to fish it out, and Ambrose slapped his arse while he did so, making Fi's mouth pinch up like she'd sucked a lemon. The dice added up to four, which landed them on Chance. Ambrose picked up the card and screwed up his nose. "Go directly to jail," he announced glumly, and didn't even make the clip-clop noises when he put their piece on the square. "Why don't we have a get-out-of-jail-free card?" he demanded of Liam, as though it were somehow his fault.

"Aw, you'll have to do jail time," Marcus mocked, far too cruel for it to be funny. Liam kind of wanted to punch him, and he was startled at the depth of his genuine dislike. "I guess you'll be someone's prison wife now. You'd enjoy that, right?"

Ambrose tilted his head at Marcus. "Bold of you to assume I'd be the wife. I might be the prison husband." His eyes sparkled. "What do you think a prison husband does? Works nine to five in the prison yard and then comes home to his cell for a nice glass of toilet wine? Then he and the missus snuggle on the top bunk, and afterwards they smoke some contraband cigarettes until lights out. "

Liam almost laughed at how puzzled Marcus looked.

Marcus scowled for a moment and raised his eyebrows. "Wait. Does that mean Liam's your?—"

"My throw!" Dad interrupted, grappling desperately for the dice. "Doubles! I get to go again!" He banged his counter loudly against the thin cardboard and counted aloud, possibly in an effort to drown out his own thoughts.

It didn't deter Marcus in the least. "So is it true that gay guys give better head than girls?"

Ambrose raised an eyebrow. "Good question." He leaned in close, grinning, and whispered loudly, "I guess you'll never know, straight boy." Then he mused aloud, "If a guy and a girl both compete sucking someone off, is it called going head-to-head?"

There was silence for a second before Riley let out a shocked giggle, and Fi sniffed in disapproval and said firmly, "That's enough of that talk." Liam recognised the thread of steel in her voice that meant the subject was closed, and heaven help anyone who didn't take the hint. Apparently Ambrose recognised it too, because his mouth, which had just opened, shut with a snap. "That's better," Fi said.

Liam couldn't help but grin at Marcus's pinched expression at having lost the verbal battle, and when Ambrose flashed him a bright smile, it made warmth bloom in his chest.

He was distracted by his dad throwing the dice again, less violently this time. He advanced five squares and promptly snapped up Mayfair, meaning Marcus couldn't complete the set.

"Aw," Ambrose cooed. "No high-class real estate for you, big guy. Guess you'll have to marry rich instead—oh wait, you already are."

Neve's brow furrowed when Marcus didn't bother to disagree with Ambrose's not at all subtle assessment of him as a gold digger.

"Sure am," he drawled. But then he blew Neve a kiss and said, "Beautiful and rich. I guess I hit the jackpot, huh, sweetheart?"

Something about it struck wrong, but Liam didn't have a chance to look at it too closely, because then Ambrose was tugging on his arm and saying, "Think I can get in on that? How long until you propose, sweet pea? Because my lease is up soon, and you have harbour views!"

Liam didn't dare look at his parents. He could sense their sudden alarm. "I'm not proposing to you any time soon unless you unexpectedly fall pregnant."

"That would be unexpected," Ambrose agreed with a grin. "Since if anyone's the baby daddy, it would be me."

Mum sucked in a sharp breath.

Balian chose that moment to reach out from where he was perched in Bridget's lap and pluck a house off one of Marcus's properties, clutching it curiously in his fat little fist and examining it, then shoving it in his mouth.

"No!" Marcus snapped and smacked the back of Balian's hand. "Don't touch!"

Balian's eyes grew wide, his mouth fell open and the spit-covered house fell into his lap. He let out a sharp wail at the same time that Bridget gasped loudly and pulled him close, glaring daggers at Marcus.

Liam could see that there was no way this was going to end well. And maybe it was a coward's way out, but he didn't even feel slightly guilty when he moved a foot sideways and with a sharp kick sent the board flying, scattering pieces all over the floor. "Oops," he said unconvincingly. "Game's over."

"Good thing, too," Will said darkly, scowling at Marcus. "Some people take Monopoly far too seriously." Which Liam personally thought was rich, coming from a man who'd once bribed his own child with an entire pack of Tim Tams in exchange for letting Will have all the green and orange properties. Liam had been eight at the time, and a whole pack of Tim Tams had seemed like a much better option than a pile of cards from a game he didn't really understand, especially when he didn't even get to keep them once the game was done.

Bridget shushed and soothed Balian gently before handing him off to Orhan, who stood and rocked the baby back and forth, then she joined Liam and Neve and Fi in tracking down plastic houses and hotels and cards from where they'd gone flying, throwing Marcus dark looks the entire time. Ambrose plopped himself on the couch and didn't help at all, other than to point out the bits that they'd missed. Marcus finally took a hint and made himself scarce, and as soon as he left the tension in the room eased, at least a little.

"Sorry, Bridge," Neve offered. "Marcus doesn't have much experience with kids. He doesn't mean any harm, he's just…driven."

"It's fine," Bridget said, her tone suggesting it wasn't really fine, not yet, but if they pretended for long enough it would be. Liam felt a flash of sympathy for his older sister, having to put up with her siblings' two dipshit boyfriends this weekend. Except Ambrose was faking it, whereas it looked like Neve was engaged to an actual dickhead.

Maybe Liam was imagining things. Maybe Marcus was just nervous and on edge meeting the family and was a decent person under all his bluster. Still, Liam couldn't help but feel a sense of unease at his sister's choice.

Ambrose caught his eye and patted the couch next to him, and Liam slid into place. "Wow. When you said your family plays for sheep stations you weren't kidding," Ambrose murmured.

Liam gave a rueful smile. "Just be glad they didn't get the Trivial Pursuit out. Grandad has a near-photographic memory and gloats like a bastard when he wins."

"That sounds terrifying but I also kind of want to see it." Ambrose pulled a face that was part-confusion, part-admiration and one hundred percent adorable. Liam resisted the urge to kiss the tip of his scrunched-up nose and settled for smoothing a stray lock of hair behind his ear.

"It's something," Liam agreed. "Grandad has strong feelings about board games."

"And tractors," Ambrose said with a grin. "I like your grandad. Mind you, I never had one of my own, so the bar is set very low for grandparent appreciation."

It was a sharp reminder of what Ambrose had told him about his fucked-up family situation, and Liam felt bad then, for all the times he'd resented his own family for their interference—no, interest— in his life. "Grandad's pretty great," he agreed.

"All your family are," Ambrose said, eyes sparkling. "I might even like them better than I like you."

Liam shoved his shoulder. "Dick."

"Maybe later," Ambrose said with a wink, and Liam laughed, a lightness washing over him when he remembered that Ambrose wasn't necessarily kidding, now. They might have something together. Or at the very least, they had the hint of a possibility of something, which was still enough to make Liam smile hard enough that his face hurt.

"I'm hungry," Ambrose announced looking at Fi expectantly, and Liam was brought back to earth with a bump when he remembered that Ambrose was meant to be obnoxious. Except he couldn't quite remember why that was, again .

"I'll get it, Mum," he said, and pushed himself to his feet, but before he could take more than two steps, Ambrose spoke again.

"Don't worry about it, babe," Ambrose said. "I've just remembered, we still have some of that body chocolate from the honeymoon basket. We could go upstairs, and I could lick it off your?—"

"You know what we need?" Fi interrupted loudly. "A nice platter. I'll go and see what's in the fridge. Riley, you can come and help."

She swept out of the room with Riley in tow, presumably before Ambrose could corrupt her any further.