7. Lorna

Ibarely registered the strong arms cradling me against a hard chest. I didn't—couldn't—acknowledge what I'd just done. No matter what anyone else said, my dhampir and I were one. Her actions were my actions. Just because she didn't feel guilt over what just happened didn't mean I wasn't carrying enough for both of us.

I couldn't really even blame her. I'd let her take control. When I gave in to my hunger and awakened my dhampir's magic, I just let her go. It was no different than letting Mallory deal with my social interactions or giving Gale full reign in a fight. Okay, maybe it was a little different, but my dhampir had done what she thought was necessary to set us free.

Jared's death was inevitable. Even Conrad's death was somewhat acceptable. It was the others that I couldn't justify. They hadn't done anything to me. They may not have even known what I was until I revealed myself. They didn't deserve to die.

My dhampir disagreed.

I came back to the present when Elliott lowered me to my feet. I couldn't meet his eyes. Couldn't face his judgment. He was right to keep his distance from me before. He was right to doubt my ability to control the monster lurking inside me.

His story about his wolf felt a little too close to home, though. Did he really understand the dynamic between me and my dhampir? Was his wolf also semi-independent with its own thoughts and personality?

"I don't want to rush you," Elliott said, his large hands gripping my shoulders. "But we need to get you cleaned up and into some fresh clothes."

I glanced around and found us standing in the middle of a large shower. Shiny tiles covered the walls and reflected the low light. I would've thought it pretty, but my brain wasn't really processing my surroundings.

Elliott reached behind him, and a soft spray of water hit his back a few seconds later, quickly soaking his T-shirt.

"Do you need help?" he asked. "Normally, we'd do this naked, but I don't think you're ready for all my hotness."

My eyes snapped up to find him smirking at me. I searched his face, expecting to see judgment or disgust, but there was none. His mischievous glint barely covered a deep sadness.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked, tamping down on the surge of hope in my chest.

Elliott's smile vanished. He gripped my shoulders, and I allowed him to shuffle around me, so I was the one under the warm spray of water. He reached for a bottle of shampoo and squirted a generous amount into his large palm. Before I had time to register what he was doing, his strong fingers began massaging my scalp.

I closed my eyes and dropped my forehead against his chest. He hadn't answered my question, at least not with words. His actions said way more. For reasons only he understood, he thought I deserved this tenderness from him.

No one had ever washed my hair for me except my mother. She quit doing it when I was seven or eight years old, and I'd demonstrated I could do it myself without getting soap in my eyes.

The way Elliott gently tugged at my filthy strands and ran his fingers across my scalp was completely different. This was intimate and thoughtful and a show of acceptance I couldn't possibly be worthy of. Did I stop him? Nope. I needed this.

Tipping my head back, Elliott began rinsing out the shampoo and continuing the massage. I kept my eyes closed, not just to avoid the water sluicing across my face. I didn't want to see the blood streaming off the filthy clothes I'd worn for the last three weeks. Clothes that now clung to me, making my skin crawl. As more water mixed with the blood coating every part of me, I could no longer stand to have them touching me.

I grabbed the neck of my ragged T-shirt and ripped it down the front, then let the torn fabric slide off my shoulders. Elliott's hands disappeared from my hair, but I didn't look at him. I had to get rid of the evidence. The blood of a dozen vampires soaked into my skin and burned my soul. While I knew I could wash it off the surface, I couldn't cleanse it from my heart or mind.

I peeled my wet jeans from my legs and froze. Swirls of red and pink lazily made their way to the shower's drain. My arms shook, and my knees threatened to give out. My heart pounded in my chest as the swirls morphed into the faces of the vampires I'd killed.

Tears burned hot in my eyes, and a sob tore free from my throat. I'd killed them without concern for who they were. Did I steal someone's mother or father? Brother or sister? Of course I did! And I hadn't cared.

My knees gave out. Before I hit the tiled floor, Elliott's strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his soaked shirt. He had to notice I was only in a bra and panties, but he never said a word. I let him take my pain, clinging to him like he was my lifeline in the sea of tears pouring from my heart.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't accept what I'd done. I couldn't live with the guilt. I didn't even know if I could find a place in my mind to make it right. There was no justification for my actions. None. I couldn't just lock it away in the box with my kittens and the man who attacked me in Baltimore. There wasn't enough room.

"I've got you," Elliott whispered. "And we'll help you get through this. Don't think you're alone, 'cuz you're not."

I wanted to believe him, but how could I? I didn't want to be around me. Why would anyone else?

"Can you finish washing?" Elliott asked. "Kenrid is bringing a bag of clean clothes for us. We really need to get out of here."

I nodded and slowly stepped away from him. One of his long fingers trailed my jaw, and a gentle pressure under my chin made me look up at him. Once again, the sadness in his eyes caught me by surprise. He was right, though. We needed to leave. I could fall apart after we were gone.

"I can do this," I said. "Thank you for all that."

"I will always be here for you, Lorna."

He reached down and picked up my wet clothes, then stepped out of the shower. I missed him immediately. My heart rate skyrocketed, and a surge of panic had me whipping the curtain aside. Elliott stood a few feet away with his fingers gripping the bottom of his wet shirt.

He hadn't left.

I let out a stuttered breath. "Please stay," I whispered.

"I told you I'm not going anywhere," he assured me. "But if you'd like to watch me get out of these clothes, I'll try to make it more entertaining for you."

He winked at me, and heat rushed up my neck and consumed my face. I jerked the shower curtain closed and let a small smile pull at my lips. Elliott's chuckle echoed through the room. I didn't fully understand his support, but I was still grateful for it.

I finished getting naked and tossed the rest of my clothes out. I really hoped Elliott planned to burn them. I didn't need any more reminders of what had happened. I found a bar of soap and a washcloth and started scrubbing away the last three weeks. Tried to, anyway. It wasn't working. It'd never work. Not even that sandblaster I'd dreamed up could erase this.

I'll keep the memories of each death for you,a quiet voice said in my mind.

I blinked several times. It was my voice, only not.

I don't want us to die, she continued. Your shifter made a valid point. So did your fae. I need to feed, but I'm willing to compromise on the method.

My soapy hands stilled on my stomach. Was this my dhampir? It had to be. No one else was in my mind. My other personas weren't real people, just convenient personalities to adopt as needed. They didn't talk to me like this.

I don't want to die either,I said to her. I also don't want us to fight for control. Neither of us will win that battle. We'll compromise.

Agreed.

Pain stabbed the base of my skull. I fell to my knees and whimpered as a spiderweb of agony raced over my brain. It probably only lasted for a couple seconds, but it stole my breath and left me with a throbbing headache.

My dhampir's voice echoed in my mind again. The memories of today's violence are with me now, she said. They're there if you want them, but they won't plague you with guilt.

I scrubbed my hands across my face and rose to my feet. I thought about today's events, but they were blurry and scattered. I poked through the compartments in my mind and found my dhampir. Her box was open, but she didn't come out to greet me. Maybe we could make this work. She and I, together.

Thank you,I said to her.

She didn't reply, and I didn't press her. We had more important things to do, like getting dressed and getting the hell out of here.

Just as I finished rinsing everything down the drain, I heard a soft tap on the door.

"Yeah?" Elliott called.

I didn't hear the muffled reply, so I turned off the shower. A fluffy white towel appeared a second later. I took it as the bathroom door squeaked open.

"Nathan wants to leave in ten minutes." The familiar sound of Kenrid's voice mixed with the feel of his magic. A magic that instantly called to me, wrapping me in the longing I'd come to associate with him.

I quickly dried off and wrapped the towel around me while the men continued talking.

"We'll be ready in just a few minutes," Elliott said.

"Here's a trash bag for your wet clothes," Kenrid said. Plastic rustled, followed by a wet plop. "Damon filled the back of your truck with a bunch of boxes for us to go through when we get back."

I peeked out of the shower to find Kenrid staring at me. His non-glamoured eyes caught mine and held on tight. I wanted to look away. I remembered what Conrad said about the fae being behind my kidnapping.

The panic and pain I'd thought I had under control burst free.

"Lorna," Kenrid whispered, taking a step toward me.

I shook my head, and he stopped. "Did you let them take me?" I asked, my voice quivering.

His eyes widened, and the sadness in them eclipsed Elliott's. "No. I swear to you I had nothing to do with your kidnapping. I could never hurt you, especially not like that. I would never betray you."

The magic stretching between us flared. I could almost feel his words soaking into my soul like a promise he could never break. A tear slid down my cheek, and I stepped out of the shower, not even caring that I was completely naked beneath my towel.

I reached out with one hand and placed it against his perfect cheek, keeping a firm grip on the towel with my other. Kenrid leaned into my touch but didn't move any closer. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to or not. I believed him, mostly because of the magic dancing between us. I was certain I'd feel a lie in his words if there was one.

"Get dressed so we can put this place behind us," Kenrid whispered, then looked over my shoulder at Elliott. "We have to get Damon and Nathan to the airport in time for their flight tonight."

"Got it," Elliott said from right behind me.

The two men shared a look before Kenrid wrapped his fingers around mine and brought my hand to his lips. He kissed my knuckles, then left me standing there. How had I ever believed he betrayed me? The depth of his emotion was so easy to read. The tenderness of his kiss rivaled Elliott's gentle massage.

I spun around, coming face to face with Elliott's bare chest. The contours of his muscular abs and pecs begged to be touched. Had I not been in a semi-state of shock, I might have reached out and traced them. Thankfully, he was wearing a pair of sweatpants.

My eyes finally made it up to his face. A smirk played on his lips, and my face flushed. Damn.

"I'll definitely let you watch next time," he teased, then patted a pile of clothes on the counter next to the sink. "I'll be right outside the door waiting for you."

He stepped around me and left, shutting the door softly behind him. I believed him, too. He wouldn't leave me here. Not after they went through all the trouble of coming for me.

I grabbed the shirt off the top of the stack and shook it out, then snorted. It was enormous. I pulled it over my head and was immediately engulfed in Elliott's scent—the subtle smell of softened leather and something else I couldn't name. It was definitely his shirt. The sweatpants swallowed me, too. At least they had a drawstring around the waist. Even if I hadn't lost a ton of weight, I would've had to pull it as tightly as it would go.

Wrapped in Elliott's clothes and his scent, I lifted my chin and opened the bathroom door. Time to put all of this behind me and make a new future.