22. Lorna

Ilonged to prop my feet up on the bench across the table from me, but I somehow managed to refrain. Somehow. My feet ached from walking for hours in the uncomfortable pair of flipflops we'd bought at the shopping center on the way back from Vermont.

Elliott and I had been shopping since before lunch, and the sun was less than an hour from setting.

"You ready for the next store?" Elliott asked, drawing my attention away from my aching feet.

He sat right next to me in a busy café. His closeness felt good even though I'd never allowed people in my space before. Well, not until I"d willingly snuggled with Kenrid and Damon.

That was not snuggling, Mir stated.

I ignored her and wrinkled my nose at my newest almost-mate. "No. I'm done for the day. We surpassed my spending limit over an hour ago."

Elliott leaned a little closer, making my face flush. He'd spent the day almost touching me and teasing me with his subtle innuendos. His ease at being in my presence almost had me convinced we'd spent a lifetime together and not just a few days.

The night before I'd wondered about the way he seemed to gravitate to me while we rearranged my room. When we were done, he strolled into the living room, peeling off his shirt along the way. Teasing me. Then he slept on the couch. I was equal parts relieved and disappointed.

He was right, though. I wasn't ready for another mate. Even if I ignored the fact that I was new to the supernatural world, I was still hung up on my previous relationships and lack of willingness to explore sexually. But my body wanted him. Or maybe it was Mir and her never-ending need for sex.

After spending the whole day with him, the anticipation of feeling his body pressed against mine was killing me. Hell, I didn't even need his whole body. A light caress with one hand would do. Would I ever understand this crazy need?

I hadn't felt this with Kenrid or Damon. I thoroughly enjoyed their company, but I craved Elliott's touch. It didn't have to be sexual contact, just any contact. I'd stopped myself from reaching out to hold his hand so many times while we shopped. I wasn't a hand-holder, just like I had never been comfortable with hugs or cuddling in bed.

I had a creeping suspicion that Elliott would change all that.

"You can't set limits on my gifts," Elliott whispered in my ear.

"We already talked about this," I argued, trying to ignore the shiver running down my spine. "I'm paying you back for everything."

"I'll be more than happy to take it out in trade," he countered, his breath tickling my neck.

I drew in a deep breath, failing to calm my hormones. Elliott had already proven to be a master at flirting. I'd always considered myself immune to those types of comments. Not from my wolf shifter. Nope.

He's your mate, stupid, Mir hissed.

Shut up!

She laughed but didn't say anything else.

"We should probably head back," I said. "It'll take me all night to sort the stuff we bought."

Elliott didn't move. I turned my head just enough to catch of glimpse of his profile. He winked at me, then captured my gaze in his deep, blue eyes.

"Thank you for today," he said, barely loud enough for me to hear.

I returned his smile. "I can't remember the last time I enjoyed shopping," I admitted. "I normally get what I need and get out. You made this special for me."

Elliott looked away, and I didn't miss the faint blush coloring his cheeks. My smile turned into a smirk, but I didn't comment. I loved this side of him and didn't want to do anything to make him stop.

"Alright, let's get you home." Elliott rose from his chair and held out his hand to me. I loved that too. I didn't expect him to go all gentleman on me, but I wasn't complaining either. It made me feel special.

It took almost an hour for us to get out of the city and back to the fortress. I still had a hard time calling it that. It seemed more like a castle to me, but I didn't argue.

Elliott and I rode the elevator up to Damon's wing in the tower with more bags than I could count. My favorite demon greeted us as soon as the door slid open. In his human form, much to my disappointment. He smiled down at me, and I melted into a puddle of emotional goo. I hadn't seen him since the evening before when he dropped me off.

"I missed you," Damon said, planting a kiss on my forehead.

He took the bags from my hands and headed into the apartment. I stood there for several seconds with a goofy grin on my face until Elliott sighed behind me. I glanced back at him, a little worried about the open display of affection. He watched Damon stroll across the foyer and disappear into the living room. He didn't look mad, but the easy smile he"d carried all day was gone.

"You okay?" I asked.

Elliott's eyes snapped to mine, and he let out a long breath. "That'll take some time to get used to," he admitted. "But yeah, I'm good."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, picking up several more bags and stepping out of Elliott's way.

"Don't you dare," he warned. "You have nothing to be sorry for. My wolf isn't happy about sharing, but it could've been a whole lot worse." He skirted around me, several bags hanging from his arms. "At least I'm sharing with my best friend and not my enemy."

His voice sounded light and flippant, but his eyes told a different story. His gaze lingered on me for a second before he joined Damon. An uncomfortable tightness wrapped around my heart. Had I somehow forced these men into being my mates? Kenrid never expected to find his soulmate, and Elliott had always assumed his would be a shifter. Damon was the only one who never doubted our connection.

Did my dhampir magic somehow manipulate their feelings?

I can't believe you'd think that of me, Mir hissed at me.

Another wave of guilt nearly knocked me over. I didn't mean to insult her, but hadn't Damon and Kenrid both said that the dhampir of old compelled the vampires to do whatever they wanted? Isn't that what I'd done at Conrad's? Wasn't that why the dhampir had been hunted down and executed?

Not you directly, I said. But would our magic draw them in and make them feel something they might not otherwise have felt?

If it was my magic, every man you ever found attractive would be in your harem.

Mir's disdain hurt, but maybe she was right. I'd spent the last decade getting close to powerful men to steal their secrets. While they may have thought I was pretty, they didn't want me. Not like these guys wanted me.

Sorry, I feel like their ability to choose has been taken away.

Fate's a bitch, Mir said, but that doesn't mean you should deny her gifts.

I hadn't thought about it that way and probably never would have if Mir hadn't pointed it out.

"You better get in here before I start putting these away!" Elliott called from the other room.

"Shit," I mumbled, picking up another armload of bags. "Don't do anything!"

I could hear Damon's laughter as I rounded the corner and rushed through my open door. Bags covered my bed and littered the floor. Damon and Elliott leaned against the door frame leading to my closet. Both wore the same mischievous little smirk.

"What?" I asked, adding my bags to the pile on the bed.

"Nothing," Elliott replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

I looked over at Damon who also crossed his arms, then winked at me. These two were totally up to something.

"What are you two up to?" I asked.

"Waiting for you to take charge, little d'laej," Damon replied.

I narrowed my eyes at the two men still grinning at me. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Nope," Elliott said. "I already told you I thought your bossy was sexy as hell. I just didn't realize Damon already got to experience it."

Heat rushed up my neck and consumed my ears. When had I shown my quirkiness to Damon? I thought back to the handful of times we'd been together. It wasn't our last hotel stay. He'd been asleep and then we'd … well, been too busy to be quirky.

Damon must have realized my confusion. "That first night we spent at the hotel in North Carolina," he explained. "You sorted out the room, then sorted me and Kenrid."

Realization dawned on me. Right. I'd made them wait in the hallway while I separated the towels in the bathroom and decided how to split my space from theirs. Neither Kenrid nor Damon had said a thing about my odd behavior. At the time, I'd been too rattled to even care.

"I forgot about that," I mumbled and turned away.

"So, tell us where all this stuff goes," Damon said, his voice getting closer, which meant he was too. "It's my turn to spend the night with you, and I'm not using all my time sorting the closet."

Several thoughts flipped through my mind at once, each of them making me blush even harder. I was pretty sure I knew what Damon wanted to do with his time, and my body totally agreed. My mind had reservations though. There was no way I'd stop myself from feasting on him, and I worried I wouldn't be able to stop.

A pair of arms slid around my waist. I interlaced my fingers with Damon's and leaned back against his chest.

"Kenrid plans to stop by later," he whispered.

Why do you doubt our mates? Mir chided. They're here to protect us.

Even from ourselves,I added.

"Alright, let's get to work." I gave Damon's hand a quick squeeze and stepped out of his warm embrace. He didn't try to stop me. "Elliott spoiled me rotten today, so there's a whole lot to go through."

I smiled at my wolf shifter and closed the space between us, kicking off my flipflops along the way. Elliott hadn't moved from his spot and still didn't move even as I strolled toward him.

"Thank you for a wonderful day," I said, stopping a few inches from Elliott. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, but he'd made an effort to keep his distance today. I didn't want to intrude on whatever promise he'd made to himself.

"Thank you for giving me the opportunity," he said, uncrossing his arms and looking down at me with so much longing. "I swore I wouldn't put my hands on you for at least a week, but I'm not sure I can wait that long."

It was all the permission I needed. I slid my arms around Elliott's waist and rested my cheek against his wide chest. He only waited a moment before folding me into his embrace. His shifter magic swirled around us, tucking me tighter against the man holding me like I was his lifeline. I didn't mind. Everything he did made me feel safe, treasured, and accepted.

"I think my job here is done," Elliott said after several long seconds. "I'll cherish the time we had today, but I'm not ready to watch Damon flirt. He's never tried to woo a woman, and it's painfully obvious."

I leaned back just enough to meet Elliott's gaze. I understood what he didn't want to say.

He winked at me, pressed a kiss on my forehead, then stepped away. His hands slid down my arms, separating me from him. I missed his warmth immediately.

"Next time," he whispered. "We're sight-seeing, so no flip flops."

I laughed, and he smiled with me. "Okay." I couldn't manage to say anything else before he slipped out the door. There was so much I wanted to say, but now probably wasn't a good time anyway.

"He did better than I thought he would," Damon said.

I tore my gaze from the door and turned to my demon. His dark eyes caught mine. Understanding poked at my emotion-addled brain.

"You were testing him," I accused. Damon nodded, and I saw red. "How could you do that? You know he's struggling with his wolf over sharing me."

I couldn't believe Damon would do that to his best friend. It seemed so out of character for my demon.

"He needed to know," Damon replied, as if that explained everything.

I huffed and went back to the bed. Damon let me dump three bags onto the mattress before he stepped up to my side.

"It would be cruel of me to allow him to fall even harder in love, then force him to face his wolf," Damon said. "The sooner he and his wolf come to an agreement, the easier it will be for him."

I crumbled the bag I'd just emptied and let his words sink in. I knew it made sense; it just seemed harsh.

"Our world is not kind." Damon's fingers caressed the small of my back. I'd swear he could read my mind. "Speaking of not kind. I will be giving you a tour of the fortress tomorrow."

I dropped the ruined bag and turned around, tilting my head to meet Damon's gaze. "How is a tour not kind?"

"Many of those who live here will not welcome you," he replied, resting his free hand on my hip. "We spent most of last night debunking the rumors about your dhampir, but some will not be convinced no matter how much logic we force down their throats."

"They'd be right, though," I said. "You're trying to convince everyone that I'm something I'm not."

"For your safety and theirs," he argued. "I would kill anyone who tried to hurt you because of what you are."

I appreciated the sentiment, but I didn't want anyone killed because of me. And I felt guilty for forcing my dhampir to hide.

Don't worry about me, Mir said. I want to live your life, not the one where we end up dead. As long as our mates accept us, I'll be happy.

Really?

You'd rather be hunted and killed?she asked.

I shook my head. Of course I didn't.

"What's wrong?" Damon asked.

"Nothing," I said, then shook my head again. "Everything." I stepped away from him and slowly turned around, taking in the room that would be mine for the foreseeable future. "My entire life has changed. I've lost my job, my home, my car, and the life I worked so hard to build. I might get some of that back, but I'll never have the future I'd planned. I don't know who I am anymore."

Silence filled the room. Subconsciously, I knew all those things, but I hadn't voiced them out loud, especially the part about not knowing myself. The separate personas who defined me my entire life were gone. I kind of understood Mir's explanation about taking their place, but I was still lost. I had so much self-doubt. While leaning on the guys seemed to be instinctual, I didn't want to be dependent on them.

There wasn't any way to get around that dependence, though. I needed Damon just to survive. It wasn't like I could go to the grocery store and pick up a bottle of demon's blood. Even if the supernatural community had a store where I could buy it, it'd probably be super expensive. It'd also send up a hundred red flags. I might as well put a post on social media outing myself.

Look at me! Buying demon's blood by the quart because I'm a dhampir.

Now that my thoughts went down that road, Mir's hunger surged. Her food source stood right behind me.

"My d'laej," Damon whispered. "You are one of the strongest people I've ever met. You've survived so much, persevered where you should not, and still maintain a kindness that most people don't possess. Now you have us to help you through whatever else gets in your way."

His words should've made me feel better. He certainly meant them as a reassurance, but it'd take more than that to push me past all the changes. I had a feeling the guys would smother me with their protectiveness. I'd have to find the balance between support and dependence. It wouldn't be easy for any of us.

The smell of a sweet summer rain wrapped around me and pushed away my insecurities. Kenrid always had that effect on me. His magic soothed my anxiety and made everything feel right. I wasn't sure it was a good thing, but I really needed to get out of my own head. What used to help me function, now only made it worse.

"Wow, Elliott must have taken you to every clothing store he could find."

Kenrid's voice drew me to where he stood in the doorway. My feet moved without my permission, stopping just in front of him. He smiled at me, and all my worries suddenly seemed irrelevant.

This man is dangerous,Mir said, and I had to agree.

I leaned forward and let my forehead rest against his shoulder. His magic wrapped around me along with his arms, but I just leaned on him. So much for being independent.

"Let's get your room cleaned up," Kenrid suggested, giving me a gentle squeeze. "We have other things to do tonight."

I took half a step back, just far enough to see his face. He winked at me, and I couldn't miss the desire in his eyes. Just like always, a surge of arousal ran straight to my core. I'd be annoyed by it if I weren't so turned on. I never had this reaction to anyone except these men, which also lessened my annoyance. I couldn't be the only one who liked being wanted.

"Exactly." Damon's warmth covered my back a second later, and his hands gripped my hips.

Memories of our last night together had me squirming between my fae and my demon.

"We also need to make sure we feed our favorite dhampir," Damon said. "Let's put all this away so we can make that happen."

Yes! Mir cheered.

Who was I to deny three of my favorite people?