19. Kenrid

Isank into the upholstered chair behind me as a knot of anxiety swirled in my stomach. It'd been hard enough to discuss my past with Nathan. I'd known I'd have to tell the story again; I'd just hoped it wouldn't be so soon. Did that make me naive? Definitely. Elliott and Damon needed to know, and I probably should've told them when Lorna was kidnapped.

Elliott disappeared into one of the bedrooms to find clothes. Damon strolled—no, prowled—across the open space and settled into the chair next to me. His eyes never left my face, the accusation clear. I should've told him before we claimed our mate. I looked away, not able to endure his piercing gaze. He was right.

Nathan opened a jar of blood he'd taken from his refrigerator and placed it into a warmer. I'd seen him do it often enough that it no longer bothered me. While most vampires still fed off humans, Nathan rarely did. I never asked him why. The question felt too personal. And it was really none of my business.

As soon as Elliott emerged from the bedroom—now fully dressed—the three men who I considered family gave me their full attention.

I let out a deep breath. "The winter fae didn't kill all of the dhampir," I said. "They captured and imprisoned many of them."

I closed my eyes at Damon's sharp intake of breath, but no one said anything, so I continued.

"The winter fae, with the help of the summer fae's most brilliant geneticists, were experimenting with the dhampir … trying to create hybrids that wouldn't lose their minds," I explained.

The same horrid memories consumed me every time I thought about what I'd done. Flashbacks of infants' cries assaulted me. The pain. The blood. The death every time we had to euthanize an experiment. A child.

"What are you saying?" Elliott asked. "They successfully bred the dhampir?"

I could hear his judgment and disapproval, but I couldn't blame him. I hated myself for the part I'd played.

"They tried diluting the dhampir genes after a couple generations of human breeding," I replied with a nod. "But when they awakened the one-quarter dhampir's magic, he killed immediately. They brought it down to one-eighth, then one-sixteenth, and one thirty-second. It didn't matter. The dhampir still killed immediately. The fae moved on to other species. Trolls, goblins, elves, shifters, sirens. You name it, they tried it, but nothing worked, even after several generations. They couldn't create a stable dhampir."

Another round of pained cries assaulted my memories. The vacant eyes of so many children born in the lab and killed in the lab.

"For ages, the fae victimized their captives with their efforts. When the geneticists started using their own people—my people—I couldn't do it anymore." My voice dropped to a whisper. "I killed them all. All the fae in the compound. All the captives. All the victims." I squeezed my eyes shut against the memories of their screams. "I armed thirty-four bombs with elemental fire and spread them throughout the compound. Then I sealed the doors."

Silence filled the room, but I couldn't bear to look at my brothers. I knew how horrible the events I'd just described sounded. My part in those events only made it worse.

"What does this have to do with Lorna?" Damon finally asked, breaking the silence.

I opened my eyes but focused on the floor. "The day I destroyed the compound, I helped a friend escape with his pregnant lover, one of the winter fae," I explained. "They had used her as a surrogate mother. They tried, anyway. All the forced pregnancies failed or ended with a miscarriage. When her last pregnancy made it into the third trimester, Alyn claimed the child as his. I helped them escape the compound and left them in a small cabin in upstate New York thirty-four years ago."

A wave of demonic magic filled the room. I glanced over at Damon and wished I hadn't. His eyes glowed a deep red, something I'd never seen before. His clawed hand rested over Lorna's mark on his chest, completely covering the little bird.

"She was created by the fae?" The low growl emanating from Damon made the hair on my neck stand on end. Of course, he'd put the details together quickly. Lorna was thirty-four years old and adopted in upstate New York.

"I don't know," I replied. "Her age is right, and she was adopted about an hour from where I'd last seen my friend and his lover. But I have no proof that she is the child I rescued."

Damon rose to his feet. I craned my neck to look up at him. He hadn't removed his hand from his chest, and without a thought I reached for Lorna's mark on my own skin.

"Is it possible that the fae embedded something in her DNA as Nathan suggested?" Damon asked.

I rubbed my chest, feeling the tiny bird move under the pressure.

"Not that I know of," I said. "It's very difficult to create a spell that would last in a living body. It would have to be attached to an inanimate object inside of her. I'd think that human doctors would have found a foreign object in her body, if there was something there." I glanced at Nathan, who still stood across the room with a glass of blood in his hand. "I see the same thing you do. This mark is more than just a mark. The bird appears intelligent. The fact that I can feel it move only adds to the mystery. But I've never seen a spell that can create something like this. If the fae had one, I never knew it."

I turned back to Damon, then Elliott, then gave my full attention to Nathan. "I don't see how they could put a spelled object inside a fetus while it was still in the mother's womb. Most supernatural species have accelerated healing, but that would be extremely risky. And for what purpose?"

I dropped my hand from my chest and rubbed my sweaty palms against my thighs. "The Winter Court had no idea that I planned to destroy their research lab. I didn't even know until a few days beforehand. How would they know to put a spell inside an infant designed to find me later?"

The harsh look on Nathan's face softened just a little. He leaned against the bar and rubbed his temples. "So, the fates are messing with us?"

Damon moved back to the bar. Elliott dragged his fingers through his hair several times. Nathan's gaze never left my face.

"I honestly have no idea, Nathan," I replied. Elliott raised his head, drawing my attention. "Obviously, I only get one soulmate, so I've never felt it before. But this connection is so real. So right."

Not only did I provide a calming influence for Lorna, but she gave me a reason to live. Before Lorna, I'd just been existing—going with the flow but not enjoying life. I needed her as much as she needed me. Maybe even more. While she was gone, I couldn't focus. My mind refused to think of anything but her. I didn't care about anything but finding the other half of my soul.

"And you don't care if you have to share her?" Elliott asked.

I almost looked away from the pained expression on his face, but I sort of understood where he was coming from.

"It's not that I don't care," I said. "Jealousy is new to me, and I'm not sure how to handle it. But my bond with her seems to smooth over the ache of seeing her with Damon." I didn't stop the smile pulling at my lips. Some of Elliott's tension eased with mine. "My need to make her happy and protect her is more important. The fact that Damon also wants to see her smile makes it that much easier."

Elliott stood and turned to Damon, who leaned against the bar watching us. I couldn't interpret the look on Damon's face. I'd sort of expected him to give us the speech about not second guessing our magic, but he didn't.

"Damon?" Elliott only said the demon's name, but we all heard the question.

Damon growled. "I'm uncertain. I despise uncertainty."

I sucked in a sharp breath. Everything was always black and white for Damon. I'd never heard him voice any insecurity.

"I agree with Kenrid, though," Damon continued. "The connection is real, and I've felt it since the moment I saw her. But Nathan's theory is concerning, even after Kenrid's explanation."

"What do we do?" Elliott asked. "I'm not sure I can keep my wolf from claiming her. And what if …" He shook his head. "If I reject her and she really is my soulmate, I've thrown away the only opportunity I get to have my one true love."

The three of us turned to Nathan. My reaction was based on habit. He was our leader, but how could we expect him to make a decision about our mate? That was always a personal choice.

"I can't deny my mate," I said before Nathan could reply. "She is part of me. I've already promised her my soul, and she did the same."

Damon crossed the room and stood next to my chair. "Neither can I," he declared. "No matter what the fae have done, she is mine. I'll do whatever is needed to protect her and make her happy."

"Well, shit," Elliott grumbled. "Will you give me time alone with her?"

"Of course we will," Damon said.

I nodded in agreement. A troubled expression creased Nathan's brow as his gaze danced between us. I hoped he would give us some clue to his own thoughts. Did he also see her as a soulmate?

"None of this is normal," Nathan said. "If it were anyone other than Lorna, I'd say do whatever you want. As you've both said, you only get one soulmate. But Lorna's circumstance is different." He took a long swig and wrinkled his nose. "I also feel the pull to her. Vampires don't have fated mates, so I have to assume it's her dhampir magic calling me. I should be able to resist her and keep a level head. If I notice something is off, I need you all to listen to me. I understand your first instinct will be to deny any wrongdoing on her part, but I can't allow anything to develop that will hurt our clan or our future."

I wanted to argue with him but stopped myself. He was right. We couldn't be objective when it came to our mate.

"Agreed," I mumbled, then cleared my throat. "You're right, Nathan. It'll be impossible for me to do anything other than protect my mate."

Damon growled next to me, and Elliott echoed his response.

I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment on Nathan's face. Was the pull he felt really her magic or something more? He said vampires didn't have fated mates, but humans did. They were extremely rare—so rare that humans didn't even realize it was a thing. I wasn't convinced that vampires were exempt from fate. Vampires were once human, after all.

"I'm going to spend the night with Lorna," Elliott said.

A flare of jealousy reared its ugly head. I barely managed to tamp it down as the shifter headed for the elevator. I'd spent the last two days with Lorna, I could it make one night without her. Maybe.

"We have work to do," Nathan said, drawing me out of my pity party. "The rest of our responsibilities have been on hold long enough." He emptied his glass and shook his head with a grimace, mumbling under his breath about it being cold.

Our leader was right again. We'd put everything on hold while we looked for Lorna. It was time to get back into our normal routine. I cringed. There was no way I'd be resuming my place with the Exiled Fae. I just had to figure out a way to tell them I'd no longer be part of their council. No matter what I said, they wouldn't take it well.