13. My Heart to Yours

09.15.203 UI

Morgan wanted to go back the second he left. He wanted to run to that beautiful man, hold him tight and tell him how sorry he was. Aaron needed to know the truth. They never would have stood a chance while playing on opposite sides of the board, but now Morgan feared he could never undo the damage he had caused.

The antique clock on the wall of his study read minutes after midnight as he stormed in. Aaron’s accidental slip rang in his ears as he slumped into the chair behind the desk.

How? How could someone so... good fall in love with him?

The air in the dark room crackled at his emotions. Then something else clawed its way to the surface—the words that had made him into a monster—and Morgan’s eyes turned black.

“Did you really just wake up and decide the world was right about you? Did you need to fill that hole in your heart so badly that you grabbed on to the first thing you could find?”

The room exploded. Shelves toppled, every book along the wall falling to the ground with a crash. The massive desk in front of him flipped toward the door, splintering the wood, sending papers flying, pens bouncing off the floor and walls.

Then everything went still. Morgan took quick, heated breaths. In the corner of his eye, he caught movement from the floor. The lone fish had been thrown from its bowl. It flopped desperately on the soaked carpet, suffocating. Morgan watched it writhe, its movement becoming more erratic and desperate as it struggled. It slowed. And then it stopped.

“You’re welcome... you sick fuck.” Morgan waved his hand and the dead fish turned to ash before blowing away in a breeze.

A cautious knock came from the door. Morgan gave no response, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head against the back of his chair. The door creaked open slowly, and Daphne peered in at the mess with a heavy sigh. “So, how did it go?”

“Please don’t,” he said, his eyes shut and his energy spent.

Daphne retrieved a small stool from the mess of books and furniture on the floor. She placed it gently beside Morgan and sat. She was quiet, but he found himself grateful for the company.

“He’s too damn good for this place, Daph,” Morgan finally uttered.

She shifted forward. “Too good for Etna? Or your life?”

“Yes,” Morgan sighed.

“So, you cut him up and ran?”

Morgan dropped his head toward her, opening his eyes. “He told you?”

Daphne shook her head. “I checked in with him when I heard you come home alone and head in here. I knew it couldn’t be a good sign. He hasn’t responded. His line is set to unavailable.”

“I told him.” Morgan clenched his eyes shut. “I told him everything.”

Daphne’s face tensed. She knew how close he kept his secrets. She knew what it would mean the day he volunteered that information to someone—what that person would have to mean.

”W-Wow,” she breathed, “Do you think that will be a problem?”

“No. He would never.” Morgan shook his head. “He practically idolized me. He said-” He swallowed tensely. “He said I gave him hope. I didn’t know what to do with that. I’m not a hero. I’m just... me.”

Daphne moved closer, taking Morgan’s hand in hers.

The lingering thought of Aaron’s hand in his cut like a knife and he jerked away. “Sorry. I-”

“It’s okay.” She reached out, gripping his forearm.

“When I tried to tell him—tried to explain that I can’t be that person—he kept pushing. I got angry and...” Morgan steadied himself to repeat Aaron’s words. True words that Morgan had struggled with for five years. “He asked if I chose to believe the stories about me. If I was so desperate for some semblance of myself that I latched onto the first thing I could find.”

Daphne let out a heavy sigh. “Shit.”

Morgan nodded, raging at himself for his reaction. He had shared what he thought were his deepest secrets, and somehow, Aaron had gleaned an even deeper one. One that he had buried in the hopes of forgetting it altogether.

“I did what I always do,” he croaked, “I went for the hurt. I told him everything I’d been holding back about the ECPD. I couldn’t stop myself. I just... snapped. All he’s ever done is try to do right by the people of Etna, and I went and undermined everything that matters to him.” He closed his eyes with a pained look. “I didn’t want to hurt him, Daph. I... I care about him. I do. So much. I don’t know why I couldn’t just own up to it. I don’t know why I’m so afraid to not know who I am.”

Daphne moved to sit on the arm of Morgan’s chair. She pulled him close, and he didn’t fight it.

“Sweetie, I know who you are,” she gripped his shoulder, whispering, “You might not be a hero, but you are a good man, whether you like it or not. That hope that you give Aaron, you give it to me too.”

Morgan inhaled sharply, her words layering on top of Aaron’s in his head.

“There’s no way. No chance, in any heaven or any hell, that you are anything but beautiful—inside and out.”

“Not just me anymore, either,” she said, “Shane and Frey too. The way you stood up to Theresa for Shane, a man who has driven you crazy for years-”

Morgan laughed weakly.

“And the way you took Frey in when they had nowhere to go,” she continued, “Those aren’t the actions of a villain, Morgan. I know it’s scary, having people look up to you, but you know what? Those same people are the ones that will be there to hold you up when you fall. We know you’re only human, and we love you just the same.”

“Daph-”

“And don’t think I don’t know about all the leftover food you drop off at the orphanage on Avery.”

Morgan met her eyes with stunned silence.

She blew a raspberry, chuckling. “Like you ate all those pancakes yourself.”

He puffed a laugh. “Lies and slander.” He went silent, turning her words over in his head.

Gods, you don’t deserve her. You don’t deserve any of them.

All Aaron had ever accused him of was doing good things. Not once did he attack him for the bad. And this was a man that knew details that he thought only Daphne did. “I don’t know if I can fix this.”

“Do you want to fix it?” she whispered.

“Yes,” he said without hesitation, “Tonight, before everything went to shit, I was happy. More than happy. I felt... safe. I never wanted to let him go.“ He met her eyes. “I want him in my life.”

“Well, shoot. Someone finally cracked that ice over your heart.” She smiled at him. “Morgan, how many times have we failed a job?”

He gave her a puzzled look. “Um. Only never?”

“That’s right.” She nodded. “Because when Morgan Fell wants something, he gets it.”

She stood, waving an arm around the room. The mess Morgan’s tantrum had caused moved backward in time. The desk turned upright, repairing itself as pens and papers settled in place, along with a now empty fishbowl. The shelves creaked as the books flew back to their places.

Morgan blew out an unsteady breath. “Never had a job like this before. I don’t even know where to start.”

Daphne rolled her eyes. She tapped her comm a few times, ending with a swipe. Morgan’s phone vibrated in his pocket, making him jump. He’d forgotten it was even there. He hadn’t touched it all night.

“You start with an apology, ya dit.” She winked at him. “I know you’re not used to them, but if you want something real with him—messy, hearts on your sleeve, committed relationship real—you’re gonna have to get used to ’em. That’s how it works. You apologize, you face your shit together, and you do better.”

Morgan nodded, staring down at the information she’d sent.

gt;gt;gt; “Contact added: Aaron Jones”

“Daph, there’s something else.” Morgan looked up at her. “I... I think my memory is returning.”

“What?” She took a few steps back from him, staring. “Are you sure?”

Morgan shook his head. “It’s too soon to tell. They’re just flashes I can’t place, but... I do know that Aaron is the trigger somehow.”

“What do you mean?” She searched his eyes.

He inhaled with a shiver. “They started the very moment he and I met. When he ran into me in the underground. It happened again when we were fighting those drakes before I went super witch. And-” He looked up at her, blushing. “Right before you came into my room earlier today.”

Her brow furrowed. “Aaron wasn’t even here yet, though.”

“I was thinking about him,” Morgan groaned.

“Oh. Oh.”

“We were talking tonight and suddenly I started recalling things from Camelot,” he said, hardly pausing for breath, “I remembered battles, fighting on the front lines. I remembered my armor and the cloak I wore. It just hit me.”

“Wait, what?” She stared. “Why would you have been fighting with an army? Whose army?”

“And... that phrase,” he whispered, lost in his thoughts, “The one I said to him before we left. ‘Said the stars unto the moon...’”

“It was from a memory. I thought it was strange. Romantic as fuck, but out of place.” She clapped her hands together. “So, that’s a win-win for us, right? You get your man and your memories in one go.”

Morgan sighed. “What if something actually comes of this—of Aaron and me? What if what I remember ruins everything? Or worse, what if it gets him hurt?”

“What if it doesn’t?” Daphne crossed her arms, giving him a knowing grin. “I’ve never been in love before, honey. But I do know that anything worth fighting for comes with risks, no matter what form they take. You both just need to decide if it’s worth that risk.”

He stared at his phone, trying to put what he was feeling into words. Words that he could say to apologize. Words that might unbreak what he feared he had broken. He felt more vulnerable now than he had earlier, spilling his guts at dinner. Everything he thought he knew suddenly seemed like a question, but there was one thing he was certain of.

Aaron was worth the risk.

Aaron lay on the cheap rug beside his bed for hours now. It might have been hours. It might have been days. The aluminum shade over his sad excuse for a window was closed, and the many, many beer bottles that covered the cement floor were the only true indication that no small amount of time had passed. The bottles lay over countless police reports that he had pulled out of his filing cabinet, though right now he couldn’t recall why.

His thoughts were laced with echoed words, spoken in a cruel tone, out of place on the perfect lips from whence they came. That strange, uncaring voice. Those black, livid eyes. He should’ve known better than to reach for such a wild dream. He should’ve known better than to fall—so dangerously and so very deeply—for Morgan Fell.

“You think it’s because I like you? Because I care?”

Aaron squeezed his eyes shut, dropping the side of his head to the scratchy fibers of the carpet. His hand brushed against cold glass.

“They took it from a WITCH!”

No. The ECPD may not always get along with witches. Esotech might overstep here and there in the name of progress to ensure that all humans had equal footing in the world. It was their duty to make the lives of the people better. It was his duty. His whole life.

“Were you that blinded by your duty? Your hero complex?”

His fingers coiled around the bottle.

“I told you who they were, Aaron. You didn’t care.”

He threw it across the room, shattering it against the wall. Let his nasty landlord come hammering at his door over a noise complaint. He would love nothing more than an excuse to give that creep everything he had coming.

He fiddled with his comm, inebriation tempting him to go back online and reach out to Morgan, before remembering that he still didn’t have the man’s contact information. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with Daphne, either. It wasn’t even a conversation he wanted to have with Morgan now, not if there were more accusations waiting for him.

A hurried knock rattled the door, and the room swam as he tried to sit upright. He was ready for a fight. His hand slipped out from under him as the rug pulled away from the floor and he fell back on his ass with a groan. The door shook again.

“Piss off!” Aaron shouted from the floor.

“Don’t you take that tone with me, Aaron Jones!” A muffled, feminine voice snarled as the lock flashed green and the door slid open with a hiss.

“Lex?” Aaron croaked, craning his neck toward the door and rubbing his backside, “What’re you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? Didn’t you pick up a shift- dear gods, you reek! What did you do, buy Clancy’s out of amber?”

Aaron shrugged, dropping his head back to the ground. “Don’t remember.”

Lexi let out a breath, looking him over with crossed arms. She tiptoed through the mess of papers and bottles to sit on the bed, staring sadly. “I’m sorry.”

He huffed a laugh. “For what?”

“I don’t know... giving you hope, I guess? I really didn’t want to bel-” She started coughing, reached into her purse and quickly took a puff from her inhaler—those fingers over her heart like they always were when she had a fit. “I thought he was better than that.”

Aaron swiveled his head to look up at her. “He is. That scares him... for some reason.”

“Any idea what that might be?”

He shook his head, which only made him think he might hurl.

“Hells, you’re a fucking mess and look at you.” She rolled her eyes. “Still defending the asshole.”

“I’m not.” Aaron choked back his nausea. “Maybe I am. I don’t know, okay? He’s... gods on high, Lex, he’s been through every hell there is.”

“And?” she scoffed, “So have you. You can get through one night without beating him over the head with your baggage just fine.”

“Did I message you last night or something? Where did you get the play-by-play of my date?”

She snorted. “No. Daphne called me when they couldn’t get in touch with you to make sure you hadn’t gotten kidnapped again or something.”

“They?” Aaron said hopefully.

Lexi rolled her eyes. “Yes, he was worried about you. He’s—well, maybe not as much of a mess as you are—I didn’t get the details. I was too concerned with the fact that no one could get a hold of you, alright? You were recently missing, Aaron. What were you thinking turning off your comm like that? What could Morgan possibly have done to make you shut everyone out? Shut me out? You know you’re missing work right now? It’s almost noon.”

“Fuck me,” Aaron groaned, “Whatever. If even a fraction of what Morgan said last night is true, they can all go suck a rail conduit.”

Lexi’s eyes popped. “Context. Now.”

He heaved a sigh, closing his eyes. “He says Esotech doesn’t have access to the Well. That they force witches into making bonds with the people they give runes to. Hurt them to do it. Whatever they have to.”

“That’s... no way. We’d know if that kind of shit was going on right under our noses!”

“Would we?” He stared up at her. “We never see their end of the deal. They send someone in to ink us up, they inject us with something, and say a few words while they’re in touch with the main office. It felt the same when Morgan bonded with me. That rush of power. The way my runes glowed to life. His magic is insane in comparison, but...” A blue orb of light swelled in the palm of his limp hand where it lay against the cold floor. “He said he only bound us to spare a witch from going without their power. That’s... that’s not selfish. Even if it’s not for me.”

“He told you he wasn’t doing it for you?” Lexi’s brow clenched in rage as Aaron nodded. “Lying jackass.”

The corner of Aaron’s mouth quirked up. “Now who’s defending him?”

“I’m not defending him, Aaron. He doesn’t get to treat you like that and then act like he’s hurt over it. Even if what he’s saying about Esotech is true. You didn’t do that! You help people and you do it because it’s who you are! You never ask for help, and you never ask for thanks or reward! You just help them!“ Lexi sighed, looking across the room. “I was so sure he was different. That he’d... understand.”

“He is different. He’s an Ancient.” Aaron winced, scolding himself for breaking the trust Morgan had placed in him. “Damn it. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh, no you don’t! You don’t get to stop there, buddy! Just because you’re cupcaking over Etna City’s most narcissistic, pretty boy witch doesn’t mean you get to keep secrets with him! Not from me!”

“Cupcaking? Who says that?”

“Nope! Not biting! Spill, Jones!”

Aaron breathed deeply. “He’s Morgan le Fay. The Morgan le Fay.”

“Oh...” Lexi exhaled above him. A sad and pensive look filled her eyes as she stared off.

“That’s it? I tell you the guy that has me drinking myself into oblivion is literally the witch from my favorite stories and all I get is ‘Oh?’”

Lexi shrugged. “I mean, it explains why he’s so secretive. Everyone is afraid of Ancients. Even the other witches. I guess I just feel... sorry for him.”

“Yeah... me too.” He sighed. “Until our fight… gods, it just felt so… right, Lex. He told me everything. He let me in, let me touch him, hold him. And there was this thing he said, before we’d even left the Manor, it was so…” Aaron shut his eyes, trembling. “So fucking romantic.”

“What… what was it?”

Aaron took a breath, recalling the way the words had rolled off Morgan’s tongue so eloquently and certain. “I told him how amazing he looked, and he replied, ‘Said the stars unto the moon.’” Lexi let out a soft sob, and Aaron’s eyes snapped open. “Are you… crying?”

“Shut up.” She quickly turned away, wiping her eyes. “It’s just… really sweet. I hate him.”

Aaron laughed through his nose. “That’s what he wants people to do. Hate him. Not that I ever could.”

Lexi sighed heavily, shaking her head. “Aaron, I know how you feel about him. How you’ve always felt about him, but-”

“Lex-”

“Listen to me, okay? You two look at each other like a man looks into the sun after spending years indoors. You see beauty and life there, but it burns because of everything you’ve endured for so long. And Morgan clearly doesn’t know how to deal with that pain right now—not that you’re winning any prizes there, lush—so maybe... maybe take a step back. Give yourself some time to figure all of this out.”

Aaron bobbed his head in defeat. He knew she was right. The woman hadn’t dated once throughout their entire friendship, but she could give advice as if she knew love like Aphrodite herself. He didn’t want to take a step back, though. Not a step away from Morgan.

“I’m not saying not to keep trying,” she continued, as if reading his thoughts, “I still, for some moronic reason, think you two can work. Morgan is full of it. He didn’t tether himself to you for some witch he’s never met. You matter to him, Aaron.”

“I don’t know anymore, Lex...” He could feel those stupid tears threatening his eyes again. “I don’t know what to think... about any of it.”

“That’s why you need time, honey. Morgan needs to get his shit together, and so do you. We’ll investigate these claims about Esotech and the ECPD, and if he’s telling the truth, then gods help me, Aaron Jones, you remember who you are and why you do what you do. Then you go to your grump ass witch, and you sort things out.”

Aaron blew out a breath, fumbling to lift himself from the floor. “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll go see what I can find at work.”

“You most certainly will not!” She laughed. “The only thing you’re doing today is showering and binging junk food while we watch bad movies on the archives at my place!”

“What? You just told me we were gonna look into this shit!“ Aaron growled, fighting her back as she tugged at his wrinkled shirt.

“I also said you need time.You stink, you’re still wearing your clothes from last night, and you are still drunk! You’re not going anywhere without me right now!”

“Alexandra, let- go!”

“I handled one of those Reapers on my own, Jones! Don’t think I can’t take you while you’re like this!” She gave him a playful kick in the ass and his shirt came free. “Shower! Now! And don’t make me come in there and take off those pants, mister!”

“I hate you so much!” he yelled as the door to the bathroom slid shut behind him.

“No, you don’t!” she sang back.

Morgan had struggled to write anything even remotely close to what he wanted to express to Aaron. Sunrise lit the sky from the roof before he finally deemed his message adequate, but he received the same notification in response that Daphne had. Aaron’s line was unavailable, and it remained that way for days.

It had been nearly a week since their date. The last thing Daphne had heard from Lexi was that Aaron was safe, albeit drunk and missing work, and that she was taking him to her place to keep an eye on him. Morgan’s stomach knotted at the news, and he tried to delete the unsent message. It wasn’t nearly enough after hearing the state Aaron was in. He had queued the letter to send as soon as the line was available again, however, and it stubbornly stared back at him from his phone as House Fell sat in the living room together.

lt;lt;lt; Morgan Fell:

“My dearest Ser Oliveron,

There is no excuse for the way I behaved last night. I have racked my brain for hours now, trying to find the right words to offer up in amends. Yet, I found none befitting my trespasses. While much of what I said to you was truth, I brandished that truth as a weapon. I used it to hurt you. I used it to push you away when you forced me to face an ugly truth of my own. And for that, I am eternally sorry.

All of that pales in comparison to the remorse I feel for lying to you, however. I can’t explain why I took the job to find you that day. One look at your face, the light in your smile and the shine in your eyes, and I didn’t have a choice. I knew then that I had to protect you at all costs, and binding my magic to you to do so wasn’t even a question.

I swear to you that I will take your words to heart, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And while I pray you might find it in your heart to forgive me, I know that such a favor is not deserved. Please, Aaron, take care of yourself. Be safe and know that I am trying to see in myself all that you were able to see.

My heart to yours, Corvusan”

“Can’t you just- I don’t know, hack the thing and get rid of it?” he whined at Daphne, begging her to save him from further humiliation as the book he was pretending to read dropped to the floor.

“It doesn’t work like that, sweetie.” She tried to sound understanding, but Morgan could tell she was getting overwhelmed with his neediness. “Short of hacking Aaron’s actual implant—and I assure you that won’t win you any points with him—there’s nothing we can do. I’m sure the message was perfect, Morgan. He just needs some time.”

He retrieved his book with a huff, placed one arm over his chest, and continued his futile attempts to read.

“Oh, piddle diddle!” Frey grimaced from the sofa, chucking a sewing needle onto the coffee table and sucking at their finger.

Shane’s eyebrows pinched together at the strange remark. “You could try swearing like a human, Frey.”

Frey scoffed, “Blech. Fae don’t swear. We like pretty words.”

“That’s the point though! You’re trying to blend in!”

Frey folded their arms, glaring at Shane from across the couch. “I suppose I should try to sound more human. I don’t wanna lose the game...” They took a deep breath, readying themself. “Fuck!” they yelled, stealing Morgan’s already weak focus from his book as they started giggling.

“There you go!” Shane encouraged with a small pump of his fist.

“Hmm.... Shit!” Frey yelled again, breaking into uncontrollable laughter and clutching their stomach, “ASS WAFFLES!”

The fairy cackled so hard that they fell from the sofa with a thud, and Shane jumped back into the arm of the couch.

Morgan sighed. “Gods, help us. Look what you’ve done, Shane.”

Shane cocked his head toward Morgan, his eyes full of concern for the howling fairy on the floor. “What? You swear all the damn time.”

“I do not say ‘ass waffles’,” he sneered.

Frey, arms still clasped over their gut as they rolled on the floor, screamed, “MORGAN SAID ‘ASS WAFFLES!’” and Shane and Daphne both burst into laughter along with them.

“And that’s enough human lessons for me, I think,” Morgan droned, closing his book and rising to leave the room. He felt a twinge of guilt for being so sour. Normally he might’ve been laughing with them, but he was in no mood today.

“Really?” Shane called after him, “I think you could do with a few more!”

“Bite me, pidin tarw!” Morgan shouted back, heading for the front door.

“Wh- what did he say?”

Daphne’s lips were pressed together, holding back amusement. “I think he called you a ‘dickhead.’”

“Ooh!” Catching their breath from the flat of their back, Frey smiled. “Dickhead!”