12

Georgia

One week. I’ve been home one week, and he hasn’t come back. I don’t know why I thought he would, but every day I’ve waited.

This is what I get for risking my heart. I vaguely remember telling him that I loved him when I woke up, but he never mentioned it again, so I didn’t either. I meant it, but he probably just thought it was the drugs talking.

Yesterday I gave myself a day of grieving. I laid in bed all day, crying and sleeping. I didn’t eat and I just grieved.

Today, I will try to move on. I am up and dressed in sweats by nine. I pick up my phone and call my oldest brother, Chris.

“Hey, Georgie.”

“Hey, can you come get me and take me to my office?” I ask.

“Um, is that a good idea?”

“Chris, I’m going a little stir-crazy, but I can’t drive myself. I thought I would go to work for a couple of hours and then have one of you bring me home. I can manage it, I promise.”

I can hear him doing something with his phone, probably sending a family-wide text message. I discovered they have a group chat about me last week when I snooped through my brother, Guy’s phone.

“Okay, I will come get you under one condition.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll stay at the big house tonight and have dinner with Mother and Dad.”

“Sure.” It might be nice to be spoiled by my mother for a night and being alone is overrated. Without Boone, my house is very quiet. I was excited to leave the hospital, but it was because I thought he would be here with me.

“I’ll be there in fifteen.”

We hang up and I quickly, or as quickly as I can with my leg in a cast and my body bruised and beat up, pack an overnight bag. I pack my comfiest pajamas, the stuffed horse I’ve slept with since childhood, and my Kindle.

I’m sitting on the porch waiting for Chris when he drives up exactly fifteen minutes later. He jumps out of his truck and grabs my bag.

“Don’t move, baby sister.”

Chris opens the door to his enormous farm truck and puts my bag in the back. “I’m gonna have to lift you into the truck and kind of turn you a little sideways to get your leg in. Is there a certain way that will hurt you less?”

Maybe I didn’t think this through all the way. “Just keep to my lower back or shoulders. My ribs are still bad.”

He picks me up and I hiss in pain. It’s been three weeks since the accident. You would think that I wouldn’t hurt like this anymore, but shattered bones don’t heal quickly. Chris gets me into the truck, with some colorful cussing from both of us.

“I don’t want to do that ever again. I don’t like hurting you, Georgie.”

“I’m fine, Chris. Stronger than everyone thinks.” I watch out the window as we drive to the other side of the ranch where my parents live. We all have homes on the land. Mine is the smallest, but also the furthest away. I claimed it when I was four and everyone humored me. When Dylan was ready to move out, he tried to move into my house. I threw an epic fit and the house became mine for real.

I can almost make out the Iron H across the plain if I squint and use my imagination. Is he out there riding his horse or is he at our spot by the pond? Ugh! Today is move-on day so it doesn’t matter what the asshole is doing.

“Are you okay?” Chris asks when I sigh for the fourth or fifth time.

“Yes, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”

“Can I give you some older brother advice?”

I look toward him in shock. My other two brothers are always butting in, but Chris isn’t an advice giver or one to get into my business.

“Okay, what’s your older brother’s advice for me?”

“You need to listen to him when he comes back.”

I sit completely still for a few seconds, my heart racing. “What if he doesn’t come back?”

“He will.”

My brother sounds so sure, but it’s been a week and total silence. There’s no indication that he’s going to even contact me at all. Yesterday was despair and I guess instead of moving on, today is going to be anger.

“Why the fuck hasn’t he already come back? Why hasn’t he called or texted? Is this some mind game you stupid men play to make women act crazy, so then you can say we’re crazy and you dodged a bullet?”

“Whoa,” my brother responds in the way he would calm one of the horses.

This just makes me even more angry. “Don’t treat me like a damn horse. I’m angry and hurt. My heart fucking hurts, Chris.”

I burst into tears and giant sobs wrack my body, which makes my body hurt more. How has everything gone so wrong?

We park in front of my parents’ house and Chris gets out of his truck, walks around to my side, and opens my door. “I’m sorry I upset you, Georgie. That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just know that nothing is black and white and it’s hard as hell to get past feeling like you’ve hurt someone you love.”

“It wasn’t his fault,” I say for what feels like the millionth time.

“I know that we all know that, but it won’t matter until he knows that.”

I nod and put my arms around Chris’ neck so he can help me out of the truck. Instead of putting me down, he just carries me into the house. Normally I would fight and demand to do it on my own, but I’m tired and it feels good to let my big brother take care of me for a minute.

“Georgia, are you okay,” my mother squeals as we walk into the house.

“Much better than I’m sure I look.”

“She’s okay, Mother.” My brother winks my way as he goes to move his truck from the front door.

“You’re staying tonight, right? I’ve been so worried about you by yourself on the other side of the ranch.”

“Yes, I’m staying. I might stay for a couple of days if that’s okay.” Now that I’m here, I realize that I was being stubborn going to my house. I should have come here in the first place.

“You can stay here as long as you want, kiddo,” my dad says walking into the room, stopping to kiss my cheek.

I work for a couple of hours and then give up when the numbers keep blurring.

Soon the house is bustling with my brothers, sisters-in-law, my two nieces, and baby nephew. Everyone insists I stay on the couch and let them take care of me.

My nephew, who’s only six months old, snuggles up to me and sighs. He’s so close to falling asleep and it’s making me sleepy too. Maybe we should just take a nap together here on the couch.

My eyes close and I’m right on the brink of sleep when I feel someone watching me. I want to let sleep pull me under and rest with the angel in my arms. I don’t think I would be plagued by any unpleasant thoughts with such a sweet baby next to me. But something in the back of my brain won’t let me fall all the way asleep.

I slowly open my eyes and see something shocking across the room.

It’s him. He’s here.

“Where the hell have you been, cowboy?” I yell.