29. Chapter 29

She woke in the middle of her rest, drenched in sweat, a nightmare she couldn’t recall seared into her brain.

Vox was sitting next to her in the darkness. There was darkness. In the engine hall. It was never dark.

“It’s dark. Where am I?” Ava choked out. The darkness reminded her of the vents. And the vents now reminded her of the horror she’d experienced.

“We figured out how to turn the lights off. It’s more natural to sleep in the dark.” Vox’s voice was soft in the black.

Ava could hear the engine in the room over, and her eyes adjusted to see the biologics around her chest letting off a muted light of their own. “Can you turn the lights back on?”

Vox hummed and then glowed himself. Within a moment the lights turned back on, flooding her with brightness.

Relaxing now that it wasn’t so dark, Ava slowly crawled until she was in his lap. He put his hands over her and they sat with him rubbing her hair and down her back.

More tears came. “Why am I feeling like this? Nothing physically happened to me,” she sobbed out.

Vox answered for her, “Sometimes emotional pain leaves deeper wounds than flesh ever can. It will heal, Ava. It already is. With time.”

Ava nodded, not fully trusting his assessment. Her breathing slowed as she lay there, taking peace from his calm demeanor.

She sat in his arms and felt him quake underneath her with tremors that had never been there before. “Vox, are you okay?” she asked. Immediately, she felt ashamed she didn’t ask before. He looked whole, so she just assumed he was. Fear rushed down her spine.

Vox sighed as a tremor ran through him. “I will be. It is just my body . . . purging the minds that I had to take on Torga.”

Ava moved to get up as another tremor went through him. Her hands trembled as she felt the wave of shaking.

“Do not leave. It helps . . . having you here,” he said stiffly.

“Is there anything more I can do to help?”

“Just stay with me.”

Ava lay back down on his lap, mind clearer now that it wasn’t just focused on herself. She stroked down his arm and crooned out the lullaby tune she used to soothe herself. Vox closed his eyes, listening, as she distracted him.

Vox spoke again, once the tremors slowed. “You did it though.”

Did I?Ava turned the words around in her tired brain. He was right. After all, she did get them the weapons. She completed the mission.

“You did too,” she said, clasping him tightly.

He sighed, a tremor carrying his breath further. “Yes, we both did.”

A small bloom of pride came into her, the first positive emotion she had felt since the females . . . they were . . . she pushed herself to ask, recognizing it was important, even if her heart was numb. “Vox, what happened? Is everyone okay? Are the females on board?”

He hummed a pleased note before answering, “Yes, all that were with you are back on board.”

“Rhutg?”

“He is mourning. His pain is deep. As any would be that lost someone so dear to them.” Vox tightened his arms around her as he spoke.

Ava’s heart panged for him, thinking of his loss. Soon she would need to go find him. She felt a kindred spirit with him in the loss of ones they loved.

After what felt like an eternity, Vox’s shaking stopped and he was breathing normally again, evening out. His hearts underneath her were also not pounding as hard now. Vox kissed her head absently. “It is done for now,” he said into her hair.

Ava let out a sigh of relief. Forgetting the idea of sleep, Ava pulled at her jumpsuit, disgusted with the way she smelled. How did she tolerate it so long? The blood was stiff down the front of it. Her hair too.

“I want to get this off and shower,” she said slowly. Not really because she wanted to. She just wanted the smell to go away.

Vox nodded as he stood to follow her into the control room where the shower was. A few of her regular jumpsuits still hung in the closet, crisp on hangers due to Ebel’s meticulous cleaning. She pulled one down and laid it across the chair she usually used before taking her suit off. The biologics followed next, placed lovingly on a nearby counter.

Vox hummed a sad, mournful note as the suit was peeled away. Ava saw why a second later. Her nails, always kept short working on the engine, had inflicted deep scratch marks all over her arms and legs when she was out of her mind with fear.

“Do you want me to help wash you?” Vox said, looking sadly at her crisscrossed body. There was no lust behind his words, just a genuine desire to help.

Ava shook her head. In another time and another mood she would, but it was enough for now that he sat guarding the entrance to the control room while she took the suit off completely and put it in the cleaner. She never really wanted to wear it again, but it felt right to clean all the mess of Torga away from it anyway. She watched the grime get whisked away before heading into the bathroom.

She forced herself to look into the mirror as she turned the shower on to heat up. That startled her more than anything, seeing herself. She looked . . . feral. Like an animal. No wonder Vox was standing there with his shoulders slumped, concern radiating from his entire posture. Ava didn’t want him to worry like that.

Stepping into the shower, she took her time washing Torga away from her skin. The water ran in rivulets down her body, stinging her cuts. She stayed a long time, letting the water pound on her back, running it as hot as she could, feeling it burn.

Once she left the shower, she felt much more like herself. Vox watched with his arms crossed while standing guard as she put on her jumpsuit with the arms and legs rolled up. He frowned at the cuts, breathing heavy, then looked away.

Reaching for the medicine cabinet, she took out the medicinal tube and applied the gel. The medicine turned the areas that were raw and rosy red from the shower into a muted color almost instantaneously. She healed every cut she could find. It felt good to take care of herself.

She recapped the gel and put it away properly, thinking absently how much Ebel hated disorder in the control room.

Ava then sat at her old desk. The screens surrounding her were static, much like her mind frame. She stared at them, imagination making patterns that weren’t there, until Vox moved the chair next to her out to sit. He pushed a plate of food in her direction too. He must have made it while Ava lost track of time staring into space.

“Thank you,” she said softly, but didn’t pick up the fork. She wasn’t really hungry.

The ship’s engine was moving at a good clip, the biologics swirling strongly. They must have already left.

“Are we clear of Torga?”

Vox nodded. “For some time. The Tuxa husks we left behind hacked the security clearances for us to escape with minimal damage.”

Ava put her hand on the wall, taking comfort in the familiar metal. “Where are you going now?”

“We are going home. Xai.” He leaned forward, waiting until she looked at him and made eye contact. His eyes, molten gold, bored into hers. “Your home too.”

Ava gulped, mouth dry. My home? She knew he meant well, but despite his assurances, Xai was yet another unfamiliar place. This ship, for better or worse, was her home. Perhaps when her mind was in a better state she would be more curious, but for now all she wanted to do was take her blanket and curl up next to the biologics tank.

The biologics. Ava felt around her chest, hand splayed. It was naked and bare. She sprang up, eyes frantic, and grabbed the small container from where she placed it earlier. She put it back around her chest, gripping it tight, feeling it slosh around. There was a whole tankful of them in the other room, but these were hers. They were bonded. The jar pulsed at being connected with her again.

Vox watched her, a soft smile on his face. Ava looked up, touched by his tender expression. “They care for you,” he said simply. “It seems to be your talent to make many different life-forms care about your being.”

Ava gave a weak smile. With them pulsing reassuringly on her chest, she started to eat.

Vox let out a sigh when she did so. “The women wish to meet with you face-to-face when you are ready,” he said after she had picked at the plate a bit.

She shook her head no. “Maybe in a bit. I want to see Rhutg first. And I . . . I just . . . how long do we have until we get to Xai?”

“It is relatively far. Around thirty cycles.”

Ava sighed. “Then I have time to settle.”

Vox agreed. “Yes, we have time.”

He placed his hand over hers, humming. Ava looked down, shy, but needing to know. “Vox? Will you meet with . . . Orla?”

Vox squeezed her hand. “The contract was nullified already, little bird. She understood I was already mated to you from back when you were next to them in the vents.”

Ava’s heart beat fast at the words. He was here with her. Mated to her. He wouldn’t leave. “Is she . . . ?”

“There was never any attachment, only obligation. She is looking forward to being welcomed home and having her pick among males there.”

Ava nodded. She took her chair and scooted it closer to Vox, who pulled on their still clasped hands until she lay against his chest, listening to his twin heartbeats.

Using her free hand, Ava gestured to the engine room. “I don’t want to leave here for a bit.”

“You don’t have to.”

Ava felt up his arm where he still had the tracker to her wound tightly to his bicep. He hadn’t taken it off since they got back. “Did this help?”

“It led me to you.”

“And the females?”

“Yes, them as well. It helped me find you in the vent.”

Ava pressed on her arm where the locator was embedded. It was irrational, but she felt safer having it in, remembering the fear of being alone in the vents. “I don’t want it removed for a while.”

“It will need to come out at some point. Xai is a safe place. No one from the stars will breach it again. But it is your decision as to when to have it removed.”

She nodded, head on his chest. It was calm here in the engine hall, listening to the engine whirl. She could hear some resistance on a few of the gears. Ava made plans to go up and grease it shortly.

“Eat.” Vox pushed the plate in her direction. “You have not eaten enough during the time you were off the ship, nor have you since coming back.”

Her stomach felt off, but Ava tried anyway. With Vox watching and these familiar halls, she only had her mind to fear.