Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

AUGUST

This is the first good night of sleep I have had in months, and I know it is because he finally knows and that lie, and the guilt is not weighing on me. The thing is I don’t know how he found out and even though I thought it was a dream, and it isn’t, I still don’t want to meet his hurt gaze.

“I know you’re awake, August.” He must be in the chair next to be. I sit up slowly, pulling the blanket up to my chin but my head is still down. “Look at me,” he commands. His voice is slightly hoarse and that is the main reason I look up. The emotion in his voice fucks with my head. When my eyes meets his, he squeezes his closed for a moment before he looks at me again. “Tell me.”

Lord help me it all spills out in a river of words, tears and sorrow. I tell when I suspected when I went for tests, when I got diagnosed and what the diagnosis is. With each word that leaves my mouth I see his face become darker and fiercer I guess but the one emotion I cannot overcome is the look of betrayal.

When I am done I simply hang my head and cry, heaving from yet another release of guilt but also because now he knows all we had planned is over. I expect him to rage at me for lying to him or something, hell I welcome it right now. Instead he sits on the bed, pulls me into his arms and rocks me until I stop crying. I feel his tears following mine on my arms and it makes me cry harder.

“How could you not tell me for three months, August? How could you keep me in the dark about something this important?” Wiping my face but not leaving his arms I give him the truth.

“I didn’t want you to relive this, Dec. I was trying to protect you,” I tell him hiccupping through the words. His body tense and then he releases me and jumps from the bed.

“That is not your decision to make. It should have been up to me, August.”

“I know but I also know you would have tried to take it all on like we did as kids and you..”

“IF I CAN’T BE THERE FOR YOU WHAT GOOD AM I THEN?” he yells those words to me, pulling at his hair, and it is the first time I realize that to him, he is my warrior. I mean, he was always my protector, you know. He walks behind me or holds my hand with one hand at my back when we walk down the street. He stands behind me in line at the store. He gets out of the car first and then takes my hand. He moves me to the inside of him when walking through the parking lot, so I am away from oncoming cars. He protects me like a man who knows what he has, but now I realize he believes himself to be my dragonslayer, and that is something I cannot let him put on himself. No one can do that.

“Declan, no. You cannot make this go away.” He turns to look at me, and the tears in his eyes crush me. He sits on the bed beside me and holds my face in his hands. His lips touch mine so softly that it’s almost a whisper, but it is enough to convey what he is trying to tell me.

“I may not be able to make it go away, but I can be there for you. So, I want your schedule for your treatments and appointments so I can take the time off.”

“Dec no. You have a business to run.” He looks at me like I just stole from him.

“My woman needs me, and I am going to be there. As a matter of fact, I am going to take a leave of absence. Kerry can run things for a while. That’s why I hired him. Now tell me, what the schedule?” Shaking my head, I have to smile at his stubbornness. I love this man. I don’t know how the hell I thought I was going to survive without him.