34. Petra

Chapter thirty-four

Petra

The first, rare day in Swift River that hints at spring fills me with joy. The dew and cloud layer both burn off, and I lay on the driveway, letting the heat of the concrete seep into my sweatshirt. When I have to get up and go to work, the lingering sunshine fortifies me against Tina’s side-eye, and Ray insistence that I should try dating again.

I want to date less than ever. The new, sluttier Petra gets hit on at work all the time. It’s not fun and flirty. It’s annoying. Further proof that the attention Reed showered on me wasn’t what connected us. It’s that it was him . No one else evokes the same response.

Almost three weeks since Reed left, and the aching inside me still gnaws at my chest, growing worse each day. Each morning, I wake up and reread his texts. I wish I’d responded, but if Reed has moved on to something more fun, I’ll have missed my chance. That would hurt worse than not knowing, so I keep my words to myself.

I grab a coffee from the counter after my shift, intending to take advantage of the quiet house tonight to stay up late and edit. I take a sweet, toffee flavored sip as I walk to my car. It’s just as my seatbelt clicks into place that my phone rings.

Reed’s name flashes across the screen. It’s now or never. Keep dreaming, or go for what I want. What I want is to not be heartbroken. What I want is my mushroom of a dream.

What I want is Reed.

I’m pathetically breathless when I answer. “Hi. ”

“Darling Petra, how was your day?”

“Fine?” He’s so casual, like this isn’t the first time he’s called. I’m completely baffled by it, and say the first thing that comes to mind. “I had an eighty-four-year-old woman from church congratulate me for sleeping with you as I bagged her tomatoes. How was yours?”

Reed laughs and my heart squeezes. The sound soothes all the parts of me that were too prickly in his absence. The gnawing ache behind my ribs settles. “Oh, cheeky, unexpected Petra. How come you didn’t call me? Didn’t return any of my texts? Be honest, did I come on too strong with the drive?”

“What? You drive just fine.”

“Petra.” He’s definitely frowning. “Did you open the thumb drive?”

“Oh. No.” It’s sitting on my nightstand, and haunts me each time I glance at it. “I figured it was the recording of us.”

“And you decided you didn’t want to listen? This call is not going the direction I wanted it to. Will you do it tonight?” His voice switches from anticipatory to arrogant. “Is it a bath night?”

“Reed!” I scold, but he laughs. It won’t be enough. I don’t want the emptiness I’d experienced when I’d listened to him in the bath—lips tingling, chest aching for the closeness sex should bring. I want intimacy with Reed, not a voice in my ear.

“The way you screech my name, Pet, there’s nothing better.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh yes, what a sexy sound.” My cheeks are hot. I need to get him off the subject. “How’s…wherever you are?”

“Still in Iowa. I was imposing on my sister, but we all needed a break. I’m in a hotel, temporarily, and moving into my new house soon.”

“You bought a house?” I don’t know why it stings so much. It’s his life and he can move wherever he wants. I was a weeklong fling, and I’d known that from the start. But my dream withers and dies in my chest. “That’s great.”

Reed hums. “I want to tell you all about it, but later. I don’t want you to miss your bath-time relief. ”

“It’s off my schedule. I canceled my DKP membership.”

“You did?” He sounds surprised. I don’t know why, when I’d told him that was my intention on our first date.

I stutter, flustered. “It’s not personal—you know I love what you do, but Knight’s not real, and not as cool as you.”

“He’s not?”

It pains me that this is news to him. “He’s all over the place. A bully one day, a sweetheart the next, sometimes caring, sometimes punishing. I never know what I’m gonna get with him.”

Reed doesn’t laugh. “How do you know what you’re going to get with me?”

“You’re flirty and cocky, yes, but you’re also caring and quiet. You love thoroughly, genuinely—it’s easy to see when you talk about your family. You might have a lot of masks at your disposal, but at the end of the day you’re going to hold me and tease me. You’re going to take betting money from my siblings and stick it in my pocket. Right?”

“Pet,” Reed makes my name sound like a swear. “I knew you were incredible the minute I met you. Listen to the drive. Call me tonight, or while you’re in the bath. I’m sure you know my preference.”

“And if I don’t want to talk after?” Listening to us together might break me.

“You will. Talk to you soon,” Reed says, but it sounds more like a dirty promise. He hangs up before I can argue with him.

My heart races as I speed home, and my hands shake as I pour my wine. I sip it as I climb the stairs, and then it’s me versus the drive on my nightstand.

I’m afraid. What if I miss him so much that I’ll cry? Please, God, don’t let me cry.

I plug it in to see a text file that says Reed Me First , and I laugh.

What a fool.

Dear Pet,

There are a few things on this drive. One is our recording together, but I made another. Don’t be mad. This is the only copy. I didn’t even keep one for me. I just want you to know what you sound like when you truly let go. And the other? You said Knight couldn’t compare, so I’ve given you something I’ve never wanted to give anyone before. Me. Just me. Hope these brighten up your bath time ;) Anytime you want a repeat experience, you have my number. Call it.

Yours,

Reed

Sure enough, there were three audio files. This One First, Hottest Session Ever, and Blindfolded Secrets. My blood thunders in my ears, and I nearly shut the laptop on itself and throw away the drive. But too much of me, all of me, wants to know what he intended. I download it to my phone, put in my headphones, and sink into Reed’s voice.

“Hey, baby.” He sounds like he’s smiling, and my lips pull up too. “I could give you a scene, but I’d much rather talk to you. Simply Petra and Reed. You okay with that?”

I blink back fierce tears. His gentle tone cracks open whatever dam held them at bay the last few weeks. “Yes,” I whisper, wiping my face.

“I thought so. Did you have a good day today, Pet? How long did it take for you to break down that last wall and call me? An hour? Five? A full day? If you haven’t called me yet, you better stop and do that now. Or, if you’re not already in, run a bath and then call me. Otherwise I’ll assume you wanted me for my rugby body, when we both know my teasing is your favorite part.”

“Is not.”

“Don’t kid yourself.” Reed chuckles. “There’s no one to lie to but yourself. Who else is going to get you to send your fork flying across the room at the mention of pussy? ”

I shake my head, both smiling and embarrassed. “Let it go, Reed.”

“What I wouldn’t give to see you blush right now, Pet. Your eyes brighten when you do. I’m gonna bet you haven’t paused this to call me. Are you in the bath yet? If you’re not, go get in. I can only keep this tame for so long. Go. I mean it.”

So bossy. There’s no reason why I should do what he says—but I want to. I’m not going to play this game on his terms, though. I pause it, bringing my wine to the bathroom. I pace myself as I add bubbles, light candles, and turn off the overhead light.

Getting in the bath now, like you said, sir.

I’m feeling cheeky enough to send him a picture of my setup.

Who’s teasing who, now? I think your camera was facing the wrong way baby ;)

I laugh as I slip my shirt over my head. There’s an intense happiness that comes from interacting with Reed, and no one else.

No way, not happening.

That’s fine, I have you committed to memory.

Liar.

You have twenty-six spots from your left collar down to your right thigh, not counting your heart-shaped birthmark or your scar near your hip. What’s your scar from, anyway?

I’m torn between wonder and disbelief. I turn to the mirror and count them; something I haven’t done before. He has me memorized. My cheeks heat—all of me heats—until my blood simmers with anticipation.

Creepy on the marks. I had my appendix out.

I was aiming for smitten. C’mon Pet, I relive connect the dots with you constantly. How could I not have them memorized? Are you in the bath yet?

You have an unhealthy obsession with me taking a bath.

Get in and press play, baby.

“I can’t believe you consider yourself a switch,” I mutter. I settle into the hot water, phone and wine in hand. I set my volume to the lowest setting and hit play.

“There’s my girl. Having you in my bathtub will always be a highlight of my life. I’ve never wanted someone that intensely before.”

“Me either,” I confess, though I don’t have the wealth of experience that he does. I hadn’t craved Nate that way, or any of my previous boyfriends.

“I’m speechless just thinking about it. You are overwhelmingly, exquisitely beautiful, Petra.” There’s a sigh, a brush, like Reed’s fingers snag on fabric. I can only imagine, but my imagination is a wide place, and the idea of Reed touching himself while imagining me is heady. “Even before I opened that curtain, I was riding the edge. You have no idea. Every splash, every giggle, every moan—they all had me aching for you.”

It’s as personal and all encompassing as when he’d blindfolded me, with only his voice spurring me on. I sigh as I cup my heavy breasts, wishing my hands were rougher. Wishing they were Reed’s. “It’s harder now that I know what you feel like. It’s not enough anymore.”

“Do you ache for me? Brush your hand over your mouth. Can you still feel me there?” Each swipe and nip and tug of our mouths playing together—finding each other—lingers on my lips. “ Because I can. Your kisses are imprinted on me. I was dying to kiss you before we hiked to the falls, Petra. It was agonizing.”

“I wish you had.” It’s hard to admit, but at least he can’t hear me. “I wish I’d taken advantage of every moment—kissed you at every opportunity.”

“It still is. Even now, you’re asleep in the other room and I want to wake you up to kiss you again.” He recorded this while I was there. In his bed. How did I not hear him? “I’m an idiot right now for leaving, and for not dragging you with me, in case you’re wondering.”

“It wouldn’t have worked out,” I admit, both to myself and to him. But sadness sweeps through me, knocking arousal out of its way. My heart throbs, the aching worse than ever.

“I have some stuff to work out, therapy to go to. I have to get myself together and be a better man.”

“You’re already amazing.” I want to reassure him, but hot tears bubble up, and I can’t blink them back. This is the exact kind of goodbye I didn’t want.

“I know the distance will be good for us, but I can’t leave with this open-ended. I bought a plane ticket to come back in a month. Pick me up in Portland?”

“What?” I sit up so fast that I splash water everywhere. I go to rewind, but the track is already stopped. That’s it. The end.

I dial his number without thought or hesitation. He picks up right away, but I don’t let him say a word. “Are you serious?”

“I knew you’d call right away!” Reed says, triumphant. “I’m completely serious. Deadly serious. I’ve already pushed my flight back twice because you refused to call me.”

“You did?”

“I’m getting on a plane to see you in seventeen days.”

I’m speechless. My heart trips over itself in surprise before warming up with attraction and tenderness, my blood boils with anger, and my stupid tears are salty where they run over my lips. “Why? Why would you do that? What if I’m going on vacation? ”

“Petra.” Reed laughs like the spavaldo he is. “Are you going on vacation?”

“I could’ve been.”

“Then I would’ve changed my dates again. You know, this also isn’t the call I planned. Twice in a row—you always keep me guessing.” There’s a long moment of quiet, and then Reed’s voice sounds less sure. “Do you want to see me again?”

He bought a house somewhere. We’ll have to do long distance, have to stick it out through heartache and missing each other. Can I handle that? I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, and whatever I say will push me off one side or the other. I’m not prepared for the fall. “What am I to you, Reed?”

“What do you want to be?”

The fizz of the bubbles around my ears is deafening. Every loud beat of my heart is yelling at me. Make a choice. Make a choice. Make a fucking choice.

I want to be yours. “I want to see you again.”

“Good, because I want to date you.”

The grin that takes over my face is ridiculous and makes my cheeks hurt. “And the distance?”

Reed snorts. “Screw the distance. What do you say?”

I jump in headfirst. “I’ll pick you up from the airport.”

Reed makes a pleased sound that strikes me right in the heart. It pierces through all my armor and lights me up. I close my eyes, but the whole bathroom seems to glow.

“Feel how happy we are?” he asks, as though he can see inside me. “Next time you want to delay gratification, remember this, okay? I’ve been on pins and needles for weeks.”

“I didn’t know if we were better left in a bubble. If distance would diminish things.”

Reed hums. “It didn’t for me. You?”

“Not in the slightest. I think of you all the time.”

“So do I.” His admission warms me to my toes. “Now that that’s settled, and you’re in your bath, want your scene?”

I frown. “The recording ended.”

“It was never going to be a recording, baby,” Reed teases. I can practically see his grin. “Put me on speakerphone.”

It’s his authoritative tone that sends a hot shiver from my hair to my toes, and I obey. I set the phone on a ledge and slide further under the water. “And what will you do?”

There’s a muffled noise as he switches to speakerphone as well. “Don’t play shy. This isn’t solely for you this time. That okay?”

I can’t find my words. “Yeah. Yes. That’s really hot, actually. Did you get yourself off that night? When I left your room to get ice?”

“Yes.” The quick zip of metallic teeth in the background leaves me breathless. “You could tell? How’d that make you feel?”

I can’t breathe—I’ve forgotten how. “It’s intoxicating. I wish I could’ve been there. Watching you come lights fire in my blood, tesoro .”

His thick groan sends my pulse racing. “I could know you for fifty years and still never guess what’s about to come out of your mouth.”

I’m an entirely different person as I open my mouth and words fall out. “You could always stuff it full if you wanted to avoid a surprise.”

Reed moans. Full. On. Moans. “I’m about to get on a plane right now if you keep that up. You enjoy seeing me lose control.”

He’s not wrong. I’m desperate to see him on the edge again—to hear him struggling to hold back. It makes me bold. “You unraveled is sexier than anything I’ve ever seen. The day you tied me up? You looked regal as you held my jaw and slid your cock in my mouth. The only reason I didn’t fall to my knees for you is because I was already there.”

“Jesus. Ever considered going into audios? You were born for it. I know a guy who’d want nothing more than to record you all afternoon.”

My dream creeps in from the shadows. My hope of a three-bedroom house with an office and a sound booth. “We’re pretty far apart for that. ”

“We don’t have to be. My new house is in Portland.”

The bath drops out from under me and I’m falling—dizzy, scared, waiting for the crash at the bottom. But I’m also exhilarated. Hopeful. “Are you joking?”

“Not when it comes to you,” he says, and I’m struck speechless. “Don’t start objections that we both know are defenses. Tell me I’m wrong, Pet. Tell me that you don’t see potential for us, and I’ll let you go.”

“Don’t let me go,” I say, before my brain can filter my words. It’s hard not to jump at the opportunity. “Did you actually enjoy it there? I don’t want you to go somewhere just because—”

“I was fond of it before I met you. I love the rain, the quirk of the city, the amazing food. I really loved the price point. And the cherry on top is proximity to a fantastic woman, if you’re okay with it.”

“If I’m okay with it? Reed, I—God, I—” I trip over three irrational words that nearly burst out of my mouth. “I’m more than okay with it.”

Reed’s voice grows tender on the other end of the line. “Thought so. I can’t wait to see you.”

My dark-hearted mushroom of a dream creeps out into a ray of sunshine beaming in my chest. It grows rapidly, filling me with an optimism I’m unfamiliar with. I could have everything—my family, my book, Reed. It’s all within reach. “Me too. I’ve missed you, tesoro .”

“Darling Petra, I’ve missed you too. Now, I want our scene, and then I want to lay with you and hear about everything you’ve been up to since I left. Lean back, and put your hands on your knees, baby. From now until I say otherwise, those hands are mine. Mine to do with as I please, and there will be no skipping ahead.”

My breath catches as fire burns down my throat and coils in my belly. “Yes, sir. Under one condition—your hands are mine .”