20. Petra

Chapter twenty

Petra

The entire family pelts Reed with questions, each less subtle than the one before. Reed answers them all with poise, until even I’m convinced that he’s a charming middle-class boy from a Christian family in Iowa who loves kids and sound engineering.

He sounds…perfect. Or maybe someone else’s perfect. It’s a watered-down version of the Reed I know, and guilt twists in my chest. I shouldn’t have pressed my issues with my family on him. I pass Hailey over to Darin and grab his hand, tugging him up from his seat.

“I’m going to show Reed the yard,” I announce, not giving anyone room to object. He follows me through the glass doors to the back porch, where we’re mostly hidden from view. We blend into the dark, but the warm, yellow light from the living room caresses his face.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

“No, I did. I shouldn’t set limits. DKP is your company . I don’t want you to be someone else. You deserve to be comfortable and supported for the whole, wonderful person you are.”

Reed wraps his arms around me and roughly pulls me into his chest. “Petra.” He sighs into my neck, as though he hurts. His hand sneaks under my blouse to cradle my back, and I wait for him to say something else, anything, but he’s quiet.

“My parents don’t know the extent of it either. My siblings do, but I can’t bring myself to have that conversation with my mom. I’m not ashamed, and she might get it, but it’s easier to show her my YouTube where I play a PG-13 pretend boyfriend for lonely girls.”

“You’re much more than that,” I protest, locking eyes with him, determined to impress the enormity of the truth on him. “I had an awful relationship with my body until I listened to you. I wasn’t merely self-conscious, Reed. I hated myself. Every stretch mark, every inch of skin, every stupid, fucking ovarian follicle. You changed something in me, until I could see myself in a mirror and not mind, or touch myself and find pleasure in it. You did that for me and who knows how many other women.”

Reed’s fingers are gentle on my jaw as his thumb smooths over my mouth. “What am I gonna do with you, Petronia Diamante?”

My only anchor to this moment is the soft swipe of his finger on my lip. The ache is back, and I’m desperate for Reed’s mouth on mine. “What do you want to do with me?”

“Anything you’ll let me. Will you leave with me tonight? Let me collect my side of the deal?” When he leans back, his serious eyes search my face for an answer. For once, he doesn’t have to wait.

“Yes. But this time I’m bringing my own pajamas.”

Reed smirks. “Pack as if you’re Livi.”

“Reed! I could change my answer,” I scold. He laughs a deep, belly laugh that warms me all over.

“But you won’t.” He shrugs and takes my hand to walk back inside.

“You’re such a cocky ass,” I complain.

“This is a whole new side of you,” he declares, amused. “I like it. So, when do I get to see your room?”

“Never,” I snort. “It’s still decorated half seventeen-year-old, half thirty-three-year-old. I was hoping I wouldn’t be here long enough for it to matter. Six months in, and I’m still here.”

“You need to give yourself a hell of a lot longer than six months to get back on your feet. You’re starting from scratch?”

“Basically. ”

“Yeah, I get that,” Reed says. He opens his mouth as though he wants to say something else, but the moment passes. “When do we get to bash Nate? I’m counting on it as a bonding experience.”

For once, the memory of Nate doesn’t make me sad. “You can get Livi and Tommy on board for that.”

“Perfect.” He winks at me, and we’re back in sync. When we walk through the doorway, hand in hand, it’s the first time I’ve felt like a true adult in Mama’s kitchen.

“Mrs. Diamante, that smells fantastic,” Reed praises, and Mama’s cheeks darken.

“Call me Anita. But flattery will get you large portions.”

“Anita,” Darin interrupts. “Did you cut your hair? It’s lovely.”

Ma laughs and brandishes a spoon in Darin’s direction. “See? Darin wants double.”

Surprisingly, Aunt Carla and Mama take a break from the intense questions, and Reed gets sucked into conversation with Tommy and Darin. Mama forces me to keep an eye on the sauce, eavesdropping when Livi sidles up to me with a smirk.

“Give me the dirt, P!” Livi demands. “Was he fantastic? Better than Nate?”

I roll my eyes as Mama purses her lips until her mouth turns white. “I wouldn’t know—we stayed up all night talking. Then we hiked the waterfall loop, and I came here. That’s it.”

“It’s no fun unless you kiss and tell,” Livi grumbles.

My forced smile feels like a frown. “We haven’t kissed.”

“Seriously? What? But you—dinner—and family! Weren’t you kissing on the porch?”

“Talking.”

“Damn it!” Livi swears. She passes a twenty-dollar bill over to Tommy, who sends a wink my way.

“And you think you know Petra better,” Tommy says with a grin. “I live with her. She’s practically asexual.”

Reed snorts, and it is the loudest thing in the room. His eyes meet mine over a room of frozen bodies. I can’t hide the blush creeping across my face, and I collapse into laughter. “Good thing I took back the limit,” I complain halfheartedly, and Reed smiles.

Tommy stares at me too, with a softness I don’t expect. “I forgot what your real laugh sounds like.” But then he makes a face. “Gross,” he declares, and slides the bill back over to Livi.

“Without kissing?” Livi asks incredulously.

“No kissing?!” Aunt Carla throws her hands up in the air. “What is happening with young people nowadays? I swear to God, Anita, I’m never going to have grandchildren if Marco doesn’t figure out—”

I leave the pot for Aunt Carla to stir while she rants to Mama about her chances of being a grandmother, and drape myself over Reed’s back to kiss his jaw.

“That’s the only kind,” I reassure Livi, but it’s Mama who breathes a small sigh of relief. I stuff down how much that prickles.

Livi reluctantly slides the money back over to Tommy. Reed steals it from the counter, deftly reaching behind him to tuck it in the front pocket of my jeans. He squeezes the back of my thigh in support before he lets go. The move in itself is a declaration of how familiar Reed is with my body, and my cheeks burn hotter than before. He doesn’t let me retreat, linking our hands together across his chest.

“It’s what my sister would’ve done if my brother and I bet on her. Fair’s fair, right, Petra?” He turns his head to kiss my cheek without waiting for an answer.

“See?” Tommy shrugs, though he makes a face as though he swallowed a frog. “Easy answer to the question we’ve all been dancing around.”

It’s true. Reed and I go from hardly touching to quietly reaching for each other. I help set the table, and when I walk past the kitchen island, Reed brushes against me. My hand, my thigh, my back, my arm. Every touch turns me into a puddle.

Papa comes back with Antonio and Lilly—who are suspiciously sticky with more candy than a single lollipop—and he watches Reed and I with an expression I can’t place. As the others set the table, he tugs me away to choose a bottle of wine.

“ Stellina . I’m not Mama. I want to know. Do you want something serious? Are you ready for it?”

He’s never been this blunt before. “It’s not serious, Papa. Reed is just…It sounds ridiculous because I’ve known him for all of five minutes, but he’s a great person. He only knows who I am now, at this point in my life, instead of who I was.”

“Who you were before was just as wonderful.” Papa frowns, and his words needle my chest until I want to cry. I pull him in for a hug, and his strong arms crush me.

“Thank you,” I choke out.

“He makes you smile—the way you used to. It’s beautiful on you.” Papa kisses my cheek with watery eyes. “I guess I’ll play nice. For now. He hurts you and I’ll kill him.”

Papa couldn’t hurt a mouse, but I nod solemnly anyway. He plucks a bottle from the wine fridge and proceeds to drag us all into a conversation about soccer. Reed knows nothing about the sport, favoring American football. He sits with them at the table, but watches me instead. His eyes are a warm weight on my skin.

“Seriously,” Livi mutters as she passes me a stack of plates for the table. “That ass is a work of art.”

“Stop objectifying him!” I hiss, swatting her arm. I sneak a glance at his thick thighs. “He played rugby.”

I whisper it, but our kitchen acoustics are the worst. Reed must hear me, because he chuckles. His hand grazes the back of my thigh as I set the table, and molten heat spreads everywhere from his touch.

By the time we’re all seated and dishing up at the table with Reed on my left, Tommy decides to open his big mouth on my other side. “Reed’s an easy step up from Nate, that’s for sure.”

I don’t bother yelling before I slap the back of Tommy’s head. “Stop talking. ”

“What, this discussion is inevitable. Want us to have it in front of you or behind you?” Tommy asks. He’s not wrong, and part of me appreciates his consideration.

Reed leans forward to lock eyes with Tommy. “Nate was a piece of work who didn’t respect your sister or her wishes. It’s a disappointingly low bar to clear.”

Tommy’s eyebrows creep up his forehead, but that’s nothing compared to the shock registering across all the faces at the table. “Troni told you?”

“Troni?” Reed’s amusement is palpable. “I love that, Petronia. You have the best nicknames.”

My face flames. He’s about to call me Pet in front of my entire family, and it will turn me on anyway. I groan and drop my fork as I bury my face in my hands.

Reed tucks me into his chest with a laugh, because he’s perfect. Well, not really. He’s got issues and a stalker, and he loves to drive me insane. But he’s perfectly imperfect. I need to pull myself together and remember that he’s not a long-term investment.

“I’m proud of you,” Tommy says as I straighten up in my chair. His sincerity is a silent bond between us. Heart-to-hearts with Tommy, Livi giving me a makeover. Who’d have believed we were so disconnected a week ago?

“You solidified your place here,” Tommy tells Reed. But then he wrecks the moment. “It’s good to have someone else see it. I mean, Jesus, I thought the guy was mostly fine. He blindsided us all when he forced Petra to—”

I blanch.

“Tommaso!” Papa barks out. My stalwart defender. There’s a vague horror creeping across my face.

“Shut up,” Livi hisses to Tommy. “Ready to discuss your love life? Becca said she saw you kissing Annamaria last week. And Jasmin Chen the day after.”

“Tomasso!” Mama yells, and gestures for me to hit the back of Tommy’s head on her behalf. I’m more than happy to do it. Hard. “Ach, we taught you better than that!” she shrieks .

I sink into myself as they all lay into Tommy. Reed smooths a gentle hand over my thigh, brows furrowed in concern. “Want to clue me in?”

I force a smile. “Later. Enjoying the chaos of the Diamante family? At least the food is good.”

The concern is written across his face, but he squeezes my thigh in reassurance. “It’s delicious. You okay?”

“I’m fine. You wouldn’t believe it, but this is my best appearance at a family dinner in years.”

He squeezes again—I’m not fooling anyone—but doesn’t press it. “Glad I could help, then. Any chance there’s panna cotta in my future?”

I’m grateful for him and his willingness to adapt. I link our hands together under the table, soaking up his warmth. “I’d say the odds are high.”

The conversation twists and turns until Tommy and my predicaments are both forgotten. When we’re all suitably stuffed full of dinner and dessert—the last glass of wine nearly finished, conversation slow and relaxed—Reed looks at me.

“Ready?” There’s fire simmering in his eyes, and it spreads into a low, curling heat in my belly.

“I need to pack a bag. Be right back.”

I dart up the stairs and pick out clothes as if I’m Livi. The sheer underwear and bra get thrown in, plus toiletries and clothes for tomorrow. I bite my lip at the top of the stairs, tempted to duck into Tommy’s room for a condom. There’s no telling what else I might unearth in my search, though, so I don’t.

I drop my bag at the door and rejoin Reed in the dining room. Reed makes all the proper compliments and excuses for leaving. Darin takes the opportunity, trying to slip out directly after us, and bundles up the kids.

“Night, Mama, Papa,” I say, kissing both their frowning faces.

“Petronia!” Mama hisses and yanks me out of the room by the elbow, Reed and Papa right behind us. “Did you forget that your bed is here? ”

“No.” This is the moment of no return, and I have to be careful with how I handle it. “Mama, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Maybe.” My gaze flies to Reed’s, and he shrugs. “You owe me a day on the coast on Tuesday.”

“I might be back tomorrow.”

“Do you see Tommy having girls sleep over?” Mama glares at me, and the double standard from Tommy’s three girl dilemma is unfair. “Trick question, because nice girls don’t sleep over. Don’t make the same mistake you made with Nate. Don’t— you know! Almost nine years and no wedding, Petronia!”

Her hiss rises to a yell, and I flinch. I can’t help it. I know exactly what she refuses to acknowledge. Grief sweeps through me, and I wrap my arms around my belly for comfort. I failed with Nate. I wasted years trying to make right something that was out of my control. A new numbness settles over me, and Reed wraps an arm around my waist while Mama’s lips tighten in contrition.

“Better no wedding than a brutal divorce,” Reed says, voice hard. Mama is forced to let go as Reed glues me to his side. “I’m not Nate. And Petra is not who she was when she was with him. I treasure my new friendship with her, Mr. and Mrs. Diamante, and she and I know exactly where we stand.”

“ Stellina, ” Papa begs.

He pulls at my heart. If only I’d become a nun for him. Instead, I’m the opposite. His unmarried but definitely not asexual daughter.

“I’ll be careful. Goodnight, Papa. Ti voglio bene. ” I reach for his hand, squeeze, and let go. Reed’s arm is solid around me as he guides me to his car.

I don’t look back.