10. Petra

Chapter ten

Petra

The news of my “date” takes less than an hour to reach Livi. Tina calls Becca’s older sister, who confirms it with Becca, who calls her cousin, and then everyone knows. Groaning, I take my break to return her message.

“Calling a million times doesn’t make me want to call you back any faster,” I say when she picks up the phone.

“What if it was an emergency?” Livi huffs.

I roll my eyes. “It’s not. I know why you’re calling.”

“Exactly! Why do I have to find out from Jessica that my sister snuck out of a guy’s room this morning?”

“I wasn’t—”

“You were wearing your work polo!”

“Alright, those optics aren’t great,” I admit. I can’t tell her about Knight for my own sake, and I don’t want Reed to lose the anonymity he obviously craves. “He’s just…easy to talk to. He doesn’t remember me at ten years old or how I was with Nate. Reed sees me as I am now.”

“That’s sweet, but can we squeal over you getting laid first?” Livi asks.

I frown at my phone. “We didn’t have sex.”

“Don’t lie. I’m happy for you! You should get laid all the time.”

Oh God. This is why I didn’t want anyone to know.

“Chelsea told me he bought you flowers,” Livi plows on. “You’re going on a date tonight?”

Less than a minute of talking to Livi and my headache is worse than it’s been all day. “He brought me flowers yesterday, which wasn’t a date. It was a conversation.”

“A conversation that lasted until dawn? Also, Chelsea said today. He got you flowers two days in a row?” Livi didn’t sound overjoyed. In fact, she grumbled under her breath while she typed out a text message to her husband. “ Darin, Petra got flowers two days in a row— ”

“Livi.”

Livi steamrolls me as she continues typing. “ And I bore twins for you, so where are my flowers? Twice the flowers! ”

“Seriously? The man dotes on you.”

“He knows I’m joking,” she scoffs. “Tell me about tonight. Where are you going? What are you wearing?”

“I’m in my uniform, because it’s not a date.”

Livi groans. “I’m coming over there as soon as Darin gets home. I’ll bring clothes, a makeup bag, lingerie—”

I shut that down. “I don’t need lingerie.”

“You can’t stop trying . You’re not ancient, no matter how determined you are to believe that.”

The criticism stings. “I have to get back to work. Do what you want.”

“Wait,” Livi sounds contrite. “I’m excited for you! Nate jacked up your perception of what a relationship is supposed to be. I want you to get another chance—even if it means you get all the flowers.”

As blunt as Livi is, I know she means it. “You know Darin is buying you four bouquets as we speak, right?”

“Part of his charm. Did you hear anything else I said?” I don’t answer, and Livi sighs in defeat. “Can I at least bring you another shirt?”

“I’m not off until eight,” I warn.

Livi pushes right back. “You’ll be off at seven-thirty after I call Ray.”

I don’t doubt it. “Bye. ”

Livi means well, but she’s a loud, unapologetic princess, and she’s used to getting her way. Livi is still Mama’s favorite girl. It might cause friction, as with all families, but beneath all that—deep, deep below the surface—Livi’s got my back, and I’ve got hers. Which is why I let her bring me another shirt. Plus, who wants to go to dinner in a polo?

But Livi can’t keep her mouth shut, and my phone dings half an hour later.

You’re going on a date? That’s awesome! I’m proud of you for getting back out there. I’m sure he’s great, but I wouldn’t be opposed to you sending his info. I need to vet him.

I laugh. Silla’s always been the most open-minded of us, but even she’d be surprised by how Reed makes a living. Then again, she knew me better than anyone back when I was too wild. She’d understand his appeal.

Not a date. Never trust intel from Livi.

I also know that you like to downplay things.

It’s NOT A DATE. I don’t even know him. He’s…I don’t know.

C’mon, spill to your big sis.

He’s genuinely nice. And he pulls me out of my head. I say stuff before I even think about it and it’s just like…deep, personal stuff laid out there for him to see. It might’ve been the wine, too, but I’ve been drunk around guys before and it doesn’t usually go that direction.

Getting out of your head is exactly what you need, Troni. If it doesn’t go anywhere, I’m still proud of you. He might be a stranger, but he’s already having an effect.

Oh please. You’re not even here to notice.

Yeah? Look at how much you’ve texted me.

I scroll up through our conversations. For months, all Silla got were one line responses, followed by mounds of unanswered texts. She kept reaching out, but I never met her halfway.

I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better.

Livi waltzes through the door at quarter past seven. Her long, brown waves shimmer in the fluorescent lights as she finds Ray, and he escorts her to my register. “You’ve got a date? Go, put yourself together,” Ray says.

I wince at that, and Livi guides me to the break room. “Alright, I have to ask: when’s the last time you plucked your eyebrows?”

I rub one self-consciously. “It’s been a while,” I admit. There are tweezers on aisle fourteen, and I consider pilfering some.

“I know you said not to…” Livi shoves a bag into my arms as we enter the breakroom. “But I brought all the necessities. Outfit choices, makeup bag, tweezers, deodorant. The works.”

I’m afraid to open the bag. I’m afraid to see Reed tonight. I’m afraid of a thousand possibilities.

I imagine Nate standing in front of me. Bored. Disinterested. “No one cares how you look,” he’d say. “Go in your pajamas for all I care.” Except that wasn’t what he expressed to our friends. Instead of helping me through my depression, Nate threw me under the bus. When I uncovered all the lies he told about me, I was humiliated .

“You’re making me nervous, Livi,” I admit. “I don’t want to be nervous. This is Reed, who is a total stranger and only here for the night, so it doesn’t matter. And it’s not a date.”

Livi looks at me, really looks, and her face softens. “If you say it’s nothing, then it’s nothing. But if we were going to dinner together, you’d change. Let’s pretend that’s what you’re doing. Okay?”

I’d never considered asking Livi for advice, but she’s not terrible at it. Silla’s always been my go-to person, but we’ve grown distant since we both moved away. “Since when did you and Tommy get to be so grown up?”

“I have three kids—I hope that I’ve grown. You should go with the red; you’re beautiful in red. Or black with a sheer neckline?” Livi offers a handful of choices, and they’re all my favorites. She combed my closet with a familiarity I hadn’t expected. “If you didn’t sleep with him, what’s the real story?”

I frown, swiping on some concealer. “I went over, we had too much wine, I stayed until I sobered up. Nothing happened—not a single kiss.” Reed’s warm body pressed against the length of mine soothed a wound I hadn’t known was still bleeding. There’s something magic about it, so I keep our hours of cuddling to myself.

“Seriously?” Livi is unimpressed. “Chelsea said he’s cute. What’s the holdup?”

“Does everyone have an opinion on this?”

“Would you rather I was apathetic? C’mon, Petra! When’s the last time you went on a date? When’s the last time you were kissed?” she asks. I open my mouth to answer, but Livi cuts me off. “The way you wanted to be kissed. Kissed like—like you’re the love of his life.”

Never.

There’s a stinging beneath my ribs, so I deflect. “I didn’t want to know this much about you and Darin.”

“Petra.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Livi bristles. “Well, at least let me do your eyeshadow. ”

“I want to keep it simple.” Together, we’re a pair of porcupines.

“I’ve known you my whole life. I know how you do your makeup!” Livi yells, stomping her foot. “Let me do this for you!”

Underneath her frustration is a sweetness that I’m not used to. I was a shell of myself, dead inside, until Reed walked in. I’m still prickly, climbing out of a long emotional hibernation, but Livi genuinely wants to help. “Okay.”

After Livi’s done with my face, I glare at her over the bra and underwear choices and retreat to the bathroom. I’m tempted to keep my plain pair on just to annoy her, but I need all the confidence I can find to keep up with Reed. I draw the line at the lacy, sheer underwear, and change into a slightly more modest pair.

Livi rifles through the tote when I get back from the bathroom and scoffs when she finds the lacy pair. She folds them up and sticks them in the zippered pouch of my purse. “Seriously? Be bold! Better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them,” she chirps. It’s one of Papa’s favorite idioms, and I hate that she’s applying it to sexy underwear, of all things.

It’s close to eight before I’m done being Livi’s project. Not much can be done about my hair without a straightener, but the rest came together. “Thanks for your help, Liv.”

I bundle up the bags, but Livi tugs them out of my hands. “I’ll take them. You don’t want to carry around more than a purse. It’s not sexy.”

I laugh as we walk out into the cold. “Thanks for the advice.”

“Hey, I’m the one who had twins at twenty-one,” she jokes. “I’m an expert at sexy.”

I stop dead, jerking out of her hold. The world grays out, and I swear there’s a knife in my chest where my heart used to be because it hurts. It hurts .

Livi reaches for me. “Troni, I didn’t mean—I’m sorry—”

“Stop talking.”

She does, thank God, though her lip quivers.

My head, however, is far from silent. The pain is a slap across the face, and I remember why I don’t date. Why I don’t sleep with anyone.

My hand flies to my necklace, and I crumple under the crushing grief of her name.

My Natalia.