Chapter 7

Faye

Leaving Grady, fast asleep and looking like the world’s hottest angel, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. All the way down in the elevator my body yearns to smash the stop button and head back up. Spending time with Grady is something I could get addicted to, and if he wanted to keep paying me, why am I suddenly being so squeamish about it?

My stupid feelings, that’s why. I should have left yesterday morning, not spent the day with him, laughing and talking and getting to know just how great he is. The way he makes my heart soar is terrifying, and the longer I stay— even if he’s paying— the harder it’s going to be when he gets tired of our little game. I can’t believe I’ve let myself fall in love. If I”m not careful I’m going to end up falling in love with a man who views me as nothing more than a transaction.

Still, I’ll never regret our time together, even if my bank account didn’t have all those extra zeros. It was better than I ever dared to hope. The ultimate first time. And the second, and the third…

I get back to my apartment before Jen is and have to call her to tell her to take the chain off the door. Through sleepy eyes, she gives me an odd look since I put Grady’s clothes back on. I’ll have to find a way to get them back to him discreetly, but for now I just want to revel in the way they feel against my skin, as if the fabric is his warm touch.

“I was starting to worry about you,” Jen says as she pads back to her room.

“Sorry,” I say, and my voice makes her turn back and inspect me harder.

“Are you okay?”

“Not really.”

“Oh, Faye. Who…won you?

I pause, scared of admitting everything that happened to her. But Jen and I have never kept secrets. “It was Professor Simmons,” I choke out.

Jen’s jaw drops, not believing what I just said. Without saying another word, she wraps me into a hug. Jen always knows what I need, and I think she realizes the weight of everything that has happened to me over the last few days even more than I do.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jen asks. I think about it for a moment and tell her no, that I think I would feel better if I just got a few hours of sleep.

With another hug and a nod, she leaves me alone. Alone with thoughts I don’t want to have and memories that are already starting to be painful. It will be impossible to go back to sleep, I have no classes since it’s Saturday, and my shift at the coffee shop is hours away. I decide to distract myself with my new bank balance, but not even the unimaginably huge number on the screen can lift my spirits.

I need to start changing my life, doing the things I wanted with the money from the auction. I need distractions. I start searching real estate websites for a nicer place for Jen and me to move into.

Not even luxurious two-bedrooms or balconies with gorgeous city views can get my mind off of Grady. His signed book is still on my bedside table, and the days where he was just my favorite author seem so long ago now. Before tears can start falling, I hurry to get ready for work, and walk instead of taking the bus to eat up the extra time.

Anything to stop this ache in my chest.

I’m practically useless at work, getting lost in daydreams and having to ask customers to repeat themselves. My boss takes me off the register and tells me to stock the new shipment of sugar packets until it’s time for me to go. Even though I’m almost positive Grady won’t be there, my feet take me in the direction of campus instead of home.

I linger around in the courtyard outside his office building, then order a cup of soup at the cafeteria, still hoping for a glimpse of him. I should be starving but the hot, salty chicken noodle soup that I normally love tastes like cardboard and I can’t finish it. But still, I stay at my booth, staring at the door. I’ve never once seen Professor Simmons in the cafeteria, but my hope won’t let me leave.

A laughing couple comes in, their arms around each other as they get in line, and I’m jolted back to reality. That will never be Grady and me. How can it? He’s fifteen years older than me, a prestigious professor, and bestselling novelist. I’m a college sophomore whose main goal in life is traveling.

Well, now I have the means to do all the things I want, and here I am staring at cold soup and wallowing over a man who’s probably already forgotten all about me. Shaking myself back to my senses, I head home where I start planning my first trip.

I’m trying to decide between Italy or Peru, and poring over tour options when my phone buzzes and a message from an unknown number pops up on the screen.

Look out your window.

Probably someone I’ve met recently passing by and wanting to see if I’ll go out to a club or party. Normally I’d be up for something like that, but I’m engrossed in my travel research. I can admit to myself I’m in no mood for loud music and laughter when my heart is still aching.

I head to the window, wondering if I should tell Jen that someone is here before I look. She would probably tell me to live in the moment, so that’s what I do.

I have to blink a few times when I see Grady leaning against his car at the curb. His arms are crossed and he’s staring up at my window with a hopeful look on his handsome face, looking more sexy than he has any right to with dark stubble on his chiseled jaw.

“Grady?” I lean out the window. It’s really him.

He tips his head in a silent command to come down. I don’t have to go. I can close the blinds and get back on my computer. But of course, that’s not what I do. I hurry down the stairs, inexorably drawn to him. I calm myself in my building’s lobby, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans and smoothing my hair. As soon as my heart rate is somewhat normal, I rush out the door.

His slow smile makes my heart start racing again. He’s like a magnet, and I’m nothing more than a hapless pile of steel shavings, I move closer. Thank god he doesn’t uncross his arms or else I would be tumbling into them.

“My offer still stands,” he says.

The rich sound of his voice cuts through me like a knife through butter, but the words cut deep. It’s a horrible mix, this yearning and pain, and tears spring to my eyes.

“I won’t take any more money from you,” I say, stepping back and shaking my head.

He pushes away from his car and moves toward me, his eyes stormy. “Why not?” he demands. He takes me by the arms, a firm but gentle touch that has me fighting not to melt against his chest. “You know you want me as much as I want you, Faye.”

I close my eyes, but it doesn’t help. I can still feel his heat and smell his spicy cologne. “I just can’t,” I say.

His hands grip a little tighter. “Tell me why.”

I can’t resist the pleading tone and blurt out the whole truth. It’s better he knows so he gets scared away by the clingy little girl I’ve become. “Because I’m starting to like you way too much,” I say. “I have to protect my heart.”

His hands stay locked on my arms for a second, then slide away. He silently gets in his car and drives off, the engine racing as he rounds the corner at the end of the block.

I am shocked and hurt, even though I knew this would be the outcome of my confession. I guess some part of me hoped he felt the same way – but I didn’t even tell him the whole truth.

I don’t just like him too much. In our short but perfect time together I’ve fallen in love with him. If I’d told him that he might have crashed his car in his haste to get away.

Now that he’s gone, I have to make it through the pain. I have to believe it will, or I won’t be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning. I trudge back upstairs and close myself in my bedroom. The glittering tour advertisements on my computer screen, showing all the places I can now afford to go, is no comfort at all, and soon I can’t see any of it, blinded by the tears that flow down my face.