20. CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 20

Chyler

“You need to calm down, Chy. Are you going to tell me why you are so on edge right now?” Alexis was staring at me as I paced the kitchen of Madison’s townhouse. She brought us back here when I found her down the street from the office building. She had a backup car ready to go in case we got caught, and it paid off. We abandoned the SUV with the assumption that was how they had found us. At some point, they must have put a tracker on the SUV before we even picked it up from the service depot, which meant that they were monitoring Michael’s movements just as we were.

I continued to pace, tugging at the roots of my hair, the balaclava hanging around my neck, and my hood pulled off. I had already taken my hair out from my ponytail and let it just flow over my shoulders. The stress mounted on me the more I thought about Atlas and how he shoved me out of the back door of the building. Everything about this was so completely fucked.

“It’s nothing, just the adrenaline wearing off from almost getting caught.” I clipped.

I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t tell her that it was Atlas who caught me, and he knew who I was now. Seconds, and my entire life was blown to hell. My hands were shaking, and I fist them at my sides.

“What’s the update on Madison?” I asked, trying to change the subject and take her concern off of me.

Madison left immediately after Michael spilled Roman’s location, and Alexis was able to confirm it. We didn’t want there to be a single chance that he would get tipped off and leave his villa in Grand Cayman. If he knew that Michael had never made it to the lab, he would assume that we had caught him and then disappeared all over again. Charlotte had a private jet on standby just in case we got the information we needed.

“She’s still in the air but should land in a few hours. We won’t know anything more until she arrives at his villa. I’ve been watching his cameras to ensure he stays put and doesn’t leave.” She pulled out her laptop and set it on the counter, loading up the live feed from Roman’s security cameras. “You need to go and get some sleep. Look at you...” Waved her hand up and down my body. “You look like you are about to fly out of your skin. Go home.”

I crossed my arms and huffed at her. She wasn’t wrong; I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. My mind was racing with thoughts of Atlas and what he would do to me if I ever saw him again. How broken and defeated I felt that I was the one who ruined the one thing I told myself I could never have. I never deserved him, and this just proves it. I fucked everything up.

I could wish all I wanted for a second chance, but with him working for the CIA, there is no shot in hell left there. We are enemies…

My thoughts were spiraling out of control, and I was internally screaming.

“Fine.” I bit down on my cheek and aggressively pulled my hood up over my head, gesturing my hand out for my keys. Alexis pulled my keys out from her backpack and handed them to me, speaking before she let them go, “Take care of yourself tonight, Chy. I’ll call you as soon as I have an update from Madison. You’re fine. We didn’t get caught, and we got the information we needed. Take this night as a win.” She said softly.

I bit back the twisted laugh that threatened to make itself known. If only she knew the half of it. Tonight was a win for them, but it was a complete and total loss for me. I lost everything tonight.

I fucking lost.

I left the townhouse feeling more like shit than I did when we got there. It was two in the morning by the time I got back to my apartment. The storm was still raging outside, and I decided to walk most of the way home. I didn’t care that I was soaked from head to toe, my make-up running down my face, and my hair clinging to my skin. I needed the long walk to sort through my thoughts and the events of tonight. I couldn’t breathe; my heart was so tight in my chest.

What was I going to do about Atlas…

I had checked my phone several times, and there was nothing from him. But why would there be? It wouldn’t have surprised me if he had already gone ahead and blocked and deleted my number. Hell, I would have erased myself from my life if I could, too. I couldn’t blame him—for any of this.

I opened the door to my apartment and stepped inside, my wet boots squeaking on the hardwood floor as I moved to my bedroom. The lightning flashed through the window and lit up the entire bedroom. I pulled back my hood, and even with it up the entire walk home, my hair was completely soaked from the rain and stuck to my face.

I started unzipping my jacket before I was suddenly slammed against the wall, a strong hand gripping my throat. Lightning flashed, and I could see the large silhouette of a man in front of me. Gripping onto his arm and digging my nails in, I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but he only squeezed harder. I growled and kicked out at him, showing that I had more fight than I did. I was so exhausted from the night that I was running on fumes.

“If you’re going to kill me, then do it already.” I hissed out between my teeth. I wasn’t about to let him intimidate me; at this point, it was the least I deserved. The pain of not being able to breathe right now was nothing compared to the pain I felt in my chest when I saw the look in Atlas’s eyes at the plant. He was all I could think about right now, and I swear, with the next flash of lightning, I saw his eyes instead of my attacker’s.

He leaned in, dragging his nose along my cheek .

“You’re not as sweet as you pretend to be, are you?” His voice was smooth like honey, and his warm breath was a caress on my cold, wet skin. I knew that voice .

He let up on my throat slightly, and I inhaled a deep breath, his scent flooding my senses. Even knowing it was him and the sigh of relief that came with it, I couldn’t help but remain speechless and terrified at the same time.

An adrenaline rush claimed me, and my mind was racing a thousand miles a minute. I wanted to explain everything to him—beg for his forgiveness. But another part of me was hit with the realization that he might be here to kill me or turn me into the CIA instead.

I didn’t answer him. What good would it do? I’m sure he’s already made his mind up about me. He wasn’t here for me; he was here for himself.

“Answer me, Chyler.” He pulled my neck back and slammed me against the wall again, a whimper falling from my lips as I squeezed my eyes closed from the pain and dug my nails deeper into the sleeve of his jacket. “Where’s that fierce and fiery vixen that I saw on the camera feed from the manufacturing plant?”

“I—You don’t… understand…” I gritted out as best I could with his hand around my throat and the lack of air in my lungs.

Here it is, the moment that I confessed everything to him and hoped that he would forgive me. A twisted part of me hoped that he wouldn’t. I didn’t deserve him anymore. I didn’t deserve anything .

“Understand what? That I was fucking the woman I’ve spent the past month trying to find?” His fist met the wall next to my head, creating a dent in the plaster. I curled into myself; his words were twisted with rage, “Goddamnit, Chyler. I fucking loved you. ”

My eyes flared wide, and my breath caught with his last words. Loved.

“Atlas, I—” My voice cracked as I tried to say the words that refused to leave my throat; he cursed and threw me across the room onto the bed.

I scrambled in the sheets, trying to pull myself away from him, but he grabbed my ankles and pulled me back, climbing over me to straddle my hips and hold me down. He pinned my wrists to the side of my head with his hands. The weight from him sank me further into the mattress. The room was dark, and the lightning from the storm was the only source of light as I struggled under his weight.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sighed, the sound of defeat laced between his words. I could feel his hard length against my stomach as he pressed into me. Was this turning him on? Was he no longer angry with me? I could feel his grip start to loosen on my wrists, and I couldn’t help the fucked up laugh that escaped my throat.

“Tell you what? That I was some hired assassin? One that—apparently, I might add—is being hunted down by the CIA?” Was he being serious right now?

I didn’t know what I was feeling anymore. I felt everything: angry, broken, defeated, scared, all of the above. The fact that he didn’t tell me he worked for the CIA was also part of the problem. I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets between us. All this time, we have been running around like Mr I thought I knew you. After all these weeks of spending time together, especially when you opened up to me about your parents… Your vulnerability made me believe we had no secrets left between us. That you were being honest with me.” His voice was stern, but I could hear the hurt beneath it.

I scoffed. “Don’t you dare put all of the blame for this on me. You never told me you worked for the CIA; you held back information just as much as I did—”

“And I regretted it. Every fucking second of it.” He snapped, cutting me off.

I shut my mouth and pressed myself deeper into the bed. He released me, pushing off the bed, and began pacing at the foot of it. With a dark chuckle, he ran his hands through his hair and then snapped his gaze to mine.

“I didn’t tell you I worked for the CIA because I didn’t want my job to intimidate you. I wanted to give myself the best shot I had at having you. And here you are, some expert hitman for hire.”

“And let me guess, you regret every single second you spent with me. That I was a complete waste of your time?” I pushed up on my elbows, my voice dripping with sarcasm. He turned to face me fully and bent over the bed, pressing his hands into the mattress.

“You were anything but that.” He mumbled under his breath, hanging his head and fisting the sheets, his knuckles turning white.

I moved to sit up fully, realizing that he was at war with himself. Just as I was a month ago, he wanted me but couldn’t have me because of his job and mine. I was the forbidden fruit he craved. I bit my cheek and fell forward, crawling across the bed towards him.

I already knew what he wasn’t saying.

He loved me. He had to. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.

This could go one of two ways, but I knew what I wanted, and I would risk anything and everything for him. I knew I had wanted him when we parted ways at the coffee shop yesterday morning. I realized that it was more than just desire and lust that I felt for him.

I had fallen for him in the weeks that we had spent together, and I don’t care if it was fast or ‘too soon’; all I knew was that I didn’t want a life without him in it anymore.

I stopped within inches of him and pushed myself up onto my knees. I gripped his face with my hand and tilted his head up to mine. I was shaking, my hands trembling against his cheeks, but I sucked in a breath and fell into his eyes like I always did.

I expected him to push me away.

I expected him to turn around and walk out of my apartment and life forever.

“ Fuck it. ” He breathed, and then his mouth crashed onto mine, devouring me whole. One of my hands slid to the back of his neck to support me, and the other still caressed his cheek. His strong arm wrapped around my waist, the other cradling the back of my head, and he pulled me into him. Tongues twined together, teeth clacking against each other as we kissed in a frenzied heat—as we kissed like we hadn’t kissed in months. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, my blood running hot; he tasted like a guilty pleasure. I melted into his arms and moaned into the kiss.

He pulled back, breaking the kiss, and I whimpered at the loss of his warm lips on mine. I was still cold and soaking wet from my clothes.

“We can’t do this anymore.” He shook his head, releasing me, and pressed his lips into a thin line.

I understood the hard truth. That this was never going to last between us. Not while I still worked for Charlotte. I looked into his eyes. I could feel the fire burning behind mine, and I wouldn’t give him up without a fight. Not if I could help it.

“We can, and we will.” I leaned in, moving my mouth to his neck, and started kissing him, biting down lightly.

“ Fuck , Chyler, I can’t.” He sighed and fisted his hands at his sides.

I pulled back and slid my hands down the back of his arms, staring deeply into his eyes.

“Atlas, I’ll do anything— be —anything you need me to. Don’t do this.” He dragged a hand up my back and caressed the back of my neck, tangling his fingers in my matted and wet strands.

“I don’t need you to change for me. I want you just the way you are.” And with that, his mouth locked back onto mine as he gently laid me back on the bed.

Pulling back, he unzipped and shrugged off his jacket, followed by tugging his shirt from the back, pulled it over his head, and dropped it to the floor. I struggled to get out of my wet clothes. Everything was stuck to me, and the cool air on my wet skin was causing me to shiver. I didn’t even notice the cold until now.

Atlas chuckled lightly and leaned back down, helping me out of my jacket, pulling down the straps of my bodysuit, and kissing each shoulder as he pulled the straps down my arms. When both of my arms were free, I threaded my fingers through his hair as his lips trailed a path down my collarbone to my exposed chest. I moaned at the warmth of his mouth on my cold skin.

He continued to slide the bodysuit down my body and stopped once my breasts were released from it. My nipples were already hard and peaked from the cool air. I sucked in a breath as his warm mouth caressed my nipple and began to suck and tease it.

“You’re so fucking perfect.” He murmured, his tongue drawing lazy circles around my nipple as he lightly tugged on it with his teeth before moving to the other, giving it just as much attention. He brought his hand up and massaged my breast with his palm, the warmth and friction from his skin causing my blood to heat and warm my body.

Tugging on the strands of his hair, I pull him up to face me.

“Atlas, I—”

“Shh, stop. You don’t have to.” He cut me off and searched my eyes. “You don’t have to say it.” I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, and I nodded, dropping my head down to the pillows and staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to say it; the words had been burning in the back of my throat since this afternoon. The thought of losing him after he caught me forced the realization that I was in love with him. I was in love with Atlas .

Blowing out a breath, he pulled himself up and rested his elbows on either side of my head; his face was so close our noses touched.

“Chy, It’s not that I don’t feel the same way. Clearly, I do. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here right now.” He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “I just don’t want you to say it if you don’t truly mean it.”

I slid my hands up between us and cupped his cheeks in my hands.

No more games. This was real, and I had every intention of keeping him. Whatever it took. I was no longer afraid of surrendering every piece of me to him. I was his.

“I love you, Atlas.” I breathed, staring up at his closed eyes. He was quiet for a moment, and I couldn’t help but silently beg him to open them, to look at me with his brilliant heterochromatic eyes.

The storm was still raging outside, the rain battering the window and the lightning flashing through the room like a strobe light. The thunder rumbled and vibrated the bedroom walls; it was soothing and calming. I rubbed his cheeks with my thumbs, my hands shaking slightly. Mere seconds passed by, but it felt significantly longer as he finally opened his eyes, and I could see the fire blazing behind them.

“I love you, Chy. I’ve loved you since the night we first met…”

Those words from him were all it took. They were what broke the dam that held back my tears, my vision blurring from them as they trailed down the sides of my face. He was perfect, and he was mine. I’d do anything—give anything, for him .

“You have consumed me in ways I had never expected. You have become what I live for, what I breathe for. I want forever with you.” He spoke as he leaned down and kissed me deeply, with so much passion and fire that it seared right through me. I couldn’t help the moan that was released from my throat.

He abruptly broke the kiss, falling back to his knees and pulling my boots off, throwing them across the room, and then ripping my bodysuit the rest of the way down. He undid his jeans, dropping them to the floor, fisting his hard thick length, and I couldn’t help but let my eyes roam every glorious inch of him.

Fuck he was delicious—and so hard for me.

Atlas climbed back on top of me, and I spread my thighs for him as he sunk his hips into mine, entering me slowly, spreading me around his thick and rock-hard cock. I was so wet and ready for him that I didn’t even need his fingers. I wanted him and needed him.

I gasped as his hips met mine, his full length inside me and filling me deeply. He dropped down and buried his head in my neck, slowly starting to move his hips in and out of me. This wasn’t fucking, it was anything but. For the first time since we fucked in the restroom at The Landing, he was making love to me, and I fought the tears of relief in my eyes.

This, right here, meant something to both of us.

I wrapped a leg around his hip to give him a better angle and slid my hand around the back of his neck, the other holding onto his shoulder .

He started moving faster and groaned into my neck, biting gently on my sensitive skin. His lips trailed up and along my jaw before his tongue dove into my mouth, and he devoured me as he ground against my hips at the most perfect, passionate pace.

“You’re mine, Chyler. I’ll always fight for you.” He murmured into the kiss, and I let go completely. I surrendered myself to him.

Tears flowed down the sides of my face. I was open and vulnerable to him.

This man loved me, even after discovering the kind of monster I was.

I was his. I didn’t deserve him, but I didn’t care either. Not as long as he was choosing me.

We spent the rest of the night tangled in each other, and when he finally let me come, it was the most intense climax I had ever experienced. It shattered me wholly and completely.