20. BRECIA

Salt Lake City, Utah

1 year before

They stayed in the back booth of the cozy pub until last call at eleven.

By that time, her eyes were getting glassy. She made a comment about the room being too warm as she fumbled with her jacket and took a sip to drain her tainted glass of red wine.

"Can I take you home? Or do you want to come to my place to get sobered up?" he asked her, managing to look concerned instead of eager. "We can leave your car here. I'm sure it happens all the time."

"I took an Uber," Meghan replied, slurring slightly.

He made his eyes wide. "Okay, then I am definitely going to help you get home. Don't you listen to any true-crime podcasts? You're never supposed to get into a car with a stranger if you're tipsy."

No, I said firmly in her ear. No. He's the stranger you need to worry about. You don't really know him. He put shit in your drink. Do not leave with him.

Meghan's eyes widened as well, and he laughed. "I'm sure you'd be fine. I also just want to spend a few more minutes with you, and we can't stay here." He smiled shyly.

She took the bait and smiled back, her whole face lighting up at the compliment. She tugged at the scarf around her neck and leaned closer to him. "Okay, but can you take me home? I think I just need to get some sleep. I'm such a lightweight."

I leaned as close as I could, knowing from too many other dates that she was lost to me now. She'd made up her mind to go with him. And I couldn't stop her, even if I turned off the power to the entire restaurant (not that I was strong enough to do that).

Meghan leaned against his shoulder as they walked out of the bar to the parking lot. He gently stroked her shiny chestnut hair. He winked at the waitress closing the place down and said, "I can't believe eleven feels so late! This means I'm old, right?"

The waitress smiled at him and shook her head. "Nah, I'm about to crash, too. You two have a good night."

I tried with the waitress, too. "It's not what it looks like," I cried in her ear before hurrying to follow him into the night. I looked back to see the waitress still watching through the glass door for a moment. Then she went back to wiping down countertops.

Meghan mumbled something about her phone as she reached the car. As she unzipped her purse and opened the bag wide, the phone tipped out along with a tin of mints. The phone landed with a quiet thud on the ground by the car. She didn't notice.

He glanced at the phone for a moment then reassured her it was in her purse as he guided her into the passenger seat.

"Do you need my address, yeah?" Meghan mumbled. "Oh my god I'm so tired."

"Don't worry. I've got it, you texted it to me when we were leaving a second ago," he soothed.

I felt heavy and numb as I climbed past her into the backseat and he turned on the car.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I stared out the window at the dark rectangle just visible on the blacktop under the street light.

She'd been texting her friend Sharesa about the date earlier.

Someone knew she'd been here. Here with "Jimmy Carlson"—who would disappear like a ghost as soon as he blocked her on MatchStrike and created a new profile.

What he planned to do in the app likely depended on what he planned to do tonight.

He didn't actually have her home address. So I braced for him to pull into a dark parking lot or alley or park. Anywhere without street lights.

I steeled myself to stay with her. I promised myself, like always, that at the very least I wouldn't leave her alone.

This time was different.

As Meghan's head lolled back in the passenger seat of the Sorento and she curled against the plasticky seat cover, he just kept driving through the dark streets.

When he turned onto the highway, headed south, I was mildly puzzled, but as far as I was concerned, it didn't matter where he was taking her. The only thing that mattered was that I kept looking for a way to stop him.

When he signaled to exit in Toole, I stared at him in surprise.

He couldn't be taking her home. Surely April and the girls were there, preparing for bedtime.

My puzzlement dissolved back into dread when he turned toward Cedar Fort.

I managed to make one of his headlights go out as we drove through the small town.

As the beam of light disappeared, he swore softly and cut his eyes to Meghan in the passenger seat.

She didn't stir.

Try as I might, I couldn't make the other headlight budge.

I watched through the windows for any sign of a patrol car. My mom had been pulled over once for a broken headlight. It was a long shot, but there was nothing else I could do.

I tried to wake Meghan up. I snatched at every thread of fear and disgust and anger I could find, directing them at the car's engine. I screamed in his ear.

I had no idea what I was doing. There was no instruction manual. No one to ask for advice. So I imagined myself as the Dark Phoenix, invisible sparks coming from whatever electricity and consciousness still held me together until I was numb.

No matter what I tried, the car kept running. The lone headlight remained. And no blue-and-red lights appeared behind us.

We kept driving farther into the darkness as the towns disappeared and signs for the Oquirrh Mountain pass appeared.

The paved road turned into a dirt road as we climbed. Meghan mumbled something about her phone once as the car hit a deep rut, and he glanced at her then turned his eyes back to the dark road.

When he finally stopped the car along a fork in the road that was barely more than a trail meant for vehicles far more capable than the Kia, I should have known what would happen.

After all, he had killed me.

But that was different, I told myself. He was furious with me. I had rejected him. I had dumped him. He liked this girl, in his own disgusting, duplicitous way.

He turned off the headlights then opened the driver's side door and listened. For the sound of a car's engine, maybe. But aside from the crickets, it was utterly quiet.

Then he walked around to the passenger side and unbuckled Meghan's seatbelt.

He said her name once. Then again, louder. This time, she blinked at him, her eyes bleary and glassy. "Jimmy?"

Before she could say anything else, he was dragging her out of the car.

Down the trail. Away from the car. She didn't put up a fight. She mostly tried to keep up, lifting her head to look at him, her face a mask of confusion and glazed terror.

I followed at a distance.

Because I wouldn't leave her.

But there was nothing else I could do.

She screamed just once, as his hand moved to her throat and snatched at the scarf she was wearing.

Then the sound went quiet, replaced by frantic thrashing.

I carried on screaming for both of us, the night air swirling with dark electricity that had nowhere to go.

I screamed until suddenly I heard her voice again, screaming with me.

He was standing up, from where he'd been kneeling over her on the black, scrubby ground.

When I saw her stand up and run, I almost cheered.

I know. You'd think I would have understood.

I called her name again, not expecting her to turn around—until she did. She heard me. I could see it in the twist of her body as she heard her own name but kept running anyway, toward the inky treeline.

He brushed past me on his way to the car. When I looked down at the spot where he had been kneeling, I could see the dark shape of Meghan's body, her scarf still tight around her neck, her eyes half-closed and bloodshot.

I nearly went after her into the woods.

I wanted to. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. That she wasn't alone. That she wasn't invisible—not to me, anyway. I didn't want to haunt him anymore. What was the point if I couldn't stop this from happening. Maybe there was no rhyme or reason to why I was still here in limbo, following him around like a puppy.

A darker thought crept in: Maybe I just hadn't figured out how to stop him in time. I had failed her.

I called Meghan's name again as I heard the car's engine start behind me.

The fact was that I couldn't help her. Not anymore. That much I knew for certain. She was dead. Like me.

I had nothing to offer her.

And I couldn't face her.

The only thing I could do was follow him back to the car before he disappeared again.