Chapter 8

Karys

Later that day, Mairu and Valas both met me in the open fields just south of the Palace of Fire.

Dravyn had gone to speak with Halar and the rest of the Sun Court after promising to help me practice my magic whenever he returned. He'd seemed more like himself before he'd left, but I was still worried about him, in need of a distraction—and impatient, too—so I'd asked the others to help me practice in the meantime.

"You sure you're ready for this?" Mai asked.

I nodded, turning my attention away from thoughts of Dravyn and focusing fully on her. She looked beautiful, as always, her hair plaited in rows and woven through with strands of shimmering gold. She wore a fitted top paired with a skirt that flowed beautifully around her, shifting between all the colors of a sunrise-splashed sea with such perfect precision that I wondered if she'd spelled it with her magic.

She smiled as I nodded—but it was a propped-up sort of smile, one that was trying too hard to pretend everything was fine.

Valas arrived a few minutes later, looking as though he'd just been roused from a nap. His shirt was untucked, his hair disheveled, his saunter the definition of effortless.

Mai gave him a disapproving look.

He only smiled and yawned in response, ring-laden fingers sparkling as he brought his hand up to cover his mouth.

Mai rolled her eyes, but she was biting her lip as she looked away, and I could guess at what she was thinking easily enough: It was unfair for anyone to look that good when they'd just woken up.

"All caught up on your beauty sleep?" I asked, arching a brow.

His expression brightened. "Almost."

In the distance, Zell trotted and pranced around, occasionally leaping straight up, kicking his feet and sending ribbons of flame into the air.

Moth soared in and out of these ribbons, trailing his own fire behind him—ribbons of a bolder red than Zell's. The combination of the two of them was mesmerizing.

I watched their show for a moment, smiling at their antics, trying to concentrate on anything but the task before me in hopes of soothing my nerves.

Mai was much more focused than I was. She wasted no time declaring the lesson officially in progress, signifying its start with a sharp clap. "The first thing I believe you should work on is relaxing ."

Just the word made my stomach lurch and my hands shake in a decidedly un relaxed manner.

"This ability to traverse instantly from one place to another is one that almost all divine beings share," Mai went on, "and in every case I've known, it's a magic that works in essentially the same way: You can't out-stubborn it or force it into submission, no matter how powerful you become."

"Can't I try?" I asked with a rueful smile. "I'm much better at being stubborn than I am at relaxing."

Mai gave me a stern frown, shaking her head.

"This should go well," Valas said, settling down on a lush patch of the silver-green grass. He sat cross-legged and propped a hand under his chin, grinning like a child eager to watch a funny play.

I shot him a dirty look. "Did you tag along just to antagonize me?"

"Of course he did," Mai said.

"Don't worry," said the Winter God, still grinning, "I made sure to wear clothing I didn't care about this time, so we're good in the event that you accidentally set me on fire."

"What about if she purposefully sets you on fire?" Mai inquired sweetly.

He scoffed. "That won't happen, because Karys and I are best friends."

I snorted. "No forcing it," I said to Mai, reminding her of where she'd been interrupted. "What else is there to know?"

She thought for a moment before continuing, using her hands to mime the concept as she explained it. "Imagine a current that weaves between all the places of the world. It carries you on its own; you don't control it any more than you control a rushing river. It's a bit like the paths that twist and turn through Eligas: You simply surrender to its power, but tell it where to let you out of the waters by picturing or feeling a particular place. A place that, as you know, is much easier to travel to if you've left a marker there, so to speak—a concentration of your particular brand of magic."

I nodded, feeling a touch more confident. I did know how it worked—and had for some time. Putting it into practice was simply the next step.

I could do this.

"We'll stay close to the palace," Mai said, "since it's drenched in Fire magic residue, obviously. It will draw you toward it, so even if your spell goes way off course, you shouldn't end up too far from here."

My gaze swept over that palace, studying its twisting spires and white stone, admiring the colorful glass windows that had all been personally crafted by Dravyn.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw fire building in the distance—Moth and Zell, still playing. Their burning display drew me in just as before, and now it gave me an idea.

"Could I try to move myself toward their fires?" I asked, nodding in that direction. I felt a connection to them and their magic—more so than to the palace itself.

"Good thinking," Mai agreed.

The praise gave me another surge of confidence that lasted for approximately five seconds—until I turned and fully focused on the hill the two playful creatures were tumbling around on.

They seemed much higher up and farther away all of a sudden.

"Relax," Mai reminded me.

"I'm here to extinguish whatever you inevitably set aflame," Valas added, ever so helpfully.

I closed my eyes, trying to empty my mind of everything except the image of the fire show Moth and Zell had been putting on. I tried to imagine being a part of that show, sitting astride Zell's back, flames dancing all around me—and from me. We drew from the same divine source of fire, so now I just needed to let it pull me in.

Same fire, same fire, same fire…

I clenched my eyes even tighter for several beats, then opened them, blinking slowly.

Nothing had happened.

I tried again with the same results.

"Well, at least nothing's on fire yet," Valas said cheerfully.

"That's not helpful commentary," I heard Mai hiss.

They both sounded very far away, even though I hadn't managed to move an inch.

I ignored them and tried again.

And again.

And again.

Whatever it took, whatever I had to endure, I would not stop until I got this right.

Hours later, my head was pounding and sweat dripped down my face, stinging my eyes. My bones ached as though some invisible force had been trying to rip them from my body—which I suppose wasn't far from the truth; though I hadn't managed to transport myself anywhere, it did feel like every attempt rattled something inside me a little looser, and it was only a matter of time before all those broken pieces ended up flying out in all directions, out of my control like everything else seemed to be.

Mai had assured me this was a normal feeling and that it would pass.

Valas had volunteered to help me collect my bones and organs whenever they inevitably scattered, which earned him another scolding from the Serpent Goddess.

I'd lost track of the exact time, but it felt like we'd been at this for almost an entire day now.

And I still could not get the spell anywhere close to right.

I'd managed to wrap myself in flames repeatedly—a good start to a method many divine beings used. I'd seen Dravyn do the same thing before he disappeared, essentially letting his magic bleed out of him in order to make it easier to surrender to the older, deeper magic that allowed one to be carried away on that current Mai had spoken of.

A few times, I'd even felt the tips of my fingers and toes starting to disappear while I was surrounded by the flames. But every time, I'd panicked at the thought of being there one moment, gone the next.

Just gone .

I couldn't do it.

It made no logical sense. I couldn't map the space between where I stood and where I was transporting myself to, and so my brain simply refused to believe it was possible to make such a journey on my own.

My latest attempt had resulted in a transfer of what seemed to be only my magical essence—I had remained perfectly solid at my starting point, but a ghostly figure that vaguely resembled me had appeared on the targeted hilltop.

Mai had nearly panicked at this. Apparently, it wasn't unheard of for a divine being to splinter themselves this way and then not be able to put the physical body and the magical soul back together again.

I needed to take a break, she'd decided, before I did permanent damage to myself or my magic.

So, I was taking a break.

I'd sank down to the ground several minutes ago, oblivious to the mud I landed in—mud from melted Ice magic that had extinguished my chaotic fires, as Valas had promised to do. I sat stiffly, my fingers drawing random objects in that cold, dark mud—a flame, a feather, a sword plunging through a crown— until I could no longer stand the silence or the dismal mood settling over us.

"On a scale of one to ten," I said with as much humor as I could muster, "how hopeless would you say I am?"

Mai knelt beside me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'd say you're around a six or seven," Valas said.

"Be quiet," the Serpent Goddess snapped.

"What?" He yawned. "I didn't say ten , now did I?"

I rose to my feet and stretched, trying to work the soreness from my bones and loosen up my muscles in hopes of trying again. I couldn't end the day without at least a bit more progress.

I looked once more to the hilltop I'd been trying to reach. Moth and Zell were still there, now curled up together. Moth slept using Zell's golden flank as a pillow. The selakir was sniffing at the air, searching the space where my ghostly apparition had been minutes ago, his ears twitching beside his stubby antlers.

He must have felt me staring because his head swiveled toward me, intelligent black eyes meeting mine and holding them.

We stared at one another until he gave a sudden snort and a swish of his tail. Then he was rising elegantly to his feet and trotting down to me, leaving Moth without a pillow; the griffin voiced his displeasure with a loud wail that lasted until Valas aimed an icy spell in his direction.

As the grass turned to frozen, glittering blades beneath him, Moth rose with a huff and shot upwards, disappearing into the sky.

Zell circled me, tossing his slender head about and stamping his hooves. He seemed eager to run—and to take me with him.

I drew him close and stroked the bridge of his nose, considering the offer for only a few seconds before I made up my mind.

"I'll be back," I told the others, swinging onto Zell's back. "I need to clear my head."

Mai nodded, frowning thoughtfully.

Valas gave me a salute and then laid back in the grass, crossing his arms behind his head, looking happy for the opportunity to take a nap. It would likely be a short one; Moth was hovering high above him, and I suspected the griffin was preparing some sort of revenge for the Winter God's icy attack.

Part of me wanted to stay around to watch that, but instead, I urged Zell into a gallop without any particular destination in mind.

He didn't need much encouragement to reach his full speed. Nor did he care that I'd given him no direction. He would likely have run without ceasing to the very ends of the heavens if I'd let him, and he would have enjoyed every stride.

When we finally slowed several minutes later, trotting to a stop next to a small pond I didn't recognize, my hands were shaking from a strange combination of exhilaration and anxiety. My hair had shaken loose from the elaborate braids Rieta had woven it into. My heart was racing. My thoughts were pounding...but also clearing.

I looked back in the direction I believed the palace to be in, and images of what I needed to do—and what was at stake—flashed through my mind.

I couldn't keep running away.

I had to figure this out.

"There doesn't seem to be much magic in the air here, compared to where we were practicing before. Maybe that will actually be more helpful to me?" I reasoned aloud. "The greater contrast between where I'm standing and the palace might make it easier to focus on the magic at said palace."

Zell snorted and swung his head to fix his inky eyes on me. I couldn't say if it was an encouraging look or not, but I wanted to think it was.

I slid from his back and readied myself for one more try. My theory made sense, I'd decided; I was confident I'd be able to pick out that great concentration of magic around Dravyn's palace. Then I only had to surrender to its pull.

Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.

I repeated the word as I stared at my reflection in the glass-like surface of the pond.

I watched the familiar-by-now flames flicker to life and start to wind around me.

I watched my mirrored self take a deep breath, then another, silently urging her to stay calm.

Zell took a few steps back, eying me carefully. He went completely still as the fire swallowed me up to my shoulders. Not the spooked stillness of a frightened animal, but the intelligent, stoic stance of a partner trying not to break my concentration.

I looked down at my boots. Imagined them gone. Blinked.

Still there.

But then a deep breath, another blink, and it was finally happening: I was disappearing, feathered flames whisking away from me and leaving nothing but air where they'd just been burning.

It had likely only been seconds, but time seemed to move in slow motion as I watched the process spreading up my legs, my waist, my chest.

Surrender. Surrender. Surrender.

"Don't panic," I ordered myself in a whisper.

My body—what was left of it—no longer felt like my own. Then it didn't feel at all. I was untethered, terrifyingly light and aimless. Panic rose, but with no body left to hold it in I found it easier to let go of it. I could imagine it scattering into the wind, frail and harmless and no longer my problem.

But I cannot scatter with it, I reminded myself—one of the lessons Mairu had been repeating all morning. I have to stay on the path I decided on.

There may have been no map to help visualize that path, but this time I tried to imagine one—even going so far as to lift my hands before me and pretend I was trailing my fingers between points on a piece of parchment.

I was so close now. I would not fail.

I would not .

As soon as I declared this to myself, I felt my body being pulled forward. All around me was darkness, but warmth kissed my face. Distant, teasing warmth—like the tiniest ray of sunlight penetrating a dark forest I'd been wandering in for ages. I imagined myself embracing it. Reaching up, parting the canopy of leaves, letting more light in.

I knew where this light was coming from. This warmth. I closed my eyes and pictured moving toward it—the palace.

When that didn't make me budge, I pictured something more specific: Dravyn descending upon that palace. Wings of fire flared wide, burning so brightly they blurred away all but the faintest outlines of everything around me.

The warmth became more intense, pulling me along, farther and faster.

Faster, faster, almost there, surely, I was almost there —

Something caught me, jerking me violently to a stop as if the pocket of my tunic had caught on a door handle.

I was no longer light and floating, yet I still felt suspended and fragile…less like a feather and more like a rock upon thin ice. Cracking, breaking, and then I was sinking through cold, such awful cold, faster and faster, until finally I hit the ground hard .

I knew instantly that I'd managed to bring my physical self with me this time—because pain blossomed from a half-dozen different parts of my body. I tasted blood on my lips, and I heard myself cry out, the sound echoing in air that was much more frigid than what I'd left behind.

I opened my eyes.

Darkness surrounded me.

Why was it so dark?

I lifted an aching, trembling hand and tried to summon a small flame. It sputtered to life in my dirt splattered palm, its glow illuminating a landscape of black, rocky soil dotted with a few scraggly white trees. Clearly not the same place I'd just been. Yet my flame continued to burn—so my magical soul was intact as well.

I hadn't splintered.

My whole self was here, when a breath ago, it had been somewhere else .

I'd done it.

A giddy, nervous laugh escaped me. I couldn't believe I'd actually done it .

My glee was short-lived, however, as I studied my surroundings more closely.

I still expected to see the familiar palace, even if it was far in the distance. Its stained-glass shining, its towers looming, maybe Dravyn standing on one of the many balconies, calling me home…

Instead, black ground stretched in every direction. A fine, shimmering mist rolled along the land, and to my distant right, there were jagged cliffs that plummeted down farther than I could see. The air smelled of rot and dust.

"This isn't right," I said—to no one. Zell was gone. The palace was nowhere in sight, and neither were Valas and Mairu.

In fact, this didn't seem to be Dravyn's territory, at all.

A chill breeze rose at my back, raising the flesh along my arms. I spun around and saw strange shadows tumbling toward me, rolling as if they were riding that wind…and all at once I realized where I was.

Because I'd been here before.

This was the Death God's territory, and judging by the glowing eyes that had just appeared in the shadows, I was not as alone as I'd thought.