Chapter 5

five

Ayla

I lied.

It’s a big lie.

I’m not on the pill. I turned beet red when the doctor brought it up at my last physical. My father was in the room, too, and he couldn’t even look at me for days afterward. At the mere mention of birth control. Now I’m going to the lake with Flynt and it’s understood that he’s going to…that we’re going to…

Basically, my virginity is as good as gone.

In lieu of fanning my face, I roll down the passenger side window and let the morning air attempt to cool my fevered skin. It doesn’t help. Flynt’s hand is under my skirt, massaging the top of my thigh. His expression is nothing short of wolfish and he can barely keep his eyes on the road. That heated gaze rakes over my breasts every few seconds, his breathing growing more and more labored, the zipper of his jeans straining.

I’m really doing this. Giving myself to Flynt.

Last night, I fully intended to remain mad at Flynt for the rest of my life. He could sit in my yard until the end of time looking like death warmed over and I wouldn’t cave. Not. A. Chance. Even if I was lying in bed sweating, tossing and turning thinking about how he touched me in chemistry class. Like he knew every single inch of me by heart.

No matter how hard I tried to replicate what he did to give myself release, nothing worked. It’s him. He’s part of the pleasure. A huge part. And there’s no denying it to myself, especially when I walked out of my house today and saw the roses. My mother’s car, restored. In that moment, I felt myself topple backwards into love.

I’ve been poised to fall for years, but it has finally happened.

I’m in love with Flynt.

Maybe I should give myself a day to think about what I’m really doing here. I’m potentially surrendering the future I have planned…for another one entirely. If I have unprotected sex with Flynt, there’s a very good chance I could get pregnant. And there’s something inside of me, something deep and dark and undiscovered…that loves that possibility. The thought of carrying this man’s baby stiffens my nipples into tight buds and makes me want to pet myself in between the legs.

When I imagine him thrusting inside of me until he spends, when I think of him leaving a part of himself inside of me, I get so breathlessly excited, I can’t sit still. I want it now.

What is happening to me?

I have to restrain myself from climbing into his lap at a red light and begging for him to release inside of me right now. Right now, Daddy.

Before we reach the lake, I should tell Flynt the truth. That I’m not on the pill. We could use a condom and I could visit the doctor tomorrow, actually get on the pill and do this right. It’s not fair to take the choice out of his hands. He’s only eighteen. Obviously, he doesn’t want a baby yet. What man his age does? He might have claimed he wants to marry me, but for all I know, he meant ten years in the future. When we’re the right age.

But we draw closer and closer to the lake and my mouth stays closed, keeping my lie locked deep inside. I don’t want him to hesitate. Or back out. Nor do I want a single thing between us. Something new and sordid inside of me has taken over and it feels good. For now, it feels so glorious, I couldn’t turn it off if I wanted to.

When we reach the lake, the sound of him pulling the parking brake is louder than a thunder crack. The sudden silence in the car means it’s impossible to ignore our heavy breathing, how it picks up speed the longer we sit there. In order to try and slow my zooming heart, I look out at the lake, inhaling and exhaling, but I’m barely seeing the still blue water or the sunshine reflecting off the surface.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a blanket in the trunk, would you?” he asks, the sheer depth of his voice causing my skin to prickle everywhere.

“Actually, I might,” I respond, trying to sound normal and not like my hormones are ziplining across my stomach. “I went to my cousin’s peewee football game a couple of months ago. It was early in the morning and I knew I’d get cold.”

He stares forward for a beat, his mouth twitching. “I like the image of you sitting on the bleachers wrapped in a blanket like a burrito.”

“I wouldn’t have needed a blanket if you were there,” I say breathlessly. “You’d have kept me warm.”

As soon as those words are out of my mouth, I want to die from embarrassment. I flush clear to my hairline, wishing I knew how to be cool for five seconds. Honestly, I sound like someone from a corny, old black and white movie.

“Ayla.”

I can’t look at him. “Yes?”

“Say more shit like that.” He reaches across the center of the car and cups my cheek, brushing his thumb along my bottom lip. “I mean it. Say that shit all the time. When there’s a thought in your head, just trust that I want to hear it.”

Warmth runs through my midsection, then erupts into a swarm of butterflies. “Okay.”

His thumb presses gently to the center of my lower lip, tugs it down and his gravelly growl fills the interior of the car. “What am I going to do about this mouth?” he murmurs.

Kiss it. Please.

“Say it out loud for me, Ayla.”

“Sorry,” I whisper, unlatching my seat belt. “Kiss it. Please.”

Flynt seems almost pained by my request. Like it’s too much. Too overwhelming. Long moments pass while he leans back, adjusting himself in his jeans. And then he pulls the lever on the driver’s side seat to put some extra distance between his big body and the steering wheel. Before I can prepare myself, he’s lifting me off the passenger seat and dropping me down onto his lap in a straddle position and…and…

Flynt’s head falls back and he moans loudly, his prominent jaw going slack.

I cry out. Wiggle closer, my movements desperate.

That first downward press of my sex on top of his erection is mind blowing. My panties rasp against the denim ridge as I shift my hips, testing the friction and immediately, I have to stop. It’s too good. From this position, gravity allows me to find so much pleasure. I tilt my hips and grind a little, my breath releasing in a hot rush when Flynt’s hands slide into my panties and take tight hold of my backside, rocking me as we pant against one another’s mouths.

“Is this how we’re going to…do it?” I ask, rubbing my cheek against his bristled jaw.

“Maybe.” He sips at my upper lip, his eyes glittering with something I recognize as obsession. And it doesn’t scare me like maybe it should. “But not until the second or third time. I want control the first time I’m between your legs. I’ve been waiting too long only to end up at the mercy of your hips.” He slides a finger beneath the strap of my tank top, easing it over the curve of my shoulder and down my arm until my left breast is exposed to the morning light.

His chest shudders violently.

“Your tits grew so much during the summer between freshman and sophomore year,” he murmurs, his finger circling my nipple until it’s pouty and distended. “I had to jerk off in the bathroom every day between first and second period.”

“Y-you did?”

“It drives me crazy that you’re surprised.” He yanks down the opposite strap with a lot less patience than the first time, biting down hard on his lip at the sight of both breasts at once. “You skip down the hallway without a bra, not a care in the world, these precious things bouncing around like you’re being fucked. And you wonder why you need a bodyguard.”

I’m half delirious already, staring at his mouth. Watching it move and listening to the gruff words coming out of it like I’m hypnotized. Maybe I am.

“Bras are uncomfortable.”

“Oh yeah? So is an erection in public.”

I giggle against his mouth. “Sorry.”

He lifts his hands and closes them around my breasts, his expression worshipful. “As soon as I feel that cherry burst…” He strums my nipples. “All will be forgiven.”

He’s so hard, so thick against my panties that I’m compelled to ride him, my hands coming to rest on the back of the driver’s seat, my hips slowly grinding up and back. The combination of the friction between my legs and the electrified tingles he’s creating by fondling my nipples is blanketing my vision in some kind of mist that makes this feel dreamlike. A fantasy. And that feeling makes me buck a little faster.

That’s when our mouths meet for the first time. In the midst of an already frantic situation. And so there is no buildup. We’re licking into one another’s mouths with hunger and intention, his knuckles clamping down around my nipples until I’m whimpering, moving my hips faster, our lips opening wider with every kiss. We’re nothing but carnal creatures, sustaining ourselves on the wet glide of tongues and the clashing of teeth.

“Fuck!” He gives an upthrust, pinning my bottom against the steering wheel. “I’ve been waiting forever to do that.”

“Kiss me?”

“Yes. Yes,” he says in between kisses of my face, throat and eyelids. “I’m broken at the end of every day from resisting you.”

“Don’t resist me anymore.”

“Oh, don’t worry.”

I’m lifted out of the car with my legs wrapped around his hips. Immediately I’m slammed up against the side of the vehicle, Flynt’s mouth hot on my neck, biting and licking and sucking at my sensitive skin while his hips ram up, up, up, jostling my legs until my shoes fall off. “I’m not going to be able to stop touching you long enough to get the blanket,” he rasps, leaning down to suck my nipple into his mouth, drawing on it lovingly. “I’m sorry, Ayla.”

“We’ll find some grass,” I say absently, more concerned with his magical mouth and how to keep it on me, giving me these great, sweeping waves of sensation. “Or in the lake…”

“Yeah.” Flynt’s voice is ragged as he stumbles back from the car, carrying me with him.

That’s when we both see it’s a good hundred yards to the lake.

“The lake is out,” I say, planting kisses all over his face.

“You read my mind.”

Up ahead is a cluster of trees with soft, green grass beneath and Flynt strides in that direction. When we’ve almost reached the shade, he takes hold of the waistband of my panties and rips them down the middle. And then he’s laying me down, looming above me with the very devil in his eyes, stripping off his T-shirt and showing me his bare chest for the first time.

It’s big and cut and rippling, just like his arms, a gold chain making a U shape beneath his collar bone and the sight of him makes me wetter. Makes me squirm.

He unzips his jeans with impatient fingers, his gaze zeroed in on the juncture of my thighs. “I’ve been a monk for four years, waiting for you. I’d have been a monk for a hundred fucking years, long as I knew my angel was waiting on the other side.” He comes down hard on top of me, before I can see the flesh he fists and tugs out of his pants. “But we’re both about to become dirty whores for each other, aren’t we? Whatever the opposite of holy is, that’s what we’re going to be. I’ve already got you ditching school to fuck by the lake, don’t I? Pussy wet, titties covered in suck marks.” He wraps a hand around my throat and squeezes. “Such a bad little girl.”

With the growling of those five words, all hell breaks loose inside of me.