14. Jaclyn

Chapter 14

Jaclyn

T he flight to Hawaii is terrible. A storm on the West Coast has created turbulence for an hour, and I keep my fingers interlaced with Alex's for most of it, easing my nerves. Thankfully, there hasn't been a single bump for almost two hours since, yet our hands remain joined. I need to use the restroom, but if I do, I'm worried I won't have an excuse to be close to him anymore. His simple, sweet gesture has kept me from spiraling.

I can't take it any longer and get up to shimmy past him. After using the bathroom, I sit back down, placing my hands in my lap and looking out the window. Seconds later, he waffles our fingers again, and my heart squeezes as his thumb swipes across mine. My hope is shattered when I glance over, and his eyes haven't moved from his ereader, expressionless. We're technically in public on this plane; it's all for show .

I should be grateful for the large divider between our seats—a literal reminder to keep my distance. Neither of us has spoken more than three words to each other since we left the office building. There are so many things I want to say.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

I wish things were different.

Why couldn't it be you and me instead?

I can't bring myself to tell him any of it.

The flight attendant approaches. "Mr. Blake, may I get you something to drink?"

"Yes," Alex replies and turns to me. "What would you like?"

Since the wedding, Alex has imprinted himself on my heart with simple little touches—this is one of them. It's such a small, polite act, but my heart stops at his words, making me stumble over mine. "Um… an Old Fashioned, with an extra cherry."

A genuine smile appears that reaches his eyes. And, damn, I miss that smile; I haven't seen it since before we visited Chris. "Make that two," he tells her, not looking away from me. When she moves on to the next passenger, he whispers, "And what is the special occasion, princess? "

"I'm on my honeymoon with my husband. Isn't that a big enough reason to celebrate?" I tease, biting back my grin. Unfortunately, his falls. "What's wrong?"

"It's going to be a long two weeks," he sighs, squeezing my hand and releasing it. When he returns to reading, I let out a defeated huff and put my earbuds in to listen to a memoir I started earlier.

While I didn't allow Chris to go into detail about the accident, I've been suspicious about Cara for the past six months. No matter how unfaithful he's been in the years we've been together, it doesn't give me a free pass to flirt with Alex. I have no right to hold his hand, and I especially have no right to imagine his face between my legs like he suggested yesterday.

Why do I want it? Why do I want him?

The flight attendant drops off our drinks, and we both thank her—yet another reminder of how Alex is nothing like Chris. While Chris expects to be serviced, Alex is appreciative. My mind wanders, wondering if that's true in all facets of their lives. Attending prestigious schools and being elected to the Senate are likely the only things they have in common.

Entertaining the idea would only lead to trouble, but my thighs clench anyway. There's an ache in my core that's never been there with Chris. I've never had the desire to have Chris touch me or to touch him. The way Alex has treated me in a single day, I find myself wanting to be on my knees for him.

A small whimper escapes me, loud enough for Alex to hear. "Are you okay?" he asks knowingly. My eyes widen, and he smirks. "What are you listening to?"

He tucks my hair behind my ear, and I swallow thickly as he traces the shell of it, taking out my earbud and putting it in his own. After listening for a minute, a wide grin splits his face.

Alex's cheek brushing mine, he whispers darkly beside my ear, "Political autobiographies get you wet, Jaclyn?" His voice is silk, sending shivers down my limbs and lighting me up inside.

"I'm not," I insist, though the fib is heavy on my tongue.

"You know, you shouldn't lie to your husband," he taunts. Alex looks around to make sure no one is listening, then groans, "Why do I want to slide my hand under your dress to find out for myself?"

My breath catches, my voice shaky as inside thoughts slip past my lips. "You should."

Alex's eyes darken, and his jaw tightens. He presses a sweet kiss to my cheek and sighs, "Fuck, I'm sorry, shouldn't have joked about that. You have no idea how much I want to, but… you're not mine." He hands me the earbud and sits back as pain mars his features. When he brings the Old Fashioned to his lips, he doesn't drink. Instead, he sets it back down. "That's not something I want to celebrate. "

The lines have blurred so much between us since we began the charade. It's gone beyond flirting into unfamiliar territory. Chris cheated for years, and I'm confident his accident was because he wasn't able to keep his cock in his pants. And he killed Cara. It isn't sitting right with me.

Snapped?

Someone's neck doesn't break from an airbag deploying.

Unless…

"Her head was in his lap," I mutter to myself. Unable to help myself, I ask Alex, "Did you know about her?" He gives a look of warning. Anyone could be listening in, but I still repeat, "Did you know?"

"Yes," he replies simply. The admission hurts more than Chris' indiscretions and omissions. Chris had another woman's mouth around his cock on our wedding day…

Am I really that unlovable? That undesirable?

"Sn—" Alex presses two fingers to my lips. Why is my instinct to run my tongue along them, maybe pull them into my mouth to tease him?

"My father and the person I hired definitely have a twisted sense of humor by making that the code word."

I quickly pull back before I do something to further embarrass myself. "Why would you let me go through with it? Why not insist we cancel, like you originally suggested? "

"You deserve a happily ever after."

I shake my head, chewing on my lip. Being married to Chris would boost his political career, setting him up for a presidential run. He doesn't love me, and after he killed a woman, I'm certain I'll never love him. After the past forty-eight hours, I have no right to be upset. I'm as guilty as Chris is, even if I haven't physically acted on my attraction to Alex. How is that a happily ever after? If Chris hadn't survived that crash, maybe I would have had a chance at a fairytale ending. Instead, I'm married to one man while I'm craving another.

"What about your happily ever after?" I take a sip of my drink, the whiskey burning my tongue.

"Not everyone gets one in this story, princess."

" Good evening, this is your captain speaking. We will be landing in Honolulu in thirty minutes. It'll be a warm few days, still in the high eighties when we land. There isn't a cloud in the sky, so we should have a smooth touchdown. Your flight attendants will be coming around to collect any trash or unfinished beverages shortly. Welcome to Hawaii ."

"Shoot, I was supposed to approve the final seating chart for the gala." I reach for my laptop, but he places his hand on mine. "It was due yesterday."

"It's okay, you can send it when we get to the airport or the resort. "

Alex finishes his drink in three gulps, setting it down carefully, without the clang I'm accustomed to when Chris finishes hard liquor. I do the same, tossing it back, and my throat stings, making me cough.

"Easy there. You didn't need to finish it," Alex chuckles.

"Yes, I did. Need the liquid courage."

He frowns. "For what?"

"Tonight."