10. Alex

Chapter 10

Alex

I n our stand-off, Jaclyn's chest rises and falls, her shaky, deep breaths blowing on my neck and chest. With my hand resting on her hip, I don't dare pull back. If I do, I know damn well the moment I see the slightest glimmer in those sapphire eyes, I'll do something both of us will regret.

It's a dangerous game I'm playing. One where we all lose.

With a delicate touch, her hands slide up my chest, and I fully expect her to push me away. And I'd deserve it. Bracing myself for a shove that never comes, I'm caught off-guard when her palms remain planted on me as she whispers, "I spoke sacred vows in front of family, friends, and God."

Growing up in a very religious family, I'm faced with the same dilemma. I promised myself to her. Standing at the altar with her felt wrong; I wanted to be up there with her as Alex, not as Chris. I can only imagine how she's struggling with this, too. After years of stuffing down my feelings, the moment I saw her in all-white and how her eyes lit up as she saw me, all logic was thrown out the fucking window.

I never should've suggested this charade.

"I know. I'm sorry. You're my brother's wife," I concede with a sigh.

We can't do this, shouldn't do this. Even if they weren't married, it's wrong to want her.

But, fuck , do I crave her.

" Because you're still in love with her, and you swore you'd love and protect her for the rest of your life in front of God ," a little voice inside me taunts. " Stop fighting your feelings for her. "

Jaclyn turns her face enough that if I did the same, I could claim her soft lips as mine. "It's just one night, you can stay in the same bed as me," she commands, though her voice is unsteady.

I ball the fabric of her dress in my fist and pull her body flush with mine, my hard cock desperate to escape the confines of my boxer briefs. She moans a quiet whimper, forcing a growl to get stuck in my throat. " That . That is why I shouldn't sleep in the same bed as you." Taking a step back, I add, "You love another man," and busy myself moving items in the suitcase, keeping my gaze anywhere except on her .

"I never said I love him." There's an edge to her words, but they feel honest.

"That may be true, but you'll hate yourself if I touch you, even if Chris cheated on you."

Shit, I shouldn't have let that slip. I shut my eyes tight, hoping she'll pretend I didn't say it.

"Everyone fucks around in Washington, especially Chris," she blurts, hands flying to her mouth. Her admission does little to remedy the hypocrisy of what we're doing. "I'm sorry, I?—"

"How do you know he cheated?" Anger dances in my veins.

"He's been cheating for years." Jaclyn crosses her arms over her torso, rubbing her tricep as pain seeps into her expression.

I consider my options, and there's no use in lying to her. I could claim I didn't know, but I refuse to be like my brother. I'm sure he loves her—in his own way.

No, he doesn't.

"Why did you want to marry him if you knew he was cheating?"

Jaclyn's shoulders sag as she takes a deep breath. "There aren't a lot of honest men or women here. Greed, corruption… It wouldn't matter who I married, eventually my husband would cheat. "

"My brother is a fucking idiot. You don't deserve that. I would never… I mean, your husband shouldn't cheat on you."

Her eyes soften, and a small smile threatens to appear at my admission. "I know you wouldn't. We may no longer be friends, but I don't take you as the kind of man to carry on an affair for years," she chuckles softly. "Or agree to what is essentially an arranged marriage."

All I want to do is take her in my arms and beg her not to file the papers. It's selfish, and would likely destroy plans set in motion by people with significantly more political influence than I have, but I've never wanted anything or anyone as much as I want Jaclyn right now.

I need to reel this in, or both of us will get hurt.

"You and I are not so different. You take your wedding vows seriously. I do, too. It's why we can't do"—I gesture between us—"whatever this is."

Her eyes narrow. "Neither one of us has done anything wrong. Especially you." Pausing to mull over her thoughts, she surprises me, asking, "Why haven't you ever married? You've been seen with dozens of women over the years."

"Dozens?" I laugh. "Don't believe what you read, princess. I've yet to find anyone who challenges me." Since you. "Or anyone who makes me want to be the best version of myself. You know the Washington game of smoke and mirrors; it's easier to pretend to be something you're not. I let everyone see what they want to see. Having a date on my arm doesn't make me a playboy, as your father insinuated. I never go home with them."

"You went home with me," she jests.

"Well, princess, no matter how much I love the idea of spending the night with my face between your legs, you'd hate me in the morning. I can handle you hating what I stand for, but in no world would I want you to hate me ." I rub the back of my neck, regretting sharing that with her. There's something about Jaclyn that makes me spill all of my secrets.

"You want to…" She shakes her head. "Men don't enjoy that."

" That's what you're focused on?" I laugh. "Jaclyn, if a man isn't making you come all over his face before he sinks himself inside you, he's doing it wrong."

She bites her plump lip, and my resolve is teetering. "We shouldn't be talking about this." The hint of flirtation in her tone is almost my undoing. "Why won't you tell me about the accident?"

I huff a small laugh, grateful for the change in the subject, and take a seat at the edge of the bed. "It's not my secret to share. Tomorrow, tell Chris I've told you ‘everything.' And then… you wait. If there's an indiscretion to be shared, he'll share it. Go take a shower. Let's pretend that I didn't offer to tongue fuck you while in my underwear? And in the morning, you'll begin your life as Mrs. Blake."

Unfortunately, not my Mrs. Blake .

She takes a deep breath. "This is a nightmare."

"That's putting it lightly, princess."

T he morning sun shines through the blinds, waking me before my alarm goes off, and… Jaclyn's snuggled up next to me?

When I got out of the shower last night, she was already fast asleep. I didn't want to wake her, and I sure as hell wasn't going to share a bed with her, so I opted to sleep on top of the scratchy comforter on the other bed.

So, how did she end up in my bed, with her head on my chest and her arm draped over my body?

"What time is it?" she asks sleepily.

I brush her hair off her shoulder and tuck a few rogue strands behind her ear. My fingers linger a moment longer than they should, and I drop my hand, landing on the soft, silky skin of her arm. I shouldn't enjoy touching her as much as I do. Yet, here I am, loving every second of having her this close. "The alarm is set to go off in twenty minutes if you want to go back to bed. But why are you in mine?"

"Why am I…?" Her eyes fly open. "Oh, shit! Alex! I'm so sorry." She pulls away and scrambles to cover herself, despite her wearing a tank top. "Why are you in my bed? "

I point to the bed to our right. " That is your bed."

"The housekeepers," she squeaks.

"...won't care. If it eases your mind, we can make a mess in here before we leave, so it appears that I took you in every possible position and on every surface. No one will be any the wiser."

"Are you sure?" Her face visibility relaxes, and I can't help admiring that she's even more beautiful with no makeup on.

Fuck, I need to get out of here.

"Come on." Sliding off the bed, my feet hit the worn, rough carpet. "If we hurry, we'll have time for breakfast."

Opening Chris' suitcase, I didn't think much of it's contents while rummaging last night. It's mostly casual clothes—including cargo shorts. Never in my life have I seen him wear anything but slacks.

"There are a lot of clothes in here for an overnight bag," I mutter, taking out a polo and dark gray slacks. They'll be a bit tight, since I have thicker thighs and broader shoulders than he does, but it'll work in a pinch.

"It's not an overnight bag," she replies, opening her own suitcase. "It's for our honeymoon."

I glance over and frown. "Honeymoon?"

"Yes, you know, when two people get married and take a vacation… "

"Very funny, princess. Why do we have your honeymoon luggage?"

She briefly draws her lips into her mouth. "Our flight is tonight."

"Tonight?" I huff a laugh, shaking my head. "You need to talk to Chris and postpone it."

Jaclyn hums thoughtfully. "Chris… Right…"

"You didn't think I was going with you, did you?"

"The thought crossed my mind, yes," she muses.

This can't be happening. I look to the ceiling and groan, "I'm in hell."

"I get it." Jaclyn shuts her suitcase forcefully. "I'm sorry if you don't want to spend two weeks with me. But I'm not calling the shots here; I didn't ask for this, either."

"Is that what you think?" She's busying herself with the clothes she pulled to wear for the day. When she doesn't look at me, I quickly put on the too-tight slacks and close the distance between us. "Come here." I open my arms wide, and with slight hesitation, she steps into my embrace. "I enjoy spending time with you. That's not the issue… You're the kind of woman a man could easily fall for… and you're married. This isn't easy for me."

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this. Nothing is going to plan," she sighs, her voice is wavering and holding back tears. I instinctively rub my hand up and down her back to console her. "You want to know something embarrassing?"

"Is it more embarrassing than the fact that I can't fit in these pants?"

She laughs and rests her chin on my chest, looking up at me. "I had a crush on you in college."

"A crush? What are we, thirteen?" I tease.

"You know what I mean! I liked you."

"We were just friends," I deadpan, rolling my eyes, but my heart squeezes at the thought. As old emotions come bubbling to the surface, I tamp them down just as quickly. "Nice try, princess."

"I'm serious. When word got around that you were supporting causes that didn't align with the party, I was ever so gently told it would never work."

"So, you married my brother instead?" I deadpan, cocking my eyebrow.

Shutting her eyes tight, Jaclyn hides her face in my chest, her voice is muffled when she admits with a wince, "Yeah…"

"Why him? You said it yourself, you could've been with anyone in Washington." It's a risk asking, but curiosity gets the best of me. "Why Chris?"

"Would you like the real or the canned answer?" I don't respond, though I'm no longer sure I want either. "I had to settle for second best. "

I huff a small laugh, kissing the top of her head, and that damn hum of hers is back as I whisper into her hair, "You're full of shit, but I'm flattered." We stand there for a moment, neither of us moving, while I selfishly pretend the world around us doesn't exist and she could be mine. It's only a matter of time before Jaclyn will be out of my life and back in his arms, and the thought twists my heart. I take a deep breath and will away the fantasy. "All right, let's get dressed, mess the room up a bit, and grab some breakfast."