18. Arlo

CHAPTER 18

Arlo

It's bonkers how everything can be exactly the same when everything has also completely changed.

It's still the same house I grew up in. I've known these corridors my whole life. Yet right now, they feel alien, even though I could walk through them with my eyes closed.

I blame the jet lag for the fact that it takes far too long to realize it's me who's managed to come back from Indonesia as a completely different person.

It's not surprising that there's no one around to greet me after I've been away for almost two weeks, but that's okay. I don't really feel the need to talk to anyone just yet. I slept for most of the flight, but I still feel horribly groggy and disoriented, so as soon as I make it to my room, I hop into my shower, making it good and hot.

I dress in fresh clothes more appropriate for the English climate. It's true that we get incredibly hot days with high humidity, which can be unbearable without air conditioning. Most homes don't have that, especially not historical estates like here. But today it's gloomy and breezy, meaning I put jeans on for the first time in a couple of weeks.

I almost walk out of my room, leaving my opened cases a mess on my bed and my floor. But then I think of Thomas. He'd want me to tidy up after myself.

It's difficult to swallow around the lump that rises in my throat. I'm trying so desperately not to think about the Daddy I left behind. He probably hasn't even landed back in New York yet, but I deliberately haven't checked. If I do, I'll go down a rabbit hole, obsessing about where he is in the world.

How can it be that when I was last in this room, I wasn't even aware he existed? Now it feels like my heart has been cleaved in two, and the missing half is beating somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean right now.

Refusing to cry despite being exhausted and wrung out, I grab the nearest pair of socks and lob them into the drawer where they belong.

"Good boy," I imagine Thomas saying.

Smiling to myself, I gradually unpack every single possession and find new homes for the few items I let him buy me when we were out there. The last thing I take out of my pocket is the magnet of the Hindu temple that Thomas bought me at the airport. I briefly clasp it to my chest and close my eyes, picturing the way Thomas kissed me in front of everyone as the waves crashed all around us.

Then I take a deep breath, open my eyes, and slide the magnet under my pillow to keep it safe.

Eventually, I find my mother in her study. I didn't expect her to make a fuss that I'd returned, but there's still a tiny part of me that was hoping for a miracle. Other people's parents care when their children leave the country, I'm sure. I should probably just be grateful that she didn't care where I was so I was able to escape to Asia for as long as I did.

"Oh, there you are," she says with raised eyebrows and a clipped tone. "I was wondering where you'd gotten to. How was the conference?"

I keep my smile fixed in place, even as I draw a complete blank as to what I'd lied about the imaginary conference being for. "Fine," I say cheerily. Chances are that she won't be interested in any real details anyway.

Sure enough, she segues a different topic. "Meet anyone interesting?"

She laces her fingers together and peers at me over her black-framed glasses. I think they look too harsh with her ash-blonde bobbed haircut, but that's probably why she likes them so much.

I shrug noncommittally. "A couple of people," I say in response to her question, thinking of Kirana, Jolly, and of course Thomas. "No one you know," I add, anticipating her follow-up question.

As predicted, that makes her interest vanish. If they were worth knowing, she'd already be acquainted, after all.

"It's good you're back," she says, changing the subject once more as she rises to her feet. "Your father and I have been discussing your role in the company. It's high time you became more involved, so you'll be starting your new position in two weeks' time, ready for the start of next quarter."

I blink a couple of times. "Uh…okay. But I already have a job?—"

She waves her hand dismissively and strides past me into the corridor. I know better than to do anything other than follow her. "That little online thing? Oh, your father sorted all that out."

"Meaning?" I ask, trying not to sound as irritated as I feel. Good lord. I've only been back on English soil for a couple of hours.

"Meaning they were more than happy to let you go with immediate effect," she says, and my stomach drops. "Honestly, I'm not sure why you were even messing around there in the first place when you had a perfectly respectable position waiting for you with us on a much bigger salary."

My jaw drops open. "You got me fired?"

She titters a laugh. "Oh, you silly goose. As if it was a real job in the first place. Come on now, Arlington. You're a grown man. It's time to start acting like it."

By jumping through every hoop my mummy makes me? I think savagely. I don't risk angering her when I've only just returned home, so I grit my teeth for a second and dig my fingernails into my palms.

"Right," I say eventually, although she is already walking into the kitchen with purpose. Apparently, my response wasn't a requirement.

"You're free next Saturday, aren't you?" she says as she opens the fridge and retrieves a bottle of mineral water with a stick of cucumber in it. Just looking at it makes my mouth feel slimy.

"Uh, I guess?" I should check my calendar, but the truth is that now my holiday is over, I know how painfully open my schedule is.

She unscrews the top of the water bottle and takes a long gulp, her neck like a heron's eating whole, live fish. After daintily licking her lips, she smiles at me, although it doesn't meet her eyes.

"Wonderful. We're hosting the Madgwick charity gala this year. You'll need a new suit, obviously."

"I have lots of suits, Mummy," I say. She ignores me, naturally. Heaven forefend I don't show up to somewhere in a brand new custom-made three-piece suit that looks exactly the same as the dozen others I have in my wardrobe.

"Maryanne Sibson will be there," Mummy says, locking eyes with me and flicking a brow as if daring me to defy her. "I expect you to pay her the attention she deserves."

I dig my nails into my palms again. The attention she deserves from me is none. That girl is an insufferable snob. Racist, homophobic, allergic to poor people. If Mummy thinks…

Oh. Oh no. What does Mummy think?

"Why should I spend any time with Miss Sibson?" I ask, dread already pooling in my guts.

Mummy huffs like I'm being difficult on purpose. "She is a beautiful girl from a respectable family with many interesting hobbies as well as an already promising career as a paralegal. Why wouldn't you want to spend an evening in her company?"

I clench my jaw, knowing full well that she's not just angling for a single evening.

She's got wedding bells ringing in her ears.

"Of course," I say stiffly with a smile that probably doesn't fool her but lets her know she's won this round for now. It's her and Pa's house, after all. Her rules are absolute.

But she can't actually make me spend the whole evening with that awful girl, nor can she make me marry her. Not really.

Right?

Before Bali, I would have said that I wouldn't be able to survive without my parents. It's not just that I'm financially dependent on them, but I'm also clueless as to how the real world works.

Except spending over a week with Thomas has taught me so much. Yes, I know I'm still sheltered. But I also know that something terrible can happen and I can survive. That life will go on, even if disaster strikes. That I have my own opinions when I'm given the room to breathe.

It doesn't mean I'm not afraid of what power they do still have over me…or should I say…the power I let them have over me. I want to believe I'd have the strength to fight them on something as ludicrous as them bullying me into marrying a woman. Especially someone as terrible as Maryanne Sibson. But I'm not sure.

I need backup. Of course the person I really want to speak to is Thomas, but even if he's not still up in the air, I'm not sure if I should be messaging him or not.

I know who else also always has my back, however.

When Mummy loses interest in me, I exit the kitchen as quickly as possible before she can change her mind, my phone already in hand.

ARLO: She's trying to marry me off. Genuinely, this time.

I watch my screen, waiting to see if my cousin is around. The ticks go blue, and the dots start to bounce, so I smile in relief.

GINNY: You always say that.

GINNY: Welcome home BTW. How was the debauchery?

I roll my eyes as I wander into the conservatory, finding my favorite armchair underneath the branches of a large potted tree. It's not the same as the beach in Bali, but it's nice all the same.

ARLO: This feels like she means it this time. She's setting me up with Maryanne Sibson.

I've barely pressed send before my screen lights up with her incoming video call. I wonder if I should go and lock myself in my room rather than risk being overheard. But I'm too tired to move from the jet lag and definitely too tired of having to hide who I really am all the time.

I hit the green answer icon.

"Maryanne fucking Sibson?" Ginny hisses, looking alarmed.

It's nice to see her pale face with her choppy black hair, purple lipstick, and silver nose ring. Gosh, my parents really do hate everything about her, which is why she's so brilliant.

"She's a trollop and a bore," Ginny continues to rant. "I'm not entirely sure how one manages to do that, but Maryanne Sibson does. If you're going to sleep with half of Eton, at least be fabulous with it."

I giggle at how mad my cousin is on my behalf. "I know, she's awful," I assure her, pressing my finger to my lips to tell her to keep it down. "I'd never marry her in a million years. But I think it shows that Mummy is upping her game."

Ginny frowns. "How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to entertain any of her nonsense? You're a grown man."

"No, I'm really not," I grumble.

Ginny's eyes light up. "Forget about Maryanne fucking Sibson. I want to hear all your real gossip. How was the holiday?"

I take another look around to make sure I'm still alone. A light rain has started to fall, and the gentle drumming on the conservatory is soothing. Which is good because I immediately feel like I want to cry.

"Oh, Ginny," I whisper, trying to hold back tears, which is difficult with jet lag kicking my arse.

Her eyes go wide in alarm. "What? What is it? What happened? Do you need me to come over?"

I shake my head and manage a weak laugh. "I mean, you're always welcome to come over. Mummy got me fired, so I'm unemployed and have plenty of free time now apparently, but that's a different story."

"Yes, yes, it is," she rasps, scowling at me. "Did someone hurt you at the retreat? I'll kill them."

I laugh again and wipe away the couple of tears that escape down my cheeks. "No, just the opposite. Well, I did get pickpocketed, and there was the whole deal with the consulate, but?—"

"Stop with the side quests, Arlington, or I'm going to reach through this phone and strangle you."

"I think I'm in love," I blurt out.

I'm not sure who's more surprised. Me or her.

"Oh, wow," I say with a sniff, feeling giddy. "Yeah. I think I fell in love, and I didn't even get the chance to tell him."

She shakes both her head and her phone. "Back up. From the start, please. Tell me what his name is, and take it from there."

I rub my face, cleaning myself up a bit as I take a deep breath. "His name is Thomas," I say softly.

My heart is heavy, but I can't help but smile as I tell her all about how my Daddy and I kept accidentally running into each other until we gave in to destiny and decided to spend all our time together. How we were brave and opened our hearts to each other. How leaving him and Jolly behind nearly shattered me into a million pieces.

"And?" Ginny asks once I finish.

"And what?" I repeat, confused. "And then I went to Mummy's office, and she informed me of her plans to marry me off for the price of some magic beans."

She gives me a dangerous scowl that makes me squirm even through the camera.

"And what happens with Daddy Thomas next?" she hisses.

I blink, my heart sinking. "And he's probably landed back in New York by now, I guess."

For a second, I wonder if the call has frozen. But then she scowls even harder at me. "You know that flying contraption you just got off? It's called a plane. They have ones just like it that fly between England and America. They've been doing it for a few years now."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "I know that," I say defensively. "But honestly, I don't know what good visiting will do. Ultimately, he'll still live there, and I'll still live here. Mummy and Pa have expectations of me."

"Like Maryanne fucking Sibson?" Ginny drawls. "Arlo, when are you going to understand that your parents can boss you around all they like? They can have all the expectations of you they want. They can't stop you from being who you are or living your life or getting on a plane to New York. If they did, that would be kidnapping, and the police would have a few things to say about it."

I give her a weak chuckle. Normally, this kind of talk from her would bounce off me. I've been the company and family heir my entire life. I have responsibilities. I can't remember a time that wasn't drilled into me.

But now…now it feels like maybe twenty percent of what she's saying might be sinking in. Perhaps even thirty.

"They'd be furious if I disobeyed them," I say quietly.

She raises her eyebrows. "And would you really care?"

I open my mouth. Nothing comes out.

"Exactly," she gloats.

"I don't want to be a bad person," I counter.

"You're not," she says hotly. "I just watched you crying over a stray cat you spent ten days feeding, for fuck's sake. You're kind and generous, hun." Her words echo Thomas's, and I can't help but smile a little.

"Thank you."

She sighs. "I'm going to be blunt. Are you ready?" I nod. "Your parents don't respect you, so why should you respect them?"

I chew my lip. That's so harsh but…I guess it's true. I stopped trying to impress my parents back in school when I realized that nothing I did was ever good enough. Yet I still jump through every hoop they hold up for me, still desperately hoping for a pat on the head or a ‘good chap' compliment.

Am I really willing to burn my whole life down and be miserable for the sake of them keeping up appearances when it still will never, ever be enough?

"I hear you, I promise," I tell Ginny. "I just might need some time to think about everything."

She hums. "Just don't take too long. Otherwise, they might whisk you down the aisle when you're not looking."

I shudder. I think I'd rather fake my death than marry that girl. Whenever I'd pictured that scenario, I'd always at least hoped for someone nice I could respect as a partner.

Ah. There's that word again. Respect.

Ginny's right. My parents don't see me as my own person with his own hopes and dreams. They see someone they want to mold into their own little pawn to do their bidding. All they want is an alpha male CEO even if they have to fake it.

I know that's not me. I always have. But for the first time ever I'm starting to wonder if perhaps I can put my foot down and say ‘no.'

"Hey, gorge, my phone is dying so I better go," Ginny says. "But I do expect you to think this over seriously. And text your bloody Daddy right now, okay?"

I blush, but I nod at her. "Love you, disaster gay," I say softly.

"Love you more, disaster gay." She blows me a kiss, then ends the call.

I take a deep breath. It's still raining outside, the pitter-patter on the glass louder in my ears now that Ginny's gone. I imagine Jolly winding between my legs, cross with me because I won't let him outside in this weather. Another couple of tears fall, but I sniffle and wipe them away. He's happier in the sunshine, I'm sure. Except Bali gets a rainy season like most of Asia, so…

So nothing. He'll be fine. He's got Kirana, and he'll probably make a new human friend soon enough. That thought makes me irrationally jealous, but I have to shake it off and let it go.

I realize that my own phone is on fumes, but before I get up to plug it in, I open up my chat thread with Thomas. I don't know why I'm afraid to text him, but the idea of not hearing from him again is scarier. So I just tap out a simple message to him.

ARLO: I made it home safe. Slept most of the way. I hope you made it back okay. My bags are already unpacked.

I add some emojis to show how cute I think I am and hit send before I can overthink it. Then I get up and go to my room. Seeing as I don't have a job anymore, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time. But at least I can hopefully keep out of my parents' way for a while and get some space alone with my thoughts.

Once my phone is charging, I can't stop myself from lying on my bed even though I know I'll probably fall asleep and ruin my body clock. But I don't really see a reason not to right now. I fish the magnet out from under my pillow and hug it to my chest as my eyes flutter closed.

Then my phone chimes, and I almost fall off the bed to snatch it up.

It's only two words, but it feels like a whole sonnet to me.

THOMAS: Good boy.

Tears leak from my eyes again, but I don't try and stop them.

Yep. I think I'm head over heels in love, actually.

Now…what the hell am I going to do about it?