Chapter Ten

MIST COATED THE VAN'S windshield, splintering the headlights aimed in their direction with each passing car. Katrina sat in the passenger seat, wrapped in a blanket, and prayed Mama Sue would be okay when they arrived at the hospital.

She should've been there with her, maybe she could've helped or recognized that she was having a heart attack. Jagger's mom had always been there for her when she needed her most.

Guilt filled her. Instead, she was foolishly chasing Jagger.

Mama Sue was the one constant person in her life. A strong woman who hadn't abandoned or forgotten about her. Her dad had committed a crime with no thought that he'd had a daughter to raise, leaving her behind. Jagger chose life with Havlin over a life with her.

Tears pooled, threatening to spill. She inhaled deeply, refusing to let herself lose hope. Mama Sue had to live. If anyone could survive a heart attack, it would be her.

She had the strength of a saint.

Glancing at Jagger, her heart ached. She couldn't forget that despite loving Mama Sue with all her being, Jagger was her real son, and he was worried about his mom.

The vein near his temple pulsed in the glow from the dashboard. She swallowed the lump of emotions threatening to drown her. How had they wandered so far from each other?

She wanted to be there for him, but he'd pushed her away. Even now, he closed himself off—the indestructible president of Havlin. Strong and solid for everyone. But who would take care of him?

His men stood behind him. They protected his back.

Jagger needed someone to stand beside him and hold his hand. The others would never see how news of his mother's heart attack had affected him. He wouldn't allow others to see the fear of losing his mom.

The rest of the trip dragged on. The sun rose in the east as they pulled into the hospital parking lot. Shedding the blanket, she slipped on her shoes and followed Jagger out of the van.

His long strides headed straight to the front door of the white building. She jogged to keep up with him.

When he slowed down to inquire at the front desk where he could find his mom, Katrina grabbed his hand. He squeezed hard enough to make her wince, but she refused to let go.

A whistle pierced the quiet morning inside the hospital. Katrina raised her head and found Brady, a Havlin member, motioning them through. She tugged Jagger's arm and stepped away from the desk.

They both jogged down the corridor. Her emotions made it impossible to breathe deeply enough, and she held on to Jagger as she swayed.

Brady motioned for them to go through the door. As they entered, Hatchet stepped away from the nurse's station.

Sadness gazed back at them through a stoic expression. The slight shake of Hatchet's head destroyed all hope. A scream of anguish caught in her throat. She covered her mouth, looking at Jagger.

He dropped her hand and stepped back. She reached for him, but he turned away in anguish.

Brady jumped in, wrapping both arms around Jagger as he swung wildly, fighting the loss of his mother. Hatchet jumped into the fray. Together, the two men struggled to contain Jagger as he fought the truth.

Katrina fell to her knees, hugging her middle, as the devastating loss hit home.

Mama Sue was gone.

Never again would she feel her gentle hand stroke her face or her quick laugh fill the room. The woman who'd rocked her to sleep, chased away her nightmares, and helped her shop for her school clothes every year was gone.

Her heart shattered. Pain radiated through her upper body. Grief made a permanent scar on her. She would never be the same. She would never have another mother figure who loved her like Mama Sue.

She wanted one more hour. One more minute to touch Mama Sue's face. To hold her hand and memorize the softness of her touch.

Big hands encircled her upper arms, lifting her to her feet. She raised her head and, through blurry vision, found her dad. She buried her head in his broad chest, letting him hold her.

Ruger's hand palmed the back of her head. From the safety of her father's arms, she watched Jagger struggle with the pain of losing his last parent all alone.

She cried for him.

And, she cried for herself.

"Get the fuck off me." Jagger broke free of the men.

Wild and disheveled, Jagger had black circles under his eyes from the worry and lack of sleep as he drove home. He could've gotten here in half the time on his motorcycle, but he'd brought her, hoping they'd get here in time.

They were too late.

"Take a minute, brother." Hatchet patted Jagger's chest.

"I need to see her."

His raw, hoarse voice broke Katrina. She stepped out of her dad's arms and reached him before anyone could stop her.

"Let me go with you," she whispered. "Please."

She had a million things to tell Mama Sue, but nothing more important than wanting to be with Jagger as he said goodbye to his mom.

He raised his head and looked over her head. She glanced over her shoulder and met her dad's gaze, begging him not to start a fight with Jagger. Tonight was not the night.

Her dad dipped his chin.

She grabbed Jagger's hand. For several minutes, people talked all around them. She followed Jagger back and forth as he paced, never letting go of his hand. Everything blurred around her. She couldn't put two thoughts together to make sense of what was happening or why they had to wait for a doctor's approval.

Mama Sue belonged to them. She wasn't some patient.

Jagger moved, leading her down the hallway. A nurse opened a door on the left and stepped out of their way.

"Take your time. There's no rush," said the nurse softly.

The smell of oranges nauseated her. On the few occasions she'd visited a hospital, they always used a citrusy scent to cover the smell of formaldehyde and sickness. Death. Her stomach rolled, and she groaned.

Jagger stopped, turning her around. "You don't have to stay."

She held on to his hand and shook her head. "I want to be with you."

He inhaled deeply as if the job ahead was too much for him to handle, and then he strode forward and walked around the edge of the white curtain to the foot of the bed. A white sheet had been draped over Mama Sue.

Katrina's heart raced. Blackness floated around the edges of her vision. She forced herself to breathe the citrusy air.

Jagger moved along the bed and stopped, putting his hand over the sheet covering Mama Sue. He fisted his hand and then slowly unfurled his fingers and laid his palm on her chest, over her heart.

His chin dropped to his chest, and he closed his eyes. She let go of his hand and put her arms around his waist, pressing against his body. Inside, she trembled. She could pretend that it wasn't Mama Sue under the sheet. It was some stranger. Some older person who had no family. Maybe a John Doe. Someone nobody would miss.

Not Mama Sue.

"I should've been here," he whispered.

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the guilt. She would've been here if she hadn't gone to Seaglass Cove. Mama Sue wouldn't have been alone.

"Forgive me, Mama." He leaned down and laid his cheek against her chest.

It wasn't Jagger's fault. Mama Sue was eighty years old and had heart problems. She made no secret about her life and always talked about the day she'd join Baller wherever old bikers go up in the sky. Then, she'd laugh at what a big party they'd have with bottles of whiskey, loud music, and all their friends who had gone before them.

"She was proud of you," she whispered. "She always talked about how you were walking in your father's footsteps."

He straightened, bringing her around to the front of him and wrapping his arms around her. His chest shuddered underneath her cheek, and he kissed the top of her head.

Eventually, he sniffed and inhaled deeper. "Are you okay?"

It took everything in her to hold it together. She wasn't okay. Life could never go back and be safe, like when Mama Sue was alive and taking care of her.

Instead of lying, she held him tighter.

He exhaled loudly. "I need to take care of her."

She nodded against him.

"You should go with your dad—"

"No." She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. "I want to stay with you in the van."

"Katrina." He shook his head.

"Come to me." She looked behind her. "When you can, I'll be there."

He kissed her hard, taking what he needed from her. She gladly gave her support.

"I'll park the van at the mother chapter while we care for my mom." He stepped away from her and held out his hand.

She knew the rules. No affection in front of her dad. They had to keep their relationship secret.