CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 16

“It’s strange, right? He’s still technically a Prince, but by birth only now. He’s not the Crowned Prince of Norway anymore,” Lillian said.

“I think it’s a little stranger that I’m Queen,” Elin argued.

“That’s true,” Lillian replied, laughing a little before she took a sip of her coffee. “So, how has it been?”

“It’s been the longest week of my life.”

“Mine too, if that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t.” Elin took a drink of her lukewarm tea. “I don’t blame Father or Christian, but the circumstances by which I’ve been made Queen of Norway aren’t exactly ideal. We’ve already got people questioning if the monarchy even needs to exist. Christian’s removal from the line was news, but ultimately, people knew Dad was still here, and he has three daughters. Now, they’re–”

“Wondering if we even want it ourselves,” Lillian concluded.

“You’ve been keeping up with the news; I take it.”

“It’s been forced upon me by Katrin now that I’m heir. Hell, I think even Mari is paying more attention. Of course, that’s likely because Ingrid is her secretary now, and she’s meeting with Mari regularly.”

Elin hadn’t seen Ingrid since their meeting in this room the day after the announcement. She knew it was a good thing; she had to start worrying more about her country than her own feelings for a woman she could never have. Plus, Ingrid had a way of making her so nervous, she’d spill hot beverages all over herself and others, trip over her own feet, and miss trash cans a few feet away, so it was really for everyone’s safety that she started to spend more time away from Ingrid.

“How is that going?” she asked instead.

Elin knew she had to spend time away from Ingrid, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t ask after her, did it?

“Mari? She’s fine. She’s all in love with Erik, so I think that helps.”

“Really?”

“She hasn’t admitted it to me yet, but it’s pretty obvious. Erik was here for the party after the announcement, and Mari watched him walk into the room. She blushed like crazy, giggled a little, and then when he walked over to her, she nearly spilled her drink on him.” Lillian laughed.

“She did, huh?” Elin asked, blushing herself and realizing that her own klutziness might be at least partially genetic.

“Yeah. It reminds me a lot of what happens to you whenever Ingrid walks into a room.”

“What do you mean?” Elin said loudly, nearly tipping over her own teacup.

“I think you’ve nearly taken my eye out a few times,” Lillian replied, laughing. “It would be adorable if it weren’t so pathetic, big sister.”

“What are you–”

“Oh, Elin… I’m your sister. I know you and Christian have the whole twin thing going on, but I know you, too. I’ve seen you more these past few years than our brother has, and I’ve watched you with her. You change when she enters a room, and then again, when she leaves. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“Is it that obvious?”

“I think just to me. I haven’t said anything to Christian or Mari, but I don’t think they’ve noticed.”

“Mom and Dad?”

“God, no. They think you’re straight and keep trying to set you up with eligible bachelors,” Lillian replied.

“I’m not, you know?”

“Straight? Yeah, obviously, Elin.” Her sister smiled at her and then gave her a playful wink. “Is it just Ingrid, though, or are you–”

“Gay?” she said. “Yes, I’m a lesbian.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since primary school, I think.”

“What? Elin, you’re thirty years old. How have you not told us yet? I thought it was something you were still trying to figure out or something.”

“It never really mattered,” she answered. “I wasn’t taking over the monarchy of Norway. I wasn’t in love with anyone or even close to it.”

“So, you’ve never been in a relationship?”

“No, I was,” she admitted.

“What? When?!” Lillian practically yelled.

“About three years ago. Well, closer to four now, I suppose.”

“With whom?”

“No one you’d know. We met in law school. She’s Finnish. We were just friends in school but started dating after she moved back home. We were technically together for about a year, but with her starting a career in law, and me starting more of my official royal duties, we only saw one another every couple of months and for weekends or just a night or two. It was hardly a successful long-distance relationship, and it ended when she met someone else.”

“So, you’ve…” Lillian didn’t finish her sentence.

“Yes, I’ve been with a woman, if that’s what you’re asking. I haven’t been stupid; I’ve been careful. And I don’t believe the woman I’ve been with would say anything to anyone about our time together, but there is always that risk, I suppose.”

“You need to come out before they have the chance to force you out, then,” Lillian told her.

“I’m honestly not as worried about coming out as I should be, probably. I’m lucky: Elizabeth and Palmer are out. And so is Alex.”

“Then, why haven’t you come out yet?”

“Because it’s not about me being gay in front of the whole country or world. I’m more nervous about Ingrid knowing.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in love with her, Lil. I have been since the moment I first saw her, and she’s straight. God, she’s so beautiful, though, Lil.” Elin closed her eyes and pictured Ingrid’s light-brown hair and bright-green eyes. “She’s so smart. I can hardly keep up with her sometimes. She makes me laugh. She makes me think. She’s special.”

“And you’re worried that right now she doesn’t know you’re in love with her because she thinks you’re straight, so that’s an impossibility, but once you’re out, she might start piecing things together?”

“I guess so,” Elin said.

“You should tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

“Elin, tell her that you’re in love with her. At least, tell her that you like her. Maybe don’t lead with the being in love thing; that might scare her off.”

“She’s straight, Lil.”

“Have you actually asked her that?”

“No, but–”

“Is she dating anyone?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Then, you don’t know for sure that she couldn’t return your feelings.”

“Lillian, I’m Queen now.”

“So?”

“So, things are already on shaky ground as is. If I come out, people are–”

“Screw other people, Elin! This isn’t about them or about the country. I’ve seen you with Ingrid. Why do you think I insisted I keep Katrin?”

“Huh?”

“I was hoping you’d tell Markus to go fuck himself, and you’d keep Ingrid as your secretary, but you boggled that. Now, she’s in a basement office somewhere by the kitchens, with some entry-level staffer sitting across from her. Way to show the woman you love how you feel, by the way. Then, I insisted she join us in Balmoral because I was hoping a more relaxed environment might get you to loosen up and tell the woman how you feel.”

“You invited her to–”

“Get you laid, yes.” Lillian rolled her eyes. “And for you to tell her you love her. Probably more that than the getting laid thing, but those two sometimes go together, so I was hoping you’d tell her, and then you two would figure the rest out.”

“You think she might actually…”

“Like you? Yeah, I do.” Lillian placed her cup on the table in front of them. “It doesn’t matter what I think, though. Elin, you have to realize that even if I am right, she’s not going to say anything to you about it. You have to take the lead here. You’re the Queen. She’s technically in your employ, which means she’s not going to tell you how she feels first.”

“And if I tell her, she could sue me for sexual harassment,” Elin reminded her sister.

“Well, don’t harass her. Just tell her you like her. If she says she’s not into that, you say, ‘no harm, no foul,’ and you move on.”

“I sort of tried to maybe ask her to spend time with me the day after the announcement.”

“You sort of maybe tried to?” Lillian teased. “What does that even mean, Elin?”

“I had a few minutes between meetings, and Ingrid stopped by to thank me for something. I asked her if she wanted to have a drink that evening or maybe a late dinner. I think I messed it up, and it sounded too formal; I don’t know. She makes me so nervous.” Elin shook her head. “It’s hard to speak in coherent sentences around her sometimes.”

“I’ve seen you do that with her.”

“About work, yes. Personal things have been a struggle at times. It just takes me a while to settle in and get going. By the time I do, we usually get interrupted, or I have to go.”

“What was she thanking you for?”

“Huh?”

“You said she stopped by to thank you.”

“Her office. I saw it and thought it was pretty terrible, so I’m having it redone for her.”

“Oh, Elin. You’ve got it bad,” Lillian said.

“I know.” She sighed. “But it really was old and outdated. It had hardly any light.”

“Is it done yet?”

“The office? I don’t know. Why?”

“You should use that as an excuse.”

“To what? See her?”

“Why not? Besides, you’re not happy with Markus anyway. I can tell. He keeps getting in your way, doesn’t he?”

“He worked with Dad for a million years, and Steven still does. I think they’re talking more to Dad than to me. It’s like he’s just relaying Dad’s messages to me or something.”

“Make a change, Elin. Get your girl back.”

“She’s not my girl, Lillian.”

“Not yet,” Lillian said, standing up. “Just remember, you’re in charge now. If you really want to make a change at secretary, you can. Ingrid can keep her new office or move into Markus’s if you want. You’re Queen. Screw seniority, and screw Dad if he’s trying to interfere.”

“So, I just tell Markus what?”

“I don’t know. You’ll come up with something.”

“I love working with Ingrid; she makes me better. But I don’t know if I can work with her and not tell her. I don’t know if I can work with her and tell her, either. It’s probably best for her to work with Mari.”

“She’ll leave, Elin. We’ve talked about this before. Mari isn’t enough for her. Ingrid is smart. She’s ambitious, too. She wants to really work. Mari can’t give her that. I guess I can, and if you really want me to have Katrin work with Mari, I can. That would at least keep Ingrid here, I think. I just hoped you’d be brave enough to forge your own path. Whether you tell her how you feel or not, you should at least make sure she knows that you want her back as your secretary. If you honestly can’t work with her anymore, though, I’ll tell Katrin she’s moving in with Mari, so to speak, and Ingrid can be my secretary. That would at least keep a great secretary at the palace and still give you a chance to see her sometimes.”

Lillian left her there with all the options. Elin could do nothing; keep Markus and, likely, lose Ingrid altogether if she left the palace. They’d have no excuse to see one another then, and while Elin thought that would probably be best for her, her chest tightened at the thought of never seeing Ingrid again. She could take Lillian up on her offer and move Ingrid’s role again, but that would make her seem indecisive, and she didn’t like that idea much, either.

Of course, she could tell Markus to work with her father and Steven again and take Ingrid back as her own secretary, which was what she knew she really wanted. She just wasn’t sure she could keep working alongside Ingrid and not tell her how she felt. If she did tell her, and Ingrid inevitably told her she didn’t feel the same way, they’d have to work together amidst all that awkwardness. Elin didn’t know what to do. When she didn’t know what to do, though, she usually just tried to listen to her instincts, what her father always called his gut, and tried to make a decision that way.

“This might be a big mistake,” she said to herself.