Epilogue

Lose Face - Daniel Di Angelo

Cruz's zx10 purrs to life beneath me as I watch the guys doing wheelies through the crowds up and down the strip. Eighteen days. That's how long it's been since he took his last breath. Since he sat on the very seat I'm seated on now, and yet, it still doesn't feel real. He was my best friend, my other half. Without him, I don't know how I'm supposed to move forward. This bike is all I have left of him, and while it brings me some comfort, it also brings me so much pain.

"Is this the best the guys around here have got?" Revel asks with his usual cocky tone.

Revel St Clair.

Trophy winning asshole with a competitive side that almost always ends in bloodshed, and yet, he's one of the few people I trust with my life. Because it wouldn't be the first time he's saved me.

Revel, and I spent a few years in the same foster home when we were younger. Being four years older than me, he quickly took me under his wing. He was the best big brother a girl could ask for. Things seemed great. For a time, I felt like I had finally found my forever family. My home.

But I was so very wrong.

When I turned thirteen, and my body began to change, I unwilling began to draw the attention of our foster father. His nightly visits to my bedroom became more frequent. His touching, more aggressive and demanding. At first, I kept it a secret. He knew exactly how to ensure I wouldn't say anything. He told me if I said anything, or made a single noise he'd make sure Revel was taken back to the group home, or worse.

That he'd make sure the big brother I'd grown so attached to, would never see me again. He'd be thrown back into the system. A system where no one would want a kid like him. A kid with a dark past. Because who wants damaged goods?

So I kept my mouth shut.

I buried my face into the pillows, and swallowed down the sobs that slipped from my lips, because it was all I could do to keep my family together.

That is until Revel walked in one night.

That night, everything changed.

"You good?" His voice pulls me from the dark thoughts, bringing me back to reality.

"Yeah, as good as I can be anyway," I reply.

He eyes me, clearly not buying my bullshit, "You don't have to lie to me. I didn't know him, but I sure as fuck know loss. I know how hard it hits. It doesn't matter how strong someone is, there's some pain that just takes longer to cope with."

Running my thumb over the neon green throttle grip of Cruz's bike, I smile. I can still remember the day he got them. He found them at some random yard sale downtown, and he was so fucking excited about them. They match the Demons colors. His team's colors, and though they're simple grips, they meant something to him.

Since his funeral, I've ignored the team. Not because of anything they have done, they're all great and I love them all like family, but they don't understand the pain I'm feeling. They don't feel his loss the same way I do. I've read all their texts. Even their emails, and listened to all their voice messages. Talon and Sayshen are worried I blame them. That I'm angry their drama with Christian resulted in Cruz's death. Maybe I should be, but I'm not.

I know they never expected trying to protect Bexley to cost them a team member, and they never would've wanted it. Christian is the only one responsible, and thankfully, he's now lying cold and stiff beneath six feet of dirt. Where he belongs.

"Lena!" Wolfe's familiar voice shouts from behind me. Turning around, I find the rest of the team all pulling up. Draygon in his 02' Toyota Supra MK IV, with Reign in the passenger seat. Reign eyes me as he slowly climbs out of Draygon's car. He's on crutches, which means he must be healing well. Good.

At least he's breathing.

The Demons all make their way toward where Revel and I stand in the crowd, and I sigh. I knew it was only a matter of time before they came looking for me, and I get why, but I'm not ready for them. I'm not ready to face them all, not yet.

"That them?" Revel nods his head in their direction as Thorne, Talon, and Wolfe approach. Sayshen, Bexley, and Draygon all wait behind for Reign.

"What the hell, Lena? Haven't you been getting our texts?" Talon shouts, clearly upset with my ghosting them. "We've been worried. You can't just disappear on us."

"Why?" I snap, finding his commanding tone annoying. "I mean, the reason for me being with you guys so much is gone, right? So why do I owe any of you a reply?" My tone is cold and harsher than I intend, but it gets the point across.

"Fuck that," Wolfe spits. "You're family. You're a Demon. Cruz wouldn't─"

My body stiffens with the sound of his name. "Don't."

The rest of the team reaches us, and they all stand in a group next to Revel and I, watching and waiting for an explanation for my absence. But I don't owe them one.

"Don't say his name. Not now," I whisper, turning my eyes back to the stunt riders as they continue their show.

"We all miss him, Lena. But you're still family, even without Cru─"

"I think she said not to mention his name," Revel snaps, cocking his head to the side interupting Sayshen mid-sentence.

"Sorry," Thorne adds as he turns to face Revel, "I beg you tell me who this guy is…"

"Who I am doesn't fucking matter. She told you once not to say his name. Don't make her tell you again," Revel threatens.

Thorne laughs, pulling his helmet off his head. "Oh look, we have a fucking comedian in our midst, because you must be joking if you think you can talk to me like that, cuz!"

The veins in Revel's blacked out arm tick with his increasing pulse. He lives for this type of shit. For confrontation. I swear he gets off on it. Revel clicks his tongue, and takes a step toward Thorne.

Quickly climbing off the bike, I cut him off, placing myself between him and the team. It's been years since I've seen or had any contact with Revel. But having heard about Cruz's death, he sought me out. He told me everything. How, even though we were torn apart that night, he never stopped watching out for me. He kept his distance, but that I was happy. I was living the life I deserved, and he didn't want to remind me of shit I'd healed from. So he stayed away.

But even with it having been so long, I can see the same signs I did that night. The same body language and look in his eye. Revel is the type of guy who can snap at any second. You wouldn't even see it coming. He will laugh with you, while envisioning your death in his head, and though I want to keep my distance from the Demons right now, I don't want them hurt.

I love them. All of them. Even Bexley. And I know they just want to be there for me, and support me. But they can't. Not with out causing me more pain, anyways.

"Enough," I yell, giving Revel a warning look. "I'm not doing this shit. Not today. Revel, let's go," I add. Gently placing my hand on his chest, I push him backward toward the bike. He huffs with annoyance, but nods his head at me as he walks backward, unwilling to break Thorne's gaze.

Grabbing his helmet, he climbs on Cruz's bike, and starts up the engine. Talon's eyes twitch with anger as he watches Revel rev the engine. The Speed Demons logos are still plastered across the body work of the bike with all the team's sponsor logos. Even Cruz's number is still sitting on the front fender of the bike. It's just like he left it. All of it.

"I'm not gone," I explain, eyeing the team one by one. I know they're angry. Confused even, and I get it. "I just need time. Space. And I need you guys, to respect that."

Draygon crosses his arms over his chest, and Bexley wraps her arms around Sayshen's for support.

Pulling my helmet back over my head, I climb on behind Revel.

"Where are we going?" he asks, looking over his shoulder.

Taking one last look at the team, I can see the hurt and anger in their eyes as they watch us. "Anywhere but here," I reply.

Revel flicks his visor closed, and I wrap my arms around him as he pulls out onto the paved road of the strip, and takes off down Morris Bridge Road headed back into the city.

I know I can't hide from them forever, and I don't want to. One day, I will have to talk to them. To let them back in. But one day, is not today.