Chapter 17

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa Charlie Puth

If there are words to describe a type of pain you not only feel but can witness with your own eyes, I don't have them. It's been six days since that day on the track. Six days since Cruz's life came to an end, and though he was doing something he loved when we all lost him, it doesn't seem to help the cavity of emptiness that weighs heavy in all of our chests. Looking around at all the people who have come to Talon and Sayshen's beach house to celebrate his life and memory, my heart aches for each and every one of them. Knowing they all share more memories and thoughts of him than I do. I have no doubt the pain they must feel is truly immense with how close the team is, even if they don't all show it.

Sayshen's pain is undeniable. He's angry. Heartbroken and utterly gutted over the loss of his best friend. He's barely slept or spoken to any of the guys, including Talon, who, just when I thought he was starting to soften up to me, has gone back to hating me. I don't blame him.

I may not have been on the track that day, but it's Christian's fault Cruz is gone.

My fault.

It's Christian's retaliation for me being here, with the Speed Demons, that got Cruz killed. While I know most of them don't blame me by any means, I can't help but feel that Talon's cold shoulder is for the very same reason I have felt nothing but guilt since the moment the news of Cruz's death slipped from Sayshen's lips.

Thankfully, the team only lost one Demon that day. Though beaten up pretty badly, Reign woke up a few days later. His leg was badly shattered in the crash. The doctors were forced to operate on him and pin it back together. He won't be riding any time soon, but at least he's alive and overall in good spirits. All things considered.

Sayshen and I have spent the last few days hiding away in his room. The team was given a week off without losing points to grieve before returning to the track.

A week.

Like that's all it takes to heal someone's heart from a loss as traumatic as this. Sayshen has told me that's just how it is. That the world, racing… it all carries on—without Cruz—like he never existed.

Cruz wasn't the first to lose his life on the track, and he won't be the last.

He's told me so many stories the last couple of days about him and Cruz over the last few years and how he was always the comical one who always wanted to make light of tough situations and mess around. I've expressed my feelings of guilt to him, and though he's struggling and working through pain of his own, he's made it his mission to reassure me that Cruz's death isn't my fault. That Cruz was always a hothead. One that would never go down without a fight.

And he didn't. He fought to the very end.

Christian's role in his death is something that everyone, including the league, recognized. Though his punishment was nothing short of pathetic. A slap on the wrist, if you can even call it that. Christian was suspended for one race, and his team lost ten points. Nothing that they can't make up next weekend, especially with the Speed Demons sitting it out to mourn the loss of their friend.

Ourfriend.

"Are you okay, Bex? Do you want me to get you some water or something?" Cece asks as she softly runs her hand up and down my bare arm. The touch startles me and pulls me from my thoughts back to the growing crowd of people around us.

Cece's gentle and concerned eyes lift to mine as she awaits my response. She's been hanging around more lately, helping out wherever she can. She and Sayshen have gotten along fine, not that I'm surprised. They may not have been friends in high school, but they aren't exactly strangers either. Thankfully, even though it's clear Talon isn't a fan of her being around so much, he hasn't said anything about it.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks, though," I reply, offering her one of my first genuine smiles in days.

"Quite the crowd, huh?" she added, bringing herself to stand next to me. Together, we scan the sea of people all wearing black, who came today. Talon and Sayshen's large deck is packed full of people who loved Cruz. Nomads and Heathens make their rounds, shaking hands and giving their condolences to the Demons for their fallen brother, before finding seats around the outdoor space. If anyone here can relate to the pain the team is feeling, I have no doubt it's them, so seeing them here brings me a slight smile.

Lena, Wolfe, and Thorne—who is pushing Reign around in his wheelchair—begin making rounds. They greet everyone, and guide them to the deck as they enter. Talon and Draygon are at the grill, cooking up a feast of grilled meat and veggies for anyone who wants them. Large white tables are lined up along the railing overlooking the beach, and each person who shows up seems to add another dish of food to it: salads, chips, mini sandwiches. If you can eat it, odds are it's on that table.

Watching Lena, my heart breaks for her. Sayshen told me about her and Cruz, how they met as teenagers in a group home. Both being orphans, they literally had no one except each other and the team. The guys have been trying to express to Lena that she'll always be a Demon even without Cruz. She'll always be family, but even looking at her now, I can tell it will never be the same for her.

She lost her person. Her other half. While everyone here today is feeling the loss of Cruz, no one is feeling it on her level. Not even close. Her long blonde hair hangs down her back in bouncy curls that Cece and I helped her style early this morning, and she's wearing a cute black summer dress that hugs her tight-frame body perfectly, showing off her newest ink. A tattoo on the upper part of her rib, near her breast.

‘#88 Cruz VanDoren'

Noticing there is one Demon I haven't seen, I search the dense crowds of people for his familiar dark hair and daunting brown eyes. "Yeah, it really is. Have you seen Sayshen?"

"Did someone say my name?" he whispers softly against the shell of my ear as he comes up behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him before pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. A small giggle escapes me, and the moment I'm in his arms any unease I feel melts away. Tilting my head up to look at him, I find him nodding toward Cece. "Hey, Cece. Thanks for being here and for all your help setting up."

"Oh, it's no problem at all. I was glad to be able to help. Really," she replies reassuringly. Her lavender hair is pulled up and out of her face today. Resting in a messy knot bun on the top of her head. She wore a cute black lace top, with black leggings. Simple, yet somehow pretty, as always. "Speaking of help, I should go help the guys get all that food plated and on the table. I'm sure people are getting hungry," she explains before excusing herself and heading off toward Talon and Draygon.

Sayshen leans against the wall behind us and pulls me into his chest as he exhales deeply.

"Are you okay?" I whisper, pulling his arms around me tighter before gently trailing my fingertips along them.

"Yeah, I think so. I mean, overall, no. I'm a fucking mess. I'm broken in so many ways I don't know how to put them into words to explain to you. But I also know Cruz wouldn't want that. For any of us. He'd want us to celebrate his life, not mourn his death, and as hard as it's going to be, that's what I intend to do. For him."

"Well, I think Cruz would be proud of you for that, especially knowing how hard it must be. I know I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, baby," he whispers as he rests his chin on the top of my head. "It's nice, though, to see all these people coming together to remember him," he adds.

An older man wearing a Demons shirt approaches us. He"s tall, lean and though I've never seen him before, I can tell by his dark and familiar features exactly who he is.

Mr. Shaw.

My body tenses, and Sayshen laughs, clearly sensing my unease. His chest rumbles against my back as he bends down to whisper in my ear. "Don't worry. It's going to be fine." His reassurance does little to help my racing heart. I've heard so much about their Father, mostly from Sayshen telling me about how much of a hard ass he is, but also things from the team about how he works with Andre to train them a lot through the off-season and how he isn't one to mess around with.

A take no shit kinda guy.

Knowing all that, I find it hard to believe he's not going to tell me just how much he disapproves of Sayshen spending time with me and not training, especially after our little getaway to the beach house after Talon saved me from Christian. Now, with Cruz's death being a direct result of the Demons all going to bat with my ex, I wouldn't be surprised if he, like Talon, blamed me for that, too.

Reaching us, he looks down and nods his head at me before lifting his eyes to his son's and placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm proud of you, boy. Everyone knows how hard this must be for you, but you're here and did all this for him. He'd be proud of you. So, take this time for yourself, for your team. Be there for each other, mourn together, and then get back out there and make them pay. Make him pay," he whispers before lifting his beer to his lips.

His eyes drop back to me as he swallows his beer. "I hate that this is our first time meeting, Bexley. I have heard alot about you, from the team, and my sons. I know I may not be around much, but just know I do see what you've done for both my boys, and I want you to know I am thankful for it—even if I don't show it. You're a Demon now, don't ever forget that."

My stomach catches in my throat, and I find myself caught off-guard by his kindness. It's the complete opposite of what I was expecting. I manage a small smile and nod as Mr. Shaw pats Sayshen on the back before heading off toward where Cece is helping Talon and Draygon plate up the food.

"See, I told you it would be fine. I will say though, watching you squirm was fucking hot," he adds with a soft seductive tone as he gently ghosts his lips over my exposed neck and shoulders. Keeping with the black theme that everyone wore, I chose a strapless floor-length dress. Looser than I'd usually wear, but in the heat of the Tampa summer, I felt like one with some flow was a better option.

Goosebumps prickle along my skin.

"Stop it!" I shout playfully as I elbow him in the stomach. Spinning around in his arms, I wrap my arms around his neck and tilt my chin to look up at him. "Me squirming should be the last thing on your mind right now."

"Should it, though? With everything going on, I think I'd much rather drown myself in every inch of you. I mean, it would help take my mind off everything else," he adds with a coy smirk as his hands find their way to my ass, and he squeezes. "Besides, I think Cruz would get a kick out of it. He wouldn't want all this seriousness."

Even though I didn't know Cruz long, I have a feeling Sayshen is right.

My eyes meet his, and my body tingles as his hungry eyes flicker with mine. I roll my eyes and pull my bottom lip into my mouth with my teeth.

Fuck, I am such a sucker for Sayshen Shaw.