Chapter 30

Today feels different.

Paige stared up at the ceiling—alone again—but feeling…different. She couldn't put her finger on why she felt that way, she had barely opened her eyes, but the atmosphere had changed since last night when they'd got home from ring shopping. Juliet seemed far more relaxed, their evening reminiscent of the days before Paige had gone back on tour. The days before everything became heavy and uncertain. The days before the trauma Cara caused.

She rolled from the bed, pulled a hoodie over her head, and approached the open bedroom door. The first thing she noticed was the scent of perfume in the air. Then she got a waft of coffee. What the hell was going on? She glanced back over her shoulder and eyed the clock on the nightstand. It was ten a.m., and the apartment felt as though it had some life back in it.

"Babe?" Paige strolled out of the bedroom, not wanting to make a big deal out of whatever was going on. Juliet came from the main bathroom with a smile plastered on her mouth. "Hey."

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

Paige wanted to play it cool, but Juliet was dressed, wearing makeup, and looking as fine as ever. "Do we have plans that I don't know about?"

"We do have plans, but there's no rush. Take your time."

Ah. Juliet had spent the night tossing and turning again. She had probably decided to get dressed purely for something to do. "Bad night again?" Paige moved towards Juliet and took her hand. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you to wake me up."

Juliet fixed her earrings in place and smiled. "I slept right through. I actually woke up with a crick in my neck because I didn't once move in the night."

Paige's brows rose. "Oh. That's…amazing."

"I certainly feel better for it, but I have a feeling I'm going to be catching up on a lot of sleep in the coming weeks."

Paige would let Juliet sleep for as long as she needed. That wasn't an issue at all. She lifted herself up onto a stool at the island in the kitchen and watched every move Juliet made. "So, these plans we have today…"

Juliet turned with a cup of coffee and set it down in front of Paige. "What about them?"

"Well, are you going to tell me what we're doing?"

"Oh! Of course." Juliet laughed, lighting up what had been a very dark world lately. "We're going to the bar."

"What bar?" Paige didn't really feel bar hopping today. She was still recovering from the copious amounts of wine with Hannah and Caz a few days ago.

"Our bar, Paige. The Hideout."

Paige stared through Juliet. While she wanted to be there for her, to help her through the first time at the bar, Paige wasn't sure either of them was ready for that. Yes, they had discussed using it as a venue for Edie's birthday in a few weeks, but Paige had wondered if Juliet would actually go through with it. Juliet had only just managed a full night's sleep. Wasn't it a bit soon?

Juliet waved a hand in front of Paige. "Are you with me?"

"Y-yeah." Paige lifted her coffee to her lips, wondering how best to approach this conversation. She didn't want to put Juliet off the idea of going to the bar, but Paige didn't know if she herself could actually walk through the door again yet. Even though she had been there to clean up, she had pushed the place right to the back of her mind since then. Some days, she forgot it existed.

"You…don't think it's a good idea, do you?"

"Honestly, I don't know." Paige lowered her cup and sighed. "Are you sure you're ready to go back there?"

"I think having something to focus on while I'm there is going to help a lot. Edie's birthday has to be perfect, and we're going to make that happen."

Paige loved Edie as though she was blood, she would do anything for the kid, but this was huge. Far bigger than any sixteenth birthday party. "I understand that, but maybe we should just head there and give it a moment before we decide we actually want to go inside. We don't have to do it all today. It could be a bit…overwhelming."

"I don't doubt that. I'm actually expecting it." Juliet took her watch from the small table close to the door and fixed it to her wrist. "But while I have the idea in my head, I'd like to tackle it now."

"R-right. Well, if you're sure?"

Juliet rounded the island and turned Paige on her stool. She stood between Paige's legs, smiling down at her. "I am sure. But something tells me you're not."

Just be honest with her… "I don't know if I can go inside again. Not yet."

"And that's okay, Paige." Juliet feathered her thumb across Paige's bottom lip, her touch so soft. "I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for."

"I just…can't get that image out of my head. I try, but sometimes I try so hard that it just becomes more and more vivid."

"Hey," Juliet whispered as she took Paige's hand and placed it on her chest. "It's working. It's beating. I'm here, okay?"

"God, I know. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to still have you here." Paige wrapped her arms around Juliet's waist. She would never take any of these little moments for granted again. "I can try. For you."

Juliet shook her head. "No. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I'd never expect you to go inside the bar if it's not what you want." Juliet drew Paige into a kiss, smiling against her lips. "I'll be okay. We're doing this for Edie, so I have to be okay."

Whoa. Hold on! Juliet was going to the bar alone? No, not in this lifetime.

"I'll go there and check on the place. Maybe order some stock in. Though, I don't think we need any stock since the place never had the chance to reopen."

"I…don't think so. You're not going there alone. No way."

Juliet exhaled a frustrated sigh as she stepped away from Paige. "I have to go there at some point, Paige. I don't want to wait any longer when I feel ready today."

Paige slid from her stool and took her coffee cup. She turned for the bedroom, prepared to put her own shit to one side so she could be there for Juliet. "I'll shower. I won't be long."

"Paige?"

She turned. "Yeah?"

"Don't do this if you're not ready." Juliet's dark eyes gazed back at her. "Please."

"You're not going alone. I'll be fine once I'm inside." Maybe she would be, and maybe she wouldn't. But Paige wouldn't know the outcome unless she unlocked that door and faced all of this head-on with Juliet. It was important they did it together. "Thirty minutes, okay? That's all I need."

Juliet sighed but nodded. "Okay."

With a shaking hand, Juliet slid the key into the main lock and turned it. The street was quiet—it often was during the day—and all she could hear was Paige's heavy breathing. Maybe she shouldn't have put this on Paige today. Maybe they should have had a serious discussion about it, something that would lead up to them walking inside The Hideout. Perhaps a timescale. But no, Juliet had chosen to dive right in, and now she wasn't sure she should take another step.

"You okay, babe?" Paige lay a hand on Juliet's shoulder. "It's okay to change your mind. We can do this another day."

"No, I want to do it now." Juliet turned to Paige, aware of the fearful look in her eyes. "But I don't want you to feel as though you had no choice in this. I'm sorry I just dropped it on you."

God, she hadn't even given Paige the chance to wake up fully before she told her about the plan today. While Juliet wanted to get the ball rolling and move on with her life, she should have stopped for a moment and considered Paige in this.

"I'm okay. I'm feeling less worried now that we're here." Paige squeezed Juliet's shoulder and gave a single nod. "Come on. Let's get this over and done with."

Juliet cleared her mind and turned back to the door, pushing it open slowly. The smell of fresh paint greeted her, not surprising given the fact she had just finished painting when Cara turned on her. And then she felt that supportive hand on the small of her back. "Right. Let's do this. It's now or never."

Juliet took the stairs down to the bar slowly, aware that her knees felt weaker than usual. But she had expected some kind of reaction as she had opened the door. This had been the very place Juliet had almost lost her life. She placed the light switch on the wall just outside the main area of the bar and flicked the switch. Within seconds, the bar was lit up…ready and waiting for some life back inside of it.

"Well," Juliet said as she crossed the threshold and stood in the middle of the bar. Nothing looked out of place. Everything was ready and waiting, just as Juliet had left it all those weeks ago. "That's surprising." As she looked around, she felt…nothing. Nothing concerning, anyway. Paige had done such a good job with the clean-up that nobody would ever know Juliet was dying on the floor at one time. "It looks great. You've really done an amazing job, Paige."

Nothing.

Silence.

Juliet turned around and focused on Paige. She stared down at a particular spot on the floor, most certainly zoned out from anything and anyone around her. A tear fell down her cheek, gathering at her jaw, her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"Baby." Juliet took a step towards Paige and held her against her. She rested her chin on top of Paige's head and closed her eyes. This was a mistake, and Juliet felt dreadful for bringing Paige here. "I'm sorry." Juliet held Paige tighter against her, turning her away from the spot Paige had been focused on. "Let's go back outside."

"No." Paige spoke quietly, gripping Juliet against her. "No. Stay there."

Juliet would give Paige whatever time she needed. "Okay."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

Honestly, Juliet was only thinking about Paige right now. There had been no shocking reaction to her walking in here, so her focus was one hundred percent on Paige. "I'm worried about you."

"No." Paige drew back and searched Juliet's eyes. "What are you thinking about being here?"

"Nothing. I felt nothing when I walked in."

Paige scoffed and took a step back. "So, I need to just get a grip and move on."

"Hey, no. I never said that. You're entitled to feel how you feel, Paige. You were the one who saved my life in this very place. You are the one who went through the trauma of that, then the trauma of not knowing what the outcome would be. Not me."

As Juliet said that, guilt settled deep in the pit of her stomach. She hadn't considered the trauma Paige had been through in all of this. What kind of woman did that make Juliet? Selfish, she knew that much.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry." Juliet cast her gaze on the space between them, devastated she had done this to Paige. "Y-you…you're the reason I'm alive. You're the one person I had to fight for. And I do this to you. I put you in this situation."

"It's okay. I had to come back here at some point." Paige regarded Juliet with a gentle smile and took her hand. "Don't feel bad about it. We…had to do this together."

"You've spent the last several weeks taking care of me, being there when I needed you."

Paige frowned. "Of course I have."

"But I didn't stop to ask if you were okay. I didn't wonder if you needed someone." Juliet swallowed down the emotion in her throat, bitterly disappointed by her choices lately. "You've sat up with me. You've held me. You've…loved me no matter what."

Paige squeezed Juliet's hand. "And I'd do it all over again."

"You've been through far more than me, Paige. You dealt with the aftermath, you came here and took care of things, you…struggled alone."

"Babe, we've been there for one another. Don't ever think you haven't been here. I know I can talk to you if I need to. I know that you'd never dismiss how I felt. I'm okay. I've…been okay. Until we walked in here today, I was managing."

"I don't want you to manage, Paige. I want you to say anything you need to say to me." Juliet would never forget the care Paige had taken recently. She could never thank her for sticking this out and being whatever Juliet needed. "I want you to talk to me."

Paige eyed the same spot on the floor that she had focused on when they arrived. "That's where I held you. Right there, in front of the piano." She sniffled and shook her head. "When the paramedics came in, they told me I had to let go of you. That they needed to work on you to stabilise you so they could put you in the ambulance."

Juliet listened intently, choosing not to respond but rather give Paige the opportunity to say anything that came to mind.

"I didn't want to let you go. If you died, I didn't want you to die on a cold floor while I watched on. I wanted you to go knowing how much I loved you. I…wanted you to go being held. I couldn't do anything else, I was useless, but I needed to be sure that if you died, you would have gone knowing I was with you."

God, that was far more powerful than Juliet expected it to be. Of all the things they'd been through together since they met, this had just overtaken it all.

Paige looked to a different area. A corner that now had a table in it. "Henry sat there. I've never seen a grown man looking so…devastated. Before you'd lost consciousness again, you asked him to take care of me. He tried not to show it, but I saw the look in his eyes."

"What look?" Juliet asked, guiding Paige towards the bar so they could sit down.

"The same look I had. Fear, the thought of losing you, the…idea that you wouldn't make it."

Juliet held Paige's chin gently. "But I did. Because of you."

"There was so much blood, Juliet." Paige's bottom lip trembled, her voice breaking as she said that. "I don't know how you lived because there was so much blood. I didn't realise there could be so much." Paige's hands shook as she relayed everything to Juliet. "When the paramedic came over here to see me, I thought she would say you had died. Because how could you have possibly survived?"

"Your love," Juliet said, dipping her head towards Paige's ear as she held her close once again. "I survived because of your love."

Paige broke down, sobbing in Juliet's arms where she held her close to the bar counter. Everything around them was perfectly in place, but Juliet felt Paige crumbling with every strangled breath she took.

"Hey, come on." Juliet soothed Paige with a palm up and down her back. "I'm okay. We're amazing. I can't wait for the rest of my life with you."

She felt Paige begin to relax, her breathing not as erratic as it had been, and then Paige drew back and held Juliet's face in her hands. "I love you."

"I know." Juliet closed her eyes, enjoying those soft palms against her skin. "I love you, too."

"And you're right. You're okay. Everything is okay now." Paige's eyes softened as she took a deep breath. "So, now we should get this place sorted out for Edie's party. She's going to be beside herself when Hannah and Caz bring her here."

"I'm thinking maybe…some kind of red carpet. Make it all glitzy for her."

Juliet wanted the night to be perfect for Edie. Hannah and Caz did so much for her that Juliet and Paige had to be involved. It only seemed fair since they'd taken on the role of aunties.

"Sounds perfect. Edie is going to scream when she sees it all."

Juliet took one last glance around the bar and then smiled. "Time to move on with our life together, baby. No point looking back."