Chapter 28

"How are you?" Caz handed Juliet a glass of wine and joined her on the couch. "I was so happy when Hannah called to say you and Paige had invited us over."

Juliet regarded Caz with a thankful smile as she stared down at her glass of wine. Paige and Hannah were chatting with one another in the kitchen while they put a cheese board together, and in this moment, life felt normal. It felt far less intense than it had recently. "I'm okay. Feeling fitter every day."

"Good. That's great news." Caz had texted Juliet several times over the last few weeks, often hinting at them visiting. But it had taken Paige contacting them for Juliet to go through with seeing them this evening. "We sort of gathered that we'd hear from you whenever you felt up to it."

"You have Paige to thank for this," Juliet said, smiling weakly. "If it was left up to me, I'd have just festered here again tonight, staring at the TV but not taking any of it in."

"Things haven't been good?" Caz placed a hand on Juliet's knee, a look of understanding in her eyes. "I know they haven't. I can tell."

Juliet frowned. "How?"

"You've looked better. I won't lie."

Juliet snorted. She appreciated Caz's honesty. It made a change from most people tiptoeing around her. "Thank you. That was just what I needed to hear."

"I mean, you still look better than all of us here put together, but I don't know. You're not yourself."

"No, I know. It doesn't help that I'm not sleeping." Juliet craved a good night's sleep. She knew once she had conquered that, she would be feeling far better. "I just can't settle once I lie down."

"Have you thought about speaking to the doctor?"

"No. I don't really want to medicate unless I absolutely have to. My body has taken plenty of it lately." Juliet rarely took anything more than a paracetamol for a headache. If she could avoid sleeping tablets, she absolutely would. "I think I'm just coming to terms with everything. Poor Paige probably thought I was losing the plot this morning."

Caz looked over to Paige and smiled. "I bet she's been great."

"Oh, she has. I don't know what I'd have done without her. But this morning was a little bit touch and go with my mind. I…thought I'd seen Cara down on the street."

"Ah." Caz nodded slowly. "I guess that's to be expected, given what you've been through. And then the fact that she offed herself probably doesn't help. She's taken the chance for you to find closure away in some way."

Juliet didn't need to sit through a trial for closure. Honestly, if someone was capable of trying to kill her, why waste taxpayers' money by housing her in a prison? If Cara felt that suicide was the only way out of this, then that was her choice and her choice alone. Juliet wouldn't lose any sleep over it. No, she was just losing sleep for every other reason. "Does it make me a terrible person to be happy she's dead?"

"Well, if it does, that makes two of us." Caz laughed, then sipped her wine. "I don't think it makes you a terrible person at all. She put you through hell. Why should you find it in your heart to forgive her or care about her?"

"You're right."

"Edie has been asking about you." Caz crossed her legs, smiling at Paige and Hannah as they carried more bottles of wine and the cheese board through to the living room.

"Oh, has she made any plans for her birthday yet? Paige was telling me that she's really excited to do something."

Hannah groaned. "Please, no talk of Edie's birthday tonight. It's all I seem to think about. Even when I get into bed, I'm trying to plan it."

"She hasn't decided what she's doing yet?" Paige asked. "Her birthday is weeks away."

Caz held up her hands. "I give up with it all. You know she's only going to end up at the cinema or something."

Juliet suddenly had a bright idea. She wasn't sure any of them would go for it, but she could mention it anyway. "How about the bar?"

Hannah frowned. "I know you're all for fun, but my child is turning sixteen, Juliet. Not eighteen."

Juliet rolled her eyes as she waved a hand between them. "I know that. She stabbed me; she didn't give me a lobotomy." She sat forward, her hands clasped together. "Paige can take care of a few special mocktails and…the real stuff for us lot. I don't know what else, but we can figure it out."

"B-babe." Paige's face had drained of all colour as Juliet looked up at her. "You haven't been to the bar yet. I think it's a bit ambitious to offer something like that when you don't know how you'll react to being back there."

"I told you, Paige. She's not taking that bar from me. No way."

"And I agree, but it might be kinda soon."

Caz suddenly sat forward on the couch. "How about we agree to the bar but have a backup plan just in case? We won't tell Edie about The Hideout, and it can be a surprise."

Juliet grinned. "I love that idea. That it'll be a surprise."

"Perfect. Problem solved!"

Paige slumped into a seat on the couch opposite Juliet and Caz and puffed out her cheeks. "Guess I'll just go with the majority then."

Juliet watched Paige as she muttered something under her breath and shook her head. Why was Paige so against the idea? It surely couldn't just be about Juliet and going back there again. Whatever it was, she would speak to her later about it.

Laughter rang out around the apartment. Paige's face hurt from laughing, Juliet had tears streaming down her face, and Paige was certain Caz had choked on a grape a few moments ago. Of course she claimed she hadn't, but the red face gave her away.

"I can't believe you didn't think to move the things out of the drawer before they came to take the mattress." Juliet laughed again, almost spewing red wine down the front of Paige's white hoodie. "What was in there?"

Hannah groaned and placed her head in her hands. "Everything."

"No. I want a list. This is fucking brilliant!" Juliet waved a hand, fresh tears spilling down her cheeks. "If you're going to tell me there was just a pair of fluffy handcuffs in there, I'll be disappointed."

"No, they were leather," Caz said, cutting in as she squeezed Hannah's thigh.

"Fine." Hannah threw herself back against the couch. "Nipple clamps. A twelve-inch dildo, the harness for said fucking dildo, and a flog!"

Caz cleared her throat. "Um, there was a riding crop in there, too."

"Oh, MY GOD!" Juliet burst out laughing all over again, Paige's hand held tight in her own. "Baby, this is absolutely one to remember."

"You think?" Paige's eyes widened. "I'm just surprised by how fucking kinky our closest friends are." Paige eyed Hannah and winked. "And they had the cheek to call you dominant when we were there for dinner before I left for the tour."

Juliet refilled her wine glass and tipped it towards Hannah and Caz. "So, come on. Who wears the harness in this relationship?"

"Never mind that." Paige cut in. "I want to know what the poor guy delivering the new mattress had to say about it."

"He didn't say anything, thank God. But there was no way he didn't see it all. It was just there—you couldn't not see it." Hannah ran a hand through her hair. "But whatever. At least people know we have a healthy sex life."

Juliet turned to Paige and grinned. "It sounds like you and I need to up our game."

Paige was up for anything Juliet wanted to explore. She always would be. But that could wait until they were even in a position to get handsy again. Right now, it was the last thing on Paige's mind. Juliet was going through a serious recovery. "You've got it, babe."

"Right. I'm getting us more snacks." Caz got to her feet and looked down at Hannah. "And you can help me."

They left the living room area, and Paige turned to Juliet. "Hey, about before."

"You mean the bar?" Juliet lifted a brow, tipsy from the wine consumed so far.

"Yeah. Uh, are you sure it's a good idea? You know I support whatever you decide, but Edie's birthday is literally a few weeks away."

Juliet lifted a shoulder. "It'll be fine. I have to go back there eventually."

"I know that. I just don't want you to push yourself if you're not ready, that's all." Paige squeezed Juliet's hand. "You're not even sleeping properly, babe. The moment you walk into that bar, things could come back."

"I'm sure they will. When they do, I'll deal with it then."

Paige sighed. She may as well speak to a brick wall about this. "Fine."

"I understand what you're saying, Paige. I really do. But I want to get on with my life. That's not going to happen if you keep trying to convince me it's not the right time."

Ouch. That stung.

Paige hadn't been trying to convince Juliet when it came to anything. She just wanted her to do whatever was best for herself. But what did Paige know? She wasn't inside Juliet's mind. "Right. I see."

"It'll be okay." Juliet looked pointedly at Paige.

Figuring that she would just mind her own business in the future, Paige let go of Juliet's hand and got to her feet. "I'll give the girls a hand with the snacks."

"Hey." Juliet caught Paige's hand as she tried to walk away. "I do appreciate what you're saying."

All Paige could offer was a smile. She didn't want to fall out with Juliet. "Sure." Paige wandered into the kitchen, smiling at Caz as she stepped past her. She glanced over her shoulder and cleared her throat once Caz had sat back down. "Need a hand?"

"Oh, no. Go and sit down with Juliet. I can get the rest." Hannah looked up at Paige, her eyes narrowed. "Unless this is your way of needing to talk?"

"Nah. What's the point?" Paige shoved her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie.

"The point of talking? Well, if you need to…there's a huge point." Hannah wiped her hands on a towel and gave her attention over to Paige. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I think I'm starting to piss Juliet off when it comes to her recovery now."

Hannah laughed, stopping when Paige didn't laugh with her. "Oh. You're serious."

"I love that she wants to do Edie's party at the bar, but I don't think she's ready to go back there."

"Don't worry. As Caz said, we can have a backup plan."

The thought of walking into the bar with Juliet was beginning to weigh heavy on Paige's mind. She knew she wasn't ready, so Juliet surely couldn't be. "I don't think I ever want to go in there again."

Hannah stepped closer. "So, it's you that is struggling with the bar, not Juliet?"

"I think she will struggle when she gets there. But I already know how I feel about it. She's not listening to me, though. She thinks it'll be fine, and life will just go on."

"Maybe it will." Hannah shrugged. "I guess you won't know until you go there."

"Yeah. Who knows?" Paige didn't want to let Juliet down when the day did come for walking back into The Hideout. So for now, she would just have to figure it out herself.

Paige crept out of the bedroom, squinting at the light coming from the corner of the living room. Juliet sat on the couch, the TV played low, and it was a little after three in the morning. Juliet had fallen asleep within minutes of getting into bed earlier, so this had been the last thing Paige expected to see. They'd barely even managed to hold a sentence between one another.

She crossed the room, a hand dragged through her hair as Juliet looked back over her shoulder. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?"

"No. I just…woke up. Probably because I realised you weren't in bed next to me." Paige sunk down onto the couch next to Juliet, pulling Juliet against her. "Come here. Snuggle me." Juliet immediately wrapped her arm around Paige's waist, and then they both shifted until they were lying down. "Do you need to talk about anything?"

"No. I just want to sleep for one fucking night." Juliet sighed, squeezing herself against Paige. "I'm so tired, Paige."

"I know, babe. I don't know how to help you with that. But when you do wake up in the middle of the night, please wake me up, too. I'd rather be out here with you."

Juliet tilted her head up and looked at Paige. "What did I ever do to deserve someone as perfect as you?"

"We found one another because we're perfect together. Don't put all the praise on me." Paige kissed Juliet's forehead, lingering as she closed her eyes. "I need you to talk to me when you're not sleeping, okay?"

"I don't have anything to say. I just can't sleep," Juliet said, dipping her hand beneath Paige's T-shirt and resting it on her stomach. "I just want something normal. I know the girls really helped tonight, but I need more normal."

"Okay. What sort of normal do you want?" Paige stared up at the ceiling, enjoying the way Juliet gently grazed her nails against the skin of her stomach. "You want to head out somewhere this week? Maybe even a weekend away if you're feeling up to it?"

"I don't mean through the week, Paige. I mean right here, right now."

Paige frowned as she looked down at Juliet. "It doesn't get more normal than us lying on the couch with one another."

"I…I miss you, Paige." Juliet's voice broke, concerning Paige more than she already was. She hated all of this. She just wanted Juliet to be okay. Physically, she was getting there, she was doing amazing, but when it came to her mental health, it wasn't great.

"I'm right here with you." Paige shifted down the couch further, coming face to face with Juliet. "And I always will be."

"I miss the way you touch me. The way you anchor me. I miss who we used to be."

Who they used to be? As far as Paige was concerned, they were exactly who they'd always been. A little battered and bruised, but nothing had changed for Paige. Nothing at all. "Babe, if you need something from me that I'm not doing right, you only have to tell me."

Juliet stared back at Paige with tears in her eyes. "I love you, and I know you love me, but…do you think we'll ever be intimate again?"

Whoa. Paige hadn't expected that to be what Juliet said to her. "Us? Intimate?"

"Y-yes. We haven't really been very close since everything happened." Juliet closed her eyes, a single tear falling to Paige's arm that rested under Juliet's head. "I had so many hopes for when you came home. I couldn't wait to reconnect with you after having to steal moments with one another. But then everything turned to shit, and I don't know how you feel about intimacy anymore. We haven't even come close to anything more than a slight kiss."

God, that broke Paige's heart. She never wanted Juliet to question their relationship. Not a single element of it. "Hey, I love you so much, and when you're ready, I'm ready." Paige kissed the tip of Juliet's nose. "You've been through a hell of a lot lately, babe. I'm sorry if I've seemed distant. I just…don't want to hurt you."

"I don't hurt anymore."

"No?" Paige smiled, knowing exactly what Juliet was trying to say. "Not at all?"

Juliet didn't respond. She simply stared back at Paige, waiting for her to make the first move. Was Paige worried she wasn't ready? Yes, she was. But she didn't want to discuss it with Juliet for fear of her believing Paige was trying to get out of whatever was about to happen. Honestly, she missed touching Juliet so much. Because nothing should have been this way, and Juliet was right. They'd had so many filthy plans for when Paige came home.

"Paige, if you don't want?—"

Paige silenced Juliet with a kiss, deepening it as Juliet wrapped a hand through Paige's hair. She never wanted Juliet to look at her and question her love. Never. All she wanted was to feel their connection, deeper than ever before.

Juliet tightened the hand in Paige's hair, pulling back to catch her breath. When she looked back at Paige, fire in her eyes, Paige knew Juliet wanted whatever she claimed she did only moments ago. She gripped Juliet's hip, careful to avoid her stomach and wound area, and went back in for another kiss.

She slid her tongue into Juliet's mouth, savouring the very taste she had missed. No woman in this world would ever taste as good as Juliet did. Juliet loosened the hand in Paige's hair and brought it between them. She took the hand Paige had settled on her hip and guided it past the waistband of her sweats. "P-Paige, I need you."

Paige didn't wait a second to feel Juliet. If this was what worked for her, then so be it. Paige would always feel honoured to be the woman pleasuring Juliet. Life may be up and down right now, but this right here was who they were. It was what they wanted from one another. Paige…could never turn it down.

She pressed two fingers between Juliet's lips, smiling against her mouth when Juliet gasped. That sound was as beautiful as ever but far more powerful tonight. Paige drew back and gazed into Juliet's eyes. "I never want you to think I don't need this as much as you, babe." Paige dipped lower and eased into Juliet. Her eyes shone, the love undeniable, but it was quickly taken over by intense arousal as Paige slowly pushed in and out. "I'll always want you. Every minute of the day."

"O-oh, Paige." Juliet's lips parted when Paige touched her forehead to Juliet's. "Y-yes."

Paige cradled Juliet with one arm, unable to take her eyes off the woman she would call her wife one day. "Fuck, Juliet."

Juliet whimpered, her walls squeezing Paige's fingers.

"I can feel how much you need me." Paige dipped her head and kissed Juliet again. Was she surprised that Juliet was so desperate for her? Yes. Should she be? Probably not. If there was one thing they had plenty of…it was hot and steamy moments together. "And you're close."

"S-so close." Juliet slipped a hand down her sweats and moaned as she teased her clit. "F-fuck, baby."

"Mm, that's it." Fewer things in life were greater than watching Juliet come undone. "You wanna come for me?"

"I-I…" Juliet came silently, her eyes locked on Paige's.

Paige grinned, watching several emotions cross Juliet's face. "God, you're so fucking beautiful when you come."

Juliet shook against Paige, still working her clit slowly. Paige slipped out of her, joining in as she entwined her fingers with Juliet's. "T-that," Juliet said, light gasps falling from her mouth as Paige pressed a little harder. "Oh, fuck, that was exactly what I needed."

Paige slowly rolled her fingers, aware that Juliet's eyes were barely open as she nuzzled into Paige's chest. "Relax and close your eyes. This is our bed for the rest of the night."