Chapter 16 - Oliver

18 YEARS OLD

N orth Carolina has never held much of an appeal to me. It's hot and humid. Although there are rare moments—such as now—when I appreciate its beauty. Sitting in Hunter's car as he drives aimlessly with his hand gripping my thigh, I stare out the window at the pine trees surrounding us. Moments like these make me appreciate the beauty of this town. Or maybe I'm just seeing everything through rose-colored glasses and can enjoy the beauty of everything because I'm happy.

If I'm being honest, I'm the happiest I've ever been.

We're still having our midnight escapades, and after we're both sated, we fall asleep holding each other. Sometimes, he snuggles up to me from behind, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he rests his arm over my side. Other times, he's on his back, where I rest my cheek against his chest and memorize how his heart beats when he holds me in his arms.

I swear it's different than when he's not holding me. It's different with every single thing we do together. When I go down on him, sometimes I rest my hand over his heart just so I can feel how he feels about me. And when he comes in my mouth, and I swallow him down, I sense the way it speeds up and tries to jump out of his chest. I want to catch it in my hand and never let it go. My favorite, however, is when he holds me; its soft, steady thump lulls me to sleep every single time. It's calm, serene—nothing like the frenzy we feel when we're holding each other back from fucking.

I'm not sure why we haven't done it—fuck. But there's nothing I want more. He holds back though, not me . Hunter's still in denial. He can tell me he loves me, that he wants me. But he won't admit to being gay. He can't, he says. I think he cares too much about what people would think. I can understand that, but I'm sort of tired of being his dirty little secret. I want to be out in the open with someone who is proud of me being theirs. Someone who wants to hold my hand and kiss me in public, not just under the sheets as we gasp and moan into each other's greedy mouths.

Hunter's hand flexes against my thigh, and I peer over at him. It's dark out, and it's even darker in the car. I see the silhouette of his profile, of his straight nose and his full lips. I want to bite the bottom one and drag my teeth over it until he gasps. But I keep myself in check, if only because he said he wanted to come out here and have a talk. He wants to talk to me, which probably means he's breaking up with me.

My heart flips and squeezes in my chest as he parks at Falls Lake, our little secret spot. It's where we come when he takes me on night drives, which seems to be happening more often. Mom and Dad aren't even suspicious, they are just glad we're finally spending more time together.

There's a moment of silence between us, and I notice the way his chest heaves and his knuckles blanch from his tight grip on the steering wheel. His citrus scent intoxicates me, and my nostrils flare as I try to inhale it deeper into my lungs. Fuck, I'm so in love with him. Please, God. Don't let him break up with me. I don't know if I can live without him. And I don't want to find out.

"Are you okay?" I ask softly as he grips my thigh instead of the steering wheel. I suck in a sharp breath and try again. "Why do we need to talk?"

Hunter clears his throat twice, then sighs. His grip falters on my thigh, and he pulls his hand away and runs it through his light brown hair. He's so fucking beautiful it hurts to look at him sometimes. So I glance away. Mostly because if I don't, I'll start crying, and if he's going to break up with me, I want to stay strong. Even though I don't think I'm above begging, and that's scary.

"I—" He pauses. "I wanted to talk about us. About what's next…"

"What do you mean?"

"Senior year is almost over, Ollie." I dig my fingers into the side of my leg, trying to keep my hand from shaking. This is it. I just know it is. "What's going to happen after? How are we going to make this work?"

"If you're here to break up?—"

"Break up?" he asks, confused. His eyes narrow on me and his lips tip down in a grimace. "Why the fuck would I break up with you? I love you."

My body deflates in relief, and I finally look at him. His forest eyes appear dim in the moonlight, although he still looks at me with a bit of sparkle in them. It's almost as if he does love me. And for the first time in a long time, I let myself believe it. I let him in. Except I'm not fooling myself. He's had my heart in a vice grip for months now.

"You said we needed to talk." I shrug. "That's usually code for breaking up."

"You're so silly sometimes." He grins. "I don't want to break up with you."

"Then, what do you want?"

Hunter reaches for my hand and intertwines our fingers. I grasp him tightly, and I'm sure it hurts, but he doesn't complain. Waiting for him to talk is a fucking struggle. Still, I'm quiet as I impatiently shake my legs. He takes his time because, of course, he does. But he looks conflicted as if he doesn't know how to say it. His other hand on the steering wheel tightens again, and I swallow hard when his knuckles turn white once more.

"You," he whispers. "I want you. I want to hold your hand and kiss you and just…be with you." He says hoarsely.

I look at our intertwined hands, and like they're magnetized, my eyes go to his ring. Then my matching one. Our promise to each other. Blue and Green. Green and Blue. Hunt and Ollie. My head rolls on the headrest, and I close my eyes.

"So you want to come out?"

I hear him swallow and whisper, "I'd do anything for you." A pause. "But I don't think I'm ready yet."

My heart sinks.

What would it be like to have this ring on my other hand, on the same finger? It doesn't feel scary…or heavy. Instead, the thought of having Hunter forever is strangely comforting. It almost feels like we're on the same page after so long. Except for the small detail of him not coming out of the closet.

"I understand." I shake my head, and our eyes meet. His constrict and dilate, and then he appears relieved. "I do."

"I want forever, Ollie."

My heart trips over itself at those words, especially since that's exactly what I want. I just don't know how we're going to get there. "I want that too." I grin, and a smile blooms on his face. It's breathtaking. "Now kiss me. You scared the fuck out of me."

He chuckles, and his lips meet mine tenderly.

And I just know.

I know.

I want what he offered; I'm greedy for it. And I'd do anything to make it happen. Because forever by his side doesn't even begin to be long enough.