Chapter 10 - Hunter

I t has been three and a half weeks since Ollie and I have shared a bed, and it's killing me. I still remember that kiss, the way it made me feel. That's how a kiss is supposed to feel. That's what people have been raving about. I haven't felt it with any of the girls I've dated. I haven't felt it with anyone… but him. Surely it's because he's familiar and my best friend. Especially since he knows me more than anyone else. Only the way my toes curled when our tongues brushed against each other wasn't very brotherly, and neither was the way my dick got hard over it.

What is happening to me?

I'm straight.

How can I be gay when I'm not attracted to other guys? How can I be straight if kissing girls makes me want to throw up? What the hell am I? But no, I have to be straight. No one will accept me if I'm not. Either way, after that stupid kiss, I had to break up with Cam. I couldn't stomach the thought of kissing her again—not after feeling what it's supposed to be like. Which is why I'm determined to figure out if it was a fluke. A one-time thing. Maybe my body betrayed me. Maybe, just maybe, it was a natural reaction—it could've happened to, with, anyone . I just haven't found the right girl.

I tug the bathroom door open and walk quickly to Ollie's bed before I change my mind. As usual, he's curled up on his side, and I lie down facing him. "Ollie," I whisper, and his lashes flutter like butterfly wings. I'm transfixed, hypnotized, as he opens his big blue eyes and stares right into mine. The way he's gazing at me, I can't stand it. It's like he sees right through me.

"What is it?" His brows furrow. "Go back to your room."

We haven't talked since that night when he kissed me. I haven't even looked at him. It hurts thinking of how much I'm hurting him, but I just couldn't stomach the possibility that I see him as more than my brother. I still don't know if I can deal with it. However, I need to know if I'm going crazy. I need to try it one more time. I need to figure it out.

"No." I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Ollie. But please, I need to try it one more time. Please."

"No," he replies. "You've treated me like shit."

I have treated him like shit. I haven't kissed his forehead in three weeks. Haven't held his hand in three weeks. Haven't sat with him in the cafeteria. Haven't done any of the things we usually do. No one even bats an eye at the fact that I kiss my brother's cheek at school. They just think we're close—and we are.

"Please, Ollie," I beg. "Let me just try something."

"What?"

"I need—" My nostrils flare, and he shuts his eyes as if he's in pain. When he opens them again, I put my big boy pants on and say, "To know if it was real."

He sucks in a sharp breath. I see his eyes dip down to my mouth, then back up to my face, and I hold my breath. If he kissed me right now, I'd let him. And I don't know what that says about me…but I want it, too.

Fuck.

I want it, too.

"Please kiss me," I demand, and he shakes his head.

"If you want this, you do it."

I nod slowly, pushing him onto his back. Ollie is wearing nothing except a pair of black tight boxer briefs, and I glance down to see the head of his dick poking out of the waistband. My mouth waters at the sight, and my eyes snap back to his. The smirk on his face tells me I've been caught, though I still settle between his legs and lower my arms to either side of his face. Ever so slowly, I lower myself all the way until we're chest to chest, dick to dick, and inhale sharply. The urge to rock against him is strong, but I refrain. Instead, I lower my lips to his and kiss him softly.

His lips are plush and full against mine. Fuller than any girl's I've ever kissed, though it doesn't feel wrong. Just… different. His tongue brushes against my lips, and my dick immediately jerks, making me groan into his mouth. When he sucks my bottom lip between his, I rock my hips. Tingles erupt all over my body, from my head to my toes, and this time I shove my tongue down his throat. It's different with him—it feels so fucking good. He sucks on my tongue, and I about come in my boxers.

God.

When I finally pull away, I'm breathless. My chest is heaving, and I'm panting, my nostrils flaring with the effort to breathe. He deprived me of oxygen, and I didn't want to come back up. But damn it, I had to. This is too confusing, but I can't deny it. I've never felt this way before.

Before I can back out, I whisper, "I want this, Ollie."

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

I blow out a breath. "I want to explore whatever this is." He opens his mouth to reply, and I know he's going to reject me. "Please, I'll do anything you want. It just needs to be kept a secret."

Ollie looks at me for a long moment, lips pursed. Finally, he nods. "Okay."

"Yeah?" I can't deny I feel excited about doing this again.

"But Hunt…" I frown. "The first time I figured out I was gay, it was really scary. I'm here for you?—"

"I'm not gay," I cut him off, and his frown deepens. "I'm not."

"Okay," he whispers, and I turn around.

His arm drapes over my waist, and he becomes the big spoon this time. It's odd, considering I'm larger, but I don't mind. I like his warmth against my back.

"I got you, Hunt," he tells me, kissing my shoulder.

"I got you back."

And it's how we've always said I love you .

I hope he never stops.