12. Aria

Idon't sleep well. The conversation I had with Luca before he left and my current situation play over and over again in my mind. My decision to stay has been made, but it isn't like I have good choices to choose from. When I wake up this morning, I wonder if there is a third option.

As Roberta opens my curtains to greet the day, a part of me wants to stay in bed because what is there for me to do? I"m supposed to be getting a wedding dress, but to be honest, I"m not excited about the life it appears I'll have here.

I suppose I"ve set myself up for this disappointment, carrying on with fantasies of true love. Luca went to all this work to get me here. He even moved me into his bedroom. But he"s been gone more than he"s been here. The only time he spends with me is to have sex. Is that all he wants from me?

I"m really confused. On the one hand, he says he cares for me and wants to marry me, albeit only to appease Niko, but then he seems disinterested in me except for sex.

I drag myself from bed, showering and getting dressed. I make my way downstairs to the dining room, where cappuccino waits along with a buffet of breakfast pastries.

I"ve just sat down to eat when Bianca sweeps into the room. "Ciao, Amica. We're going shopping today for a wedding dress. You have to show me your ring." She sits down next to me and takes my hand. She frowns when she sees the unadorned ring finger and looks up into my face.

I shrug. "No ring."

She sits back, her eyes narrowing. "Is there a baby?"

I shake my head. Granted, Luca hasn"t used any protection, but I"ve been on the pill for many years simply because I like the convenience of knowing when my period is coming every month.

She studies me for a moment. "He must"ve asked you in the spur of the moment, in the heat of passion, right?"

I nod because I don't want her pity at learning Luca didn't ask me to marry him out of love but commanded it to keep my brother at bay.

"You are the envy of women all throughout Italy. You won the heart of Luca Conte." She stands and goes to make herself a plate.

I remember Luca telling me to call Bianca about shopping. I didn"t call her, so I wonder if he did. Or maybe he had Roberta call her.

Bianca returns to the table with her food. "We will go buy a dress, and then you will come out to my place. I"m having a little afternoon party. You"ll be able to meet the other wives."

Reality descends on me. I"m about to be a Mafia wife. And not just any Mafia wife but the wife of the most powerful Don in the country. Not long ago, the idea of that felt like a fairy tale, marrying into royalty, but today, the weight of it unsettles me. If only I could know for sure that Luca loves me. That he is marrying me for me, and not simply as a defensive move against my brother.

After breakfast, Bianca leads me out to a waiting sedan. "Today, Ernesto drives. We have many shops to go to."

We sit in the back of the car as her driver, Ernesto, takes us into town. The first stop is a bridal boutique.

"You"re marrying in the church where Luca's parents married. Luca's father very much liked tradition. It"s nice that Luca is honoring him in this way."

It"s information like this that reminds me of the deeper, more feeling person that Luca can be. What I don"t know is whether it"s authentic or just the politics of Mafia life.

I try on the first dress, a white, lacy, fitted dress that is traditional but pretty. I study myself in the mirror, trying not to show how unhappy I am that this isn't an exciting moment that I'd dreamed of. Elena, Lucy, and Kate should be here, not Bianca.

Behind me, Bianca frowns. "You don"t seem very happy for a bride-to-be."

I don"t know Bianca well enough to share my inner turmoil. I give her a wan smile. "I guess I"m still jet lagged."

She nods. "When we finish shopping, I"ll take you to my beach house. We'll have wine and be with the other wives. It will cheer you up."

I try on several dresses and finally pick one Bianca liked the most. After that, we go to a shop to buy lingerie. She tries to take me to buy a trousseau, but I tell her that Luca has already bought me a whole closet of clothes.

It"s nearly noon when Ernesto drives us out to Bianca"s house along the shore. I"m a little surprised as I walk in because it doesn"t look like a place where a Mafia capo would live. It has Bianca written all over it with pink and white décor and two little dogs dressed in pink greeting her at the door.

She calls out to someone in Italian. The only word I recognize is vino. I could definitely use some wine.

She leads me out onto a terrace that has a lovely view of the ocean. I"m served a glass of wine as other guests arrive. Bianca introduces me to the wives of the men who work for the Conte family. They all scrutinize me but remain guarded and polite, probably because I"m about to marry the Don.

As the wine flows, the wives loosen up and I begin to learn a lot about their lives here in Italy. To be honest, it"s not so different from the lives of Mafia wives back home. Mostly, they live to keep their husbands happy and on occasion get involved in business. It"s a traditional life, but because they have money, they also are able to enjoy many of life"s luxuries. It"s not so different for Elena, although I know Niko works very hard to keep her happy, helping her indulge in her interests. Lucy is an entirely different kind of Mafia wife, one that I doubt would be allowed here in Italy where tradition is so important.

As I sit with these women, I see my future. It"s not horrible, but I wonder if at some point it"ll begin to feel tedious and small despite all the luxuries. Women here are still subservient to the whims of their powerful husbands. Because of the potential dangers in their world, they're not fully free and able to be spontaneous. This is how I grew up and how my life will be no matter whether I live here or in New York. But Luca has given me a choice of which gilded cage I prefer.

Bianca"s housekeeper serves us a platter of antipasti, and wine keeps coming.

I don"t miss the judgmental expressions of all the wives when they learn I can"t converse in Italian, but they all agree to speak English.

"Alfredo is buying me a condo in Switzerland," Maria, a middle-aged, yet very chic, woman says in English.

"Out of love or guilt?" Allessa, a wife around Bianca's age, early thirties, asks.

Maria laughs. "I found out he bought one of his mistresses a diamond bracelet. So, of course, I used that. We should all plan a trip."

I stare at Maria, who doesn"t seem at all concerned that her husband has a mistress. I expect the other women to console her or ask why she's still with him. Instead, they share all the gifts they"ve received from their husbands as a penance for infidelity.

I must be gaping because Bianca asks, "What is the matter, Aria?"

"I"m just so surprised to hear how you accept the fact that your husbands are unfaithful. Shouldn"t you be angry and hurt?"

Bianca laughs. "How do you think I got this lovely villa that I have decorated in pink? Besides, I"m very happy that Gino has his girlfriends because he"s old and fat and I don"t like it when he touches me."

I'm in shock. "All of your husbands have a mistress?"

The ladies look at me like they wonder what the big deal is.

"You are young." Maria looks at me with a mixture of motherly wisdom and pity. "You still believe in fairy tales."

"It doesn't mean our husbands don't love us. But they have needs we can't always give, especially when they're doing business or traveling," Francesca, one of the other wives, states. Like Bianca, her tone suggests she isn't interested in having sex with her husband. Do they love these men?

"Of course, Don Conte might be different." Bianca's expression tells me she's just trying to be nice.

"His father was devoted to his wives," Maria adds.

Allessa laughs. "He couldn't perform for his last wife."

I perk up. "Lucy?"

They look at me, confused.

"Lucia?" I ask, remembering Lucy is the nickname we use. "My brother is married to her sister."

They exchange glances that I can't decipher. Did they not know Lucy returned to New York? That she was a co-boss with her husband, Donovan, in New Jersey?

"Yes, Lucia. She was good to Don Conte… Giuseppe." Bianca clarifies that she's referring to Luca's father. "I know Luca feels indebted to her for her kindness and friendship to his father."

"She's remarried, is she not?" Maria asks.

"I nod. Donovan. He's a good?—"

"An Irishman?" Maria raises a brow.

"His last name is Ricci." I'm reminded that in Italy, they stick closer to the old ways, including only Italians in the Mafia. "They're expecting a baby." I'm not sure why I say that or even if it's wise. Does Lucy have enemies who would cross the ocean to try and hurt her or her baby?

"Do you have children?" I quickly ask to move the conversation along.

Maria and Alessa have two children. Francesca laments that she is likely expecting her fourth child. Perhaps that's why she seems to not like having sex with her husband.

The conversation continues about motherhood, but my mind reels about their acceptance of infidelity. Do all Mafia wives have to put up with this or just these ones? This, of course, leads me to wonder if Luca is faithful. Is he expecting me to accept that he'll have a woman on the side? God. Is he with another woman now? Is that why he stayed overnight in Rome?

I'm feeling sick. I rise from my chair to go get a glass of water.

"Is everything alright?" Bianca asks.

"I just want some water."

"I can have Rosa bring?—"

"No, that"s okay. I need to walk off this wine." I smile and hope they don't see how torn up I am.

I can't turn my mind off as I sip the water and contemplate my life. But I can't stand in the kitchen all day, so I make my way back to the terrace. When I return, the women are speaking Italian. I don't know what they're saying, but I recognize Luca's name. They stop talking abruptly, suggesting they were talking about me.

The women all look at Bianca expectantly.

"What?" I ask.

"They are concerned that your… expectations for marriage are na?ve," Bianca says carefully.

Na?ve? Isn't that what Luca called me?

"I told you what Luca went through to get me here, the risk he's taking by going against my brother. Why would he do that if he didn't love me? Only me." How odd that I'm defending him when my brain is filled with doubt.

Bianca nods. "Of course?—"

"Show her, Bianca," Maria says.

"It doesn't prove anything. And I'm not about to upset Don Conte's betrothed. Are you?" Bianca's carefree fa?ade cracks with nerves.

The women shirk back, which I take to be an expression of their fear of Luca. Would he hurt them? The image of the begging man returns. Just how brutal is Luca?

"Show me what?" I ask.

"It's nothing?—"

"No. I want to know." My voice is bolder, demanding. I might be na?ve, but I'm not a doormat.

Bianca purses her lips, but she pulls out her phone, poking at it. Then she hands it to me. The image on the screen shows Luca with a large-breasted woman who is pulling at his tie, and his hand is on hers. They appear to be in a club. My stomach sinks, but I suck in a breath to keep strong.

I look at the woman. "Luca is a powerful, handsome man. I'm sure women try to seduce him all the time."

All eyes are pitying me.

"That's Electra. She's been a plaything of Don Conte's for some time," Francesca says.

"It's well known that she wanted to be his wife," Maria adds.

Bianca makes a face. "She's trash. And you're right, Aria, it's possible she's just trying to get him back. She works at his club."

The women shake their heads, and I know Bianca is trying to make light of the situation. Inside, my heart is beating a million miles a minute. All my doubt is gone, replaced with surety that I made a mistake in coming here.

Bianca looks at the women knowingly.

"Bianca is right," Allesandra says. "Don Conte is a good man, like his father."

The rest of the women nod, but I know they're patronizing me. Probably because they worry what Luca will do if he finds out they told me about his mistress.

I try to brush it off because it's humiliating enough. "I'll make him forget her."

The ladies laugh. "That's the spirit."

I'm glad when I can leave without it looking like I'm running away. I wait until after a few other of the wives leave, then yawn and report that I'm still jet lagged.

Bianca asks Ernesto to take me home. I'm relieved she's not coming with me because my mind is reeling, and I need quiet to think. By the time I'm dropped off at Luca's door, I know what I have to do.

I first go to Luca's room and search for my bag. I can't find it and decide I don't need to pack. In fact, it will be easier if I don't. I have plenty of clothes in New York, assuming Niko hasn't tossed them out. The question is can I get home, and will Niko take me in, protect me if needed?

I leave the room, heading downstairs, skulking about until I find Luca's office. Trying the knob, I find it's unlocked. I slip in, shutting the door. If I'm caught, who knows what will happen to me. Luca will probably lock me up. Didn't he tell me it's within his right to force me to stay?

I stop for a moment, remembering he gave me a choice. But did he really? He'd seduced me to manipulate me to make sure I chose him. He's angry at Niko. Would he do something to me to get back at him? God, I'm so confused.

I find a landline phone and pick up the receiver, listening to see if it works. The buzz sound is different in Italy, but it appears to work. Having lived in Europe for years, I know how to call the United States. I dial the country code and then Niko's number.

"Unless you're returning Aria, we have nothing to talk about."

I'm so relieved to hear his voice. "It's me, Niko."

"Aria? Are you okay? What has that fucker done to you?"

"Ah…" Technically, I'm alright. Mostly, I'm embarrassed and feeling like a stupid woman. "I'm fine, but I want to come home."

"He won't let you?"

"I don't know. He's out of town. I just?—"

"I can't get a plane there until tomorrow, but I can get you a ticket. Can you get to the airport?"

I have no idea. But I'd escaped his place. I'll find a way out of Luca's. "I'll find a way."

"Where's your phone?" Niko knows Luca would have taken my phone.

"I don't have it. Hold on." I start opening drawers in Luca's desk. It's a fool's quest except there in the bottom drawer is my phone. "I found it, but I don't know if it works." I turn the phone on. I'm down to thirty percent battery life. "I don't know if the SIM card is in it."

"That's okay." He rattles off apps not requiring a SIM card that I can use to contact him. "Keep the phone with you, but hide it, okay? I'll send you flight details when I have them."

"Okay." The line is quiet for long moments. "I'm sorry?—"

"Just come home, Aria. Be careful. Be smart. And come home."

I hang up, shoving the phone inside my dress's bodice. I sneak out of Luca's office and head back to my room to change. I put on jeans and a T-shirt with a sweater over it. I slip on a pair of ankle boots and shove the phone inside. It's uncomfortable to walk, but I make my way down to the kitchen.

"I miss Luca," I announce. "I'm supposed to be with him."

The young servant looks at me with a lost expression. "Mi dispiaci, no capito." She doesn't understand.

"Luca. Io voglio Luca. Auto?" I tell her I want Luca and improvise driving with my hands to see if I can get a car.

She bites her lip, then says something in Italian. Her eyes glance toward a small cupboard near the back door. I go to it, opening it to find several sets of keys. I pick the one that I'm sure isn't a sports car and head out back.

"Io vado a Luca a Roma." I'm going to Luca in Rome, I tell her.

She still looks uncertain but doesn't stop me.

"It's a surprise," I tell her. "Surpriso?"

She tilts her head. "Sorpresa?"

I nod. "Yes." I press my index finger over my mouth hoping that "shh" is a universal sign. I don't want her to call him or tell anyone.

She nods, and I exit the kitchen into a breezeway that leads to the garage. I find the car, happy that it"s a sedan, and climb in. If I can get out the gate, I'm as good as gone.

I pull the car out and head toward the gate. I don't know where the airport is, but I plan to wait to set the GPS until I'm away from here. I don't want the guards to see.

As I approach the gate, I'm surprised that it opens. As I slowly drive through, one of Luca's men waves. I'm shocked. I'm also a little worried about what will happen to the guard when Luca realizes this man let me go. But I can't think of that.

Once to the road, I turn right heading to the town using the route Bianca took me. At the first open spot, I pull over and enter the Rome Airport into GPS. The map with the most direct route feels like a lifeline.

I follow it, my hands gripping the wheel. I know I won't be safe until I'm on the plane in the air heading to New York. But the farther I get from Luca's villa, the more I can breathe. Soon, I'll be home and safe with my family.

I have a pang of sadness at leaving, but I remind myself that the feeling is for the Luca I thought he was and for the life I thought we might have. But now I know the truth about him. He's a lethal, manipulative man, and I was a fool to fall for him.