Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

The afternoon sun filtered through the windows, casting a warm glow over the music room where Miles sat with the ladies. Elodie's skilled fingers danced across the ivory keys of the pianoforte while Melody's voice soared in perfect harmony. Edwina sat on a camelback settee with her head bent over her needlework.

Miles held a book in his hand but it had long been forgotten. His thoughts were consumed by Edwina. He wanted to marry her, and he was doing a poor job of trying to convince her of such. He knew her reasons for turning down his offer, but he couldn't help but hope that she would change her mind.

The internal struggle between his desire for Edwina and his duty to Arabella weighed heavily on his heart. The familiar stab of guilt tugged at him once again, as it had been doing ever since he met Edwina.

Edwina lifted her head from her needlework and met his gaze. "You haven't even opened your book yet, my lord," she said.

Miles should have felt some embarrassment for being caught staring at her, but he felt none. Instead, he smiled. "I'm afraid it hasn't caught my attention."

"You might try opening the book and reading before coming to that conclusion," Edwina remarked, a spark of mirth dancing in her eyes.

Miles chuckled. "Perhaps I shall." He rose from his seat and moved to sit next to her on the settee. "Do you play the pianoforte?"

"I do," Edwina replied, turning her gaze towards Elodie who was still playing. "But not quite as magnificently as my cousin."

"Can you sing?" Miles inquired.

Edwina made a face. "No, I possess the vocal prowess of a rusted wagon wheel."

Miles grinned at her unique comparison. "That is rather specific."

"It is true, I'm afraid," Edwina said.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Miles asked, "Then what are you good at?"

Edwina lowered the needlework she had been working on to her lap. "I enjoy painting and I have been told that I have some skill in it."

"Who told you that?"

Edwina's lips twitched. "My father."

"Only your father?"

With a graceful gesture towards a painting hanging on the far wall, Edwina replied, "You may decide for yourself. I painted that one last summer."

Miles rose and walked over to the painting. It was a scene of the woodlands where he had first truly spoken to Edwina. She had managed to capture the essence of the place perfectly and it invoked a sense of calm as he admired the painting.

Edwina came to stand next to him, her eyes watching his reaction intently. "It isn't awful, is it?" she asked, almost hesitant .

"No, it is far from that. It is… perfect." And he meant every word.

"You are very kind."

"It has nothing to do with kindness," Miles insisted. "When I look at this painting, I feel like I am there in the woodlands, sitting on that rock and listening to the gentle trickle of the stream."

Edwina turned her attention towards the painting. "It took me many days to capture the serenity and beauty of that spot."

"You succeeded," he praised.

Their conversation was interrupted by the end of the musical piece, and Miles looked over to see Bennett and Winston entering the room.

Elodie broke the silence as she removed her hands from the keys. "How was angling?"

"It was terrible," Winston sighed. "I hardly caught anything."

Bennett smiled at his brother. "But we did get to enjoy some brotherly bonding time instead. That is far more important than a few fish."

Winston shrugged. "I still would have preferred some fish though," he said in a teasing voice.

Meeting Miles' gaze, Bennett asked, "And how did your meeting in the village go?"

"It went quite well, but perhaps we could discuss it in private," Miles suggested.

Bennett nodded his understanding. "Of course. Shall we adjourn to the drawing room for a moment?"

Elodie rose gracefully from her seat. "I do not like this. It would appear that everyone has secrets but me."

"I don't have any secrets," Melody said.

Winston joined his sisters, placing a comforting hand on Elodie's shoulder. "Do not fret. They are keeping secrets from me as well. "

A mischievous glint appeared in Elodie's eyes as she proposed, "Perhaps we should go around the room and spill our secrets."

Bennett gave his sister an amused look. "When the right time comes, I promise I will tell you all my secrets."

Elodie raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You have more than one?"

"I have many," Bennett admitted. "But let us focus on the matter at hand. We will return shortly."

Miles followed Bennett out of the music room with Edwina on his arm. Once they arrived in the drawing room, Bennett turned to face them with an uncharacteristic solemn look on his face and asked, "What did Mr. Stanley say?"

Edwina dropped her hand from Miles' sleeve and replied, "He didn't say much. Quite frankly, he couldn't say much. He is loyal to your father."

"That is what I feared would happen," Bennett said.

With a resigned sigh, Edwina remarked, "I just thought that Mr. Stanley would sympathize with the villagers' plight. But I was wrong."

"You have a good heart, Edwina," Bennett praised. "It is my turn to do something about this. I will speak to my father and encourage him to do the right thing."

"But we already tried that," Edwina pointed out.

Bennett placed a hand on her shoulder. "I can be rather persuasive when I want to be."

Miles interjected, "I do think it would be a good thing for you to become more involved in the running of the estate."

"As do I," Bennett responded. "I don't know why my father has been so insistent that he handles the accounts. It makes me wonder what else he is hiding."

Edwina kept her voice low as she asked, "Did you tell Winston about your father's mistress?"

"No," Bennett said with a shake of his head. "I want to speak to my father first. "

"When do you intend to do that?" Miles asked.

Bennett's eyes held a sadness to them as he replied, "Tomorrow, after the soiree. I must admit that I am not looking forward to this difficult conversation, but it must be done."

Edwina gave her cousin an encouraging look. "Would you like me to accompany you?"

"I appreciate the offer, but this is something I have to do on my own," Bennett stated.

As he uttered his words, Lady Dallington stepped into the room and said, "Edwina, there you are. It is time for you to start getting ready for the soiree. I just sent Elodie and Melody up to their bedchambers."

Edwina tipped her head. "Yes, Aunt Catherine," she responded before giving Miles a private smile.

Once Edwina departed from the room, Lady Dallington met Miles' gaze and said, "I was hoping to speak to you in private."

Bennett performed an exaggerated bow. "I do believe that is my cue to leave," he declared before he stepped out, leaving them alone.

Lady Dallington gestured towards the settees and asked, "Shall we sit for a moment?"

Unsure of what Lady Dallington wished to speak to him about, Miles walked over to the settee and sat down with an expectant gaze.

A smile came to her lips, setting him at ease. "How are you faring?" she asked.

"I am well," came his honest reply.

Lady Dallington seemed to consider him for a moment before saying, "I can't help but notice the remarkable change that has come over you since you arrived at our doorstep." She paused. "And I do believe that Edwina had something to do with that."

Miles saw no reason to deny that fact. "It is true," he replied. "She helped me to look past my grief and made me realize that I was living in the past."

"Yes, and you helped Edwina as well," Lady Dallington said.

"I do believe we helped each other."

Lady Dallington's smile grew. "Yes, you did, which is why I think you two would be perfect for one another."

Miles shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "As do I, but I can't convince Edwina to marry me."

"Do you know why that is?"

His jaw clenched as he admitted, "I can't give her the one thing that she so desperately wants- love."

"Interesting, and why is that?" Lady Dallington asked. "After all, you two are quite enamored with one another."

Miles decided it would be best just to be honest with Lady Dallington. "I love my wife, Arabella, and it is my duty to love her to the end of my days," he said in an unwavering voice.

Understanding crossed Lady Dallington's features. "Did you know that I was married before Lionel?"

Miles shook his head. "No, I did not."

"I, too, married the love of my life, and we set out to have a life together," Lady Dallington shared, her eyes growing reflective. "But he died shortly thereafter, leaving me alone. Rather than let me grieve, my father was insistent that I marry again and even arranged a marriage with Lionel."

Miles remained quiet, unsure of what to say.

Lady Dallington continued. "Lionel was persistent in his affection, just as I suspect you are, and I grew to love him."

"How was that possible?" he asked.

Her face softened. "Love doesn't always make sense. In fact, falling in love when you least expect it is the greatest kind of love."

"What about my love for Arabella?"

"You are always going to love Arabella, but opening your heart again is not betraying her. It is honoring her memory," Lady Dallington said. "Do you truly think that Arabella would have wanted you to stop living?"

Miles lowered his gaze. "No, she wouldn't have."

Leaning forward in her seat, Lady Dallington said, "I know this is not my place, but I can see it in your eyes. You love Edwina."

His gaze shot up. "That is impossible," he exclaimed. "I care for Edwina- greatly- but love…" His words trailed off as he searched for what to say to convince Lady Dallington that he didn't love Edwina.

Lady Dallington gave him a warm smile. "Are you attempting to convince me that you don't love Edwina or are you trying to convince yourself of that?"

Miles' shoulders slumped. "I don't know." And that was the truth. Did he love Edwina? He wasn't sure, but he couldn't deny that even though they had been together for only a short time, he couldn't imagine a life without her.

"Life is a journey. One never knows what unexpected surprises will be waiting around the corner," Lady Dallington said.

"And what if…" His voice hitched as he struggled to say his next words. It was the one fear that weighed heavily on his heart. "What if I lose Edwina, too?"

Lady Dallington's eyes held compassion as she replied, "Then you pick yourself back up and live another day."

"I don't know if I can take that chance," Miles admitted.

Rising, Lady Dallington said, "Then your journey will be a lonely one." She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Trust your heart and choose to let go of fear."

As she departed from the room, Miles settled back into his seat. Lady Dallington made it sound so easy. But he was scared. If he didn't love Edwina, it wouldn't hurt as much when she inevitably would depart from his life.

But his heart was telling him a different story. A heart that was supposed to be impenetrable. Yet, it seemed to have started beating again- the moment he met Edwina.

Dressed in a jonquil ballgown with an intricate lave overlay, Edwina emerged from her bedchamber and saw Miles leaning casually against the wall. He straightened at the sight of her, his posture suddenly more formal.

His eyes perused the length of her, and in them, she saw a glimmer of approval, making her feel beautiful. She had never felt more beautiful than when she was in Miles' presence. The way he looked at her made her feel appreciated. Cherished, even.

"Good evening, Edwina," he greeted with a charming smile, causing her heart to take flight.

She gave him a questioning look. "Do tell, why were you loitering outside of my bedchamber?" she asked, playfully.

"I was merely waiting for you," he replied. "I had hoped to accompany you to the library where your family is gathering before the soiree."

Edwina smiled, secretly pleased by his gesture. "I would greatly appreciate that, kind sir."

As Miles offered his arm, he said, "I must admit that I look forward to these moments alone with you."

"As do I," she admitted.

They started walking down the corridor and a comfortable silence descended over them. She wanted to say something clever, but she was at a loss for words.

Fortunately, Miles broke the silence. "Are you looking forward to the soiree?"

Edwina nodded. "Yes, it will be the first social event that I have attended since my father passed away. "

"And how are you coping with that realization?" Miles asked gently.

"Better than I expected. It feels like the right time to move on and embrace Society," she answered.

Miles gave her a knowing look. "So you have no objections to dancing the first set with me?"

"I have many," Edwina replied. "Not that I object to dancing with you, but the fact that all eyes will surely be upon us when we join my aunt and uncle on the dance floor."

With a curious glance at her, Miles asked, "Dare I ask if you are a proficient dancer?"

"I am a much better dancer than I am a singer," she responded.

His lips curled into a smirk. "That doesn't give me much hope then."

"I would say my dancing is perfectly adequate," Edwina said.

"That is what every dance partner wishes to hear," he teased, his eyes sparking with amusement.

Edwina laughed. "I promise that I won't step on your boots or trip you," she said. "But it has been quite some time since I danced a set."

"Well, that makes two of us. My last dance was with Arabella…" His words trailed off as a pained look came into his eyes.

Unsure of how to respond, she gently asked, "Would you prefer if we didn't dance?"

After a moment, the pain seemed to dissipate from his eyes and the familiar light returned. "No, no," he said quickly, shaking his head. "I am glad that I am dancing a set with you." His words sounded genuine.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable…" Edwina started.

Miles stopped and turned to face her, stilling her words. "I want to dance with you, Edwina. You must know that. "

Holding his gaze, she asked softly, "But will it bring back painful memories?"

A determined look came over Miles' features as he spoke in a resolute voice. "I have decided it is time to create new memories."

A blush crept up Edwina's cheeks at his words. "That is good," she remarked, pleased that her voice remained steady.

A look of uncertainty flashed across Miles' expression- a stark contrast to his usual confident demeanor. "Actually, there is something I wanted to speak to you about," he said hesitantly.

"We are speaking," she joked.

"Yes, we are, but?—"

The booming voice of Winston echoed down the corridor, interrupting their conversation. "Did you two get lost?" he called out.

Miles quickly took a step back from Edwina, creating more distance between them. "No, we were just conversing with one another."

Coming to stand next to them, Winston's eyes darted between them. "Dare I ask what you two were speaking of?"

Miles opened his mouth to speak, but Edwina spoke first. "The weather, Cousin," she said. "Was it not a lovely day today?"

A frown came to Winston's lips. "Fine. Do not tell me, but we should adjourn to the library before anyone comes looking for us."

They walked the short distance to the library in silence. Upon entering, she saw her aunt and uncle conversing with Bennett.

Her aunt turned towards her with a bright smile. "Oh, my. Edwina, you look positively stunning!" she exclaimed. "That ballgown is rather exquisite."

Edwina smoothed a hand over the delicate fabric of her gown. "It was commissioned before my father passed," she shared.

"Well, you will shine among the other guests this evening," her aunt remarked.

Her uncle perused the length of her and said, "I must agree with my wife. That ballgown does suit you."

Surprised by her uncle's comment- despite how lackluster it was- Edwina found herself smiling. "Thank you, Uncle."

Her aunt's attention then turned to Melody and Elodie as they entered the room, both clad in identical pale blue gowns with their hair styled in a similar fashion.

Her aunt did not look pleased. "Pray tell, what do you think you two are doing?"

A mischievous glint sparkled in Elodie's eyes as she held out the skirts of her gown. "We both liked this ballgown so we had it commissioned… twice."

"I daresay that the guests will not be able to tell you apart," her aunt remarked in a disapproving tone.

Melody smiled. "That is our intention. It is much more fun that way."

Her aunt let out a sigh of disapproval. "This type of buffoonery will not be tolerated in London," she warned sternly.

Elodie's smile grew. "Where is the fun in that?" she quipped.

Her aunt glanced at the mantel clock. "It is too late for you two to change, but we shall discuss this later."

"I shall have something to look forward to then," Elodie remarked.

Bennett spoke up. "I think Father should marry Elodie off to the Duke of Devonshire. I have heard that he is looking for a young, vigorous wife to give him an heir," he suggested with a smirk.

Elodie narrowed her eyes. "Father wouldn't dare do such a thing," she stated .

Her uncle shrugged his shoulders. "It does sound like a feasible option, considering you two are not taking this soiree seriously," he said, giving his daughter a pointed look.

"Very well, I shall take the soiree seriously," Elodie remarked. "And I promise that I won't speak any hog Latin to Melody." She hesitated before adding, "Or any other guest."

Her uncle shook his head. "I'm beginning to wonder if I wasted my money on that prestigious boarding school of yours."

Placing her hand on her husband's sleeve, her aunt said, "Come now, it is time for us to arrive at the soiree." She turned to Edwina. "When we give you the signal, you and Miles will join us on the dance floor for the rest of the set."

Edwina nodded, placing a hand on her stomach to calm her nerves. "I understand."

As they filed out of the library, Miles offered his arm to her. "There is no reason to be nervous," he assured her.

"Is it so obvious?" she asked.

He grinned. "It is to me."

"I suppose this soiree serves as good practice for my upcoming Season," Edwina said.

Winston joined them, his arms clasped behind his back. "Out of curiosity, when do you plan on leaving Brockhall Manor, Miles?"

Miles seemed to consider Winston for a moment before answering, "I have yet to decide."

"Interesting," Winston muttered. "You would think with the Season approaching, you would need to tend to your estate."

Arching an eyebrow, Miles asked, "Are you eager to be rid of me already?"

Winston's hands unclasped from behind his back and dropped to his sides. "No, but I do think it is time for this game to end."

"What game?" Miles asked .

With a stern expression, Winston replied, "If you don't know, then it would be best for you to take your leave now."

As Winston walked away, leaving them behind, Edwina furrowed her brow. "Do you know what game my cousin was referring to?"

"I think I have a fairly good idea."

She glanced over at Miles. "Will you tell me?"

His jaw clenched. "Soon, I promise."

Edwina decided not to press Miles, knowing it was neither the time nor place to be having a serious discussion. They were about to walk into the ballroom and all eyes would be upon them.

She snuck a glance at Miles, wondering why he was so tense. What had transpired between Winston and Miles that caused such a reaction out of him?

Leaning closer, Edwina whispered to him, "You need to relax."

"I am relaxed," he said in a stern tone.

Despite his insistence, Edwina could see otherwise. A small smile came to her lips as she continued to observe him. "It doesn't appear that is the case," she responded. "Your body betrays your words."

Miles let out a deep sigh, finally releasing some of the tension in his body. "I apologize for retreating into my own thoughts."

"Is there anything you wish to share?"

"No," he responded quickly.

Edwina turned her head towards the ornate doors that the footmen were about to open, signaling their entrance into the ballroom. She didn't understand the change that had swept over Miles, but she didn't have time to dwell on it.

The doors opened and they stepped into the ballroom, all eyes turning towards them. Whispers filled the room as people took notice of their arrival.

Her aunt and uncle came to a stop in the center of the dance floor and the orchestra started up. They began dancing to the music, their eyes fixated on one another.

After a long moment, her aunt met her gaze and signaled for them to join them. Miles must have seen the signal, as well, because he led her onto the dance floor.

As he placed his arm around her waist, Edwina sucked in a breath. She found being this close to Miles was rather unnerving. Miles must have sensed her discomfort because he silently waited for her to grant him permission to continue.

Edwina nodded and Miles brought up their arms before he started leading her around the dance floor.

At first, she counted her steps, ensuring that she was true to her word and not stepping on Miles' boots. But as they moved to the music, she felt herself relax in his arms, as if she had always belonged there. It was comfortable. Familiar. And she didn't want this dance to end.

Miles gazed deep into her eyes, searching for something she couldn't quite identify. She held his gaze confidently, hoping her eyes wouldn't betray the feelings she held for him. For how she loved this man. He was good. Kind. And everything she hoped to find in a suitor.

However, he didn't love her.

And no matter how much hoping she did on her part, it would not change that fact.

Edwina lowered her gaze to his chest, knowing it was time to let him go.

Miles' gentle voice could be heard over the music, "Edwina." She allowed herself to meet his gaze and she could see the questions in his eyes. Fortunately, the music came to an end and Edwina dropped her arms.

"Thank you for the dance, my lord," she said before dropping into a curtsy.

Knowing her heart could not take another moment of being around Miles, she headed towards the back doors and stepped out onto the veranda. She was met with the cool night air and she finally felt as if she could breathe again.

As she took a few deep breaths, she noticed a light was on in her uncle's study. That was odd. But as she turned to look away, she saw a shadow moving from within.

Who was in her uncle's study at this hour?

Without hesitation, she walked towards the door that led to her uncle's study. Perhaps she was making too much out of this, but she needed to see who was there. It was most definitely not her uncle since she had left him in the ballroom.