Chapter 9

CHAPTER9

Susanna felt her hand slip down Anthony’s arm a little. Beneath her touch, the man seemed to tremble.

What is he thinking?

Never had she been looked at in such a way before with this breadth of intensity. Those dark blue eyes didn’t once look away from her even as his lips parted, and he struggled to speak his mind.

“You should not ask me what I am thinking, Susanna.” His words were so quiet, she had to inch closer to him in order to hear him.

“Why not?”

“Because there are things that should not be spoken of.” He closed his eyes then and lifted his chin, tilting his head up to the ceiling. It was a strange movement as if he were purposefully halting himself from staring at her. “They should be kept locked away and not spoken of at all.”

“Says who?” she asked quietly. Slowly, his hands lowered from her.

The loss of his touch made a quiver start under Susanna’s skin. The moment his hand left hers, she wanted it back. In fact, she yearned for it, but with him so reluctant to speak his thoughts, she could not utter her own. “Very well. If you cannot tell me, perhaps you can just hint to me what you were thinking of?”

Her mischievous question made Anthony open his eyes again and tilt his head down toward her, so that excessively coiffed dark hair shifted a little atop his head.

Susanna could imagine toying with that hair and pulling it out of its perfect position.

“Hint?” he queried with a playful smirk of his own creeping into his cheeks. “You are relentless, do you know that?”

“I dislike not knowing something, I will admit.” She nodded slowly. “Yet, on this occasion, I merely wish to know what is wrong. We were dancing together then everything… changed.” She gestured to their position, now no longer holding onto each other though they were still standing just as close. Her motion in the air meant her hand briefly touched his waistcoat-covered chest before she retracted it.

“Nothing is wrong.” Anthony shook his head. “I do not wish you to think anything bad has happened at all. Quite the contrary, it is merely that my mind seems to be a law unto itself these days.”

“What does that mean?” Susanna tilted her head to the side to better look at Anthony. The movement reminded her of the position they had adopted when they had kissed. Anthony must have remembered it too, for his eyes flicked down to her lips.

“It means that you are prompting me to think of things. Thrilling things. Actions that should not be spoken about in proper conversation.”

“Oh, yes, and we must be proper, mustn’t we?” she teased him, loving the way he chuckled softly with the sound escaping his lips.

“We have bent the rules already.”

“Would there really be so much harm in bending them again?” Susanna longed to know what he had been thinking. With a raised hand, she placed her fingers gently to his chest.

That touch seemed to snap something between them.

Anthony moved toward her, yet this time, it was not slow nor gentle. His lips found hers in a fierce kiss that stole Susanna’s breath. His lips were firm against her own, sensual, moving in such a way that Susanna could not help trying to keep up. Even as she backed up a little, startled by the strength of that kiss, one of her hands curled around the edge of his waistcoat, and the other found his bicep, clinging to him.

Anthony’s hands moved to her waist. They rested either side of the top curve to her hips with his fingers splayed as if he could not touch her enough.

When he parted her lips, taking her tongue with his own in a deeper kiss, Susanna gasped into that touch. She tilted her head back, longing to know more of this feeling.

All she knew was that she needed to be nearer to him. At this very moment, it was all she could think.

More… Closer…

Pulling on his waistcoat, she tugged Anthony toward her as he tilted their heads together, obtaining a better angle to deepen the kiss all the more. The sensuality sent her heart into overdrive, beating fast. The quiver that had begun to her skin earlier was now a tremble – a tremble of utter excitement. Never had she known this thrill, and she did not want it to end. Not yet.

Who knew a kiss could feel like this?

Something deep in her gut told her not every kiss would feel like this. Only Anthony, this Duke who had come into her life like a sudden storm, was able to ignite this heat.

“We…” Anthony started, moving back an inch from the kiss, “should probably not be doing this.” He murmured the words before kissing her again.

“Who cares what we should be doing!” she said hurriedly to which he laughed and kissed her again. His hands pulled her into him, so that her body was flattened to his.

Do not stop!

When his hands began to slide further down her hips, Susanna felt her breath was stolen from her body. She sank into Anthony’s hold, wanting to feel more of his touch.

A tap at the door disturbed them.

Susanna veered back from their kiss as Anthony did. They both stumbled away from each other, so that Susanna collided with a nearby chair, nearly falling into it, as Anthony stood stock still in the middle of the rug.

Susanna felt bereft being apart from him, and her body had turned cold, needing that heat once again. They stared at each other with not a sound passing as they waited to hear who was at the door.

“Your Grace?” a man’s voice called from the other side of the door. “Your steward is here to see you.”

Anthony cursed under his breath and turned his eyes back to Susanna.

“I forgot he wished to see me today. It is about my tenants; I have to see him.” He sighed with disappointment. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”

Susanna felt a smile creep into her cheeks once again at that look. It was enough to let her know he had been as enthralled by that kiss as she had been.

“Until our next lesson then?” she said and offered a curtsy. “How’s that? A better curtsy than I used to do?” Anthony chuckled softly and bowed to her too.

“Quite perfect.”

As Susanna stood straight, the door was quickly opened, and the steward stepped inside. Susanna moved to the doorway where she waved one last time at Anthony, who was quickly being drawn into conversation with his steward. He smiled at her, an indulgent smile, before she parted.

She hurried away down the corridor, still aware of how fast her heart thudded in her chest. One thing was clear to her now. Each time she saw Anthony, this feeling she had was growing.

What does that mean?

* * *

“My word! Had I known this would be your future, I might have done more to prepare you for it,” Agnes said as she drew Susanna into the assembly rooms.

“What future?” Susanna asked distractedly. She hurried to straighten the creases in her gown as she stepped inside, but there were still some creases that lingered. She caught sight too of her hair in a glass window and quickly abandoned any attempt to improve the formality of her appearance. The wildness of her hair showed her efforts were futile.

Agnes looped their arms together and drew Susanna deeper into the assembly rooms. Tonight, there was something of a crowd of people with so many bodies pressed together that the room was a rainbow of silken gowns, scattered with dark suits and coiffed hair with the occasional feather or silken turban thrust onto a lady’s head. Susanna looked between them all, searching for one person in particular.

“I mean that you have seen the Duke of Belbridge so many times this last week, what else am I supposed to think, Susanna?” Agnes asked with a giggle then turned Susanna to face the nearest drinks table. “Oh my! If your mother could see, you could be a future duchess!”

“Wait… a duchess!?” Susanna spluttered as her godmother pressed the glass into her hand. Her white-gloved fingers took the crystal so limply that it nearly slipped from her grasp.

“Good Lord, Susanna, where else is this heading?” Agnes asked with a laugh. “I am expecting the announcement of a formal courtship any day now.”

“I… erm…” Susanna was lost for words. She stared at the bubbles floating in her glass as she thought of what her godmother had said.

Marriage? Nothing has been said of marriage!

Susanna had always been convinced that she would be a spinster like her godmother. There was freedom in that life, not tying her body and mind to a man. After all, Susanna could not imagine marrying any man! Yet then, her mind began to wander.

What is it I am doing with Anthony if deep in my gut I am not considering it…?

She tried to convince herself it was a thrill and a friendship of a different kind, that was all, but the thought would not sink in. Even as she lifted the champagne to her lips and nearly downed the glass, still the burn of the liquor did nothing to help calm her thoughts.

“Agnes, I am not sure I ever thought of marriage,” she whispered, though Agnes was distracted. She was tilting her head to and fro, looking through the crowd for her friends. “It is merely a friendship.”

“A friendship?” Agnes tilted her head back toward Susanna. “You know I will not believe that, Susanna. I may be old, but I am no fool, yet.”

Susanna chewed her lip and returned her glass to the table, replacing it with another full glass, for she needed the distraction of the liquor in that moment.

“You seem upset.” Agnes stepped closer to Susanna’s side, laying a comforting hand upon her arm. “Dearest, I thought it was only natural you would have considered marriage.”

“I had not. I was merely enjoying this friendship –”

“Stressing the word convinces me no more of its truthfulness,” Agnes added with a roll of her eyes.

“I merely mean to say…” Susanna paused and clenched her hand harder around the glass, thinking of all that she knew about Anthony. “I do not think a Duke would consider me for a wife.” The moment the words were out of her mouth, she was convinced of it.

After all, Susanna may have been the daughter of a late earl, yet she was not one with particularly affluent or respected connections in the ton. What was more, she was whispered about, and gossip lingered in the air, thanks to her odd ways, something surely Anthony was uncomfortable with. That was plain in the one dance that they had shared together, for he had feared people gossiping then.

The mere idea that Anthony may be truly embarrassed by her made Susanna a little light on her feet. The sound of the violin music in the air and the chattering of nearby guests grew muffled, for her thoughts took over.

Please, Anthony, do not be embarrassed by me so much.

“I see I am causing problems.” Agnes took Susanna’s arm again and used it to turn her away from the drinks table to face the ton who had gathered in the rooms. “I will ask you one last thing, and then I will leave you to your enjoyment this evening. Never mind what the Duke of Belbridge thinks of you, but what do you think of him?”

Susanna felt her mouth turn dry as across the room she saw Anthony arrive. He was not alone but with a friend of his, someone she recognized as Baron Lewis. The sight of Anthony laughing with his friend made something jolt in her stomach.

That feeling was unmistakable, even as she struggled to form any coherent words.

I care for him. More than I thought.

“You do not need to answer, dear child,” Agnes said softly in her ear. “One look at your face is enough for me to know. Ah, I see Juliana and Marie have arrived. I shall go to them and leave you to your own company. I hope to see you at some point dancing with your love, Susanna!”

“Wait, love? Agnes!” Susanna tried to grab her godmother’s arm and pull her back again, but Agnes was too swift. She had hurried off through the crowd and headed toward her friends, leaving Susanna quite alone with her glass of champagne.

It is not love. Not now. Not yet…

Even as Susanna’s mind whirred with the insistent thoughts, her eyes kept lifting from the champagne glass and staring across the room, watching Anthony. He seemed to be searching the crowd for someone too, looking back and forth.

When a gentleman appeared at Susanna’s side though, she forced a smile to her cheeks, for it was not Anthony but Donald.

“Oh, Donald,” she greeted and turned to the drinks table, glad to find something to do as she passed him a glass. “I have not seen you for a few days. How are you?”

“There is a reason for that,” Donald sighed as he took the glass.

Susanna was instantly struck by his strange tone. Her thoughts shifted to him alone, aware of the crease in his brow and a paleness to his pallor.

“My friend, what is wrong? Is something wrong with the earldom?” She took hold of Donald’s arm and pulled him into the corner of the room, far from the drinks table and beside a candelabra, so that those flickering flames illuminated the uncertainty in his expression. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“It is not the earldom.” Donald shook his head and took a hefty swig of the champagne. Susanna’s eyebrows lifted a little, startled to see Donald drink in this way. “I came to see you earlier today. I was hoping to invite you to a concert next week.”

“You know I will always go to concerts with you,” Susanna replied with a smile. “How many have we been to this last year?”

“Many, yet I found you were not alone, Susanna,” Donald whispered and looked back and forth as if it were a great scandal to speak of it at all. “Care to explain to me why you are accepting visits from the Duke of Belbridge?”

The smile slipped from Susanna’s face as she remembered what had happened earlier that day. After her visit to Anthony’s the day before had been cut short, she had found herself busy in the garden today when Anthony had appeared to see her. She had gardened with the sun high, working on deadheading her lupins and planting a few summer bulbs, whilst Anthony sat close by. The two had talked for hours, and Anthony had even taken out his sketchbook to make a drawing of her in the garden.

There is nothing to feel ashamed of in that meeting.

“Because he is a friend,” Susanna said with a shrug, showing the matter was no great deal. She didn’t have to tell Donald the true extent of the bond between her and Anthony. “Like you, Donald, I am fond of him.”

Donald shook his head a little more and stepped toward her.

“Susanna, he is the Duke of Belbridge!”

“You say that as if it is supposed to be a condemnation of character. I do not understand, Donald.”

“Then I will speak plainly.” Donald downed what was in the rest of his glass. “You are my greatest friend, Susanna, and I wish to protect you from all ills in this world. The Duke is one of them.”

“You do not know the man. He is a kind man –”

“Is he?” Donald interrupted her, shaking his head in disbelief. “He can pursue any lady he wishes to as Duke. What is more, he can make mistresses out of many more.”

“Donald!” Susanna nearly dropped her glass in outrage at the insult.

I am not a mistress!

What cut even deeper was the fact she knew she was the one who had started the physical connection between her and Anthony.

I do not regret it — not for a single second could I regret those kisses. Yet, I will not be called a mistress!

“This is madness, utter madness.” Donald shook his head and tried to drink from his glass again, but finding it empty, he placed it down on a table nearby.

“Donald, please, listen to me.” Susanna reached out and took his hand. That touch silenced him and made him fall still. “Trust me. There is nothing wrong in my friendship with the Duke of Belbridge.”

Donald’s eyes narrowed a little, and his brows furrowed. He did not look convinced, and Susanna found herself retracting her hand from his, not wanting to hold onto it anymore.

There was somewhere else she’d much rather be — beside another man who was currently on the other side of the assembly rooms, turning his head around as he looked for someone.

“If you knew what I knew, Susanna, then you would be more careful.”

“Donald…” Susanna angled her head back toward him. “What in God’s name do you mean by that?”