Chapter 12

CHAPTER12

“Anthony, you seem rather distracted this evening. Is everything well?”

Anthony looked up from his hand of cards, turning his focus on Joseph beside him. Anthony had found himself in need of distraction that night, so he had been happy to accept Joseph’s invitation to his house for a gambling night.

On the other side of the table were two other gentlemen. Lord Percy was so drunk that he could not sit straight and could barely look at his cards. Mr. Jameson on the other hand was a keen card player and barely spoke, for he was concentrating so much on his hand.

“Everything is fine,” Anthony said as he added his bet to the middle of the table. Mr. Jameson spoke to Lord Percy about the game, allowing Anthony a minute of privacy to talk with Joseph.

“It is just that you seem to keep looking at the door,” Joseph said with mischief. “Do you have somewhere else to be tonight? Or are you just wishing you were elsewhere?”

“You’re causing trouble, Joseph.”

“I’m your friend,” Joseph shrugged and laughed softly. “I cannot resist teasing you. Especially when your mind is so plainly elsewhere. Shall I take a guess at where it is? Or with whom?”

Anthony didn’t answer. As the play returned to him, he tried to focus on the game. It distracted Joseph enough to talk of the game for a minute, but Anthony’s mind kept returning to the matter at hand.

I cannot stop thinking of Susanna.

The day before when Susanna’s carriage had arrived to take her home again, Anthony had felt a sadness sway inside of him. The portrait of her was not yet finished, and watching her dress again, helping her with the corset, had made him miss her more than he had thought possible.

What I would give to be back in that moment again!

“It is your bet, Anthony.” Joseph nudged him, urging him on to play the game. Anthony added his chips to the table though he barely took note of what was in his hand. “You have it bad, my friend.”

“What?” Anthony turned to face Joseph as the two men on the other side of the table became lost in their own conversation.

“This Lady Curtis. She is on your mind, is she not?”

“Since when have you developed the ability to read my mind, Joseph?”

“I have known you since we were boys learning to ride our horses together,” Joseph explained with a laugh. “I know your mind as well as my own, sometimes. Yet, what I do not understand is why thinking of this young lady is making you frown so.”

Anthony placed down his hand. He folded from the game and told the others he was out. Joseph quickly followed suit, and the two of them stood from the table, crossing the room to where Joseph’s butler had laid out carafes of wine and brandy on a table.

“Wine?” Joseph offered.

“How about the brandy?” Anthony gestured to the other carafe.

“You are in need of something strong.” Joseph poured out two brandies then leaned on the table and nodded his glass in Anthony’s direction, urging him to speak. “Come on; out with it. You clearly wish to speak of it to drag me away from a game of poker.”

“You’re right that I cannot stop thinking of Lady Curtis, yet there is something that worries me too.” Anthony was nervous of speaking of it, for he knew how bad it may make him seem. “What my mother will think.” He knocked back some of the brandy. By the time he returned his eyes to Joseph, he found all traces of humor gone from his friend’s face. “Do not look at me like that.”

“I was just wondering if I had heard you right. Are you telling me that you are fearful your mother will not approve of the lady you wish to court?”

Anthony nearly choked on his brandy.

“I never said anything about courting Lady Curtis.”

“You didn’t need to. I can see it is what you are thinking.”

Anthony didn’t argue anymore, for he knew Joseph was right. Deep down, Anthony didn’t want all his meetings with Susanna to be clandestine, neither did he wish to keep having to say goodbye to her.

“You care for her, do you not?” Joseph asked quietly.

“I do.” Anthony nodded and lifted his glass again, distracting himself with the familiar burn of liquor.

It is not just attraction. It is so much more than that!

Yet the attraction burned within him as well. He longed to be beside Susanna, to tell her how he felt and, what was more, to show her.

“Then what should it matter what your mother thinks?” Joseph asked with a shrug.

“Her teachings…” Anthony began slowly. “My mother harked on for years about how to choose the right woman to marry. How she must be worthy of being a duchess.”

“And you think Lady Curtis would not make a good duchess?”

“That is not what I said.” Anthony shook his head emphatically. “I fear my mother will think she will not be a good duchess.” Another possibility entered Anthony’s mind for a minute, one where he and Susanna continued in secret, but the guilt and anger soon bloomed.

I care for her too much to do that.

“Strangely enough, Anthony, in a marriage there are only two people, not three.” Joseph smiled and lifted his glass. “If you decide to marry Lady Curtis, then let it be your choice, not your mother’s. Now, here, let’s have a toast.”

“What to?” Anthony asked, lifting his glass to chink with Joseph’s.

“To freedom of one’s own thoughts. May it be the thing that wins here.”

Anthony thought what a curious toast it was as he gulped from the brandy glass.

* * *

“You are distracted, dear child. Care to share?” Agnes said around a yawn, urging Susanna to look at her across the room. Susanna was sitting by herself at a card table, playing solitaire, whilst her godmother grew increasingly sleepy in a chair and was dangerously near to being lost to sleep.

“I am distracted. That is all.” Susanna sighed and tried to return to her game, but she made errors, for her mind was elsewhere. She longed to know what the painting Anthony had made of her was like, and there was something else she wanted to know too.

The way his eyes danced across me. What was he thinking of? What was he imagining?

She longed to know what could happen between them, and the memory of those eyes upon her made her wish to return to him at that very moment. She didn’t care it was the middle of the night or forbidden; all she thought about was Anthony.

“What are you thinking of?” Agnes asked, yawning another time as she tipped her head back on the chair.

“My mother.” Susanna uttered the words, almost surprising herself. “I was thinking of something she said before she passed. She spoke of living life for the moment.” The memory brought a sadness to Susanna.

Since the day she had lost her mother, she had been careful to live by this teaching. Never was a day lost in worrying about something that was unimportant, for she feared life would be snatched from her the next day, the way it was taken from her mother.

It would only be a tragedy to waste time doing what others want me to do.

“It is a good teaching,” Agnes agreed quietly as her eyes closed. “I have often remembered those words. How right your mother was. We should not put off until tomorrow what we desire to do today. Of that, I am quite convinced.”

Agnes’ words caught Susanna’s interest. Agnes clearly had no idea in which way Susanna was taking the meaning, but it imbued Susanna with a kind of excitement. As Agnes began to slip into sleep, Susanna turned her eyes to the dark window where night had fallen.

If I wish to see him, why can’t I?

A plan began to form in Susanna’s mind. The worst that could happen would be Anthony would turn her away at this time of night. She would have lost nothing in trying to see him.

Susanna continued with her game, though she also continued with her mistakes, her mind so absorbed in another matter entirely. She waited until Agnes was truly asleep, snoring in her chair, before Susanna stood to her feet and left the room.

In the hallway, she rang a bell, calling for Peggy to come to her.

“My Lady? What can I do for you?”

“Peggy, I need a favor. Two in fact.” Susanna smiled, certain of her plan. “I would like a horse to be prepared, and if my aunt asks where I have gone, please tell her I have retired for the night to my chamber.”

Peggy’s eyes widened.

“My Lady… where are you going?” Her fear was plainly apparent. “I should not let you out of the house alone. It is not proper!”

“Since when do I do what is proper?” Susanna asked with a laugh. Peggy’s lips curled into a smile, but it was only momentary.

“It is late. I would not wish you to ride alone anywhere.”

“You are a dear friend. Let us make a plan then.” Susanna stepped forward and took Peggy’s hand. “Let one of the footmen ride beside me on a horse. When I reach my destination, he can return to you and assure you of my safety.”

“Yes. I would like that, My Lady.”

“Good, then we have a plan, but we must be quick, before my godmother wakes.”

With these words, they were both quick to take action. Susanna found a pelisse with a hood that she pulled tight around her hair, hiding her face, and Peggy called for two horses and a footman. Within minutes, Susanna was climbing into the saddle outside of the house with the footman beside her.

Susanna pretended not to notice the rather intimate way that Peggy and the footman clasped hands together. Susanna had suspected for some time that there was a fondness between them though it was not something that had been spoken of aloud. The smile Peggy revealed though showed she knew something of what Susanna was feeling.

It is that same excitement. It is intoxicating!

As Susanna waited for Peggy and the footman to say goodbye to one another, a sound caught Susanna’s ear. She turned, angling her head toward the trees nearby at the far end of the garden where branches began to move.

For one strange moment, Susanna could have sworn there was a shadow of a person there — as if some specter lingered at the bottom of the garden, watching the house.

It is my imagination. That is all.

“Are you ready, My Lady?” the footman asked and rode forward. “We must be quick.”

“Yes, I am ready.” Susanna returned her gaze to the trees momentarily, but she found the shadow had gone.

It really was my imagination.

“Good night, Peggy,” Susanna called to her maid. Peggy smiled and waved another time then she hurried up the front steps to the house. As the door closed, Susanna led the way down the drive, and the footman followed her at an eager pace.

When she reached the edge of the drive, Susanna looked back one last time to the trees, but there was still nothing there. She shook off the memory of the shadow and urged the horse to gallop down the street with only one thought on her mind.

I am coming to see you, Anthony.

* * *

When Anthony saw the movement in his garden, he brought the horse to a sharp stop on the driveway. His horse was not the only one there. Another was tied up with its reins latched around the stone balustrade that bordered the edge of the front steps, leading up to the main door.

As Anthony arrive, a stable boy emerged, ready to take his horse, but Anthony barely looked in the stable boy’s direction. His gaze was too busy, moving to the shadow that was in his garden.

Who is that? Who would come to see me at night?

Then the shadow moved. The figure was wearing a gown, and she bent toward the nearest rose bush, caressing the petals with her fingers. At once, Anthony knew who it was. His shock was matched by the heat that spread within him.

Jumping down from his saddle, he pushed the reins into the waiting stable boy’s hands.

“Take the other horse to the stable too,” Anthony urged then thanked the boy before he rounded the house, moving swiftly toward the garden. When his hessian boot scuffed stones beneath him on the garden path, the shadow turned her head toward him.

The pelisse hood slipped from her head, revealing the wildness of her hair.

“Susanna?” Anthony whispered into the air and crossed toward her. He practically jumped between the garden paths in his eagerness to be beside her, slipping at one point on the stones before he managed to right himself again. When he reached her side, the clouds had moved away from covering the moon, and a silver light shone down from the sky, revealing Susanna’s face to him.

She seemed quite breathless, her cheeks a subtle shade of pink in the lustered light. Her eyes danced over him as he reached for her hand.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, winding her fingers with his own.

“Wrong? No, nothing is wrong,” she replied quickly, a smile emerging on her lips.

“But your appearance here tonight. Susanna, it is surely past the midnight hour by now.”

“It is.” She looked down at the connection of their hands. “Forgive me, Anthony. I know I am breaking every boundary of propriety by being here. I must confess that I gave into temptation.”

“What temptation?”

“I wanted to see you.” She lifted her head once again, and those dark eyes practically pierced Anthony. He lifted her hand, not thinking of hesitating nor even glancing at the windows of his house in case some member of staff was looking outside. He placed her hand to his lips, loving the feeling of her skin against his own. When a stuttered gasp escaped her lips, he felt warm.

This is where I have wanted to be all night.

“You can send me away again if you wish. I would understand it, perfectly.” She was speaking quickly, apparently having rehearsed what she wanted to say. “Yet, I found I could not wait at home when I longed to see you so.”

“You could have come to see me tomorrow,” Anthony suggested playfully, sensing there was more to this moment. “What could not wait for tomorrow?”

“Well…” She chewed her lip as he lowered her hand, not quite uttering the words. Instead, she moved to him. Anthony bent his head toward Susanna’s on instinct.

The moment her lips touched his was heated and fast. His hand threaded through hers, pulling her closer as he angled his head, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

When she abruptly pulled away, he practically growled against her lips, wanting that kiss again.

“You can send me away if you want,” she murmured again.

“I’m not sending you anywhere.”

“I just wanted to try something.” Her words caught his interest, and his eyes widened as he moved back an inch, the better to see her expression.

“To try what?”

“Yesterday when you were painting me, you seemed to be thinking things. Many things,” she explained, her playful tone returning. “I wanted to know what you were thinking of.”

“Did you want me to tell you? Or show you?” Anthony asked as he pulled her closer to him again. She moved on her toes a little until her body was resting against his.

“To show me.” Her words urged him to kiss her again. It was a short-lived thing, so fast and full of need that it was mere seconds before Anthony was moving his lips across her cheek and to her neck. As he lifted his free hand to her, winding his fingers in her hair and urging her to tip her head back, she arched her neck with a breathless moan, giving him the access to her he so wanted.

He placed sweet nips and kisses to the top of her neck, finding a sweet spot that made one of her hands curl around the lapel of his tailcoat, clinging to him. The sounds she made in his ear were so evocative, reminiscent of the imaginings that he’d had of the two of them, he could not hold back.

His length stirred in his trousers, wanting to know more of her. She must have felt it, for she moaned in surprise then Anthony pulled back a little, so their eyes were connected.

“Would you?” she asked, her voice just a whisper in the night. The wind bristled between them, picking up the loose wisps of her hair so that it danced about her cheeks and her temple. “Would you show me what you were thinking, Anthony?”

He trailed his hand through those loose locks of her hair, winding the silken softness around his fingers. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a part of him knew how improper it would be. He would be taking Susanna with him into scandal if he let her into his house now, but it was such a small voice that it was drowned out by every other thought and feeling.

All that matters is us in this moment and what we both want.

“Come with me.”