Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"And you're happy, aren't you, Johanna? I did wonder what you'd do on returning from the continent. England must've seemed like another world," Tabitha said.

"Yes...I'm happy. It's taking some getting used to—marriage, I mean. Sometimes, he can seem...distant," Johanna said, glancing over to where Edmund was talking to her brother.

He had made no approach to her since their arrival, and Johanna was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to ask her to dance. She was glad to have met Tabitha at the ball, but it felt embarrassing to admit her new husband had not shown her the attention she had expected—and for him to even now appear to ignore her.

"Well, I suppose it takes some getting used to, doesn't it? Being a husband. Just like being a wife does, too," Tabitha replied, and Johanna nodded.

"Yes, I suppose so. I just feel we're both living in our own worlds. I don't know. It's not quite what I expected," Johanna said.

"Then why not make of it what you expect? Why wait for him to take the lead?" Tabitha asked.

Johanna smiled. Her friend was right—since arriving in London, she had done little to make her expectations known. It seemed to Johanna the earl believed his duty to have been done. But she wanted more than this—at the very least, she wanted them to be friends. They had gotten on so well at first, in the aftermath of the accident. The earl's stay at Wilton Grange had been a delight, and Johanna had felt as though their marriage really would be a success—as much as it was based on the avoidance of a scandal. But how it had turned out was not how she had hoped it would be, and now she was questioning whether she had made the right decision.

"You're right. I'm being foolish, aren't I? I should be happy. Being married to an earl, and with all the advantages it gives, should be every woman's dream," she replied, resolving to do as Tabitha suggested.

Tabitha was about to respond when a voice behind them caused both women to turn.

"Johanna—back from your travels, I see. The Countess of Beaumont. I should curtsey, shouldn't I?" and turning, they found Wilhelmina Morton standing behind them.

Johanna groaned inwardly. Wilhelmina was a friend of the mother of the Parker sisters, who always spent the Season in London with her daughter, Lavinia. Her husband was the member of Parliament for the north of Hampshire, and there was no doubt she knew everything the Parker sisters knew, too.

"Wilhelmina...how nice to see you," Johanna said, forcing a smile to her face.

"The pleasure's mine, of course. I was beginning to wonder if you'd ever come back. But you had your reasons, of course," she said, raising her eyebrows as she glanced in the direction of the earl.

Johanna blushed.

"Yes...I suppose I did," she replied.

"It was a very sudden match. Did you know one another before you left for the continent? I suppose you must've done," Wilhelmina continued.

There was a tone of implication in her voice. Johanna knew just what she was saying, and it felt unsettling. In marrying the earl, she had hoped to quash any suspicions as to what had passed between them, and she had thought the matter resolved. There had been no word from the Parker sisters, and yet it seemed they had set their rumor ships to sail, and Wilhelmina was one of them…

"No, we didn't. It was a brief courtship, I admit. But we're very happy," Johanna replied.

Wilhelmina smiled.

"I'm sure you are, and I wish you every happiness in the future," she said, nodding, before making her way over to the refreshment table.

Johanna glanced at Tabitha, who looked suddenly uncomfortable.

"I didn't like to mention...well, there's a lot of talk around your marriage, Johanna. They say the haste was because...well, you're with child," Tabitha said, lowering her voice as she spoke.

Johanna was shocked. It was one thing to be accused of impropriety—a stolen kiss or even an illicit liaison—but quite another to have it suggested she was with child.

"But that's nonsense," she hissed, glancing around her, even as she realized some of the other women were looking at her with disapproving gazes.

"I know, and I don't believe a word of it, unless…" Tabitha began, and Johanna raised her eyebrows.

She drew her friend aside, intending now to tell her the truth about the match. Tabitha listened, her eyes growing wide as Johanna described what the Parker sisters thought they had seen.

"And that's why Edmund felt it was his duty to ask for my hand. There was no whirlwind romance. The entire thing was an exercise in practicality. But if it's to be assumed I was with child...well, marriage or no marriage, it hardly matters, does it?" she said, sighing, as she glanced across to where Edmund was still talking to her brother.

Tabitha placed a comforting hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry, Johanna. But I don't know what else you can do but bear the rumors out. You know what the ton is like. There'll be something else for them to gossip over by next week. But as for you and Edmund...I hope the two of you can find some common ground. A marriage shouldn't just be about practicalities," she said.

Johanna felt the same. She wanted something more—perhaps not to fall in love, but to feel a sense of companionship, of friendship, of intimacy, even. At the moment, it was hard to know what she felt. But as she glanced across the ballroom, a new and unexpected feeling struck her. Edmund was no longer talking to her brother, but to Lavinia Morton—an attractive young lady who was fluttering a fan coquettishly as she leaned forward to whisper something in Edmund's ear. The earl was smiling—laughing—and Lavinia was fluttering her eyelids in a most flirtatious manner. Watching the scene, Johanna could not help but feel jealous. The feeling struck her with an unexpected force, even as she reminded herself she had no right to feel as she now did.

"Would you excuse me, Tabitha?" Johanna said, and now she made her way over to where her husband was talking to the woman.

As Johanna approached, the pair looked up, and Edmund smiled.

"Ah, Johanna, there you are. I'd like to introduce you to Miss Lavinia Morton," Edmund said.

"Oh, Edmund, we know one another—you don't need to fuss so over introductions. Dear Johanna, how lovely to see you. Richard was telling me of your adventures on the continent. What fun you must've had. And now the happiness of your unexpected match," Lavinia said, emphasizing her words as she smiled at Johanna, who now slipped her arm into Edmund's.

"The happiest of matches," Johanna replied, and Lavinia smiled.

"Yes...I'm sure," she said, glancing at the earl, who blushed.

"Well, I think the dancing is soon to begin. Will you be dancing with Roger, Lavinia?" Johanna asked.

She did not know why she felt threatened by Lavinia, but her mind was racing with fears of Edmund's feelings toward her. It was irrational—extraordinary, even—but Johanna could not help the way she was feeling.

"Are you all right? You hurried away very quickly when we arrived," Edmund said.

"I saw Tabitha, that's all—it's been over a year. But I need to talk to you about something," Johanna said as the couple joined the throng of dancers in the center of the ballroom.

A waltz had just struck up, and Edmund now slipped his arm around Johanna's waist, taking her hand in his, as the two of them began to twirl and whirl to the music.

"What's wrong? Has something happened?" Edmund asked.

"It's something Tabitha told me—there're rumors I'm with child and that's why we married in such haste," Johanna replied.

Edmund looked at her in surprise.

"But that's preposterous—what a monstrous suggestion. Who's behind it?" he asked.

"Who do you think? The Parker sisters, of course. But it means we've got to present ourselves as the perfect married couple. I know it's all for show, but if we don't make a pretense of showing ourselves to be in love with one another, then things are only going to get worse," Johanna said.

Edmund nodded.

"Yes...a pretense, yes, I suppose...but I can't imagine anyone believing such rumors. You only arrived back from Europe that day," he said.

"I know, but you know what it's like—the facts don't have to fit the rumor. It's enough for the gossip to begin, and then only ruin lies ahead. I know we're only doing our duty, but...can't we make it seem like something more?" Johanna asked.

She had been surprised at the force of her feelings toward him—the unexpected sense of jealousy at seeing him with Lavinia, and now, even as she spoke of duty and necessity, it was as though Johanna wanted to feel something more. Marriage—this marriage, as strange and complicated as it was—meant something. She recalled the words from the prayer book, words she had taken to heart—that marriage should "not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, or wantonly ...but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the fear of God." That had meant something to her—she had read the words over and over again, reflecting on them and taking them to heart. She wanted more than mere duty, and the sight of Lavinia's flirtations had roused feelings in Johanna she had not expected.

"I know it's not been easy, Johanna. But I'm sure the two of us can do more than just make a pretense of it," Edmund said, smiling at Johanna, who nodded.

"I know we can," she said, smiling back at him.

He had a grace and poise to him—even as he still complained of a stiffness in his arm, now almost healed—and to feel his arms around her, to have him hold her and lead her in the dance, gave Johanna a sense of intimacy she had not felt before. She was enjoying his company, and it seemed he was enjoying hers, too. Johanna felt a sense of relief, glancing over to where Lavinia Morton was talking to her mother, Wilhelmina. Again, she wondered what Lavinia's intentions toward Edmund might be, but for now, Johanna was content to enjoy the moment—surprised by the force of her feelings toward the man who now held her in his arms.