Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Johanna was humming to herself, rearranging the furniture in the orangery in her mind as the footmen stood patiently waiting.

"What do you think, Mary? The chairs over there or here? Would we sit there? I don't see the point in chairs one doesn't sit in. But this house seems to be full of them. No...here, at the far end, with the view out to the garden," Johanna said, making a final decision as the footmen now moved the chairs into place.

"It'll be a nice place to sit, my lady," Mary said, and Johanna sighed.

"Yes...I can sit here on my own. No, I'm being melodramatic. I'm sure I'll have lots of people to sit with. When my mother calls on me, or Tabitha, we can sit in here. It's not as though we don't have plenty of rooms to choose from, is it?" she said, shaking her head as she thought of the large house with many rooms, where she and Edmund could live entirely separate lives if they so wished.

But Johanna did not want to live a separate life from Edmund. She wanted to sit with him in the orangery—and in the drawing room, and in the dining room, and in the garden. She wanted to be part of his life, and for him to be part of hers, too. She wanted him to be her husband.

"I'm sure the chairs look very nice there, my lady," Mary said, clearly not wanting to take sides in the matter.

Johanna shrugged.

"Yes, put them there, then we can see where the plants from Kew might go," she said, glancing over to where several large pots containing a variety of different citrus trees that stood waiting to be placed.

It was warm in the orangery, and the footmen were struggling with the furniture. Johanna was about to go and fetch further help, when the door to the orangery opened, and Edmund appeared unexpectedly. He smiled at Johanna, who now wondered what he was doing there. She could not recall him having set foot in the orangery since they had arrived back at Beaumont Abbey, and now she wondered if he was about to criticize some aspect of the work or tell her there was too much noise—for the moving of the furniture and pots had caused quite a racket.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I?" he asked, and Johanna shook her head.

"No...not at all. I'm only too glad to be disturbed. I was going to come and find you later. I thought you might like to see our progress. It's not finished, of course. But I thought the chairs looked rather nice over there. Don't you?" she asked, pointing to where the footmen had just positioned the new pieces of furniture.

"I think whatever you think, Johanna. But I was wondering...would you like to go for a ride? I've missed riding out, and I thought perhaps we could go to Bluebell Woods," he said.

Johanna was surprised by this suggestion—but pleasantly so. She had not ridden out since their return from London, and the invitation was a welcome one. She smiled at him and nodded.

"I'd like that," she said, and he smiled back at her, offering her his arm as he did so.

"Unless you're busy, of course…" he said, but Johanna shook her head.

"Not at all, no. I think it's a lovely idea. We can continue arranging the citrus trees when I return," she said, and the matter was settled.

It was a strange, but welcome, turn of events, and Johanna wondered why Edmund had now had this change of heart. Since returning to Beaumont Abbey, they had passed as ships in the night, and there had been some days when the two of them had barely exchanged a word. But the thought of riding out to Bluebell Woods, of returning to that place where they had first met, filled Johanna with a sense of excitement, and certainly, it would be a delightful ride on such a beautiful day, when the sun was shining and the sky was bright blue.

"Not that there will be any bluebells at this time of year. I suppose the name should change, shouldn't it?" Edmund said as the two of them walked toward the stables.

"We could call it...Accident Wood," Johanna said, and Edmund laughed.

"I'd rather not be reminded. Ah, look, here's Pegasus for you," he said as they entered the stable yard to find Johanna's horse being brushed down by one of the grooms.

"He's in good form today, my lady. Are you thinking of riding out on him?" the groom asked, and Johanna nodded, reaching up to stroke the horse's nose as he whinnied and shook his head.

"Yes, thank you. Will you saddle him for me?" she asked.

Johanna was eager to get back into the saddle, and with the earl's horse readied, too, they set off to ride across the estate in the direction of Bluebell Woods.

"I promise not to have an accident today," Edmund called out as they slowed to a trot at the entrance to the woods.

It was autumn, but the day was warm, and it was pleasant to find themselves under the shade of the trees, where the leaves were just beginning to turn from green to shades of gold and red. The path wound its way through the trees, and Edmund followed Johanna as she led them deeper into the woods.

"It was a lovely idea of yours for us to ride out like this," Johanna said, turning back to Edmund, who smiled.

"Well...I thought you might like to talk. We haven't had much chance to talk since we returned from London. All that business with Lavinia, and then there was so much to see to here. But I was thinking earlier...the night when it all happened. Afterwards, I felt I could do anything. Anything in the world. And do you know why?" he said.

Johanna had reined Pegasus in, and now she shook her head, wondering what he was going to say.

"I'm afraid I don't know," she said, and he smiled at her.

"Because I had you with me. You stood by me, Johanna. You didn't flinch. And you didn't question me when I told you I had a plan to put an end to Lavinia's mischief. That means more than I can tell you. It made me realize...well, it made me realize this isn't just a matter of convenience. Perhaps it was at first, but not any longer. In fact...I couldn't imagine my life without you, and I'm sorry if I've not made that clear over the past few weeks," he said.

Johanna's heart skipped a beat. She had not been angry with him for the fact of their finding themselves distanced from one another. There had been a sadness on her part, but Johanna had reminded herself of the nature of their arrangement. Whatever her own feelings, she could not force those of another. That had been Lavinia's mistake, and Johanna was not about to allow it to be hers, too. But to hear him say this presented her with a very different truth…

"I thought...well...I wasn't sure what to think. I thought you were busy. I knew you were, but I'd hoped...well, I'd rather hoped we'd have spent more time together. Like this," she said, and now she slipped down from the saddle as Edmund did the same.

"I know...and I'm so sorry if you feel I neglected you. It wasn't intentional. It took...well, it took a gentle word of encouragement to remind me of my obligation. No...that's the wrong word. It's not an obligation at all. Johanna, I want you to know I don't see this as a marriage of convenience, and if that's what it is to you, then please, I understand. We avoided the scandal of what the Parker sisters thought they saw right here in these woods by marrying, and I've tried to make you happy since the day we made our vows. But I'm also well aware of my shortcomings. I can be unthinking, self-interested, and lack any real empathy for others. I think it's because I was raised without siblings. I've never had to share anything, and my mother...well, you know what my mother's like," he said, but Johanna shook her head.

She did not see any of those things in him. He was not like that at all. How could a self-interested man without empathy do what he had done? In all things, he had put her first, and Johanna did not doubt for a moment that he would continue to do so. She admired him for the way he had unfailingly sought to defend her, and it was one of the many reasons why she had fallen in love with him.

"Your mother's been very good to me. I won't hear a word against her. And she loves you very much, Edmund. You know that. She could've prevented our marrying if she wished. But she didn't. She saw the value in it," Johanna said, and Edmund smiled.

"You're right. She did. And I love her very much, too. But I can get exasperated at times...oh, but none of that matters now. It really doesn't. I just want you to know how much I value you, and more than that...I want you to know I love you," he said as he reached out and took Johanna's hand in his.

Her heart skipped a beat, and as she gazed into his eyes, there could be no doubting the sincerity of his words. To hear him say he loved her, to know the truth of what had once seemed an impossibility, filled her with such joy as to be quite indescribable. It was one thing to fall in love, but quite another to know oneself was loved in return, and by that person one has fallen in love with. And to hear it said in the very place of their first encounter, and after so much time had passed, was to feel as though they had left the past behind and could look to the future with hope.

"And I love you, too," Johanna replied.

Edmund looked almost surprised as though he had expected her to talk, not of love, but of practicality and convenience. Had he really not realized her growing feelings for him? But there was no doubt in Johanna's mind as to how she felt. She loved Edmund, and now she knew for certain he loved her, too. He had proved as much in his defense of her, and now he had told her with words. He took both her hands in his, smiling at her with what seemed like a look of relief on his face.

"I'm pleased I didn't make a fool of myself," he said, and Johanna shook her head.

"How could you possibly make a fool of yourself by saying such a thing?" she asked, and their eyes now met in a loving gaze.

"I don't know...I just...I've never felt like this about anyone before. At first, I thought I was just being foolish. But the more time we spent together—the more time we were married, at least—I came to realize I can't be without you. It's the strangest of feelings, but the most wonderful, too. And after what happened at the masquerade ball, I felt more certain than ever. There was no question of my not being in love with you. I knew you'd never betray me like that, just as I'd hoped you'd know I'd never have done the same with Lavinia," he replied.

His words were but a further confirmation of their feelings for one another. It had been the same for Johanna, too. There had been no question of her believing Lavinia's lies or of believing Edmund might really hold a torch for her. The very idea was out of the question. Johanna and Edmund had found one another by accident, but what had followed had been very much real. Their courtship had been unconventional—married before falling in love—and yet now they were embarking on a future together like any other married couple who had discovered that first spark of love, now kindled into flame.

"I know, and now we don't have to worry about Lavinia, or Wilhelmina, or anyone. All that matters is us," Johanna said, and now Edmund leaned forward and kissed her on the lips.

It was the first time he had done so, and the kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity, the two of them caught up in a moment frozen in time. As he kissed her, Johanna knew there was no question of his feelings toward her—or of her for him. He loved her, and she loved him. That was all that mattered, and as their lips parted, she smiled at him, as he smiled back at her.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers, and still with their hands clasped.

"And I love you, too," Johanna replied.

The moment was suddenly interrupted by the sound of footsteps, and looking up, Johanna found the Parker sisters standing arm in arm along the path, watching them with interest. Johanna was about to offer a retort before either of them could say anything, but to her surprise, Hortensia smiled.

"What a delightful scene," she said, and her sister, Mildred, nodded.

"It's so nice to see two people so in love," she said.

For a moment, Johanna wondered if they were being sincere, or if this was not some ploy to spread further scandal.

"Well...we are," Johanna said.

"Yes, we can see. And...we want to apologize to you both. What we saw and what we thought we saw the last time we encountered you here were very different things. We're sorry if it caused you any difficulties," Mildred said.

"Yes, it's very fortuitous we bumped into you like this. We were going to call on you. We heard what happened to Lavinia," Hortensia said.

Had Johanna been the sort of person to stoop to the level of her detractors, she might have told the Parker sisters they deserved whatever might be coming to them. But Johanna was not the sort of person to hold a grudge. If anything, encountering the Parker sisters in the woods like this was a reminder of why she and Edmund were now married and in love. Had it not been for the threat of scandal, the suggestion might never have been made.

"Oh, it's quite all right. There's no need to apologize. Really, there isn't. We're only too glad you made a mistake," Johanna said, glancing at Edmund, who smiled.

The Parker sisters looked momentarily perturbed.

"You are?" Hortensia asked.

"Yes, if you hadn't thought something untoward was occurring, we'd never have had the need to marry in such haste," Johanna replied.

There was no reason to hide the truth from them now. It was Lavinia, not Johanna, whose name was mud, and given what had happened in the summerhouse in London, Johanna knew the sisters would think twice about spreading further lies and gossip. Hortensia nodded.

"Well...all's well that ends well, I suppose. But what are you going to do next?" she asked, and Johanna looked at Edmund and smiled.

"We're going to be happy," she replied, still with her hands clasped in his and knowing they had the happiest of futures lying ahead of them.

***

"What are we going to do now?" Edmund asked as the two of them led their horses by the reins along the path through the woods.

"Well...I haven't really given it much consideration. I suppose there's the orangery to finish, and then I want to start making plans for the garden, too. I know it's autumn now, but there's no harm in drawing up a design ready for the spring. I want to consult various books on plants and some histories of the gardens of Italy—I'll need someone to translate them, of course. Or...oh, do you mean you and I?" Johanna asked, and Edmund laughed.

"Both, I suppose. Whatever we do, I want to do it together," he said, and Johanna smiled.

She was glad he felt this way, glad he had realized how a married couple should be together, rather than distant or even separate. Johanna had seen many couples of this sort, the marriage an arrangement, their lives apart. It was what she, herself, had resigned herself to, and yet, now there was no doubt as to the path that lay before them. They would be together, not as a forced match or an arrangement, but as a happy couple, in love. It sounded so simple, and yet it had taken so much to achieve.

"I feel just the same. I don't want us to be apart—not ever. Whatever we do, we do it together," she said, and Edmund nodded, pausing as he reached out to take Johanna's hand in his.

"Always," he said, smiling at her as they stood gazing into one another's eyes.

It was another moment of realization—the joy of knowing she was not alone. Johanna had once thought she wanted the life her aunt led. In it, she had seen freedom and possibility. But in the match she now enjoyed, with the man she loved, there was just as much freedom and possibility, along with the certainty of knowing herself loved, too.

"Then what do you propose we do? After the orangery and the garden, and, well...just being together," she said.

"Well, we certainly won't go back to London," he said, and Johanna laughed.

"I'd be glad never to go back to London as long as I live. I hate the place, and there's absolutely no reason why we should ever need to go back there," Johanna replied.

Edmund laughed.

"Don't let my mother hear you say that," he replied.

"Oh, but I think she'd understand. She detests the countryside, I detest the ton. One way isn't so different from the other, is it? But if I'm to organize next year's Beaumont Dinner, then it's going to be held here, and we'll decide precisely who to invite—and who not to invite," Johanna said.

Edmund laughed.

"I'm sure my mother won't mind. She might even deign to come here if she thought you needed help," he said, and Johanna laughed.

"Oh, I'm sure she will. But I want to promise you something. I'll do my best to be the Countess of Beaumont. I don't quite know what it means yet, but…" Johanna began, but Edmund interrupted her.

"Please, Johanna, I don't ever want you to think you have to be anything other than yourself. I don't really know what it means to be the Earl of Beaumont. I have my title and my responsibilities. I try to fulfill them as best I can, but as for what it really means, I don't know, and perhaps I never will. Please, just be Johanna. That's the woman I've fallen in love with, and that's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. The rest doesn't matter," he said, and leaning forward, he kissed her on the lips.

Once again, Johanna felt a sense of relief, as though a burden had been lifted from her. She did not have to pretend to be something she was not or to change herself into something she did not want to be. It had always been her greatest fear—that she would have no choice but to conform to being something other than she wanted to be. In the past, she had feared the idea of marriage and had been set to avoid it completely. But circumstances had brought about the necessity of change, and for those circumstances, she could now be grateful. That, too, was a strange feeling. So much heartache, so much sorrow, so much anguish, and now...joy. Johanna had no doubt as to her joy in the life she now had ahead of her, and in a strange way, she could be thankful for the fact of all that had happened.

"Then I'll be Johanna, if you'll be Edmund," Johanna replied, and Edmund smiled and nodded.

"I think that's a very good idea indeed. As for what happens next...well, let's leave it up to fate," he replied, and Johanna smiled.

"And a little thought, too," she replied, and he laughed.

"A little, yes. You never know...I might surprise you," he replied, and again he leaned forward and kissed her, and as he did so, Johanna knew she had found a happiness she had never thought possible, one to cherish for the rest of her life.