23. Chapter 23

Chapter twenty-three

Robert stood with his shoulders erect, his nose held exactly level, and his fingers pressed tightly against his leg as he watched his wife embrace her family upon their entrance. Her face lit with joy as she spoke of the small things of life with them, how little Colin had mispronounced giraffe in his schooling, sending them all into a fit of laughs—while Robert stood to the side, watching it all unfold.

They were on the opposing side of his window—a wall of clear glass keeping him safe from the unpredictable elements of life.

Louisa's mother was the first to offer her greetings to him. "Your Grace, thank you for your invitation. We have missed our Louisa so, and it is such a pleasure to see her in your beautiful home."

Robert dipped into a shallow bow. "Yes. It only seemed the correct thing to do."

The dowager viscountess' brow gave the slightest of crinkles before brightening once more. "Louisa seems so comfortable here, for which we are all grateful." She gazed up at the ceiling, taking in the room. "It is truly beautiful, Your Grace."

"I am glad it is to your liking." He pressed his fingers harder into his leg.

Do not tap your fingers, son . . .

Louisa sauntered over to his side, turning to face her family. "Shall we all go to the Lavender Room until dinner is served? I'm not sure if you've seen it before, but it has undergone a bit of a renovation."

"I would love to see it," the younger Lady Wood chimed in with a bright smile. "You had mentioned it on your last visit." She took Louisa's arm, following her down the hall.

Lord Wood strode forward, pausing beside Robert with a frown before continuing on.

Wonderful. His brother-in-law clearly was not impressed with what he saw so far. But why did Robert even care? If Lord Wood made quick judgements based on what he perceived, there was not much Robert could do about that.

When Robert arrived at the Lavender Room, Louisa was already at work, pointing out all of the improvements that had been made, keeping the close attention of her mother and sister-in-law, which left an awkward silence between himself and Wood.

"The room looks very masculine," Wood said, tucking his hands in his pockets as he surveyed the walls with a slow perusal.

"It is to my taste," Robert said. "But Louisa was the one who designed it."

"Under your tight watch?" Lord Wood turned slightly toward him.

Robert didn't so much as flinch. He was not easily riled, and if Wood thought to intimidate him, he was wrong. "No, actually. I had an abundance of samples brought over and allowed her to pick whatever she desired. I really have no care about the decorations of a room."

Wood tilted his chin up, eyes discerning. "I see."

"Please." Robert gestured toward the room. "Have a look around." And leave him be.

"I believe I will." Wood strode over to his wife, slipping a hand behind her back as he feigned interest in the papering on the walls.

An ache formed in Robert's chest. What would it be like to feel so confident in your wife's affections that you freely wrapped a hand about her waist even in the company of others? And Robert hadn't even kissed his in private. And to feel so comfortable as to perform such a loving gesture in front of a near stranger, well, Robert envied that as well. But Louisa and Wood grew up in the same home and likely had the same upbringing and manner. It would not surprise Robert that if she allowed herself to open up to love, she would be the very same—hugging herself to his side as she gazed up at him, teasing him with that mischievous grin of hers. He could picture it so vividly that it hurt. For now, his side was empty and cold, and it was only him on this end of the room as the others formed a happy, openly loving party.

And whose fault was that but his own? While Louisa had pushed Robert away, there was nothing stopping him from walking over and joining them. And then his father's rules pierced his thoughts, but Robert pushed the desire to blame someone else aside. It was not his father's fault. For one, Robert had asked for his help. And for another, Robert had always felt uneasy around people he did not have a close relationship with. That was part of the very reason he had needed lessons in social situations in the first place. Louisa was only doing what he had requested of her from the very beginning. Interceding for him so he need not speak.

It wasn't until Robert's mind had run through its internal conversation that he noticed his finger tapping away on his leg. He stilled it, then turned at Brooks' voice as he announced dinner.

The group spun toward the door, making their way over as they continued to chat with one another. But when Louisa arrived at his side, she gestured to her family to go ahead and be seated without them.

The dowager viscountess gave Wood a hesitant glance, and the younger Lady Wood chewed her lip as she watched her husband. Wood glanced at Louisa, but her gaze was fixed on Robert. Wood finally sighed, shaking his head as he strode past his sister in reluctant agreement, and the other two ladies followed.

"What?" Robert asked once they were alone. They were supposed to be the ones to lead them into the dining room as the highest ranking in attendance, which Louisa was fully aware of.

She gave him a soft smile as she turned and looked up at him. And then she did something that shook him to his core. She took his hand, clasping it tightly between hers. "You do not need your rules when you are with my family."

"Ah." He nodded, looking to the floor. "I realize that."

"You do?"

Silence engulfed the expansive room, and he lifted his gaze. "But it is not easy for me."

"I know." Her hands tightened even more. Had it been the other way around, his hands clasping hers, the force likely would have hurt. But with her hands holding his so surely, it grounded him. It felt safe. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I fear I do not know the answer to that. This is just the way I am, Louisa. I do not think I can change at this point in my life."

"You changed for me," she said, her thumb running along his knuckles.

He swallowed. "I did not really change for you. I just let you into my walls."

She jerked her eyes up to his, pulling her lips into her mouth before nodding. "Perhaps it will take time, but surely you could let others within those walls as well. Let them see what I see."

He found himself leaning nearer. "And what do you see?" He wanted to know more than anything. To understand what thoughts were in that head of hers and how she truly felt about him. If only he could help Louisa tear down her own walls.

A nervous laugh slipped out, and she looked at the door. "Perhaps now is not the time for such a conversation. I believe we are holding up dinner."

"That didn't matter to you when we were talking about me." He used their joined hands to pull her closer.

She gave a startled gasp as she locked eyes with him. Finally, she took a slow breath, her chest rising as her eyes trailed over his face. "I see a man who is accustomed to being alone. Even if that isn't what you truly want."

"And do you see anything else?" He ran his thumb over the edge of her palm.

She lifted her chin. "I see a man who is scared to be himself—to be judged and found wanting."

Robert's finger stilled. "I do want." He began to lift his free hand to Louisa's cheek, but stopped himself short, letting it fall to his side.

She pinched her eyes shut. "We should go to dinner," Louisa said, her words rushed.

He wanted to press her further, but now was not the time. Their guests were waiting for them. "Very well." He dropped his hand, gesturing to the door. "Lead the way, Duchess."

The room was filled with hushed whispers as Robert and Louisa took their seats, but Louisa pasted on a smile and acted as if nothing strange had just occurred.

"Violet," she began, looking across the table at her sister-in-law. "Did you end up ordering that small side table you had told me about? I think it would look darling in your sitting room."

Lady Wood gave Robert a nervous glance before turning to Louisa to answer. "Yes, it should arrive tomorrow."

"Another table?" Lord Wood asked with a slightly scolding tone. But his smile defied him. "How many tables does one lady need?"

"It is not about a need, Henry," Louisa said, unbothered. "And I do believe Colin broke the leg on the last one Violet ordered."

"Ah. Yes." Wood nodded. "He was playing some sort of pirate adventure and tied a rope to its leg, then pretended he was hoisting it up into his ship. As you can guess, it did not end well for the table."

Robert's mother-in-law put a napkin across her mouth, attempting to cover her smile.

Louisa propped her elbow on the table, leaning forward as she laughed. "Sounds rather imaginative to me. I hope you were not too hard on him, Henry."

Lord Wood swallowed a spoonful of soup before answering. "No, nothing too serious."

Violet scoffed. "Nothing too serious? I would say hardly anything at all. Henry practically applauded him."

"No, you didn't, Henry?" Louisa asked, chuckling as she turned to her brother.

"Oh, yes," the dowager agreed. "I believe the only punishment that was administered was a piggyback ride to Colin's nursery, where they then continued on with the game."

Robert's heart did a strange twist as he listened to their light rapport. While Robert was sure his father had loved him, their dinners had been a more quiet, solemn affair where matters of business or household affairs were discussed. Nothing like this. He glanced over at Louisa, where she still had her elbow on the table, her chin propped in her hand as she laughed and talked with each member of her family. She was so relaxed and beautiful that it nearly made his heart burst to look at her.

She turned toward him, her smile softening. He swallowed, wondering what he was supposed to do. A discussion about the House of Lords hardly seemed appropriate amidst all the talk of little Colin and his antics. But could he do something? What did he have to contribute when he did not even know the little boy?

Louisa was still watching him, and then, as his mind whirled and scrambled, she gave him a gentle nod—as if beckoning him to try.

Robert swallowed as the urge to nervously clear his throat clawed at him. But then, against his natural instincts, he opened his mouth. "Next time you visit, you should bring Colin with you. We shan't even require entertainment, it seems, as he would provide all we need."

All the faces at the table swiveled toward him, and Robert gave a small smile so they did not misunderstand him.

Violet nodded, a warm grin spreading across her face. "That would be lovely, Your Grace. I'm sure he would love to come. Oh, what mischief he would love to get into with Prince," she added, giggling as she looked back at Louisa.

He took another lungful of air. "Robert."

All the faces turned back to him as the laughter quickly dissipated. Silence permeated the room except for the faint clink of a spoon against china.

"You may call me Robert," he said, forcing the words. "We are family, are we not?"

Violet blinked a few times, as if she had not heard him correctly. But then she smiled. Robert wasn't sure if he had seen someone so truly kind and gentle in spirit before. "Robert," Violet said, giving a decisive nod.

He turned to Louisa, whose eyes glistened in the candlelight as she stared down the table at him. Violet spoke to her, but Louisa's eyes lingered on him. And then she smiled, and for a moment, all seemed right in the world.