Chapter Six

July 26, 1817

Hawthorn Cottage

T homas glanced up as a knock sounded on his partially open study door. And damn if his pulse didn't leap when Genevieve stood there, gently pushing the wooden panel. "Ah, Miss Hasting, what a pleasant surprise. Please, come in."

Dear Lord, it had been a couple of days since they'd shared a fairly chaste kiss. Though there had been enough heat contained in that one meeting of mouths, neither of them had deepened the connection, but it had been seared into his consciousness.

And there was no chance of him forgetting it. Hell, he'd berated himself and then asked God's forgiveness after the fact, for she was absolutely not the sort of woman he needed by his side for the rest of his life, and he wasn't the sort of man who indulged in quick, mad trysts.

"Thank you." When she entered the small space, the faint scent of lilies of the valley carried to his nose. "The girls and I are going out for a walk. You should accompany us."

As she spoke, Thomas focused on her lips and remembered how pillowy soft and supple they were when they'd cradled his, and how much he'd wanted to explore her body—even through clothing—but had been horrified by his response now that he was a man representing the Church. In fact, he hadn't been with a woman since he'd taken the living here.

"Mr. Alderman?" Concern and perhaps a trace of annoyance wove through her voice.

"I beg your pardon. Woolgathering, I suppose." What a nodcock he was. "What did you ask me?"

"If you would like to come walking with the girls and me." Her dress of rose-colored cotton featured daises embroidered along the hem and the rounded bodice, making her look like summer personified.

"It's Saturday, and I haven't yet finished writing my sermon for tomorrow." That hint of cold disappointment in his chest surprised him.

Genevieve pouted. "There is more to life than writing sermons, preparing for them, and delivering them." She propped her hands on her hips, and all he could think about was what a lovely figure she possessed, that she should have been snapped up by any number of men. "Come walking with us. At least to have some exercise. Perhaps your sermon will benefit from some fresh air."

"What of the girls' lessons?"

She shrugged. "We keep modified hours on Saturday, and with the walk, we can collect specimens from nature to study later."

"I don't know. This does need finishing." Thomas tapped his paper with a forefinger.

"And you will do so in good time." When she came closer to his desk, he swore he felt the heat of her. "Besides, if you are truly their guardian, you should spend time with them outside of your vicar capacity. Don't neglect your nieces for the sake of the Church. It is not more important than those you love."

Hmm, well, she did have a point, even if she might not be quite clear on the importance of the Church in his life. Slowly, he nodded. "Perhaps you are correct." With a sigh, he closed the Bible resting on his desk. "Fresh air does sound lovely." Especially if she were out there enjoying it with him.

The governess smiled. "Good. I'm glad you still retain a bit of common sense about you."

With a start, he realized Genevieve was a boon for the household. "Are you saying I left that behind when I took this position?" As he spoke, Thomas rose to his feet.

She shrugged. "Perhaps I'm implying it." One of her eyebrows rose in question. "Do you deny it?"

"I am not certain." Why did this one woman have the power to confuse him? "To be fair, I don't know how much common sense I had in my days of being a rogue."

"I won't belabor the point since both times in your life you were blindly following someone else's ideals of how you should live." Then she moved to the door. "On the one hand, you thought that by chasing women and vices, you would be accepted by the ton and perhaps find meaning, while on the other hand, you now believe that by following arbitrary rules of the Church and removing all interesting bits of yourself, you will be accepted by those you wish to listen to you."

With a frown, he followed her. "I'm not sure it's as black and white as all that."

"Oh, but it is. Perhaps you need to ask yourself why it is you feel this driving need to be accepted at all instead of being confident in who you already are." She glanced over her shoulder at him. "What is it you truly seek?"

"I suppose I need to think about it." But wouldn't a man of the cloth already know the answer to that question? More to the point, wouldn't he have said the love of God was what he sought and sharing that love was above everything else?

Have I failed at this position?

Again?

There was no time to think too much about it, for his nieces exclaimed with surprise the second he and Genevieve stepped into the rear garden.

"Uncle Thomas! Are you joining us?" Penny wanted to know as she rushed over and grabbed his hand.

"Indeed, I am. Miss Hasting convinced me that I should." When he glanced at the governess, her attention was on Lily, whose half-boot had come loose, so she'd kneeled before the child to take care of the issue. Something about that caring gesture tugged at his chest. "Every person should enjoy the outside world and breathe in the country air."

Finally, she looked up, met his gaze, and smiled. "I agree." As she stood, she took Lily's hand. "Where shall we walk today?"

Penny didn't hesitate in answering. "To the pond so Uncle Thomas can see it!" Then she giggled. "And the geese."

Her sister was quite enthused with that plan as well.

Thomas couldn't help his own grin. "Then we should head toward the pond. But only if the two of you practice walking like little ladies."

Giggles erupted from the girls, but they quickly agreed.

The trip was pleasant enough with the sun shining down, the birds singing in the trees, bees and insects buzzing in the flowers, and a beautiful blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds. And the opportunity to spend time with his nieces when he didn't constantly need to correct their behavior or ask them to lower their voices was priceless, yet the jewel of the day was walking beside the unlikely governess who had brought her own brand of sunshine into their lives.

The promise of walking with decorum only lasted a whole two minutes, but he truly didn't mind. One didn't always need to be proper, especially when exercise was required. As they walked, the girls talked of inconsequential things and kept up a stream of conversation between him and Genevieve. It was a pleasant enough sound in their little voices, and surprisingly, he was caught up on their week, being let into their triumphs and tragedies. Through no fault of his own, he realized he'd missed much of their lives while he'd been busy tending to the needs of his parishioners, and that prompted a stab of guilt through his chest.

I must try better to be present in their lives.

Once they arrived at a small pond, the girls' excitement level expanded exponentially. Both of them clamored to show him all their favorite things they'd previous found from other visits to the body of water.

"And look, Uncle Thomas, there are the geese that have fallen in love with Miss Hasting," Penny said as she gestured to the pair of brown geese who were slowly sauntering toward their party. She giggled. "Miss Hasting has geese."

"And a swan!" Lily added with giggles of her own. "A big one!"

"How interesting," Thomas said as he kept one eye on the geese and the other on the governess. "You haven't told me about this development."

A faint blush stained Genevieve's cheeks. "I didn't think it was worth a mention."

"Of course it is!" He grinned as the geese approached her location while the girls went to the edge of the pond, presumably to search for toads. "It speaks to your character that animals feel comfortable in your presence."

"It's rather more annoying than anything else." As she spoke, the geese arrived at her side, bobbing their heads and leaning forward so she could stroke their necks. "The first time we visited the pond, I guess they decided I belonged to them."

"It's adorable and quite humorous." Thomas couldn't help but grin, for it was easily the most pastoral scene he'd ever witnessed. "I suppose if the governess position doesn't last, you could always drive geese about the countryside."

"Bite your tongue, Mr. Alderman."

Suddenly, he wanted to hear his name in her voice. "I believe I asked you to call me Thomas when we are alone."

Mischief sparkled in her eyes as she tried to prevent the geese from nipping at the fabric of her dress. "Are we alone enough for all of that… Thomas?"

Dear heavens , how wonderful was that? In her dulcet tones, it was almost as if she flirted with the words before she finally released them into the air.

With a glance at the girls who ran along the edge of the pond, he nodded. "I believe that we are." When he met her gaze again, awareness prickled along his skin. "How have you enjoyed your first week as a governess?"

"It has been quite an interesting endeavor, but the girls are sweet. Our friendship is coming along nicely." A slight smile curved her lips. "I never thought I would like taking a paid position, but this isn't as bad as I thought it might be."

"I'm impressed you've committed to taking on the twin dervishes there. Before you came along, I hadn't luck in even getting some of the women past the interview process." As they strolled toward the girls and the pond, the geese escorted them. Soft honks issued from the birds as if they were completely satisfied with their life.

"I suppose none of those women would have fit as well in the position because a firm constitution and hand is needed with your nieces." Genevieve smiled as Penny turned around and looked at them. "They are young yet, but they are learning."

"I look forward to further settling into the new schedule of things." There was no time to say more, for Penny tugged at his hand.

"May Lily and I swim?" She looked at him with those big green eyes and his heart threatened to melt. How could he deny her?

"Uh…" It wasn't exactly a proper activity.

Geneieve nudged his shoulder with hers, and electric sensation coursed down his arm. "Who will see them in the middle of rural rolling hills and meadows?"

"True, and we won't abandon them."

"Of course not. What sort of uncle would that make you, or what sort of governess would I be in that instance?" Another twinkle of mischief glimmered in the blue depths of her eyes. He turned his attention to Penny. "You and your sister may splash about as much as you like, but don't go too far from either of us."

When Genevieve sank onto the grass and folded her legs beneath her, she gestured at the girls. "Come here. No need to dirty your dresses." Then she effortlessly stripped both girls down to their shifts and petticoats. "Be mindful of each other. Your sister is your responsibility, Penny, because she is younger than you."

"All right." Though Penny didn't sound excited about the prospect, she took Lily's hand and then both girls waded into the shallow water of the pond.

With nothing else to do, and feeling slightly awkward standing next to her, Thomas sank to the grass beside the governess. The temperature while in the full sunshine was quite warm, and as much as he wished to remove his jacket, he didn't dare in front of Genevieve. That was far too scandalous and not the sort of behavior a vicar should exhibit.

"Truly, I have never seen the girls as happy as they are right now. This past year has been difficult on all of us." Perhaps life moved on, or perhaps it was Genevieve's influence and calming presence, but it was much appreciated. "So thank you for that."

"It was my pleasure. They aren't bad or horrid. They are merely lost, I think, but it's good they have you." Never did she take her eyes off her young charges. The giggles and laughter from the girls filtered back to their location. "Though you might have your hands full when they get older."

"There is that, but I shall worry about it when I meet said challenge." Wiping the sweat from his brow, he grinned when Lily squealed. Penny had just splashed water onto the other girl. "I didn't anticipate how difficult it would be to go from an unrepentant rogue to a proper vicar."

"No one said you needed to be one or the other, Thomas." Amusement threaded through Genevieve's voice. She glanced at him, and the same sentiment slightly curved her lips… lips he wouldn't mind kissing again, and longer this time, to further introduce himself to her. "They are both examples of what a man can be, but there is no rule that says a vicar cannot enjoy himself if the occasion demands."

"As much as I want to believe you, I'm afraid I must follow the dictates of the Church as well as the guide map the Bible provides."

She huffed, apparently in annoyance. "The Church is guided by a man. Not by God or any other deity, but by a man, and vicars all over England are merely following that man's opinions." Briefly glancing away from the girls, she rested the full force of her gaze on him. "You are quite capable of forming your own opinions about what the Bible says or doesn't, as the case usually is." A shrug lifted one shoulder but drew his interest to the lace-edged bodice and the swell of her modest breasts. "Haven't you learned by now that the men in charge of any church are quite skilled in controlling the population out of fear?"

"I did hear a few grumbles about that while attending seminary."

"Ah, then if learned men intent on being vicars talk about the same thing that a woman of the ton has been able to work out on her own, there must be some weight in it." Again, she shrugged. "But then, men need to make their own decisions. I'm afraid I cannot abide weak-willed men who follow another's dictates because someone somewhere said he should. "

How very interesting. "Have you always been this outspoken?"

"Yes." Her attempt at stifling a giggle failed. "I have found it saves time as well as wards off misunderstandings. Additionally, I don't believe that women should be subservient to anyone. Respectful, surely, but only if I have also been shown the same."

"What are your hopes for the future?" The woman was beyond fascinating. "Do you intend to marry eventually? You surely cannot be so old as to put yourself on the shelf already."

"I am seven and twenty, not ancient." With the toss of her head, he was given a glimpse of her slender neck and the curve of her jaw, enhanced by the ribbons of her bonnet. "Though I do give it much thought each time my mother opens this conversation, I maintain that if I wish to marry, the man must have a title as well as copious amounts of coin. Since I am struggling now with my family, scrimping and saving for every little thing, I do not want to do that in my married life or for the rest of my existence."

"That is understandable." After crooking his knees, he rested his wrists atop them. "Women are treated much differently in our society and there is not much available to them outside of marriage." No doubt they would wish to be financially taken care of as well. "Does that mean you don't believe one should marry for love?"

For the space of a few heartbeats, Genevieve remained silent. "While love might suit others, I rather doubt that is something I would be interested in."

Of all the things he expected to hear from her, that wasn't it. "What do you mean? Everyone should strive to find love at least once in their life."

"Perhaps." She frowned as she watched the girls cavort in the water. "While my parents have enjoyed a lovely marriage and are no doubt still captivated by each other, I cannot help but wonder how that union held up when the hard times came. Any moment we expect the letter that will say the manor house will be taken away due to unpaid taxes, and Papa's health is rapidly declining." When she turned her face to him and met his gaze, both sadness and a trace of panic reflected there. "I am not certain I have the strength to survive such hardships. My mother is a true brick, but I am not her."

"Then you feel that everything in life shouldn't challenge us and should prove easy, that we shouldn't strive to overcome anything and gain satisfaction because of it?" Honestly, he didn't know how to respond.

"That is exactly it. I don't know. About any of it. Life remains much a mystery, which is essentially change, and that terrifies me." With a sigh, she again looked at him. "Regardless, I do hope to marry eventually, but the man who I do marry must not expect me to be a proper ton lady who will wear a bonnet all the time or even stays. That is just who I am."

And that, perhaps more than her wish to marry a titled man with coin to his name, would leave her out of the running for a helpmeet on his part. A man who was a vicar could ill-afford wedding a woman who simply wasn't proper or someone the Church would accept.

Not that he had such designs on her.

"Well, thank you for telling me that. It's an interesting insight into your life, and I'm certain those admissions were difficult for you." Above all, he appreciated that she was honest about it. Too many women claimed to want one thing but accepted something completely different. "I'm afraid I have no lofty expectations. I merely wish to find someone I get on well enough with that holds the same values and mindset that I do who might wish to give back to the community by working in the church in some capacity."

"Wouldn't marrying a woman who thinks and acts the same way that you do grow incredibly dull after a time?" After fussing with the ribbons beneath her chin, Genevieve finally tugs at the ends, and then removed the bonnet completely. In many ways, it was a sign that she trusted him and was letting him into her private world. "There would be no opposition, no difference of opinion, no viewpoints in which to see things in a new light. How dull your life would grow after a few years."

Point taken. "Or would it simply be a breath of fresh air to know there would be no arguments?"

"Only you can decide that, but as for me, I would welcome the chance to cross swords with a man, to go toe-to-toe with him knowing he wouldn't respond with weakness and give into me just because I could bully him." Nothing except honesty shone from her eyes. "And wouldn't making amends and apologies prove quite exciting afterward?"

Well, she would certainly keep someone on their toes. "I hope you find exactly what you search for, Genevieve. You deserve at least that."

"As do you, Thomas."

They sat side by side in the grass for a long time after that discussion, and no other attempt at words was made for some time.

Eventually, she stood with her bonnet in hand. "It is no doubt time for tea, and I'm a bit famished. Being in this heat simply makes me wilt." Before he could say anything in response, she moved through the grasses toward the pond. The two geese joyfully paddled over to meet her at the edge, where she called the girls to order and asked them to don their clothing once more.

When protests started, Genevieve wasn't having any of it, and in short order, she had the girls both garbed in their dresses, stockings, and half boots. It was quite an impressive feat.

Penny brightened as she submitted to the governess's ministrations of tying the bonnet ribbons beneath her chin. "Hey Lily, I'll race you to the main road. Winner gets to pick a treat from the tea tray first!" Then she was off like a shot.

"No fair! You have longer legs!" But what Lily might lack in height, she gained in speed. So much so that her bonnet fell to her back, only held onto her person by the ribbons. In moments, they had dashed up the hill and left the adults still walking through the meadow.

"One would think swimming should have made them tired," Thomas groused as the sun beat down on him and sweat trickled along his spine.

Genevieve snorted. "They are always like that until it's time for bed. Which is exactly why I encourage them to have an hour of quiet time following tea. It's as much for me as it is them." She fanned her face with a hand. "This summer has turned quite steamy. I hope the heat doesn't last very long."

"Nothing trying will ever test our patience for longer than we can endure." It sounded trite in that moment, for he would do anything to turn tail and run fully clothed into that pond merely to cool his overheated skin. "We haven't had rain for a spell, which makes everything that much worse." And worse than that was the fact that he couldn't seem to stop looking at her mouth or stop wanting to kiss those lips again.

Pull yourself together, man! You are a leader of the Church, not a skirt-chasing rogue any longer.

A sigh escaped her throat. "To be honest, I wouldn't have minded swimming myself, but obviously I couldn't do that in mixed company or while my employer watched. I might not be proper and don't believe one should always observe propriety, but I don't want the girls to think such behavior is encouraged."

Damn, but the woman was a delightful mix of contrasts. "I wouldn't have minded taking a dip either, but most men swim in the nude." Why had he said that? To tease her?

"Ah." Geneieve's eyes rounded while a pink flush went through her cheeks. "I wonder if you are hiding an impressive figure behind those somber clothes, Vicar."

There was only so much willpower a man possessed. Despite her teasing and worldly attitude, he was sure she was an innocent. And it was far too tempting. Both heaven and hell in one petite package. "I guess neither of us shall know, for you won't see it and I won't indulge your curiosity." After checking that the girls were nowhere around, and knowing he and the governess hadn't yet crested the hill to be observed, he tossed common sense away, took Gigi into his arms, and set out to properly kiss her this time. With a half-stifled groan, he wrapped his arms around her until she was settled comfortably in that embrace.

Briefly, she pulled away to peer into his eyes. "You are all too potent. What a lovely surprise for a vicar." She drew in a shuddering breath before she kissed him back, mimicking every subtle movement and overture he made toward her then seconds later, she began a campaign of kissing him on her own.

And he was nearly lost.

Hot desire circled through him while over and over Thomas claimed her mouth. He couldn't have enough. Her lips were warm from the sun, and they cradled his with soft perfection. As he roved his hands along her back, he thrilled at her taste, her touch; her warmth consumed him. When he found the sweet curve of her arse, he squeezed, hauling her upward so that he could press her against his burgeoning arousal. Could she feel how she excited him? Did she want him as much as he wanted her? The questions sank beneath the fog of passion as he encouraged her lips apart and touched his tongue to hers.

"Why, Mr. Alderman, what a naughty man you are. It would seem old habits are difficult to break," she said against his lips, and hers brushed his with every word. The hand resting on his chest circled into his lapel and a gentle but insistent tug at his nape had him kissing her once more.

They warred for dominance as satin slid across silk and tongues thrust or parried depending on the need. Already neck deep into sinning, Thomas trailed a hand down her arm, the skin sun-warmed and soft, and then he dared to cup one of her breasts, for she was already pressed quite intimately against his form.

A barely audible moan escaped her, and he grinned, went so far as to worry the nipple into a hard, tight bud before dropping his hand and pulling slowly away from her. Those kiss-swollen lips of hers formed a pout. Her eyes had darkened to sapphires. "Why did you stop?"

"Because if I didn't, I'm afraid this wouldn't have ended with a mere kiss or a touch." At least it was honest. "We should catch up with the girls else they'll grow suspicious."

"Well, it wouldn't be the only something… growing." With obvious relish, Genevieve slid her gaze down the front of his person to linger at the obvious bulge in the front of his breeches before bringing her regard back up to his face. "Give yourself a few minutes then come join us." Then she winked and climbed the rest of the way to the crest of the gentle hill.

When he was able to, Thomas caught up to them when they gained the road, just as Penny's trills of laughter rang in his ears.

"Miss Hasting, you must be hot from the sun because your cheeks are red."

And both girls laughed.

"I suppose that must be it," she said while looking over their heads and finding his gaze. "After all, what could possibly make a woman more heated than that?"

Well, damn it all. And he didn't even mind the vulgarity. I'm in trouble. The old yearnings flared again, and he wouldn't be able to resume his placid, God-fearing life again until he'd bedded the damned governess. But he couldn't. It was against everything he believed in now.

Wasn't it?

Perhaps he needed to spend more time on his knees seeking God's counsel… or permission. And if that didn't work, forgiveness, for that was always easier after the sin.