Chapter Twenty

“No, it is a terrible idea. I forbid it.”

Caroline sighed for the tenth time that morning, pressing her fingers against the megrim pounding in her temples. She put down her hairbrush and turned to face her mother. “You cannot forbid me to do anything, Mother,” she told her gently. “Not anymore. I am going.”

Elizabeth thinned her lips and crossed her arms like a petulant child. “Goodness, you have never been this defiant before.” She looked accusingly at Louisa, who was sitting on Caroline’s bed. “Is this your influence?”

“She always had it in her,” Louisa drawled, though there was not as much wit in her voice as there usually was.

Which told Caroline exactly what she needed to know. “You don’t think I should go either, do you?”

Louisa shook her head slowly. “I must admit that I agree with Lady York. It may be best for you to keep out of the public eye for a while. But, I also know that you have made up your mind and there is nothing I can do to stop you.”

“Good.” Caroline picked up her brush and resumed brushing her hair.

Elizabeth let out a strangled cry behind her. “Is that it?” she demanded to know. “You will not try to convince her not to leave?”

“I know that I cannot,” Louisa said simply. “And neither can you, my lady.”

Caroline would have smiled at that if she wasn’t already in a terrible mood. So she continued styling her hair, twisting it into a chignon as she listened to her mother’s complaints.

At last, she stood. “If you two would excuse me,” she said as she headed for the door.

“Oh, for God’s sake, Caroline.” Elizabeth caught her hand as she walked by. Caroline paused to look at her. Her mother studied her face for a moment and whatever she saw in Caroline’s eyes must have made her change her mind because she softened. “At times like these, you remind me so much of your father. He was always so determined, to the point of being bull-headed.”

Caroline didn’t know if it was meant as a compliment or not. In that moment, it didn’t matter. “I know this is not what you envisioned for me, Mother. You must be terrified to show your face in public as well because of this scandal. But I will not allow the opinions of others to decide what I do with my life. For the first time ever, I feel free. I feel happy. I have found fulfillment. I will not allow that to be taken away from me.”

Elizabeth frowned and for a terrifying moment, Caroline was afraid she would break down in tears. But then she simply released Caroline’s hand, a silent indication that she would not attempt to stop her any longer. Coming from Elizabeth, it was a momentous occasion.

Caroline gave her a small smile because that was all she could manage right now—before she left the room with her completed manuscript tucked under her arm. Exhaustion nipped at her heels because she’d spent the entire night finishing it. Motivation came in many forms—fear that she would be forced to stop and leave it unfinished, the need to distract herself from fear of being ostracized, not knowing what Cedric thought of her secret life. Writing helped to clear her mind. It transported her into the world of her characters and, for those blissful moments, her mind was clear.

Now the distressing thoughts came rushing back. She still didn’t know who Mr. Sinclair was and why he got so much happiness from watching her reputation crumble. That was the third item on her list of things to figure out. First, she had to speak with Mr. Holloway. And second, she had to speak with Cedric.

It was blistering cold outside. Caroline thought it fitting. It would be quite a waste to have warmer weather if she was in no mood to enjoy it.

As she made her way to Mr. Holloway’s establishment, she paid attention to the carriages going by. To think that she had been targeted even before Mr. Sinclair revealed her secret unnerved her. That feeling of being watched returned but she couldn’t tell if it was misplaced, if she was simply anxious considering everything that happened. Even so, she kept looking over her shoulder, paying keen attention to her surroundings all the way to Mr. Holloway.

He opened the door wearing a grimmer look than usual.

“You’ve heard,” she sighed as she stepped inside.

“I have. And I’ll tell you right now, it isn’t good for business. No one will want to buy a book written by a viscountess.”

Caroline’s heart sank. She tried not to show it. “I finished it. At least read it before you make a decision.”

He looked at the manuscript she held out then back at her. Caroline had a sinking feeling he would deny it and put her right out, but then he took it. She breathed a silent breath of relief as he headed over to his desk to read.

She began pacing back and forth. The silence was too loud and it only created space for the thoughts she was trying to ignore to invade her mind. She hadn’t wanted to consider that Mr. Holloway might decide not to work with her anymore but now that she was facing such a reality, it was all she could think about. She couldn’t lose this as well.

After far too long, in her opinion, Mr. Holloway said, “It’s good. Very good, in fact. I have no revisions to make.”

Caroline whirled to face him. “So will you still publish it?”

He hesitated, frowning at her manuscript. “It is bad for business,” he said again.

She bit her bottom lip, fighting back tears. This was all she had. She couldn’t lose it. But she couldn’t find the words to convince him.

“But,” he said at last. “It is a risk I am willing to take. Good pieces like this should not be hidden away. If you want to share it with the world, I want to be the one to help you.”

Relief made her limbs go slack. Caroline reached for the nearest wall, sagging against it. “I was afraid you would deny,” she confessed.

“I nearly did,” he said gruffly. “But you’ve sparked something with this novel and I want to take a chance on it, despite the risks. Not to mention the fact that you met the deadline with time to spare.”

“You gave me no choice,” she sighed .

“I had nothing to do with it. It was your passion for writing that brought you this far. Now, it is my turn.” He reached for his spectacles. “Now go home. You’ve given me work to do.”

Caroline huffed a delirious laugh as her tears broke free. “Thank you, Mr. Holloway. Thank you for believing in me.”

He grunted something under his breath and waved his hand dismissively. Caroline managed a small smile at that, then took her leave. That was one thing off her mind. Now, she could focus entirely on the other.

She wasn’t sure if she remembered how to find Cedric’s offices, but she knew the general location. If she made it, she would force him to listen to her explain everything. She needed to know if he saw her any differently, if he hated her now that he knew she had hid this truth from him.

The mere thought that he might, felt like knives going through her chest.

The smell of smoke stung her nose just as she went around a corner. Caroline blinked in surprise at the gathering of people a short distance away. She hurried closer, realizing with a start that the smell was growing stronger.

Then she saw it. Red flames licking at a familiar building, massive men racing in and out carrying buckets of water. Caroline spotted Harrison amongst the crowd with a terrifying look of worry on his face.

She drifted closer. She didn’t dare to consider what was happening, even as she heard snippets of conversation. Even as her ears picked up on someone saying that there was someone still inside, Caroline didn’t let herself think that it might be true.

Harrison spotted her as she came closer and the worry on his face transformed into pure horror.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said.

“Where is he?” Caroline breathed. Men kept rushing by her with those buckets of water, fighting valiantly at the flames that were fighting back.

“You should go home,” Harrison told her gently, touching her elbow. “The smoke is thick and it is not good for—”

“Where is he?” she asked again, her voice tinged with hysteria .

Harrison’s face fell. “He’s trapped inside.”

Caroline couldn’t breathe. Turning slowly, blood roaring in her ears, she faced the burning building.

“The fire brought down some of the ceiling and it is blocking most of the entrance, so they cannot get to him,” Harrison tried to explain. “He went back in to make sure that everyone was out safely and it collapsed right behind him.”

The tears were back. Caroline knew it had nothing to do with the smoke stinging her eyes.

“You should go,” Harrison said again. “I shall send word once he is safe.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she pushed out.

She stood there, her body numb, watching as the men tried to get inside. Even as they won against the flames at the entrance, the debris blocking their path was another hurdle to get over. The rest of the building continued to burn, eating away at her hopes and prayers that Cedric was safe.

The men work tirelessly. Caroline stood there in utter silence next to Harrison, praying that Cedric was safe. Praying that the smoke had not done the damage that the fire could not. She cried until her eyes grew tired and dry, until it sapped what little strength she had left.

He still did not appear.