Chapter Fourteen

Caroline would not have agreed to have tea with her mother if she knew she would be walking into this.

Elizabeth was sitting in her usual spot, already spooning her sugary tea, eyes alight with mischief and happiness. And across from her was Lord Sotheby.

For a moment, Caroline considered just turning around and walking out the room. She would have done it had it not been for the fact that Lord Sotheby had already turned around and smiled at her. And because he was looking, Caroline wiped away the scowl she’d aimed at her mother and forced a smile onto her face, one that slipped away a moment later.

“My lord,” Caroline said stiffly as she came forward. “I did not know you would be joining us.”

Lord Sotheby seemed surprised by that. “Oh, I did not…”

“I must have forgotten to tell you,” Elizabeth cut in with ease. “Though I’m sure it does not matter. Lord Sotheby is a welcomed presence for our daily teatime, is he not?”

Caroline felt the smile against her teeth and wondered if it was more akin to a sneer. For a moment, she was crossed between telling the truth and being polite. Lord Sotheby certainly was not a welcomed presence. She didn’t want to see him here. It was bad enough that her mother constantly forced her towards him every time they were at the same event, but now she had to pretend in the place she’d grown to call her home? Caroline loathed the very thought.

As if Elizabeth sensed the direction of Caroline’s dark thoughts, she quickly changed the topic. “Lord Sotheby, you were telling me about the history of your ancestral home.”

“Ah, yes, I was.” Lord Sotheby perked up. “Where was I?”

“I believe you were telling me how the abbey changed hands in the seventeenth century.”

“Yes, yes, you are right. My great-great grandfather had just been granted the title of viscount by the king and went about acquiring the property from his estranged brother. It was a bitter battle, of course, since my great great grandfather believed himself to be the rightful owner and thought that his rank would afford him anything he wished. While my great great granduncle was not willing to part with the abbey that had already become his family home.”

“Oh my,” Elizabeth said in a tone that was far too intrigued to be genuine. “How exciting.”

“Now, I suppose it is. But at the time, it affected many people adversely. Though I do believe there is a small mercy in the fact that the abbey would have remained in the family no matter who took charge of it.”

Caroline stopped listening. She moved mechanically as she prepared her tea, each motion slow and precise. While Lord Sotheby dazzled her mother with the riveting history of his ancestral home, Caroline imagined what her heroine would do in a situation such as this.

She would have spoken rather sternly to her mother, not caring that they had company, and marched out of the room without looking back. Caroline wished she could be like that. She wished she had done that when her mother announced betrothal to the late Viscount of Winterbourne. She wished she had the courage to tell her mother about her secret life as Robert Winters. She wished she had the gall to look her mother—and Lord Sotheby—in the eye and tell them that she had no intention of marrying again, let alone spending time with a gentleman she had no interest in.

Instead, she stayed quiet and cursed herself for being such a coward.

“Oh, dear, look at the time,” Elizabeth gasped suddenly, when Lord Sotheby was still going through his seemingly endless story. “I completely forgot that there is a letter I had intended to send to a friend of mine. She is waiting on my response, you see. It will not be long.”

Caroline was already setting her untouched tea down. “That is good timing because I too had something I needed to do.”

“Oh, you needn’t leave right now,” Elizabeth said hastily. “I shan’t be long. I would hate for Lord Sotheby to have to leave so soon. Stay, Caroline. I’ll be back soon. ”

Caroline gaped at her, protests and warnings blaring in her mind. But she said nothing as her mother got up and hurried out of the room, leaving her alone with Lord Sotheby. If she had been unmarried, she never would have pulled such an obvious stunt.

“I must thank you, my lady,” Lord Sotheby said after a quiet, uncomfortable moment.

Caroline didn’t look at him. She picked back up her tea to keep her hands from curling into angry fists. “For what, my lord?” she pushed through gritted teeth.

“For choosing to stay. I was quite happy when Lady York invited me to tea, since I longed to share in your company again. You have been on my mind every day since the day I met you.”

Oh, how she would have loved to hear such words from another gentleman. Perhaps someone taller than Lord Sotheby, with broader shoulders, and perhaps a brooding countenance that only made him more inviting.

She ignored the possibility that she might have just been describing the Earl of Colenhurst.

“That is rather kind of you to say, my lord,” she said at last, when she realized that there was an uncomfortable delay in her response.

“Please.” He reached out to lay a hand on her shoulder. “Call me James.”

It took every ounce of her strength not to leap across the room at the touch. She tried to smile but was almost certain it appeared as an awkward twist of her lips.

“May I ask what business you needed to take care of?” Lord Sotheby asked. If he was privy to her discomfort, he was doing a very good job of pretending he wasn’t.

The truth was, she wanted to go back to her room and continue writing, but she couldn’t tell him that.

“I…had agreed to help Louisa in the gardens.”

“The gardens?” He raised his brows in surprise. “Miss Tilbury has a rather unusual hobby. And you would partake in the activity as well? At this time of the year?”

“I see nothing unusual about it,” Caroline responded rather defensively. “Must a lady only enjoy horticulture by gazing upon it and commenting on how lovely it looks and smells? ”

Lord Sotheby nodded slowly. Caroline didn’t think he was pretending. He genuinely seemed oblivious to her rising ire. “It would be the most ladylike approach to it, I’m certain.”

“No one cares what is deemed ladylike,” she grumbled.

“Society does,” he pointed out.

“Pardon me, my lord,” Caroline spoke again, trying her best not to show how miffed she was. “Perhaps I should have said that no one should care what society thinks.”

Lord Sotheby only looked at her for a long moment while she paid keen attention to her now cold tea, which tasted bland on her tongue.

At last, he said, “Forgive me. I have upset you.”

Caroline didn’t respond. Which she hoped was all the response he needed.

“I should not have said what I said,” he went on, sounding genuinely apologetic. “I shall endeavour never to upset you like this in our future together.”

That was the last straw. Caroline didn’t think she could handle another second in his presence. She stood, the tea she hastily set down nearly sloshing over the side.

“You are forgiven, my lord,” she said as he shot to his feet as well. “So please do not think that what I am about to say next has anything to do with you.”

Even though it had everything to do with him. Despite it all, Caroline still couldn’t help sparing his feelings.

“But I must leave you now,” she went on.

“Caroline, wait.” He caught her wrist before she could leave. Caroline curled it into a fist to keep from wrenching it away. “Stay. Please.”

“I have…matters,” she ended lamely, gently prying her hand from his grip.

She picked up the skirt of her dress and hurried out of the room before he could say anything else.

***

Afternoon strolls usually helped in clearing Cedric’s head. Today, it only served to confound him further .

It didn’t help that it was a particularly warm day, which meant that there were far more people around than he would have liked. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his heavy coat, kept his head down, and his eyes on the snow-lined street, already on his way back to his office.

That was how he had been walking for the past thirty minutes, not caring to look up once. Not until now. Not until something told him to raise his head as he spotted Lady Winterbourne trudging towards him.

Cedric paused in his tracks. Was he seeing things? Surely that was not Lady Winterbourne making her way down the street without a coat? Was she mad?

Her arms were crossed so tightly around herself that it was all but fused to her body. Even from a distance, Cedric could tell that she was shivering and she shuffled her feet across the ground as if she didn’t have strength in her legs to lift them. Her eyes were fixed downward, her brows furrowed deeply.

Cedric made his way over to her in quick strides. “Lady Winterbourne.”

Her head raised slowly, that deep frown on her face smoothing away in slow seconds as she realized who was standing before her. Watching the surprise slowly fill her beautiful brown-green eyes took his breath away and he momentarily forgot what he’d intended to say.”

“L-Lord C-Colenhurst,” she stammered slowly.

That brought him back. “What in God’s name are you doing?” he demanded, already shrugging out of his coat. “You’re freezing.”

She didn’t move when he draped it around her shoulder. But when he stepped away, she snatched the lapels and hugged it tightly to herself, letting out a shudder.

“I-I do not k-know why I—”

“Oh, Heavens.” Cedric took her by the hand, looking both ways to make sure there were no incoming carriages. He didn’t give her much of a chance to protest. Though he doubted she would have been able to since she could barely manage to walk without stumbling over half her words. Even her walk was stilted, as if her joints had been frozen .

“Where are you t-taking me?” she asked after a moment.

“Out of the cold,” he shot over his shoulder. “You are in no position to walk back to your residence like this.”

“I can manage it just f-fine.”

“C-can you?” he mocked and looked back just in time to catch the scowl she gave him. He didn’t care. Her entire arm was shaking and it was taking every ounce of Cedric’s self-control to keep from scooping her to his chest and carrying her the rest of the way.

If she didn’t like the way he responded, she said nothing about it. And he heard no more protests until they finally made it to his building. Only then did she tug at his hand.

“You could be kidnapping m-me for all I k-know,” she tried to point out.

Cedric turned to her, his patience worn. He took one look at her red nose and her clenched jaw—to stop her teeth from chattering he was sure—and felt such an insane surge of overprotection hit him square in the chest.

“My honour will not allow me to leave you be,” he managed to say in the calmest tone he could muster. “Not like this.”

“You’ve already given me yet another one of your coats. I don’t need any more help.”

“You can hardly walk on your own.”

“I can walk just fine. See?” She turned and made a show of taking large, exaggerated steps back and forth. “Without stumbling at all.”

Cedric was not amused. He crossed his arms. “This is not a battle your stubbornness will win, Lady Winterbourne. You’re either coming inside willingly or I’m taking you by force.”

He half expected her to squeak in alarm at the threat. Instead, she looked at him with skepticism. “By f-force? Right here in the middle of the street?”

“It will take very little to throw you over my shoulder.”

She only stared at him, a slow frown sinking her brows. Cedric waited without a word.

Then she turned to walk away. Cedric caught her by the elbow and she squealed .

“All right!” she cried. “Do not throw me over your shoulder like I am a sack of wheat!”

He released her and she marched by him, hugging the coat tightly and grumbling under her breath. Cedric fought his smile and followed suit.

Her steps slowed the moment she made it through the small foyer and to the door on the other end. A dozen faces turned to look at them. Cedric ignored the curious looks of his employees, taking Lady Winterbourne’s hand since she’d stopped dead in her tracks. He led the way and was happy that she at least had the good sense not to attempt another scene.

Silence stretched on as he made his way through the large room to his office door on the other end. He ushered her inside and was tempted to lock the door behind him—and would have if he didn’t think it would make her uncomfortable.

“Where am I?” she asked, looking around the room.

“The office of my business,” he explained. “You should sit by the fire.”

“I can do as I wish,” she countered.

Cedric watched her for a moment. She stared back, an unusual defiance in her eyes. But then she sighed and made her way to the crackling fire, pulling the armchair far closer than he would have liked. She even leaned in.

“Being stubborn gets me nowhere,” she said, closing her eyes against the warmth of the fire. “But when I do not stand up for myself, I am coerced down a path I do not want to go. There is no winning, is there?”

She looked so beautiful. Hair cascading around the massive shoulder pads of his coat, face glowing under the fire. For a moment, Cedric’s mind raced back to that insane moment when he’d nearly leaned in to kiss her on their way to the milliner. The temptation had been too much for him to fight.

Why in God’s name had he brought here? Alone?

He tore his eyes away, making his way over to the sideboard. He reminded himself of who he was, of his position, of the fact that he had more important things on his plate to focus any of his attention on a beautiful widower. As he poured a glass of whiskey and brought it over to where she sat, Cedric reminded himself that he was a sentient being who had control over his thoughts and emotions.

Then she twisted to look up at him and all those reminders flew out of his head.

She looked down at the drink in his hand. “What’s that?”

“Whiskey,” he managed to say, holding it out to her. “Drink it.”

She frowned, seemingly bemused. Every expression on her face felt like he was deciphering an interesting piece of art. “Why would you offer me a glass of whiskey?”

“It will help warm you up,” he explained. “I assume you would like to get out of here quickly.”

She looked back at the glass. Then she took it, taking a gingerly sip. She grimaced as she swallowed. “This is absolutely horrid.”

“I’ll have you know that that is one of the finest spirits you can find in England.”

“It tastes like bitter ashes,” she explained. But then she took another sip. “And it is even worse the second time around. Don’t you have any wine?”

“I do. But I think the whiskey would be better for you.”

Her eyes narrowed as if she was studying him. “I suppose it should not surprise me that you are so controlling.”

“And I suppose it does not surprise me that you are so stubborn,” he countered as he took the chair next to her.

Caroline huffed a mirthless laugh. “I am hardly as stubborn as I could be. Given my current status in life, and all that I have been through, one would think that I’d learned how to be defiant in the appropriate areas in my life.”

He watched her as she gazed into the amber whiskey. “Something tells me you are not talking about my threat.”

“Oh, that is an important one, yes,” she said with another laugh. This one lit her eyes a bit more. “But I do suppose you were only doing it out of concern. I must have looked a sorry sight.”

“And a mad one,” he added and when she raised her brows, he just shrugged. “I am only being honest. You hardly see ladies walking around with nary a coat nor a shawl in sight, even if today is a little warmer than the previous ones had been. ”

“I was not thinking,” she sighed. “I was just so desperate to leave that I raced out of the house without grabbing anything I needed. Now that I consider the matter, my mother and Louisa may be concerned for my well-being.”

“What prompted you to depart with such expedition?”

She sipped the whiskey. He noticed there was considerably less of a grimace when she swallowed this time. For a moment, she was quiet and he thought he might have pried a bit too much.

“You’re without a drink,” she pointed out at last. “It is not fair that I am the only one drinking.”

“I am in no mood for a drink.”

“And I am in the mood for wine.”

Cedric’s lips twitched. With that said, he felt he had no choice but to get up and fetch her the glass of wine she desired. When he returned, she wore a soft smile that made it all worth it.

“You are still without a drink,” she pointed out.

Cedric simply took her half-drunk glass of whiskey and took a large sip. She smiled broadly at that, shaking her head.

Cedric fought his own smile as best as he could. It was a little alarming how easily it came to his lips. He couldn’t remember a time he’d smiled this much since…well, since Isabella.

“My lord,” Lady Winterbourne began.

“I think we have gotten past the formalities, don’t you?” he told her.

She nodded. “Very well, Cedric. Have you ever felt as if you are not in control of your own life?”

Cedric stared at her for a long moment and she laughed mirthlessly.

“How foolish of me,” she said. “I am asking a wealthy and prestigious earl if he has no control over his life. Though I suppose I have said more foolish things.”

“I do not find the question foolish. As a matter of fact, it does feel as if my life is spiraling out of control and I am in no position to stop it.”

“As do I,” she sighed. “It is why you found me traversing the streets with a considerable lack of coverings. And my mother… I have an affection for her, yet she possesses a remarkable talent for driving me to distraction. I was quite content before she came to vi sit and turned my life upside down. Now, I do not know what will happen to me in the coming weeks.”

Curiosity nagged at him. He wanted to ask for more, to understand what she truly meant, but he held his tongue.

“Mothers have a way of believing they always know what is best for you.”

“Is that how your mother is?” Caroline asked.

Cedric shook his head. “Was. Before she died.”

Her face fell. “Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Unless you were the drunken coachman who lost control of his carriage, you have nothing to apologise for.”

The bitterness in his words made him wince. He avoided her eyes, staring into the fire instead.

“What about your father?” she asked and the knife that remained lodged in his heart since their death dug in a bit deeper.

“He was with her.”

“Oh, goodness. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“It is all well. You could not have known.”

There was an uncomfortable silence and then, “I lost my father as well. Though it was when I was much younger, only ten years old. He died of consumption but left behind a small wealth for my mother and I to live on. That could only last so long, however, so my mother was eager for me to marry.”

“Which is how you came to marry the Viscount of Winterbourne.”

She nodded, finishing her wine. “It was a very quick affair, the wedding. The marriage too, I suppose, since it only lasted three years. I suppose I should be grateful for that small mercy.” Caroline paused, putting a hand over her mouth. “Was that terrible of me to say?”

“Not at all,” Cedric assured her. “I know many ladies feel trapped and unhappy in their arranged marriages. May the late viscount rest in peace, I am happy you were not one of the many.”

Caroline smiled softly. “As am I.” Then the smile fell. “Though I fear that freedom is now being threatened.”

Cedric’s heart thudded against his chest. Suddenly, he felt hesitant to ask his next question, even though he longed to know. “Do you plan on marrying again? ”

Caroline thinned her lips. She looked at him with such profound sadness in her eyes that it took all his strength not to stand and pull her into his arms. Just when he thought he might give in to the insane urge, she looked away.

“I should go,” she said. “I have stayed here long enough. The last thing I want is to cause a scandal.”

Cedric stood with her. “I think that should be the least of our concerns, since the damage is likely already done.”

She smiled ruefully. “You may be right. But I should still leave.”

Cedric tried to hide his disappointment and it began eating him up on the inside instead. “Wait here,” he said. “I shall have my carriage take you home.”

She looked as if she was about to protest but when he gave her a stern look, she sighed. “Thank you, Cedric.”

Cedric nodded and headed out of the room. He ignored the curious looks trailing after him as he located his coachman and told him to prepare to leave. When he made it back to his office, Caroline was lingering by the window.

“You have a lovely view,” she said when he approached from behind.

He didn’t take his eyes off her. “I do.”

She was unaware of where his attention was, gazing wistfully out the window, her mind miles away.

“The carriage is waiting,” Cedric said softly, though he hoped she would find a reason to stay.

She simply nodded. “Let us go then.”

Together, they left the office once more and he led her to the carriage. Cedric didn’t leave her side, even taking her hand and helping her into the carriage though she was more than capable of getting in on her own. Her hand lingered against his palm and he nearly gripped her fingers and tugged her back down and out of the carriage to tell her to stay, but then she pulled it away.

“Thank you for your help, Cedric,” she told him. “I will return your coats as soon as I return home.”

“Keep them,” he said without thinking.

Caroline frowned. “But— ”

“I insist.” And before she could continue to protest, he closed the door and hit the side of the carriage, signaling for the coachman to go.

They didn’t take their eyes off each other until the very last minute. Even then Cedric only stood there and stared after it, even after it was long gone.