19. Ward

"You're a fuckin' sadist," I growled.

Valentina, my physiotherapist, laughed brightly, as though I'd told an especially amusing joke. "You say the nicest things. C'mon, two more."

I inhaled and concentrated on the last two steps, my hands braced on the rails to either side of me. As always, my left side seemed like it was an instant from giving out, and I hated how weak that made me feel. Gritting my teeth, I managed to turn without Valentina having to help. Progress. Small progress, sure, but progress nonetheless.

Five weeks ago I hadn't been able to take any steps without help. Now I could walk short distances with my cane.

"Good job," she praised me, hovering nearby in case I needed her. "Focus on keeping that left foot straight. There you go."

Who knew that walking was so difficult to relearn? The entire left side of my body was uncooperative now, from my head on down to my toes. Because in that last battle with Crimson, I'd given myself a stroke, like the doctor in Nipigon had predicted. According to the doctors, with physio and consistent effort, my prognosis was good. Would I ever return to "normal"? Probably not. But five weeks in, and the future wasn't quite as dark and foggy as it had been during those first days in the hospital. When I'd lashed out at Dev and Hallie.

I was such an idiot.

"What's the long face for?" Valentina asked. Her orange and pink patterned scrubs made her dark brown skin glow.

"Jus'—"

"Concentrate on the full word."

Right. That was something else I was having to relearn—speaking. "Just thinking of regrets."

"Dwelling on the past is never a good idea. You can't change it. You can only move forward."

She'd shared similar words before when I'd been all up in my head with wondering if I could have done anything different in my confrontation with Crimson. Maybe, but everything I considered ended with Hallie dead, and that was unacceptable.

"I gotta say, your dark moods are getting less frequent. That's good."

"Thanks."

"It's hard when something changes you physically, against your will."

We hadn't talked about what had brought me to her hero-focused physio clinic, but she'd told me at our first meeting that she'd read my file. I'd been happy about that, because talking was still difficult, and talking about all the shit with Crimson even more so.

"But you're doing well. Your progress is excellent."

I smirked at her, only one corner of my mouth moving fully. "Baby steps."

"Hey, it doesn't matter how small the steps. It matters that you keep taking them." She tilted her head. "Those regrets you mentioned—are there any steps you could take to rectify them?"

I grimaced. "Don't think so."

I'd pushed Dev and Hallie away so thoroughly, they hadn't tried to see me again. The next thing I knew, Barry, the nurse who didn't take any of my shit—my favorite—informed me that my friends were gone. He'd done so while looking down his nose at me, like I was the stupidest man alive, which I'd confess, I deserved. At the time, forcing Dev and Hallie away seemed like the thing to do. I'd been mad and feeling sorry for myself—still was, if I were being honest—and something in me wanted to make them hurt the same way I was. Especially Dev, I was ashamed to admit. At the back of my stupid brain, I thought they'd stick around, try harder, try more to see me.

Except they respected my wishes.

I sighed and related all of this to Valentina. She was a great listener.

"Well, that was dumb."

Also a take-no-shit, hold-no-bars type. I appreciated that.

"I know." I stopped at the end of the rails and swiped a hand over my sweaty brow. "But they moved on quickly, right?"

"So dumb," she muttered. "Did they move on, or were they simply trying to give you what you wanted?" At my silent look, she continued, "You haven't tried reaching out at all, have you?"

I averted my eyes, which was enough of an answer.

"Ward, I say this with the utmost love," Valentina said, "but you're an idiot."

Huffing out a breath, I nodded. "I am, aren't I?"

"You need to reach out rather than torturing yourself with not knowing if you've severed all ties there."

"You're right."

"Aren't I always?" She flashed me a sunny grin. "But seriously, consider that your homework. As well as your stretches and exercises. I'll see you in a few days, and I'll ask you how the call went. So you're prepared."

I gave her a mock salute. "Yes, ma'am."

Back in the changeroom, I was surprised to find some texts on my phone. In the past few weeks, I'd received a couple of texts from April and Flicker, one from Dev, and one from Hallie, none of which I'd replied to. I'd been intent on wallowing. But as I'd improved physically, my mental outlook had brightened as well. I was nowhere close to where I wanted to be, but it didn't seem so impossible now that I'd get there.

Holding the device in my good hand, I thumbed open the messages app. The texts were from Hallie.

Hi Ward. I hope you're doing okay. I know you wanted us to leave you alone, but I thought you might want to know my induction ceremony is today. April and Dev seem to think it's a big deal. Anyway, if you want to come, that would be great.

She shared the time and address. It was in DC, of course, and only a couple of hours from now. I could go…if I had the balls to.

I really hope you can make it. I'd love to see you.

Well, that clinched it. I was heading to a ceremony at the academy.

I'd never been a fan of crowds. I'd had to tolerate them while I was an active hero, but I'd never reveled in the limelight like some. Especially now, with my balance issues, crowds posed a whole other problem. One slight bump could ensure I had a very bad day. So I approached the pre-ceremony crowd with some trepidation.

I got a few glances from people who spotted the cane and my wonky gait and quickly looked away. But then someone gasped, "Firefox!" and suddenly the crowd parted.

I hadn't been ready for that reaction. My steps faltered as my codename wound through the crowd in whispers. Then a familiar voice shouted, "Ward!"

I smiled at the sight of Hallie rushing through one side of the crowd to meet me in the middle. She wore a tailored navy blue suit with a crisp white shirt, open at the neck, her hair hanging in loose, glossy waves over her shoulders. She looked…god, so much better than the last time I'd seen her, red-eyed and teary in the hospital.

She slowed before she reached me, and bit her lip. "Can I—can I hug you?"

I lifted my left arm in invitation, my weight braced on my right hand where it gripped the cane. "Please."

She stepped into my embrace, tucking her head into my shoulder. "I'm so glad you came. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it sooner. I wasn't sure—"

"It's fine. I was happy to get your text." Also hoping that Dev would be here too, but I would take what I was lucky enough to get.

"Yeah?" She sounded so hopeful, and it hit me how big of a disservice I'd done this remarkable young woman. She'd risked her life to save mine, had literally dragged me to the SUV, according to April, and I'd treated her like shit the moment I woke up.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I talked to my therapist about you." She huffed out a chuckle. "Not to make you think you're all that or anything. But she helped me understand why you might have reacted like you did."

"Hey."

The low, rumbly timber of the word raced through me, and I glanced up to see Dev making his way toward us. If I'd thought Hallie looked great in a suit, Dev looked mouthwatering. The cut of the chocolate brown material accentuated his broad shoulders and narrow waist. He'd paired it with a pale pink shirt, which brightened his skin shockingly well. His fauxhawk was neatly trimmed, as was his soft-looking beard. He wore new glasses in a green so dark it was almost black. They reminded me of the evergreens that surrounded his little cabin in the woods.

I tried to speak, but my mouth was dry. It took me a second to say "Hey" back.

Giving me a gentle smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, Dev reached out a hand for me to shake as Hallie moved aside. "Great to see you."

I stared at his hand for a second, and in an instant, I knew that how I responded here would dictate my future with Dev. Shake his hand and probably never speak again, relegating each other to once-was and might-have-been, or…

I grabbed his biceps and pulled him into my arms. Tilting my head up, I made it clear what I wanted.

He didn't leave me waiting.

His lips covered mine without hesitation, as though the last five weeks of separation didn't exist. His tongue danced with mine, familiar and exciting, and god, Valentina was right. I'd been so stupid to let this man go.

I pulled back enough to stare into his eyes and whisper, "I'm sorry."

"For the record, I was going to give you another month before I showed up on your doorstep." He stroked his hand over my cheekbone. "You look really good."

"I'm doing better."

"You seem like it."

"And you? How's the shoulder?"

He rotated it. "Eh. Still sore after a full day. My physiotherapist wants me to hold off on chopping wood for another month. At least with that arm. I've gotten pretty good at swinging my axe one-handed. They're my most popular videos now."

Hallie snorted.

I shot her a glare. "Everything he said was perfectly innocent, Cadet."

"Uh-huh."

Dev was frowning as he looked between us. "What?"

Chimes sounded, calling all attendees to their seats in the auditorium. Hallie kissed my cheek, then Dev's, and raced off to her place for the ceremony.

I watched her go, feeling more content than I had in ages, and patted Dev's arm. "I'll tell you later. How long are you in town?"

"Until the day after tomorrow. I wanted to stick around in case Hallie needed anything."

"Then back to Nipigon?"

"Yeah." He shot me a look full of uncertainty. "I'm back on duty as of next Friday."

"I see."

"I know we talked about…you know, us, after the case, and—"

I held my breath, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

"—I'd still like that. If you want to, I mean."

I spoke before the last words of his sentence were out of his mouth. "Yes."

He brightened. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." With the confirmation, something in my chest eased. I hadn't even been aware that there was a weight there until it was gone. There was nothing tying me to DC except memories and habit, and I could finally make a move to rid myself of both. "Hell yeah."

"So when I leave the day after tomorrow…"

"I'll be on the plane with you." God, it felt so damned good saying those words. "I'll have to come back here to tie everything up, but…yeah, if you'll have me, I'm yours."

Dev swept me up in a joyous hug, and I didn't even care he lifted me off my feet like I weighed nothing. "It'll be great. You'll see. The fresh air is amazing for recovery."

"I think it's the company I'll be keeping that's the best."

He pressed a loud, enthusiastic kiss to my forehead. "Right back atcha."