Chapter 35

O ver the next few days Elizabeth followed her routine of walking or riding in the groves shortly after dawn broke in the eastern sky. Annoyingly, Mr. Darcy seemed to find her each time she was out taking her morning constitutional.

Believing their meetings were as distasteful to him as they were to herself, the first morning he came across her she made a point of telling him what her favourite paths were, so he could avoid them and spare them both further uncomfortable meetings. That first meeting, other than a terse greeting, he had said not two words to her and had been as aloof as he ever was. Elizabeth had not understood why he had walked with her back to the parsonage, rather than leaving her in peace, and continuing his walk alone.

For Darcy, the first morning he was fortunate enough to find Elizabeth in the groves after hearing Aunt Catherine speak of how the young lady enjoyed walking and riding there, he had been most gratified. He was somewhat confused she was escorted by not one but two footmen. Being sure the Bennets and their entailed estate could not afford such luxuries; he was convinced Richard was paying the men to watch over his sister-in-law-to-be. The fact Elizabeth did not require inane conversation and had been pleased to walk with him in companionable silence was further evidence of the rectitude of his determination to propose to her.

The one thing which thoroughly confused him occurred on the day he had met her on a mare, an Arabian thoroughbred no less. She had behaved as if the horse was her own. He was certain the Bennets could not have had the funds to purchase such a horse. After dismounting at the stables, she had left for the parsonage before he could volunteer to escort her. Darcy had meant to ask Richard when he had purchased an Arabian, but his thoughts about Elizabeth and her fine eyes had caused him to forget to do so.

That she was expecting his addresses was reinforced when she went out of her way to tell him where to find her in the mornings. Just as she told him where she would be, each morning so far, he found her on the paths she had mentioned to him. Like the first day, other than greetings, they said very little because they did not need to speak to understand one another. Darcy could see his presence excited Elizabeth based on the looks he was noting from her.

‘ Four days! I told him where I would be, so he would know to avoid the area, in order that neither of us had to suffer the company of the other, ' Elizabeth fumed silently. ‘ Not only does he impose his company on me, but he walks in silence with that haughty look on his countenance. I know he disdains me. This must be his way of torturing me in the mornings. When we go to Rosings Park, other than some conversation the day we arrived, all he does is stare at me to catalogue my faults. ' Elizabeth paused her thoughts. She knew her anger was building and if she did not bring it under good regulation she would say something, quite a lot of somethings, very impolitic to the arrogant, proud man next to her.

She reached a resolution. As much as she enjoyed Anna and Charity's company—the day after meeting them the young ladies had all decided to use their familiar names—she would plead a megrim and send Mary and Maria to the manor house without her that morning. At the very least, Elizabeth needed the rest of the day without being in Mr. Darcy's company.

Charlotte and her cousin would be away from the parsonage for a good portion of the day as they would be visiting parishioners. Yes, that was what she needed, some time alone, as far away from the infuriating Mr. Darcy as possible. Because of Mary marrying Richard soon, as hard as it was for her, Elizabeth was fighting her inclination to tell the insufferable man next to her just what she thought of him and his ungentlemanlike conduct. If it were not for the questions she would need to answer as well as not seeing Anna and Charity, she would never have visited Rosings Park again, at least not while Mr. Darcy was in residence.

‘ Seeing she can be in no doubt of my intentions towards her, I will wait until Elizabeth calls at Rosings Park after the morning meal. When she arrives, I will ask for a private interview and then honour her with a proposal of marriage, ' Darcy thought. The prospect of Elizabeth being his fiancée caused his lips to turn upwards.

‘ He is a handsome man, ' Elizabeth admitted to herself. ‘ Even a partial smile enhances his looks, I can only imagine what a full smile would do… ' Elizabeth stopped her train of thought. ‘ Elizabeth Rose Bennet, what are you thinking? You detest this man. It is time for my head to begin to ache . '

"Mr. Darcy, I will take my leave of you, I need to return to the parsonage," Elizabeth stated after she stopped walking towards the glade.

"Then I will escort you…" Darcy began to say.

"There is no need," Elizabeth averred as politely as she was able to under the circumstances. "As you can see, my footmen are with me. Good day, Sir." Elizabeth gave a half curtsy and spun on her heel, walking at speed in the direction of the parsonage.

Darcy bowed to her back as he watched the curls which had escaped her bonnet wafting in the breeze behind her as she walked away. He stood unmoving until she was no longer visible. ‘My footmen indeed. Do you think I do not know my cousin pays for them! ' Darcy told himself silently. He turned and made his way back to where he had secured Zeus when he had come across the woman he was courting.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

"Lizzy are you sure you will be well on your own here?" Mary verified before she, Maria, and Mrs. Jones made the walk to Rosings Park. "I am not worried for you because even though Charlotte and Mr. Collins are not at home, John and Brian are outside. Would you prefer it if Mrs. Jones remains here with you to take care of you and your megrim ?"

"No thank you Mary," Elizabeth averred. "As you indicated, I am well guarded and Mrs. Jones needs to be with you and your fiancé." Elizabeth smiled at her sister. "All I need is some peace and quiet and all will be well."

"In that case, we will be on our way, and I will convey your regrets to Aunt Catherine and Richard as well as the rest of the residents," Mary stated.

Two days after the Darcys and Charity arrived, Lady Catherine had given the Bennet sisters leave to call her Aunt Catherine. Elizabeth had told her she thought Kitty was a good name for one named Catherine. Lady Catherine had not agreed.

"If I feel better and can attend dinner, I will send a note to that effect," Elizabeth stated and then farewelled her sister, Mrs. Jones, and Maria.

The walk across the park, with the two footmen-guards escorting them, did not take very much time and soon the three were being shown into the drawing room at the mansion. Greetings were exchanged and then Mary saw her fiancé was looking for Lizzy. She explained why her sister was absent.

"Poor dear," Lady Catherine stated sincerely. "Megrims are not fun."

Anna and Charity decided to go to the pianoforte to work on duets. They were sorry Lizzy was absent .

Given the fact he always kept to the periphery of any room he was in, no one noticed the consternation on Darcy's countenance. His Elizabeth had looked perfectly well earlier. He meant to propose to her, and had planned to do so soon after she arrived. However, as she was not present with her sister, he decided he needed to make certain for himself she was not too seriously ill. If need be, he would send for his physician in London.

"I just remembered some affairs to which I need to tend," Darcy prevaricated as he bowed to those in the drawing room. He was gone before anyone could react. He felt any form of disguise was to be abhorred, but in this case, he convinced himself it had been a necessary evil.

He took his beaver and gloves from the butler and struck out across the park.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

Elizabeth was reading from Byron's Childe Harold's Pilgrimage when she heard the doorbell ring. She knew the housekeeper would answer it and, as she was sure it was someone calling for one of the Collinses, they would be asked to return. She redirected her attention to the page she was reading. Just as she began to read again, the door opened and the housekeeper announced the last man in the world she wanted to see. Mr. Darcy!

Even though she wished him anywhere but in the same room as herself, her manners won out and she stood and gave a curtsy to which he bowed. Elizabeth watched as Mr. Darcy placed his beaver on the mantle and then his gloves on top of his hat. Without saying a word, he sat, only for about a minute and then, with his hands clasped behind his back, he began to pace back and forth.

She wondered if this would be like their meetings in the grove where he said nothing, or would he actually say something of good sense ?

Darcy was gathering his thoughts as he paced. Twice he thought he knew what he wanted to say, but then he began to pace again. This was not a time to become tongue tied!

He stopped once more and turned towards her. "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement. "I have been fighting my feelings since almost the first time I saw you knowing how far below me you and your family are. I have come to love you against my will and my reason, even though a connection between us would be a degradation to the proud Darcy name. You have no fortune and I will have to share the care of your mother and unmarried sisters with Richard when your father goes to his final reward. Even though I suspect it was Richard's wealth which attracted Miss Mary to him, it is done and Richard has made his choice. I must say I am surprised Miss Bennet is not here to catch a wealthy husband.

"Although your mother is nought but the daughter of a solicitor, at least, she and the rest of your family behave with decorum. I had not thought I could connect myself to one so low, with no connections of note but as you will be connected to my uncle and his family, it makes you a much more acceptable bride for me. Let me assure you of the strength of my attachment, of which I am certain you are aware. As such, I offer you my hand in marriage."

In spite of her deeply-rooted dislike, Elizabeth could not be insensible to the compliment of such a man's affection, and though her intentions did not vary for an instant, she could not feel at all sorry for the pain he was to receive. The way he spoke about her family roused her to resentment, so she lost all compassion in anger. Seeing he had no doubt of a favourable answer only drove her anger to increase. He spoke as if he were apprehensive and anxious, but his countenance expressed real security. The colour rose into her cheeks as Elizabeth prepared to reply.

"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally they may be returned. It is natural that obligation should be felt, and if I could feel gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot! I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. If my refusal has occasioned you pain, it is of your own doing. I am sure it will be of short duration. The feelings which you tell me have long prevented the acknowledgment of your regard can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation," Elizabeth said as evenly as she could while she fought to control her temper.

Darcy, who was leaning against the mantelpiece with his eyes fixed on her face, seemed to catch her words with no less resentment than surprise. His complexion became pale with anger, and the disturbance of his mind was visible in every feature. He was struggling for the appearance of composure and would not open his lips ‘til he believed himself to have attained it. At length, with a voice of forced calmness, he spoke, "And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little endeavour at civility, I am thus rejected."

"I might as well inquire," replied she, "why with so evident a desire of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I was uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Even had my feelings not been decided against you—had they been indifferent, or had they even been favourable—do you think any consideration would tempt me to accept the man who attempted to be the means of ruining, perhaps for ever the happiness of a most beloved sister?"

As she pronounced these words, Mr. Darcy changed colour; but the emotion was short-lived, and he listened without attempting to interrupt her. ‘ How could she know? ' he asked himself silently.

Elizabeth continued, "I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you tried to act there. You dare not, you cannot deny, that you could have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other—of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, and the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind. I thank God daily you were not successful, but the fact you attempted to interfere between Richard and my sister is nothing short of contemptible. It seems you learnt nothing from the set down you received at the hands of Aunt Elaine and Uncle Reggie."

She paused, and saw with no slight indignation that he was listening with an air which proved him wholly unmoved by any feeling of remorse. He even looked at her with a smile of affected incredulity.

"Can you deny that you attempted to do so?" she repeated.

With assumed tranquillity he then replied, "I have no wish of denying it, I did everything in my power to attempt to separate my cousin from your sister. I am not sanguine with my failure. Towards Richard I tried to be kinder than towards myself."

"But it is not merely this affair," she continued, "on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded before we ever met when you decided to insult me in a public forum without ever trying to lower your voice. Then, you never took the opportunity, as any true gentleman would, to apologise to me or my parents.

"You know nothing of my family and accuse us of being fortune hunters! Longbourn is not entailed to heirs male, and even if it were, I have two brothers ! Jane's mother was the daughter of a solicitor, but my mother, the mother of all of the rest of my siblings is the daughter of a baronet. She accepts Jane as her own flesh and blood!"

It felt like this petite woman was pummelling him. In his anger and disappointment, he had not been able to hear what she said about her father's estate, her brothers, or her mother. "And this," cried Darcy, as he walked with quick steps across the room, "is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps," added he, stopping before he grabbed his beaver and gloves, and turned towards her, "these offenses might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your wealth and connections—to congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"

Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment; yet she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she did. "You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you, had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner." She saw him start at this, but he said nothing, and she continued, "You could not have made the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

Again, Darcy's astonishment was obvious; he looked at her with an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification.

Not allowing him time to interject, Elizabeth went on, "From the first moment of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressed me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, and formed the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike. I had not known you for days before I felt you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry, and I care not how wealthy you are or to whom you are connected."

"You have said quite enough, Madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."

And with these words he hastily left the room, and Elizabeth heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the house.

The tumult of her mind, was now painfully great. She knew not how to support herself, and as a release of the tension Elizabeth felt, she sat down and cried for half-an-hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. As much as she did not desire it, that she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy! That he should have been in love with her for so many months when she had thought he held her in contempt! So much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had caused him to attempt to stop Richard marrying Mary, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case, was almost incredible! It was gratifying to have inspired, even though unconsciously, so strong an affection. But his pride, his abominable pride and his shameless avowal of what he tried to do with respect to Mary.

Even now he had not apologised for his despicable behaviour at the assembly or his desire to hurt Mary.

The last thing Elizabeth wanted to do was to see anyone, not even Mary, for the near future. She went to her bedchamber, had her maid assist her into a nightrail, and climbed into bed.