33. Without Her there is no Me

thirty-three

Without Her there is no Me

*ELDEN*

R egis shows what he is capable of to everyone. The rogues that attacked, but also to my fellow warriors. Once we have fought the attackers back, I can sense a newfound respect towards me from my warriors. It’s a weird feeling; very new, very unusual, but Regis is basking in it. I am not sure if we did all that well, though. We didn’t manage to take any prisoners to question. There is still much to learn for me, and it means I will need to sit down with Vincent and Calvin, and maybe also with my older mentors like Oliver and Tobias, to work on better strategies.

Elden! Emilia’s mind link comes through, much to my surprise.

She barely links me, ever!

My alarm bells instantly go off. What happened? Are you okay? Did someone get hurt?

We are okay, she hurries to say. But Flora took off after her grandma. I think Hazel returned home for whatever reason.

Flora went after her? My heart clenches in fear at the thought of Flora being out there alone.

Elden, Vincent suddenly links me. Problem here! Fended off the wolves, but a couple of them snuck onto pack grounds! You were right about it being a distraction strategy. They seemed to have a certain goal in mind!

Did some of you follow them!?

No, we weren’t enough men, he says.

I take a couple of breaths. This is not Vince’s fault and also not the warriors’. We are just not prepared enough. It’s like Aunt Elspeth said, a weak leader makes a weak pack, no matter if there are capable people to help him.

This has to change!

Maybe what I am doing next makes me a bad alpha, but I don’t care. My fear for Flora takes over, letting my gift come forward and touching on any possibilities that the rogues are after her. Maybe I should have checked other options first, thinking of the pack, but I can’t help it. Without her, there is no me.

My gift is coming so much more naturally to me now, and like a flash I am suddenly seeing Flora through the rogues’ eyes, running towards hers and Hazel’s cottage, and Hazel defending herself against an attacker.

“Fuck!” I curse, shifting back to Regis’ form and dash off instantly.

Alpha? One of the warriors links me.

Stay there, I command. Secure the borders. If a rogue tries to escape, try to catch him! I cut the link, reaching out to Vincent again. Meet me at Flora’s place, as fast as possible!

Vincent’s silence is deafening at first, before he curses. Fuck.

I don’t need to explain anymore to him. With each of his actions he proves how well we click and how well he understands me. I can focus on running as fast as Regis carries us, and once more, I am aware of how strong my lycan is. It only takes minutes for me to arrive, but it’s still minutes too late. When Regis and I finally break through the forest and run towards Flora’s cottage, I can see her kneeling next to her grandmother and cradling her. My heart sinks at the view, it’s too familiar to try to convince myself it isn’t that bad. Hazel could be okay. Maybe it looks worse than it is . Samuel is standing in front of them, clutching his arm to his chest, while trying to protect them. A cry disrupts the eerie silence around me, and then out of nowhere, I can see strings of silver around Flora. For a moment, Regis pauses, clearly surprised. I can feel her so clearly, her rage and her pain, and then like a tornado, it just flies forward, released into silver spikes that tear through her enemies.

I am not sure what exactly I am seeing, or if I am imagining things. Is this her doing? The ground in front of her is covered in deathly silver now. Samuel managed to leap away at the last minute.

Wow! Regis says, clearly in awe.

It’s truly a captivating sight, both deathly and magical in a way, and when I squeeze my eyes, I swear there are these little dots of light around her again, wild and angry. I shake these feelings off the moment I see Flora slump over her grandma again.

Ignoring the bodies of the dead rogues, I make a detour around the silver that’s only slowly vanishing again and dash towards my mate. She is sobbing uncontrollably, hovering over Hazel’s frame. One gaze tells me all I need to know, making my heart sink to the pit of my stomach.

I shift back to my human form, instantly pulling my mate into my arms. “Flora,” I whisper. “I am so sorry.”

She latches onto me, burying her head in my chest. I wrap her into my arms, not sure what to say to ease her sorrow. I can feel it so much through our bond. If we were marked, I could have at least tried to soothe her through the bond, but it doesn’t work that way yet. All I can do is hold her. I remember when my mom died, there was nothing anyone could have said to ease my grief. The only thing that helped was to have Flora with me, knowing she would be there throughout it all. This is the reassurance I want to give back to her now. I keep hugging her, whispering to her that I am here with her.

I don’t tell her it’s going to be okay.

Because I know it won’t.

With Vincent’s help, I bring both Samuel and Flora to the infirmary, thankful for having such a reliable beta. He promises me to deal with the aftermath of the attack, until I can join him. For now, Flora is my priority, and I am glad I can rely on Vincent while I am with her.

I make sure she lays down in the best room we have at the infirmary.

“Will you stay?” she asks quietly, when I am about to fetch her some water.

It’s the first thing she said, her voice sounds hoarse and small. It breaks my heart. “Of course,” I say softly, linking a nurse to bring her something to drink, while I take the spot next to Flora. She leans against me instantly and I hug her.

“Now, I have no one anymore,” Flora says sadly. “No one who loves me.”

“I am here,” I say quietly, remembering the words she once told me. “You will never be alone. I will never leave you.”

“I know,” she says tiredly. “I meant… family.”

I swallow thickly. “I know,” I admit.

She opens her palm to show me something. I didn’t even notice that she was holding onto something. “Grandma went to retrieve this,” she mutters. In a sudden burst of anger, she tosses the brooch away. “She died for something like this.”

I jump out of the bed to retrieve the item again. Flora will regret tossing it away at a later point, like I did with tossing aside the letter my mom wrote me. The brooch is unlike any other I have seen so far. It’s a simple design but has a delicate pattern. In the midst of it, there is a simple white stone, almost translucent. I inspect it closer, noticing that it doesn’t reflect any light. Instead, it seems to be illuminated from inside.

“I don’t think this is just simple jewelry,” I mutter, returning to Flora. “I… Hazel… she wasn’t reckless, ever.” I hand the item back to Flora. “She wanted you to have it. I am sure it meant something.”

Flora clutches it into her fist, pressing it against her heart, before bursting into tears again. “She went back just for it. There were rogues attacking her… They attacked her because of me, didn’t they?”

I look up in shock. The thought hasn’t even struck me yet, but now that Flora mentions it, I am starting to see it as a possibility. The rogues went onto pack grounds. Vincent said it looked like they had a clear goal in mind, and they went directly to Flora’s cottage.

“We don’t know that yet,” I say quietly. “They might have been after this brooch, not after you.”

“But the brooch exists because of me,” she sobs. “That’s why Grandma retrieved it. She called me child of light and gave it to me, and then she died. My mom is never with me, because I am me. And my dad is so scared of me he left shortly after I was born. Grandma was the only one who stayed and cared. She wasn’t scared.” She looks at me now. “Why are you not scared?”

“You are my best friend,” I say while carefully sitting down next to her again. “My first friend in this pack, my best friend, my conscience, and my love. I want to be better because you are with me. I can fight my battles because you are there. That’s what you mean to me. You are everything.”

“I killed them with silver,” she blurts out. “I bet Regis thinks I am insane now. I am a freak.”

I let my lycan come forward, deciding this is something he can reply to himself. “Mate,” he growls, pulling her into his arms, “you are amazing!”

“But the silver-”

“It was hot!” he exclaims. He doesn’t always find the right words, but it seems his genuineness comes through because Flora relaxes in his arms.

“You and Elden won’t leave me, will you? You will always stay with me?”

He nods. “We will never leave you and Celeste,” he promises easily. “We will be your family, and we will be whatever you need us to be.”

Look at him, being so smooth! You did good, I tell him when he hands me back the reins.

I just said what I felt, he says. Mate is our family.

“You are everything to us,” I tell Flora. “You have been my family, my best friend, and my mate for so long. I will never let go of you. I want to fulfill all your dreams and be the best mate possible.”

“Grandma always said you are way too serious and try too hard to be perfect,” she says all of a sudden. “You don’t need to be perfect,” she mutters. “I love you either way.”

Before I can even reply to her, I can feel a new wave of grief through our bond and she starts crying again. “Grandma,” she sobs. “What am I going to do now?”

Once more, I wrap her into my arms, feeling angry at myself for not knowing how to console her, for not being able to take her pain from her. I should have been faster tonight… then maybe I could have saved Hazel, and Flora wouldn’t have to live through this.

Eventually, Flora is so exhausted that she falls asleep. There is a nurse attending to her, so I step out onto the big balcony of our infirmary. To my surprise, I meet Samuel there, who is just gazing at the stars. The silence around us is awkward, then I clear my throat. “Thank you for defending Flora today,” I say.

Samuel has his arm in a cast, but otherwise looks okay, just roughed up. “I wish I had been there sooner,” he says sadly.

“You were there, and that’s all that matters to me,” I admit.

“I just heard that Hazel and Flora took off, and needed to check on them,” he offers.

“The item Hazel retrieved is important, isn’t it?”

“I assume it’s Flora’s birthright,” he tells me.

I eye him thoughtfully. “Do you know her parents? Flora’s, I mean?”

He doesn’t answer for a while, and I am almost inclined to believe he will either lie to me or keep quiet, when he finally turns to look at me. “Geneva and I have an idea about who she is and where she came from, but you need to believe me that neither of us knows details. Hazel was the only one who knew, and she swore to take the secret to her grave.” He huffs bitterly. “And she did.”

“Maybe it’s a secret that’s not for anyone else to know but Flora,” I point out.

“Don’t you want to know as her mate?”

“Of course I do, but it’s not my top priority. With time, I am sure I will understand everything, and maybe Flora can tell me about it herself… once she knows.”

“Maybe that’s why you were chosen as her mate,” Samuel mutters. I want to ask him to elaborate on what he means, but he changes the topic swiftly. “Geneva will be here in a minute,” he says.

I nod. “I will need to ask her to look after Flora while I leave to check on the pack and the injured pack members,” I say.

“Your young beta, Vincent, he is holding himself up surprisingly well,” Samuel says. “He is keeping the chaos at bay.”

“Did you really need to voice your surprise?” I ask.

He sighs. “I am aware I don’t always find the right words when talking to you, but it was meant as a compliment.” He looks at me. “I know, there was a lot of yelling today,” Samuel admits, shifting around. “And a lot of things were said. You have never been irresponsible or a coward.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, not sure what to say.

“Did you realize now?” he asks. “That you can’t quit? You acted instantly when faced with the threat, you jumped to protect your pack, and your young mate did the same. It’s in you. And, no matter where you go and what path you think you might want to walk, this part of you will never go away. You will always be a natural-born leader.”

“I never had a choice,” I say. “Ever since I was born, my future wasn’t mine.”

“If you don’t like this place the way it is, why don’t you turn it into something better?” he says all of a sudden. “Why don’t you save your father’s-” he pauses as if it’s hard for him to say it, “-mate.”

“Did you know?” I ask.

“No,” Samuel says. “I would have never allowed him to string his mate along had I known.”

At least that’s somewhat reassuring. I can only handle so much disappointment in one day.

“You hate him, don’t you?” Samuel asks.

“I despise him,” I say honestly. “He killed my mother.”

“Your mother committed suicide, Elden. I know it’s hard, I-”

“No,” I interrupt him. “Mom was depressed. She battled with it for years, and despite my father going off to fuck his mistress, she remained faithful to him, and so did his gamma, although his own had alpha stolen his mate. And how did he repay them? He didn’t even give her the proper treatment she needed. He didn’t want to hear the gossip; he was just about appearances. And my mom died.”

I stop myself, catching for breath, before talking myself into too much rage. Samuel seems to understand. He looks sad. “She was a good person, and a great luna,” he says to my surprise.

“You knew her?”

“I met her a couple of times,” he admits. “It’s good that you cherish her memory. As for your father, I don’t know what to say.”

That’s as far as we’ll get today. He has never been that honest with me, so I call that some progress. Fortunately, Geneva arrives, her kind face graced with worry. “Goddess,” she says while hugging me. “You are so young and going through so much already. You and Flora,” she mutters.

“Would you keep an eye on her?” I ask. “I will try to be back as soon as I can, but I need to check on my warriors and see the damage the rogues did.”

She nods. “Of course, Alpha Elden.”

“I am not alpha yet,” I mutter.

“It’s a technicality,” she says, before her face turns serious again. “Poor Hazel,” she whispers.

“She…she was a good friend to you, wasn’t she?” Samuel says quietly. “I am sorry for your loss, Geneva. And for yours too, Elden. I know she meant a lot to you also.”

We are all silent for a while. Hazel was such a sweet person, she meant so much to me. She was the only connection I had to my mom, and she became the family I never had. Now her soul has been ripped from us. Thinking of her makes my throat dry and my eyes burn. “We need to send her off properly,” I say.

“I will prepare her sendoff,” Samuel says, looking relieved to be able to do something.

“Thank you.” I turn to Geneva. “Please make sure she isn’t alone. If something happens – anything – please link me. Even if she wakes up. But I will try to be back before she does.”