2. Struggles

two

Struggles

*ELDEN*

I spent the afternoon with Flora and her grandma. Her grandma is a sweet woman, and made us cookies and hot chocolate. She helped us replant the orchid Flora saved, telling us about the tiny white flowers and that it’s called a ghost orchid.

It’s so weird to be in their vicinity. It’s warm and comfortable in their cottage.

Flora and her grandma are smiling a lot, yet no one smiles in my home.

Flora talks about the dots of light she is seeing and how they lead her to places sometimes. I know the other kids make fun of her, but the way she is talking, the way her eyes look at me… I know she isn’t lying. I should find her weird, but I don’t.

I noticed her a couple of months ago; the girl who is always alone, the girl who is talking to something no one can see. The girl with the bright smile. When I first spotted her, I shrugged it off. My parents don’t like me hanging out with the ‘commoner’ kids, as they call them. With those who are not royal. So, I dropped the thought of ever talking to her.

But whenever I studied, I’d gaze out of my room on the top floor of the pack house, seeing her always attending to a flower or a plant. Mom once told me she is called Flora, and she has royal blood in her. I didn’t know that, as she is unlike any other royal lycan I have met. Flora means flower, and it’s like the sun is shining on her. Something invisible kept pulling me towards her and, then today, I finally gave in and followed the tug.

Flora chatted the whole afternoon. She didn’t mind that I was the alpha’s son and his heir, or that I was a prince. She didn’t care about my rank or the weird prophecy about me. My father has been teaching me about the prophecy ever since I was a baby, but Flora… she doesn’t care about anything like that.

She was just happy to play with me.

I have never played with another kid. The only other child my father tolerates around me is his friend’s son, Jace.

No one has ever talked to me about flowers. No one really talks to me at home. And I can’t remember the last time my mom or dad hugged me like Flora’s grandma hugs her.

“So, we are friends now!” Flora concludes, when I say goodbye to return home.

“Are we?” I ask.

“Yes,” she beams. “Best friends.”

“I have another friend, too,” I say. “His name is Jace.”

“That’s okay,” she reassures me. “I can be your best friend, and your other friend your second. But I want to be your number one.”

“But I am a boy,” I argue.

“And?” she asks, blinking at me.

I return her gaze with one of disbelief, before I give in with a sigh. “Forget it.”

“Then we will meet again tomorrow?” she asks.

“Yes,” I mutter. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

She beams at me, smiling brightly. It makes my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. At the same time, I’m feeling the weird pull again.

Before I can leave, her grandma hands me a plate with leftovers from the cake. “Maybe you want to eat the rest of it with Luna Carolina,” she says.

I look at the plate, not sure how to answer her. Mom hasn’t eaten any cake with me in what feels like forever. Flora’s grandma is so kind, though, I don’t have it in me to tell her the truth, so I just smile politely. “Thank you,” I say.

My father isn’t home yet, fortunately, and the Alpha Suite is completely empty. Mom isn’t living with us currently. She is residing on the floor above us so she can be alone. Dad says she is in a weird phase, and it will pass. He says it’s none of my business but that she is just mentally screwed. He always sounds annoyed when he talks about her and her issues.

Her gamma calls it a severe depression .

I don’t know what depression is, but I know that Mom spends hours sitting in her chair and gazing out of the window. I know she likes it silent, and that her ears hurt when I am too loud.

I once heard Gamma Tobias talk to the beta and Dad about her. He said something like he wished the luna would be brought to a psych ward with actual doctors and people who could help her. Dad refused, though, saying it would be an embarrassment to have her evaluated like that, and that people would look down on him if his wife and luna was mental.

I find Mom in her usual spot, in her rocking chair, a book on her lap. It’s the same book she has been reading for weeks. I think she isn’t really reading it; she is just looking at it. She barely notices when I enter the room, as usual.

“Mom,” I say, taking her hand into mine while I kneel next to her.

“Hm,” she hums.

Gamma Tobias told me she doesn’t respond to anyone when she has her episodes, just to me. I think he just wanted to make me feel good, though.

“I found a friend and played with her,” I say, starting to tell her about how I met Flora and hung out with her.

“Is that so?” Mom answers, her lips tugging into a smile, but the gaze in her eyes is far away.

I don’t know if she even registers what I say when she is like this, but I ignore my gloomy thoughts and continue to chat with her. I just talk, scared of the silence that comes when I stop speaking. I just want to fill it and stop it from being so devastating.

Flora’s grandma hugged her. Every time she walked past her, she brushed through her hair. Mom hasn’t really hugged me in ages.

Is it me?

Maybe it’s me.

I try hard to never worry her and to not complain, to be a good kid, but I don’t think it’s enough.

I keep holding her hand while talking, just needing to feel her warmth. She puts her hand on my head eventually, absent-mindedly patting it. It’s been a while since she did that. “Mom,” I start, being interrupted by heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

Gamma Tobias, who is positioned in front of the door, greets him politely. “Alpha Caelum.”

Mom pulls her hand away from my head and puts it back in her lap. I take a step back, too, not sure what I’m trying to distance myself from.

Dad opens the door, stepping inside. He just eyes me briefly, barely acknowledging my presence before he goes to Mom. “Carolina,” he says.

She doesn’t look at him, just keeps staring out of the window.

“How was your day?” he asks.

Mom’s eyes flicker shortly. “The birds are singing,” she says.

Dad groans in frustration and turns to me. “What are you doing here? Why are you not training?”

“Training was in the morning,” I tell him.

“You weren’t at school!?”

“It was a public holiday today.”

He furrows his brows, eventually nodding. “How is your progress?”

“Good… I think.”

“You think?”

“The beta said my movements are smooth,” I say. I don’t even know if that’s good progress or not. Dad is adamant about me working on myself, as much as possible. I study more than the other kids, I train more, I’m reading far ahead of my age group. That’s what my teachers say.

I guess that’s good.

I don’t know; I don’t really care. But I know that if I do well, Dad won’t complain. And if he won’t complain, Mom will have some peace, too.

“What else did you do this afternoon?” he asks.

I know lying to him won’t help. He always finds out. “I met a friend,” I say. “Some of the kids-”

“A sweet girl,” Mom mutters, seemingly more to herself than to us. I’m surprised and a bit happy that she listened to me.

“A girl?” Dad asks, alarmed. His voice makes me tense up instantly. He turns to me now. “Elden,” he says sharply. “We talked about this! I expect you to listen.”

I always listen to what he says, but I won’t stop meeting Flora. I can’t! “But she is nice. I won’t stop meeting her!”

I see his hand coming, but don’t move away fast enough. At least I am prepared for the impact. I stand my ground, relieved he doesn’t knock me off my feet. Usually, he only hits me when I do something wrong. I don’t know what I did wrong this time. Can’t I have a friend?

“Caelum,” Mom says, but nothing else. To my surprise, she looks at him now, though, and through her clouded eyes she looks angry.

“You are making him soft, Carolina,” he says coldly. “He is a prince! My successor. He is Crown Prince to the throne of the Council.”

I can’t remember how often I have heard these words and how little they mean to me. The Council is an organization in Paris; a group of elders and special lycans and werewolves keeping the balance in our world, or something like that. King Quentin has been reigning until recently, before he died. Now, they are waiting for someone to succeed him one day. Apparently, I could make the cut.

When Mom was better, she once told me that I come from one of the five first lycans. It’s the five families that are supposed to rule. I asked why Dad doesn’t. She said he wasn’t blessed by the Goddess. Seems like not every member of the families are. Quentin was, and some children of the newer generation are, and I am. I am a blessed child.

Whatever that means.

It sucks.

I just want to be a normal child. But having a potential successor to the throne was Dad’s entire motivation in having me. He said so himself. That’s why I was born.

“I told you, you are not supposed to play with the commoners,” he huffs. “You are a royal lycan and Crown Prince. If the Council votes for you, you will one day inherit the throne!”

I want to tell him that I don’t care for the throne. But the last time I did, it didn’t end too well for me, so I keep my mouth shut.

“Don’t jeopardize your chances,” he continues. When he isn’t angry, he is cold. “If you need a friend, you can meet with Jace. His father isn’t a royal, but he is a true supporter of my cause. But the children in our pack? You can’t hang out with them. You are supposed to be better than them! Why can’t you just listen for once!?”

“Sanddorn,” Mom mutters.

Dad turns to look at her, his brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Mom looks away from him.

“Wait, you mean Hazel Sanddorn’s grandchild?” he inquires, the look in his eyes turning angry when Mom ignores him.

I decide to intervene. “Her name is Flora.”

He looks at me again. “Why didn’t you say that sooner? Flora Sanddorn has many secret gifts and she is part of the prophecy. She is not a full-fledged royal lycan, but she has royal blood in her, through her father’s side . You can meet her. Next time, just say it outright instead of having an attitude.”

I watch him walk off, ignoring Mom completely. Once he is gone, Gamma Tobias comes inside with a bag of ice cubes. He wordlessly presses them against my face. Then he turns to Mom. “Luna,” he says softly, “do you need something?”

Mom shakes her head and reaches out her hand for me. “Flora’s grandma made a cake,” I tell her. “Do you want to eat some with me?”

Mom doesn’t say anything but squeezes my hand. Tobias takes this as a hint and shuffles off to retrieve a few plates. Mom doesn’t eat much, but I still feel she is more responsive than usual. Hopefully, she will recover soon.