24. The Letter

twenty-four

The Letter

*ELDEN*

E ventually, Flora and I leave Vincent’s place, for one, to let him sleep, and two, to finally face the letter my mom had left me. I feel instantly calm with Flora next to me, and like an idiot for not seeking her out in the first place, when things went down with my father.

“I didn’t mean to cut you out,” I say. “My first gut feeling was to go to you, but I didn’t want to burden you.”

“I know,” she reassures me before halting. She turns to face me. “But it’s not a burden to me, Elden. You are not a burden. You are my mate, and I love you. Please don’t lock me out of your life just because you want to protect me.”

I swallow thickly. “Okay.”

“Then it’s a promise,” she says, entwining our fingers.

“Say,” I start after a while. “What do you think about Calvin?”

“I don’t know,” she mutters. “I can’t say I trust him yet. The false diagnosis doesn’t sit right with me, either. He knows it’s wrong. Why did he never make an effort to change it?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Maybe he was embarrassed?”

“I guess I am taking it too personally,” she says. “Elden, did you know Grandma is on the spectrum?”

I halt abruptly. “Hazel? I wasn’t aware.”

“She got the diagnosis very late,” Flora explains. “She told me once that back in the day it was completely overlooked, and she learned to adapt like many women did. I think your mom helped her get the diagnosis.”

“I didn’t know,” I mutter.

“She told me much later,” Flora says. “I am sorry. I didn’t even think I should tell you.”

“You did nothing wrong. Your grandma’s medical history is nothing you need to share with anyone, not even with me,” I assure her.

“The thing is, I know the signs,” she says. “Grandma really adapts so well that others don’t notice, but I do. And Calvin ticks me off for that reason. Maybe I am unfair,” she adds. “He was a kid and his parents neglected him. He never got help, and he just went with that fake diagnosis, probably because it gave him some peace.”

“I can see why you would be upset,” I say.

“Well, he is here now, and he is definitely very capable,” Flora says. “We all still have room to grow. He grew up emotionally neglected and probably abused, so I will give him a chance.”

“I think he knows an awful lot about me and my family,” I point out.

“Do you believe that’s weird?”

“I think he was prepared for this task much longer than we both believe he was,” I say. “If I were on any speaking terms with my father, I would straight out ask him.”

“Ask Samuel instead,” Flora suggests.

“That’s an option,” I agree. “Actually, we can do it right now. I think I want to have that talk before I read Mom’s letter.”

“Now?” Flora chuckles. “It’s 3AM.”

“Insomnia,” I tell her. “Samuel sometimes suffers from it, and usually, he gets up in the middle of the night and walks around my mom’s old rose garden.”

“Wow,” she mutters. “Then let’s look for him there.”

I am not sure if we’ll truly find Samuel, as he isn’t up every night, but it’s definitely worth a shot. Indeed, we find him sitting at one of the benches and looking up into the night sky.

“Hello, Uncle Samuel,” Flora greets him, looking worried, “or Good Morning.”

Samuel looks up, eyeing us in surprise. “What are the both of you doing out so late at night or rather so early in the morning?”

“We could ask you the same,” I point out.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he answers, surprisingly honest.

“Me neither,” I admit.

Samuel nods before gazing at the both of us. “You are not…” he pauses, flinching slightly and making me wonder what he is thinking about now. “I understand young love, but you are being careful, aren’t you?”

It takes a while for me to grasp what he is saying. “Goddess,” I groan.

Flora bursts into giggles. “Are you trying to have a sex talk with us, Uncle Samuel?” She grins. “You are aware that Elden has been my boyfriend ever since we were in middle school. Technically, that talk should have come earlier.”

“I was hoping your grandma or Geneva would have…” he mutters, looking flustered.

Neither of us tells him that Flora and I decided to wait until we are both eighteen, so that we can feel the full mate bond and mark each other during our first time. It’s private and doesn’t concern anyone but the both of us. “I really couldn’t sleep,” I say. “Flora and I spent the night with Vincent and Calvin, and before you ask, no, it wasn’t a gangbang party.”

Flora elbows me and laughs. “Have mercy on him,” she whispers. She is right because Samuel looks like he is inwardly dying at my comment. “Actually, Elden and I wanted to ask you something.”

“It’s about Calvin,” I add.

Samuel looks so relieved it’s almost hilarious. “Of course. I will answer you whatever you want to know.”

I can’t help but be skeptical. “Really?”

“He is your beta now. If you have questions, you deserve to get all the answers.”

That’s the good thing about him. He is a very correct man, always goes by the rules. While sometimes that’s old-fashioned, he at least also sticks to them himself. “Calvin knows a lot about me,” I say. “It’s almost like he was prepared for this task for many years.”

“He was,” Samuel explains. “Don’t hold it against him, please. He was under something that’s akin to an alpha command and can’t tell you.”

“I understand,” I say. “But what’s the truth?”

“The moment the council heard about the prophecy, and you and Flora were born, they decided to take precautions for your safety,” he explains. “Especially, once you started to fulfill the prophecy, by having your lycan so early and by becoming mates. I know you hate being lied to and all I can do is assure you that Geneva and I weren’t part of that decision, and I hope you understand where everyone is coming from. You are so important to our world, no one could risk someone attacking you.”

“Did my parents know?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says. “Your mom was actually relieved to have people keeping an eye on you.”

“Well, if she was on board with it-” I sigh. “And Calvin?”

“Calvin was part of the group that was chosen to keep an eye on you due to his talents and his high IQ. He was in the running for your beta very early on. That said, he was a child, also, and of course, we didn’t send him out to keep an eye on you. But he was prepared for the task and pushed to learn as much as possible.”

Calvin said that his parents always had overly high expectations of him and that he never made any friends. It looks like that was my fault, and I can’t help but feel guilty about it.

“There was a chosen group of lycans who acted as your bodyguards in secret,” Samuel continues to explain. “A group of protectors.”

Flora clears her throat. “Okay,” she says. “I get it, and I see why it was necessary. But why did no one ever tell Elden about it?”

“We thought you would rebel if you knew.”

“Yes,” I say sharply, “because being rebellious is exactly the type of teen I was.” It’s never enough. I spent my whole teen years studying, training, being diligent and trying to get my father’s approval. But no one ever gave me the benefit of the doubt when it mattered. It almost feels like a waste of time now. I should have rebelled and given them a run for their money, because being good definitely didn’t make me more trustworthy in their eyes. I wish I could help it, but I just feel bitter.

Samuel looks at me like he doesn’t know what to say, but I remain quiet. Flora takes my hand. “Thank you for being honest,” she says. “Finally, after so many years.”

I smile, loving the subtle dig she delivered.

“At least I have my answers,” I say to her. “Shall we leave?”

Samuel doesn’t stop us, so we finally make it back to Flora’s place and to her room. There, in a box hidden in her wardrobe, she pulls out my mom’s letter to me. It’s still in its original envelope. Years ago, I read the first lines, but couldn’t bring myself to read further. Now, however, that I take a closer look, I realize it’s not just the letter in the envelope but also a small key.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Flora asks quietly.

“No, please stay,” I mutter while I sit down on the floor. Flora sits down next to me, leaning her head against my back without looking at the letter, allowing me the privacy to read it alone while still being with me.

My dear Elden,

I don’t know how to start this letter. When you read it, I will already be gone. I apologize from the bottom of my heart for not having been any stronger. I love you so much, you are my everything. I wish I could still be with you.

I hope you know it’s not your fault. You were the light of my existence, the one thing that made me push forward. One smile from you lit up my day. My love for you knows no boundaries, and I promise I am going to watch over you from wherever I am.

I didn’t want to say goodbye this soon, but the darkness is swallowing me, every day a little more. I feel so tired. I am in a world I don’t belong to. I know I am being selfish, I know you will be angry and hurt, and I hope one day you will have it in your heart to forgive me. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself.

I have a dream, Elden. About you as a young man, standing strong and proud and happy with your own family, and living the life you deserve. The life your father and I couldn’t give you. Spread your wings, my son, and fly. Don’t hold back because you think you have to fulfill everyone’s obligations. Run and feel the wind on your face. Take risks, be daring, and make mistakes.

My biggest regret is not seeing the man you will become.

Once you turn eighteen, a letter will reach you with information on how to get the belongings I put aside for you. The key will be your proof, that whatever is inside belongs to you.

I am aware I am not leaving you much, but I know Hazel will watch out for you. If you have questions, reach out to a woman named Elspeth. She is my aunt, making her your great-aunt, and a wild and free woman. She will answer all your questions, for she was the person who supported me when darkness was about to swallow me. If you have it in you, reach out to Gamma Tobias. He will help you with connecting to the loving part of your family, and also to the many truths that lay hidden in my past.

I love you, Elden.

Not even the moon can stop my love.

Forever.