34. Keelan

Chapter 34

Keelan

I ran my fingers along the stem of my wine glass and stared into the pattern of interlocking gold and silver woven into the tablecloth. Servants stood stiffly along the walls behind each chair, ready to fulfill any wish or desire. All I wanted was a few moments alone with Jess, a chance to talk and laugh as we had on that first stroll through the garden.

I had only seen Jess a few times since her coronation. There were always servants or messengers or the occasional soldier scurrying about. I understood. She was Queen now, with more demands on her time and attention than any other person alive, but I couldn’t ignore the tugging at my heart—or the boredom.

Over the past month, I explored every inch of the Palace, taking in both the extravagance of its interior and the natural beauty of the grounds surrounding the royal residence. Dittler hadn’t seen any more of Jess than I had, and the stubborn stallion refused to let any of the stable hands near him. At their entreaty, I spent a few hours each day exercising, grooming, and tending my equine friend. For his part, Dittler had stopped nipping me every time I approached—unless I forgot the beast’s daily apple. Without a bribe, I earned a crisp snap of the horse’s teeth in reprimand.

My other hours were far less productive.

I wasn’t a subject of the Crown and, therefore, wasn’t allowed to take part in anything meaningful. Jess included me in some Council meetings, but it was inappropriate for a foreigner to become a regular attendee at meetings involving Kingdom security.

Honestly, I was grateful to be excused from those meetings.

The Council Jess assembled was made of fine men and women, but they still loved to hear themselves talk. Jess hadn’t yet secured her Crown enough to stop the constant preening and strutting displayed by visiting nobles. I doubted any amount of royal security could ebb that tide, and I wasn’t sure I could endure her hours of platitudes without offending some pompous official with my fist, or at least my yawns.

I tried talking the Sheriff into letting me help with some of his case load. The man, still new in his role, had thanked me politely but suggested internal matters were best handled by Kingdom officers.

The Royal Guard allowed me to train with some of their guards, and I was more thankful for the physical activity than they would ever know. My mind might have wandered, but my body, at least, had some measure of focus and routine. When asked if I could help with some duty or other work, the Guard offered the same polite, yet firm, refusal.

I couldn’t remember a time when I felt more useless or adrift.

In those quiet moments, thoughts of Tiana troubled me. I saw her smiling in her infirmary, smoothing her spotless blue smock, tending some errant child who’d broken a bone. I saw her laughing at Ridley or slapping my arm, as she often did when I tried to make a jest.

And I saw her folding into the bottom of a cart.

Striding down the massive aisle in the Children’s ceremonial chamber.

Gaping with wide eyes as the dagger sank into her chest.

Guilt warred with longing each time I relived that day. I was there to protect her, to save her—to bring her home.

And I failed.

I would never forgive myself for that.

How could I?

Which only made my feelings for Jess more complicated.

That same guilt, the pang that swelled each time I recalled Tiana’s final moments, haunted the warmth I felt each time Jess entered a room. All I wanted was to be happy, to enjoy the moment with a woman who made me feel . . . whatever Jess made me feel.

Why couldn’t life be simple?

If it weren’t for my inexplicable, ever-present desire simply to be with Jess, I would’ve already headed home. I wasn’t sure what existed between us, that feeling of togetherness, that longing, but I felt it every time she was near.

I felt it even more strongly when she left.

It pulled me, or pushed me—I wasn’t sure.

The logical Constable’s brain couldn’t comprehend the utter illogic of me mooning over a woman I barely knew; but here I was, staring at her chair, willing to wait until the world stopped turning for her to arrive and smile.

Just as I was about to chide myself for being sappy, the doors flew open, and Jess stormed into the dining room. The servants, already stiff in their uniforms, snapped to absolute rigidity at the presence of their fuming sovereign.

A man in his mid-thirties with only a few strands of pulled-over hair scurried behind her, his eyes downcast and expression wan.

“Explain this to me, Lord Chamberlain. Did no one in this Palace know the Sheriff’s son had returned? The one who sold me to be slaughtered?” Her voice rose with each word, and the man somehow bowed lower in her wake.

“I do not know, Your Majesty. No one reported this to me.”

She wheeled to face him. “Stand up straight and face me.”

He did, reluctantly, though his gaze remained fixed on her chin.

“Unless you want to be the former Lord Chamberlain, you will look me in the eye. Now.” She waited as the man struggled to lift both of his chins. “Find the High Chancellor and get me a report from our eyes and ears. I want to know our numbers, strengths, gaps, and how the best network on the continent could miss something so obvious. Then I want to hear the plan to never miss so much as a whisper on the wind again. Am I clear, Lord Chamberlain ?”

The man bowed several times nervously. “Yes, Majesty. Perfectly clear. I will find the High Chancellor at once.”

“Now get out.” Her voice had fallen to an indistinct murmur, which was somehow more intimidating than her raised pitch from before.

The man practically ran from the room.

Servants began their choreographed dance, pouring wine and water, removing chargers, and retrieving platters of rolled meats and cheeses from the kitchen.

I sat back as Jess turned and noticed me.

She sucked in a deep breath, then released it, then reached over her chair to grip her glass, drained half of its contents, and set it down.

“I am sorry you had to see that. You are not going to believe who showed up in court today.”

I raised one brow but didn’t speak.

“ Danym . Can you believe it?”

“You mean Ambassador Danym? The Priest?”

Her jaw dropped. “You knew ?”

I threw my hands up to fend off her rising anger. “I knew a Priest named Danym was appointed Ambassador. He was at the coronation banquet and paid me a visit at my table. Are you saying he’s that Danym?”

“Yes, that Danym,” she spat. “The one who tricked me into falling in love and running away with him, then gave me away to be killed. The one who laughed at me as those robed monsters dragged me into their Temple. That Danym!”

She grabbed her glass and finished the wine, slamming the crystal on the table so hard I wondered that it didn’t shatter.

A servant materialized and refilled it as soon as she’d set it on the table.

I switched into investigator mode, insulating my newly found, highly confusing emotions from her wrath. I watched but held my tongue.

She gulped more wine.

“Well? No advice? Everyone else around here seems to have plenty. All day, every day. Nothing but ‘You should do this, Your Majesty,’ or ‘Oh, no, don’t do that, Majesty.’ They never stop. Surely you have some counsel, too?”

I didn’t budge.

She took another sip, eyeing me.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I didn’t know.”

She looked up, and her icy glare thawed.

I turned to the servant standing watch behind my chair and asked, “Would you ask the staff to give us a moment?”

The woman bobbed, looking relieved. Within seconds, Jess and I were alone. I stood and kneeled beside her chair.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

A tear threatened to flee the corner of her eye, and her lip quivered.

She didn’t turn to look at me, but one hand reached down and gripped mine.

I felt her anger and pain through that simple touch. Warmth also flooded up my arm and into my chest at the feeling of her skin pressed against my own. I didn’t know what to make of all the emotions competing for my attention.

I’d never felt comfortable dealing with one feeling at a time. A swirling host of emotions was overwhelming—and confusing.

“I loved him,” she said in a small voice I strained to hear. “I really loved him. I never thought I’d see him again after . . . everything happened. And today, I was so happy, and then he appeared. He just showed up.”

I had seen the glassy-eyed stare of survivors before, heard the monotone of their recollections, watched as they relived their terror again and again. Usually, their memories and emotions came in waves. Shock, pain, anger, grief, disbelief, belief, acceptance. Sometimes the waves respected the order, but mostly they came when wounded hearts and minds allowed, disjointed and unpredictable. I saw how Jess’s mind and soul were under assault by more than a few of those feelings, and ached to help her cope, but I knew her own strength was required to survive such a journey.

I stood, lifting my hand, suggesting she stand, and held her in my arms for so long that the servants began returning before I released her to sit again. By then her tears were dry, though the redness of her eyes told of their passing.

The servants spoke with a gentle kindness I hadn’t heard in the Palace before. It was the sharing of a burden only found within a special bond, within a family. I realized, in that moment, how unique those who served the royal household must be, and how critical they would be to her future success. I made a mental note to learn more about each servant and guard, especially those who worked within the private residence.

As plates from the main course were cleared, Jess broke the silence that dominated the meal. “Are you tired of me yet?”

I wasn’t often surprised, but the look of utter shock that flooded my face made her smile for the first time that evening.

“ Never . Jess, I—”

“Good. Me either.” She reached across the table and gripped my hand again. “I need to ask you to do something for me.”

Her tone had changed, and her back had stiffened just enough for me to notice.

“Is this Jess or the Queen asking?”

Her eyes widened. “Am I that obvious? Sometimes I forget you are a trained investigator.”

When I didn’t reply, she continued. “There have been a series of deaths scattered in towns and villages across the country, seemingly at random. They appear to be the work of wild animals.”

“But you don’t believe that, do you?”

“No. They are too random, if that makes any sense.”

I nodded. “All right, what do you want me to do? Your Sheriff made it clear he didn’t want me involved in Kingdom matters.”

“Not to worry. I spoke with him, and he agreed.” She took a sip. “I would like you to go to Oliver and see what you can learn. Our investigators have done their best but failed to uncover anything beyond the obvious.”

“The obvious may be the truth.”

“I would still like your eyes on this. Something feels wrong. It is . . . hard to explain.”

“Of course, I’d do anything you asked, Your Majesty.” I offered her a teasing bob of my head.

She snorted. “Not you, too! Stop that.”

“As you wish, Your Most Serene and Majestic Majesty.”

Another snort. Then a slap on my arm.

I didn’t say anything, just stared.

“What? Have I got something in my teeth?”

“No. It’s just . . . I missed your smile.”

She beamed, and a flush raced up her neck. “Ooh, is it warm in here? I need some fresh air. Would you mind accompanying me on a stroll through the gardens after dinner? We can walk off some of this meal.”

“I thought you would never ask.”

We finished dessert, tossed back the last of our wine, and left the dining room to her army of servants. Jess raced fingertips across every plant and flower we passed while I fiddled with my fingers and timidly avoided eye contact. We’d strode halfway across the sprawling gardens before either of us spoke.

“Jess—”

“Keelan—” she said at the same time.

We both cut off our words.

“You go first,” she said.

I returned my gaze to my rapidly twiddling digits.

“It’s nice out here,” I said.

She snorted. “That is what you were nervous saying to me?”

“I’m not—” I didn’t look up. “I guess I’m just nervous about the trip.”

Jess looked up sharply. “What? You mean going to Oliver? Keelan, you are one of the most storied investigators alive. Why would taking on a case make you nervous?”

“Because it’s not just another case. It’s a case for you .”

“You have taken cases from the Triad. Why is one from the Queen of Spires so different?”

I met her eyes. “I don’t care about ‘the Queen.’ I’m worried I’ll disappoint you .”

She missed a step.

I caught her arm. She gripped my hand and didn’t let go. Both of us stared at our hands. After a moment of silence, she looked up.

“Keelan, you are an amazing Constable, one of the best, and you have magic that helps you serve people in need—but your skills and your Gift are not why I fell in love with you.”

My head snapped up, and my eyes widened.

For some reason, my heart felt like it wanted to leap out of my chest and run through the flowers. Every last hair on my arms jolted upright, and my tongue was suddenly sandpaper.

She reached up and stroked my cheek. “Yeah, I said it. You will owe me for that.” She winked. “You are a good, decent man, Keelan. You are smart and strong, and you would die before letting anything happen to someone you love. You act tough, but I have seen the real boy inside the hardened shell. He is scared sometimes, but mostly he wants to be happy, to be accepted, and to help others. I love that boy, Keelan, with all my heart.”

I stared down at her with wonder in my eyes.

“Jess . . . I . . . you . . . what?”

“Keelan Rea, for such an intelligent, Gifted Constable, you are incredibly dense if you have not seen this.”

The sound of her laughter was sunlight blazing through clouds.

Never in a million years would I dare to dream she might feel the same way I did.

I wanted to take the assignment in Oliver to get away from the Palace before I said something we both might regret, something she’d send me packing for.

But she loved me.

Me?

I couldn’t believe it.

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead. I reached up and tugged at my itchy collar, and the darn gardens suddenly felt like the business end of a furnace.

Jess grinned as only a woman who knows she’s flummoxed a man can.

Then she gripped my face in both of her hands and pulled me toward her.

I tasted her breath.

A magic all its own sent lightning up my spine.

As our lips met, warmth exploded in my chest, and all thoughts of animal attacks or Jess’s resurrected ex-boyfriends faded from my mind. I was startled at first, eyes wide in panic, and tried to pull back, but she held me in place until I kissed her back. Our eyes closed, and the world drifted away.

She melted into me, and I knew I was at home in her embrace.