46. Keelan

Chapter 46

Keelan

“ W hat have I done?”

Whose hands are these? I wondered, as I stared down at my palms.

For the second time in as many days, tears trickled down my face. I couldn’t remember a time when I wept so often. I was everyone else’s strength. There was no place for weakness in me.

Guilt warred with horror and disbelief.

Motion lifted my gaze.

Dittler glared from a dozen paces away. Atikus stood nearby, stroking the stallion’s neck, muttering soothing words I couldn’t hear.

“Atikus, I just tried to kill the Queen of Spires.”

“Keelan—”

“I just tried to kill Jess .”

Atikus stepped forward, letting his hand drop from the horse as he took tentative steps toward me.

“I’m me again,” I muttered as my head drooped.

A weathered hand fell onto my shoulder.

“Son, I know this was not you.”

“But, Jess—”

“Jess knows, too.” He squeezed. “Whatever powers Isabel has accumulated, she now has the ability to meddle in minds. At least, she can meddle in yours. It would take a team of Mages to understand how that is possible, but—”

“It doesn’t matter. She can. That’s our reality now.” Atikus slumped down to sit beside me. “What else do you think she can do now?”

The old Mage shook his head. “There is no way to know, but I fear she may now possess some measure of the original Mages’ powers.”

“Spirits, that sounds bad.”

Atikus nodded.

“Melucia’s troubles just got worse, didn’t they?”

This time, Atikus merely grunted.

It took some time for us to calm after Jess disappeared.

I wouldn’t stop muttering and blaming myself for losing control. Dittler seemed to agree, snorting and nipping anytime I tried to walk from one side of the cavern to the other.

“We can’t stay here, Keelan. It is time to go home,” Atikus said after my third glass of wine and hundredth curse. “You know that wine will not make you drunk. Put the cup down.”

“Why can’t we go through the mirror? Just follow Jess?” I didn’t mean to slam the cup onto the table. The loud whop nearly startled me out of my cloak. “Who knows what she’s walking into—and she thinks I just tried to kill her. After everything she’s been through, we can’t let her think I betrayed her, too.”

“We do not know if the mirror would allow you to pass through. It may only be attuned to the royal line.”

“That doesn’t make sense. You said the Mages made these things to escape. They weren’t royals.”

“That’s true.” Atikus considered a moment. “I suppose we could try, but who knows what would await us in Fontaine? We would be two Melucians, one who just tried to kill the Queen, stepping into the Crypt of Kings in the heart of the Kingdom’s capital.”

“Fine. You have a point there.” I put my head in my hands again. “I’ve spent my life protecting others, and here I am trying to kill that poor girl. After all she’s been through.”

“Keelan, we need to go home.” Atikus stared while I sulked.

“Fine. How do you propose we do that? We can’t exactly walk into Fersh or Kitchton and book passage across the bay. They’re hunting us, remember?”

“Of course, we can. They’re chasing men who took their Queen. I don’t see her anywhere around. Do you?” Atikus’s irritating grin returned.

I shook my head. “Fine. We’ll do it your way, but we have three horses. One has a mind to eat me. What do you propose we do with them?”

“Dittler is too rare to just release or sell. We should take him with us and sell the other two for passage. We can give the stallion back to Jess when the war is over. That might even earn some grace from Her Majesty.” He stood and walked to his cot. “Let’s get some rest. I would guess we are a half day’s ride to Fersh. If we find a ship across the bay, we could be home the day after tomorrow.”

“Fine,” I grumbled from behind my meaty hands.