28. Jess

Chapter 28

Jess

M orning came too early. I struggled to sleep, my mind wrestling with images of my father’s lifeless eyes, then my brother as he screamed from a distant balcony. When my mind drifted to images of my mother, a whirlwind of emotions threatened to rip me open.

How could one person feel angry and sad and hurt and guilty all at the same time ?

Then there was Keelan.

The Guardsman’s strong fa?ade couldn’t block his own internal turmoil. It was as clear as the winter skies above. In a strange way, seeing him struggle was comforting. I didn’t feel quite so alone in my grief.

Keelan looked up from his pallet to find me tending the fire. I caught the surprise on his face and offered a tight smile and shrug. “Even a queen can be useful sometimes. Did you sleep well?” I asked, more peace offering than question.

He rubbed his eyes and sat up. “I think there’s a rock growing in my back now, but it was otherwise all right. You?”

I stared into the fire as I poked at the embers. “It will get better someday. How is that?”

“It’s a step in the right direction.”

A moan behind Keelan caught our attention as Atikus stirred to life.

“Why do I not smell bacon?” he grumbled.

“I knew I was forgetting something while we made our desperate escape from a mad queen and her army.” Keelan smirked up at me.

Atikus harrumphed and tossed a wadded sock into Keelan’s back. “Young man, the success of most journeys rests on the quality of the food. Never mock bacon.”

Keelan and I laughed.

The Mage cracked a grin.

I reached into my pack and tossed a hard roll at him, earning another round of chuckles when the Mage fumbled his bread.

It felt good to smile. I couldn’t remember how long my heart had been heavy.

After a quick breakfast of dried meat and fruit, we resumed our trek eastward with Keelan driving a steady pace, insisting we maintain our lead on any pursuers who might follow. Aside from a few stray clouds that dropped flurries on our heads, the sky remained mostly clear. Snow from the past couple of days remained on the ground but thankfully wasn’t growing. The bright sky did little to ward off the cold that dug into every part of my body.

I trotted Dittler up next to Keelan. “Keelan, I should apologize for snapping last night. It was not fair, and certainly was not worthy of a queen.”

Keelan regarded me a moment.

When he spoke, his voice was that of a seasoned Guardsman, a leader forged through years of trial—and error. “I’ve never known a queen, but I do know some pretty serious leaders back home. Some even call me one on occasion. You will need that passion if you hope to win people’s hearts. After everything you’ve been through, I’m glad you’re fighting back rather than turning inward. Many lose themselves when faced with loss and grief, never to return to who they once were. Your openness shows strength, even if it might be a little misplaced at times.”

My mouth opened to respond, but nothing came out. I didn't know what to say.

Too often, people only saw me as the Crown Princess, little more than my title. I was either a means to a higher station or looked down at for my youth and inexperience. I wanted to be so much more than just a princess. I was a strong young woman with even stronger thoughts and feelings—and fears. My father warned me to expect no less from people, but it still hurt to think I was little more than the crown I wore to many. They didn’t see me .

Yet, Keelan continued to surprise me.

This wasn’t some reckless young man, blinded by his own strength and masculinity. He was thoughtful and deliberate. He even accepted my anger and walked away rather than throwing it back in my face. He treated me with respect—not exactly the respect I deserved as Queen—but the respect of an equal. That was a lot more than I was used to from most of the fawning fools who strutted about the throne.

I was also surprised he spoke with such wisdom .

Was that the right word?

He actually sounded like my father after one of his Council meetings, when the King would spend hours walking me through the finer points of strategy, politics, and governance I witnessed in the Throne Room.

Atikus urged me to give him a chance, to get to know the man beneath the mask. He hadn’t said anything about Keelan battling his own demons, but I thought the Guardsman’s eyes revealed something much deeper. He was often quiet and stoic. Even now, as genuine as he sounded, his tone was as rigid as his back on his horse, as though he was briefing his commander rather than offering advice to a friend about grief and loss.

I stared at his back while we rode, reassessing my opinion of the foreign Constable with icy blue eyes.

Several days passed, blurring together in frigid succession. We traveled nearly forty leagues and had still not encountered another soul. The constant bounce and sway to traveling through untended fields made me long for the comfort of a carriage.

On the fourth night following our flight from Cradle, we again camped around a small fire. There were no trees, houses, or farms in sight.

“This place is like an endless ocean made of grass and dirt. It just goes on and on,” Keelan groused as he stirred the kettle of bubbling, thin soup dangling over the fire.

I nodded. “My father wanted more people to settle this land, to farm it. He thought the leagues between Cradle and Bo could feed the whole Kingdom if someone would just work the fields.”

Atikus elbowed past Keelan, bowl and ladle in hand. “I am less concerned with feeding the Kingdom than I am its most illustrious guest. Let me test that soup out, make sure it is fit for our Queen.”

Keelan snorted and stepped back.

Suddenly, he staggered and gripped his head with both hands.

“Keelan?” Atikus forgot his soup and stood.

Keelan wheeled around, seeming to search for something. He wobbled as his eyes grew distant and dark.

“Did one of you call me just now?” he asked, sounding like he just drank a barrel full of ale.

I shot Atikus a curious look. “No.”

He tumbled to the ground and bent his knees into his stomach, his hands squeezing his temples. Then he went limp.

Atikus hustled to Keelan’s side, checked his pulse and his breathing, then carefully lifted his eyelids with bony fingers.

“What is wrong with him?” I asked.

“I am not sure. It sounded like someone was communicating Telepathically in his mind.”

“Is it not common courtesy to announce one’s self when using Telepathy? High Chancellor Thorn would communicate mentally with my father. I remember them talking about the courtesies involved a few times. Nothing made Father angrier than to have his private thoughts interrupted without so much as a knock at the door, as he called it.”

“That is the custom. I do not think whoever was chatting in his head cared much about courtesy.” Atikus nodded. “What worries me more is how it affected him. I have never seen Telepathy cause a physical effect. It might be disorienting at first, but I have never known it to cause pain or render someone unconscious.”

“Do you think someone was trying to hurt him?”

“I do not know. It is possible, but it is more likely that someone is trying to find us.” He rose from his knees with a grimace. “As far as I can tell, he is sleeping peacefully now. Hopefully, we will learn more when he wakes. We should keep an eye on him as we finish our dinner. Our mystery communicator rudely interrupted my soup, and it has probably gone cold.”

Before I could think of a crack about the Mage’s grumbling belly, the man had the fire blazing and the soup bubbling once again. Atikus tested a spoonful before adding a few herbs and salt from his pack. Once satisfied, he ladled a bowl for both of us and settled back onto the ground near Keelan, happily slurping, with only a tiny amount dribbling into his beard.

I eyed him over my bowl. “Why is Keelan so important to you? I can see it when you look at him and hear it when you banter. He is more like a son than someone assigned to your team.”

“What I would not give for some fresh, hot bread.” Atikus crammed one more spoonful into his mouth before turning his attention toward me.

“You have a keen eye. Keelan and his younger brother, Declan, were given into my care when they were small boys.” A faraway look entered his eyes. “Life was simple then. I was the Chief Historian for the Mages’ Guild. I studied and taught every day, sometimes in the Academy with the future Mages. My boys roamed the halls and terrorized the staff, especially Declan. He was something else. Those two gave that musty old place—and a few of us musty old men—new life. Those were good days.”

I gave him a moment to think. “What do you mean they were given to your care? What happened to their parents?”

The spoon paused as it reached his mouth, then he set it down and looked up thoughtfully. “The boys lost their parents. They were very dear to many of us. Their sacrifice . . .” He trailed off, his eyes lost to the distant darkness.

“Their sacrifice?”

“Yes. Sacrifice. They literally changed the path of the world, the path of every person living then and now.” He rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply. “Great deeds demand even greater sacrifices. They never saw the fruits of their work. They never watched their boys grow into strong young men. They gave more than anyone will ever know; and, while the world changed for the better, we lost much in their sacrifice, too.”

We finished the meal in silence.

As we rinsed our bowls, I whispered, “What was Keelan like?”

Atikus looked up, one bushy brow raised.

“As a boy. What was he like?”

This brought a warm smile to the Mage’s weathered face. “A miniature version of what you see today—although, he was never that miniature.” The distant look returned to his eyes, but his smile remained. “From the day he walked into my office that first time, he was a serious, thoughtful child, consumed with protecting his brother. He was also kind and generous, offering to help with anything the Mages might need. He was a good boy.”

“Protecting his brother? What would a child living in the Mages’ Guild need protecting from? I thought you said those were good times.”

“Oh, they were, but Keelan felt the loss of his parents deeply. He could not understand what happened and tried to be strong. He hid his heartache, but I could see it written in his eyes. Watching him hurt like that was the hardest thing I have ever lived through. I came to love those boys beyond any measure.” His eyes clouded. “Keelan decided protecting his brother was his purpose in life. He never really bonded with other boys his age. They resented his attachment to his brother and the favor the Guardsmen showed him. I have never seen a boy surrounded by so many people look so alone, but Keelan never let Declan see any of it. He even protected him from his own inner trials. I sometimes wonder if that did not translate into his passion for being a Constable. He believes his purpose lies in protecting everyone now, not just Declan.”

“Is that what you think he is doing now? Protecting everyone? Even you and me?”

Atikus looked up, and brightness filled his eyes. “Of course, he is. The boy would not know how to put himself ahead of others if his life depended on it. He crossed the mountains to protect a girl who was kidnapped. He went into that temple to protect you. He tried to protect your brother, but your father would not let him. Now, he is crossing a foreign countryside to protect you again, with the slender hope that peace is possible, that he might protect our people from the ravages of war.” His voice fell to a whisper. “He has grown from a good boy into a remarkable man.”

Something about Keelan’s finer qualities made me uncomfortable, so I decided to lighten the mood. “Is that a father’s pride talking? Has someone lost his Magely objectivity?”

Atikus snorted. “ Magely? Your Majesty, I do not believe it’s your royal prerogative to make up words.”

I gave him a crooked smile and turned my chin upward. “The last I checked, as monarch, we may do as we please, Mister Magely Mage.”

He chuckled. “Oh, child, you are still new to the job. I am afraid you will find more shackles than freedom for the one wearing a crown.”

My face fell, and I glared into the fire. Now it was my voice that sounded reflective. “That is a lesson I learned at a very early age. Why do you think I ran away from the Palace in the first place?”

Atikus furrowed his brow at my somber tone. “Why did you run?”

I lifted the soup from the fire and wedged the lid on tightly, more for a moment’s distraction than anything.

“My mother wanted to marry me off to terrible men.”

“They were all terrible?”

“No—well, yes. I do not know. Maybe. Terrible for me , at least.”

“Do all these terrible men have anything to do with the High Sheriff’s boy? What was his name? Danny?”

“Danym.” I shot him a sharp glance, then let out a sharp breath.

Somber turned to sadness. I nodded slowly.

“I met him some time ago, quite by accident. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen—until my horse sprayed mud all over him. I can still see his long, silky hair clumped in a muddy mess with nothing but eyeballs poking out of a dripping, filthy mask.” I closed my eyes at the memory. “I thought little of the encounter until he surfaced at a royal ball a few weeks later. Talk about a wallflower. He practically hid behind columns and plants, running like a scared kitten when anyone glanced his way. When I marched through the crowd, chittering ladies in tow, he could not even make eye contact. From the look on his face, I thought he might throw up on the spot.”

“Did he?” Atikus asked.

I opened my eyes with a smile only a memory can create. “Not even a dribble. In fact, the flippant little snot made a joke about the clucking hens hanging on my hem. Everyone was stunned into silence—until they squealed in protest and flew away to safer perches around the dance floor. I laughed so hard that I spilled my wine. The moment stuck in my mind, not just because of Danym, but because I could not remember the last time I had laughed in the Palace.”

I picked at my fingernails, avoiding Atikus’s eyes. “We walked through the gardens that night, against his many protests, mind you. The moon was not quite full, but there were no clouds, and a breeze blew the sweet smell of roses across our path. I remember every detail. He talked of little things, fumbling over his words, terrified to say the wrong thing. It was the most adorable, romantic evening I have ever known. I fell in love with him before we made the turn to head back into the Palace.”

“So why was he not an option? You were going to be Queen, after all. We do not have a monarchy, but I would expect you would have some say in the matter.”

“I do not think he fit into my mother’s royal plans. I suppose that is just as well after what he did.”

“What did he do, Jess?”

“You do not know, do you?” I looked up through wide and watery eyes. “We ran away together, determined to free me from that wretched betrothal and start a new life. I knew I was walking away from the Crown and all that meant, but I couldn’t stay in that crystal prison any longer. We made it through the Spires and past Spoke, but my mother had us followed. Somehow, she knew where we were the whole way. Those masked men chased us, too. When my mother’s goons tried to take us, Danym acted like he would save me. He told me to race up the road while he distracted them. The next thing I knew, I was surrounded by robed fanatics, and Danym was wearing one of their masks.”

I wiped my face and stared into the fire again. “His eyes—they were not his anymore. They were all I could see through the mask, but I know it was not him looking at me. He took the mask off a few times, but his eyes stayed so . . . I do not know . . . not Danym. One minute we were holding hands across a table, the next, he was handing me over to be slaughtered. I still do not understand any of it.”

Another tear escaped before I swatted it away. Relief flooded my face when Keelan groaned and Atikus turned to check on him. Keelan leaned up on his elbow, one palm pressed to his forehead.

“Which one of you hit me?” he mumbled.