12. Keelan

Chapter 12

Keelan

I sat by the campfire, staring across at Jess’s sleeping form. She lay on her side, back toward me, her head rested on her pack-turned-pillow with a waterfall of long brown hair splayed from the pack across the grass behind her. She muttered and groaned softly in her sleep. The stress and exhaustion of the past few days had finally overcome her, and she’d become unsteady in her saddle.

When Atikus and I mounted to resume our journey, Jess was sound asleep on the grassy ground.

“Are you sure you should not carry her?” Atikus asked when I tasked him with keeping Jess ahorse with him.

I shook my head. “I think your old face would be more welcome than mine.”

“Old. I thank you for that.” He grunted. “That scowl of yours might just scare her to death.”

“Many women like my scowl, say it makes me look strong.”

“Strong as a horse’s ass.”

“Atikus! Such language. This is grandson abuse.”

“Grandson? Pshaw! Son, at best.” Atikus struggled to settle Jess’s limp body as I handed her up to him. “Grandparents cannot be accused of abuse. We are immune. It is part of common law.”

Despite our circumstances, despite Jess’s exhaustion and despair, despite my own heart’s shattered and jagged pieces slicing into the very core of me, the old Mage found a way to make me smile.

Afraid of immediate pursuit, we rode through that first night in three-hour stretches, stopping briefly to water the horses and eat a small meal.

Isabel had proven herself to be many things, determined foremost among them. We couldn’t afford more than an hour’s rest, even after a long night of riding. By morning, even I was struggling to remain upright. We decided rest was no longer a luxury and agreed to sleep through the daylight hours, then resume with another night of riding under the cover of darkness.

Jess slept through that day—and the night that followed.

Atikus grew concerned.

When the sun rose a second time, I allowed another extended break.

Jess was finally awake. She complained of sore muscles and a bleary head but was otherwise quiet. I watched as she glanced west, sometimes staring for long moments at a time. There was so much grief and weariness in her eyes. She caught me watching a few times. I saw a bit of strength return, her chin nudging upward in defiance of the churning emotions now living deep within.

That morning, Atikus and I slept while Jess kept watch.

In truth, I barely slept. It was my job to protect them. I couldn’t just sleep while Jess sat with nothing but the pain of her thoughts for company.

Hours later, I wiped away whatever sleep had made it into my eyes and mounted again. Jess was now well enough to ride, so I pressed them for greater distance. Sticky snow fell steadily throughout the day, and bitter cold seeped through our gloves and cloaks.

When evening came, weariness overcame any fear of pursuit.

“I’ll light a small fire,” I said, gathering a few pieces of broken branches that lay beneath a stand of fir trees, shielding them from the snow.

“Are you sure?” Atikus asked. “The smoke—”

“We need to dry out,” I insisted.

“And something hot to eat would be welcome,” Jess said, speaking for the first time in hours.

Atikus nodded. “I could always eat.”

I chuckled. “You don’t say?”

I built a small campfire so we could enjoy hot tea and a bit of warmth. There was no game nearby, so we contented ourselves with dried meat and fruit again.

Even the snow seemed exhausted, pausing for most of the night.

Jess didn’t speak again as we rested.

We tended the fire for an hour, almost long enough for our cloaks to dry, before she rolled out a pallet and fell into a fitful sleep.

“She has not had a peaceful rest since we left town,” Atikus whispered. He grimaced and gripped his old knees as he sat beside me.

“No, she hasn’t. It may be a long time before she enjoys peace of any kind. I have seen this many times with victims of such crimes.”

Atikus grunted. “Are there other such crimes? A King-father and a Prince-brother murdered by a Queen-mother who steals your crown?”

I blinked a few times. “Put that way, I suppose not. Still, it is the murder of family and a grand theft.”

“Grand is an understatement, but I will give this one to you.”

We sat in silence, enjoying each other’s comforting presence and the fire’s blessed warmth.

My mind traveled a different road as I stared into the fire until my tortured thoughts tumbled out.

“I couldn’t save him,” I rasped.

Atikus turned his head. “Save who?”

“Justin.” My head lowered, and my voice broke as I spoke. “He was just a boy, and I couldn’t save him.”

“Son—”

“I saw his guards die. I . . . I knew he wouldn’t make it. Atikus, I should’ve pressed the King when he decided to let him join us. He should’ve never been there in the first place. And now Jess . . .”

I gathered myself and continued. “Now Jess has no father, one less brother, and a mother who wants her dead. I don’t . . . I don’t know how to protect her.”

Atikus waited for me to say more, but I had run out of words.

“Keelan, look at me.” He waited until my gaze turned upward. “It is not your job to protect everyone. That is not even possible.”

“Yes, it is my job. It always has been .” The heat in my voice surprised us both. “I’m sorry, Atikus, but it is my job, literally. It’s what I know I’m meant to do. It’s what I’m good at. I was given a Gift designed to keep others safe, to guard the truth. All those years in the Academy, I shielded Declan . . . from so much.”

I sucked in a breath and stared into the fire. “I failed him, too. He could barely stand to be in the room with me back in Grove’s Pass. You saw it. You should’ve seen the look Ayden gave me.”

“Keelan, stop this. It is one thing—”

“Oh, Spirits. And Tiana. You see how she fared.” I wrung my hands so tightly that my knuckles whitened. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but . . . I think . . . I think I was falling for her. We’d never been on a real date . . . at least, not one outside of her infirmary, but she was special. I lost her, too.”

I buried my face in my palms.

Atikus held his tongue.

I rarely expressed much emotion. Even as a boy in the guild, I’d refused to cry—or, at least, to be seen crying. I grew into a strong, stern man. I had to be strong. I had to protect.

Atikus placed a hand on my shoulder.

By the time we moved again, the fire had died to embers. When I finally pried my head out of my hands, I was surprised to find Jess staring in my direction. An unreadable mask cloaked her usually expressive features.

“Do I need to get more firewood? Is that in my queenly duties now?” she asked, a bit of snark biting through her voice.

I shook my head. “I’ll get it, Your Majesty.”

My own peevishness bit back as I rose to my feet. My own grief made it difficult to handle hers for the moment. “She’s all yours,” I said to Atikus as I disappeared into the night.