20. Declan

Chapter twenty

Declan

I lay crumpled on the ground with my knees wrapped in my arms. My stubborn sobs refused to subside, and the throbbing in my chest felt like my heart was trying to break free and run away.

A hand settled onto my shoulder, and I nearly jumped out of my own skin, shuffling back until I slammed into the wood of the cabin's wall.

The soothing notes of a woman's voice lifted my gaze, as if an unseen hand had lifted my chin. "Oh, my beautiful boy."

An ageless woman kneeled a couple of paces away, strength and comfort flowing through her steel-gray eyes. Her face bore no lines, a perfect cast of ebony porcelain, unmarred by time. She was so remarkable that I was sure I would have remembered if we had met. And yet, there was something so familiar, so intimate, about her presence. I was drawn to her, but not in the way one is forced or pulled against their will. My heart longed to be near her, to embrace her, to know her, and to love her.

She scooted forward and cupped my cheek.

My shattered heart reformed and swelled at her touch.

Tears brimmed in her wide eyes, and her voice quavered as she spoke. "I thought I might never see you again. How you've grown."

My eyes darted around, and I realized for the first time I was no longer in the Keeper's cabin. Rough walls of torn stone surrounded me in a dimly lit cavern that stretched beyond my vision.

My head swam. When had I moved from the cabin? Where was the Keeper? And órla?

"Where—what? Who are you?" I stammered.

The woman's confident air faltered.

"My name is Kels? Rea. Declan, I'm . . . your mother."

I stared, unseeing, yet drinking her in.

Her claim was beyond belief; and yet, my mind raced, searching for memories, for clues, for anything that might prove her words true.

I wanted to believe her.

"My mother? That's not possible. She died—"

"I did not die."

"Spirits, I'm in another vision. It has to be that. This can't be real." I swatted tears from my face and braced myself to stand .

Kels? pressed her hand to my shoulder, holding me down. Her grip was gentle, yet sure. "No, Declan, this is real. There are no more visions."

"But . . . the Keeper . . . his tests? The candle . . . and Atikus was shot. Keelan and Ayden . . ." Fresh tears burst forth as each vision cast into my mind by the trial replayed itself in my memory. The cave closed in around me, feeling as though its walls would crush me if I didn't move, if I didn't run.

"You passed the Keeper's test, offering yourself in sacrifice for others—for everyone. In choosing to die so others might live, you proved your heart worthy of the next steps along the Path. It wasn't one of the choices offered, but it was the only acceptable one." Kels?'s hand squeezed my shoulder with the caress of a mother. "I am so proud of you, my son, so very proud."

My head reeled.

I gaped at Kels?, afraid to move or speak.

How could any of this be real? My mother died years ago, and here this woman, who looked nothing like Keelan or me, claimed to be—

"I knew you'd make the right choice. You're a lot smarter than you look." órla hopped into my lap and cocked her head.

Despite everything, I laughed. "Uh . . . thanks . . . I think?"

"Anytime! Can you scratch my head while you talk? "

Tension drained away with the simple act of scratching the owl's feathery head.

Kels? waited patiently as I scanned about, desperate to gather my wits before attempting to confront whoever stood before me. Two torches hung in rings on either side of the grotto—smokeless azure flames dancing on ends that never appeared to char. On a round wooden table in the center of the room sat a pitcher and two glasses made of white stone. At the opposite end, the cavern opened into a tunnel whose walls flickered with the same magical light.

"Come, sit. Have some wine and rest." Kels? rose and padded to the table, her bare feet slapping against the stone floor. Without turning to see if I followed, she poured silky red liquid into each glass and sat. Her golden dress swirled and flowed as if alive. I could barely tear my eyes from its hypnotic churning.

Curious, I stood and set órla on the table, then fell into a chair. I struggled with where to look and what to think. The past few hours had taken me to the edge of the world and had destroyed everything I knew and loved. Now, I was offered a precious gift I thought lost forever?

If this woman speaks truly.

Exhaustion warred with a frayed heart as I took a sip of whatever Kels? had poured in my cup. My fatigue vanished, and the anguish in my soul eased.

"This is the same wine from the caves with the gates, isn't it?"

"We do allow ourselves a few luxuries." Kels? offered a slight grin.

We sat in silence for a long moment as I finished my glass and poured a second.

Kels? drew in a breath, and her brow creased. "Declan . . . I know you've struggled with who you are, with who you're supposed to be. I'm here . . . I want to help you now."

Simmering anger I hadn't realized lived within me bubbled over. "How could you know that? How could you know anything about me? They told us you died , but I see that was a lie. You didn't die. You just didn't care enough to stick around. You left us. "

Kels? looked away, stung.

She had seemed so strong when I lay curled on the floor; yet now, suddenly, she appeared small and unsure.

"I'm sorry. I'm . . . so sorry." Her voice was a whisper on the wind. "Leaving you and Keelan was the hardest thing I've ever done. There hasn't been a single day that passed without you in my mind and heart, but we had no choice. Please . . . you must believe me."

Fire blazed within me, and I stood to put distance between us. "You always have a choice. Isn't that what that stupid test was all about? You chose to walk away from us. I was so young, I couldn't even picture you in my mind, couldn't remember a single moment with you or our father."

Rage swelled .

How many nights had I fallen asleep wondering why I was unworthy of a mother's love? Wondering why she and Father had abandoned us, had cast us aside. Wondering if I would ever be good enough.

My only consolation was a lack of recollection. Where doting parents should have lived in my mind, only darkness dwelled. I had been too young, too innocent to remember.

"But Keelan —he was old enough to remember everything ," I spat, wishing venom flew from my lips. "Whatever you did stripped him of your face, but he remembered having a mother. He spent years crying in his bed at night when he thought no one was watching, years telling me stories of you and father, desperate to recount every moment he'd ever spent with you so he wouldn't forget anything else and lose you a second time. It killed him to watch his memories fade from his mind. You did worse than die; you stole yourselves from him."

"Declan—"

"He thought Atikus lied when he said you died, and I think that made it worse for him. In his heart, he knew you were alive—and you just didn't care enough to stay."

I stormed across the cavern and pressed my back against the wall. My anger poured out, a waterfall of emotion released from the dam built so long ago. "He spent his whole life trying to protect me—to protect everyone—but he couldn't even protect himself. When nights came, and he cried himself to sleep because he wasn't good enough or strong enough or . . . whatever . . . to keep you there, he couldn't save himself. That was your job, and you walked away from it."

I stared into the wall opposite where I stood, unwilling to meet Kels?'s gaze. I could feel her staring, hear her quiet tears. A part of me wanted to run and wrap my arms around her, to tell her it would be all right now that we were together—but the greater part bore such resentment, so raw and wretched, despite years to smooth sharp edges.

I couldn't move. I couldn't think.

The silence was broken as Kels? removed a silver pendant from her neck and placed it on the table. My eyes snapped to the locket. It was a simple piece, unetched and unadorned, with only a face of unmarred, polished silver reflecting the torchlight.

Kels? stood, then glanced at the locket and stepped away from the table, surrendering the space.

When I didn't move, órla tottered across the table, put one talon on the bottom of the locket, and pushed up with her beak, popping the pendant open. Silver flared with Light the color of the torch flames, then living images shimmered into existence above the opened piece.

I edged toward the table and stared in wonder as a baby with a mop of unruly blond hair squirmed.

I could hear its giggles.

The image shifted to a rust-topped toddler chasing a scruffy puppy. The boy's infectious laughter and the puppy's tiny growls echoed throughout the cavern.

The final shift revealed the older boy, now over four and a half feet tall, clinging to the back of a pony as a lean man with flaxen hair braced him with his hand.

"I didn't leave you," Kels? whispered as she returned to her seat and stared at the images. "I took you with me, as much as I could."

My own voice caught in my throat. "I . . . I still don't understand. Why did you leave?"

"Some things are larger than us, larger than everything. You talk of protecting Keelan, but what if the world cried out for protection? Could you turn your back on everything? On everyone?"

"So, tell me. Whatever this is, just say it. Stop with the riddles and tests and lies. I'm tired of . . . all of this." I waved my hand around the room.

Kels?'s eyes pleaded.

I could feel her anguish and guilt, but also her love—intense, overwhelming love.

Her feelings filled me, as the wine had filled our cups, and more visions flared in my mind. I watched a younger Kels? as she sat at the same table with her head buried in her arms, as sobs battered the peaceful silence of the cavern. A man in a golden robe stood beside her, his hand on her shoulder .

His tears flowed as freely as hers.

She stood, and they held each other and wept.

The depth of their sorrow crashed over me like waves against a rocky shore.

In that moment, for the first time, I realized leaving us may have caused our parents as much pain as it had Keelan and me. They suffered, too. They carried far more memories of us than we could of them. They dreamed of life before, and ached for one day— one moment —with their children once more.

I felt it all, and the weight of it nearly drove me to my knees.

Immaturity and selfishness mocked me, and I knew, with certainty, the depth of my mother's love. My hand stretched across the table and grasped Kels?'s. In that simple act, offering grace and comfort to my mother, my own heart cracked open.

From the ashes of bitterness, a new man began to emerge.

Kels? sprang from her chair and wrapped me in a tight embrace. It only took a second for me to return the hug—and for it to grow into a ferocious thing—and for both of us to dissolve into tears.

órla's taloned toes tittered on the table. "Aww! Me, too! Me, too!"

Kels? and I laughed together for the first time as I cradled órla in my palm and Kels? scratched her feathery head. The ensuing coo-purr made our laughter grow.

When our joy subsided, and órla's itch was properly scratched, Kels? patted my arm and stepped back. "Let me take you to the Well and try to answer some of your questions."

"The Well?" Wonder crept into my voice. "As in the Well?"

Kels? laughed again. "There's the little boy I remember. Yes, the Well."

órla perched on my shoulder as we followed Kels? into the cavern's passage, a rough-hewn shaft lit by the stones underfoot, similar to those of the Path leading up the mountain. I brushed my hand against the walls to find them jagged and cold, not at all the childhood vision of a great shrine to magic with grand columns of marble and gold.

The tunnel opened into a massive underground chamber, and I froze in the opening, my mouth agape.

"I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this ."

The cavern covered more ground than the entire Guild Complex back in Saltstone—the entire complex , with all of its buildings. Translucent crystals crisscrossed every inch of the ceiling and walls, creating a spiderweb of crystalline strands that glowed an azure hue from within. The floor was a solid sheet of crystal that I first thought to be ice waiting to crack under our weight. Beneath the glassy floor swirled a lake of shimmering liquid that rippled and flowed in ceaseless motion. Luminescent mist rose from the water trapped beneath the crystal.

The lake's churning reflected in each of the surrounding crystals, giving the room life and movement that threatened to overwhelm my senses.

At the center of the room, two rings of stairs stood before a platform of the same smooth crystal. Undaunted, Kels? strode toward the platform. Her feet made a slapping sound with each step, and the imprisoned mist reached for her as she passed over it. She was halfway to the center before she realized that I hadn't followed.

órla whispered in my ear, "Um, Declan, why's she laughing at you? I mean, you are kinda funny sometimes, but—"

"It's quite safe, my brave Ranger. Come now," Kels? called out with mirth in her voice.

I let out the breath I'd been holding and took a tentative first step. The mist lunged toward my foot, and I leaped back. Kels?'s laughter was punctuated with snorts that bounded throughout the cavern.

She had the same awkward laugh as Keelan.

órla giggled.

I gathered my wounded pride and marched into the room—not confidently, but not as tentatively as before. It was hard to know where to look: at the swirling blue mass or the sentient mist that clawed for my feet? At the reflections as they danced, bouncing off one crystal to another? Or at the platform I now faced that opened in its center to allow the mist to rise unhindered and crawl across my mother's form?

"It's . . . all over you," I sputtered.

She already looked ageless. With the mist coating her like a second skin, she was downright mystical.

"Ha. Mystical. Mist. I get it. That's funny."

I stumbled and fell to one knee.

órla landed and giggled again.

"Did you just say that in my head ?" I asked, gaping at órla. "Wait . . . did you hear me thinking ?"

"Well, duh! Do you have other eternal spirits running around up there that I should know about? I can get jealous, you know."

"And now you're talking in my head again. Spirits! " I scooted forward and sat on the first step, suddenly very dizzy.

Kels? sat on a wide, flat crystal, reached down, lifted the owl onto her lap, and scratched her head.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Kels? waved a hand through the mist rising over the opening. With her movement, mist flew from around her arm and scattered in all directions, reforming itself to cling to my body and crawl across my arms .

I held my arms away and stared in wonder. "I don't understand any of this. When I left home, I didn't even have a Gift—would never have one. Now, I'm sitting in the heart of magic, an owl is listening to my thoughts, and mystical smoke is clinging to my arms. Yes, it's beautiful, but really creepy, and none of it makes any sense."

Kels? smiled. "Son, your connection to magic is waking, but your knowledge hasn't even begun to stir. Enjoy the journey and know two things for certain. First, everything is about to change. What you will learn about magic—and about yourself—will threaten everything you thought you knew before. Anyone who entered this chamber would face the same realization. But, with your bond to órla, I can't even guess where the Path may lead you."

She paused a moment, watching the Well's aura swirling across my skin. Another smile curled her lips. "And that leads to the second thing: No one knows where the Path will lead until the next stones rise before them. All we can do is take one step at a time."

"I don't know what that means."

"Why don't we start with the question you asked before?"

I rose and stood beside where Kels? sat near the opening. Mist crawled up my legs and across my body. It tingled, and I could feel immense power coursing through me when I breathed in the vapor. It felt like a far more intense version of the breath-sharing órla had done with me at the Path's base. One short breath was followed by a long, deep inhale, intoxicating my senses and swelling my chest. I glanced at my reflection in the glassy floor and found my eyes sparkling with azure light.

I felt somehow whole .

Kels? barked a laugh before covering her mouth, and I shot her an annoyed glare. She assumed a serious posture and tried to smother her smile.

"It does take getting used to, being magic," she said.

"You mean having magic?"

"No, I said what I meant. Being magic." She shifted so we faced each other. "Declan, I know you grew up believing that magic is simply a tool. You were taught that those blessed with its touch have a single Gift—perhaps two if they're lucky—allowing a person to do very specific, useful things."

"That's right. That's how it works—isn't it?"

She breathed in deeply. "Magic is diff—well, it's not like what . . . goodness, you would think after a thousand years I would know how to explain this."

She stood and stared into the pool, then drew in a breath. A blanket of mist enveloped her, and, as she spoke, the mist swirling above the opening resolved into images of men and women milling about a large square. Two men in velvety blue robes cast fire into the air, first into the shape of a dog, then a bird, then a rodent. A few paces away, a woman wearing a similar robe juggled globes of water, letting one fall to douse a nearby onlooker. Children gathered about squealed and clapped and cheered.

I gaped. Larinda's window had been one thing, a way to view what was happening in another place. The magic of the Well showed . . . another time? Those in the shimmering image looked and felt as real as my mother standing only a few strides away. I reached my hand out to grasp one of the balls of water, but the mist scattered at my touch. The moment I pulled my hand back, it resolved into the juggling Mage once more.

"Are we done playing with my story?" The amusement on Kels?'s face was echoed in her voice.

"Sorry." I ducked my head, keeping my eyes locked onto the scene playing out before me. "It's just so . . . incredible."

"Kels?, can you ignore him? I love a good story," órla chimed in. I hadn't even noticed her leave the ledge where Kels? left her to join us by the Well.

Kels? smiled down at the owl and inclined her head, then began.

"Thousands of years ago, magic permeated the world and everything in it. There were no Gifts as you know them today, limiting magicians to a certain skill. People were born a Mage, able to wield its strength in full, or they were not. Only a few in each generation would receive magic's touch, and there were rarely more than twenty or thirty Mages living at one time .

"Into their hands was given a terrible gift: the power to shape and grow and heal—and to destroy."

Kels? waved a hand, and the fog scattered and reformed, this time showing a man no older than four and twenty wearing the deep blue robe. A small child lay atop a table before him. His palm hovered above her chest, the familiar glow of magic flowing from his hand. A man and woman, likely the girl's father and mother, stood to the side, watching with anguished expressions.

"Mages were born with equal power. No one Mage wielded enough to dominate the others. That did not guarantee they used their power for good, but it did keep them in a sort of balance. Occasionally, one or two would try to assert their power over the others, but a swift, collective rebuke from the rest contained them."

The mist shifted to reveal two dozen men and women draped in the Mages' cloth. They sat in rings of mighty thrones, one ring inside the other. One man, his robe on the marble floor at his feet, stood with his head bowed before his assembled brothers and sisters. Strands of magic flowed from each Mage gathered, binding the man in place as they discussed his fate.

"The Mages' Guild was born from this collective will, giving order to chaos, law to the lawless. Even the most willful Mages fell in line, fearing the power of the guild's communal magic. "

I was trying to stand quietly as a thousand questions tickled my tongue, but my mother paused too long, and my tongue would not remain still. "That sounds great, but why are people limited to a single Gift now?"

"Declan! Don't interrupt your mother." órla hopped a few times, mist bouncing around her. When she flapped her small wings, the sparkling fog scattered, then began its slow crawl toward her once more. She snapped her beak, as if chomping a fly.

"That's magic, not fireflies," I teased.

"Kels?, please continue. This is a great story, despite your disrespectful boy."

Kels? chuckled and winked at órla.

The mist scattered and reformed, the image of Mages replaced by a tall woman wearing a golden gown and gilded crown. She was unremarkable in every way. And yet, she was striking. I found myself riveted in place, unable to look away. It felt as if the woman had commanded me to stare, and I was helpless to disobey.

"Then came Irina."