9. Little Soul

9

Little Soul

REBIN

I ’d pictured this day for months. I knew they’d come to the Alpha’s Den eventually; all pack members would have felt the call when the new Alpha ascended, even those who were abroad on business, or looking for their true mates.

I’d let myself imagine that I would turn my back on them, let them feel some small hint of what I’d lived through, stuck in that shack behind their cabin for years, isolated from all my friends.

Knowing that they were ashamed of me.

But when this thinner, sadder version of my mother fell to the ground, I felt a wave of love. She was weak, but she always had been. My wolf shifted restlessly inside as I called on him for help.

I felt his anger subsiding when I leaped to catch my mother as she fell. “The girl in the moonlight dress,” I murmured, holding her head on my lap. “I had so many of those dreams.”

I stroked my mother’s almost completely gray hair, ignoring my father for now, though he kneeled on the other side of her, his hand on her arm.

Annalise stayed beside the girls, waiting. Allowing me to decide what came next. I knew she still mourned her own long-dead parents, and regretted that our daughters had no grandparents, though many of our pack were happy to fill that role. Neither of us had once suggested contacting my parents, though. I had even wondered, when the girls were born and they did not come to celebrate the births, if they’d died in that cabin.

When my mother’s eyes opened, she stared into my face, fear and amazement reflected on her own. “Your wolf,” she whispered. “He’s so strong. He was there, even when you were a baby. Just under the skin, pacing. But I haven’t sensed him since—since you were four?”

It was my wolf who answered. “Yes, Myrna. I know it was difficult—” A wash of sorrow and regret filled me. “I was too impatient to reach her. I made your life very difficult.” A flurry of memories, of nightmares and worse, cascaded though my mind.

My mother staring at me in fear as her child used an Alpha’s command to order her to let him go and find his “moonlight girl.” Her panicked screams as she ran after him as soon as the command faded, again and again. The endless nights of comforting, singing fruitless lullabies, fearing for his sanity as well as her own, when sleep never came.

She tried, my wolf admitted. It was not her fault. I spoke the words aloud, hearing the truth in them.

“No, Rebby. It was my fault. I failed you. I was so frightened.” One trembling hand lifted, and I dropped my head so she could cup my face. “I wasn’t strong enough.”

“Neither of us were,” my father admitted. His head was lowered, but tears fell onto his trousers, staining the brown fabric a deeper hue.

It was harder for my wolf to allow him to stay so close. Knowing now what it felt like to have children of my own, to know that I would do anything, die a thousand times, to keep them safe... Forgiving him would be harder.

Weak, a voice sighed in my mind. Annalise. My eyes flew to her. He’s one of the weakest shifters I’ve ever met. I can’t imagine him trying to parent your wolf, even as a baby.

He could never meet my eyes. Not until my wolf slept, I explained.

My wolf had shared the reason behind my inability to shift. According to him, Annalise and I had agreed that this would be our last earthly life together. But when I’d died under a silver blade at Southern the day we were supposed to have found each other, he’d had to improvise.Our spirit-self had raced to find a new place to be born, one where he might find her again.

Out of necessity, he’d chosen parents who were far weaker wolves than in any previous life.

My mother’s hand dropped as she whispered, “Before you even heard of true mates, you used to ask me to take you to every shifter in our pack, and let you touch them, so you could find your ‘little soul.’ You said she was waiting, and crying, but that she would stop when she held your hand. You swore you’d met her. You… Rebby, you described her.” Her eyes sparkled as she glanced at my mate. “She’s just like you told me. The curls, the kind eyes.”

Annalise let out a gasp.

My father’s voice was gruff. “Your mother took you all over the Mountain packlands, doing just that. She even brought you to the Conclave that was held here when you were a tot, and had me asking all the visiting shifters to lay a hand on you.” He sighed. “They thought I was insane. But I would do anything for your mother.” He grasped her hand in his, his own knuckles swollen, his skin sallow. “I wish I’d found her for you, son. I’m happy for you. For you both. We’ll, ah… We’ll leave you to it. Apologies for interrupting your day.” He lifted my mother up, holding her steady though his own limbs trembled, both of them waiting.

Annalise hummed noncommittally, waiting for my decision.

He is dying, my wolf said. He is coming to the end of his run.

I swallowed, suddenly fighting my own tears. Shifters only lived to be a few years over a century, and my father was only a half decade older than my mate. But his years weighed on him.

My wolf was right. He spoke again . I was the one who decided to sleep, until we found one another. That’s why I never responded to Alpha Samuel’s commands all those years. I never expected it to take so long. They were so committed to helping to find her.

I gazed at my own mate, and knew what I had to do.