4. A Good Life

4

A Good Life

REBIN

I hope you have a good life. The words might as well have been claws, tearing into my heart.

I’d woken an hour before my perfect mate, which gave me time to study her. She had gorgeous, wildly curling hair, and I’d spent ten minutes touching it lightly, working my own scent deep into each strand. She had tiny lines at the corners of her eyes, and a few stray silver hairs, so I knew she was older than her body looked. She had the physique of a young woman, with tight, small breasts, and long, supple limbs. There were no scars on her, not that I’d expected any; shifters healed from almost anything.

Her wolf had been stunning, almost black, with silver tips that my wolf had been entranced with. In human form, I found myself staring at her lips, the full sensuous curves almost irresistible. I had to force myself not to wake her with a kiss.

She was exceptional, one of the strongest-looking females I’d ever seen. Her muscles stood out, even in sleep, and I was filled with questions. What kind of life had she led up until now? How had I never met her? And most importantly, what would she think of me?

But now that she’d woken up and seen me, I didn’t want to know. It was there, in her face. She didn’t want a mate like me: young, weak, inexperienced. With tears stinging my eyes, I turned my face to the side so she wouldn’t see my weakness.

“I understand, Annalise. Thank you for saving me when I couldn’t shift. You know, I’d tried for four years, every season, at every ritual. Then again, once a year for the next seven. When Alpha Samuel poured all his power into me, it was a last-ditch effort. I thought I was dying. I didn’t even mind it. I didn’t have much to live for, and I’d planned to leave the pack.”

She gasped, and I went on, needing to get it out before my courage failed me. “I’m grateful that I was able to meet you, at least. That I won’t have to live not knowing…” My voice broke, and I rasped, “I don’t blame you for not wanting me.”

The few steps I took as I walked away were agony. My wolf was howling inside me, scraping and clawing at me to get out. He was convinced that we were meant to be together. I was, too, but I would not force this strong female to live with someone like me, when she’d only mated me out of pity.

I had already packed my few possessions and left them at the Den, knowing I wouldn’t go back to the shed by my parents’ home. I would leave Mountain; I had to.

“Rebin!”

I stopped, waiting, but didn’t turn back. My face was wet with tears. At least the rest of the pack had gone their own ways already, and no one was here to witness my shame.

Then I felt her hands on my arms, and her face pressed against my back. A wet face?

I trembled as she wept, her hot tears sinking into my bare skin, her arms gripping me as if she’d fall without my help. Finally, I couldn’t help myself, and I turned and gathered her up in my arms, lifting her off the ground. I cradled her against my chest, waiting as she sobbed words that made no sense.

The bond between us swirled with a maelstrom of emotions: regret, shame, fear, anguish, and a ribbon of what I thought might be hope. I hummed a lullaby and rocked her against my chest, back and forth, until she was able to speak.

“Reb—” she choked out at last, her dark eyes meeting mine. “I want you more than I want air. More than I want to live another day alone on this earth. Please, don’t leave me.”

“You… You want me?”

“I shouldn’t,” she whispered, her hands stroking my shoulders, my chest. “I know I’m too old.”

“Too old,” I repeated.

She nodded. “I’m old, and I know I’m not attractive, not like you. By the moon, you’re like some dream male?—”

“Not attractive? ”

“I’m ugly, okay? I know it. I’ve known it my whole life, and been told it enough times that it sunk in. There’s no need to lie, or pretend.”

“Is that why you rejected me?”

“I… I didn’t. I wouldn’t. But you deserve so much more.” I had no idea what she meant, but I didn’t interrupt her as she went on. “I live alone, not with the pack, and I like it. I like solitude, living wild. I don’t even come to the Den unless I know everyone will be asleep.”

Huh. That answered one question.

She ducked her head. “I know I’m not what someone like you would want.”

Nip her, my wolf demanded. She needs it. I ignored him, but put the idea in my back pocket for later.

“Someone like me?” I growled. “You don’t know me yet, mate. You don’t know what I want, or need. But I’m going to show you.”

I carried her away from the ridge and toward the Den, ignoring the warmth of her skin on mine, the way her hands set off small fireworks of lust inside me. I didn’t bother to try to hide any of my emotions in the bond. She needed to understand who I was, and honesty was the first step.

“You’re angry,” she said quietly, after a mile or so.

“Very,” I agreed. “I woke up next to the woman the moon placed on this earth for me to find, the other half of my soul, and instead of letting me make love to her in the daylight, and learn every way to make her scream with pleasure, she tried to drive me away.”

“You don’t want to leave?” She swallowed audibly, her eyes filled with disbelief. But our bond thrummed with hope. “You want… me? Even like this?” She nodded to her body. “Even though I claimed you without your consent?”

“I want you more than I want air.” I repeated her words, hoping she understood. “More than I want to live another day on this earth. You may have been the one to claim me first, to save me. But I claimed you right back, woman. I think my mistake today was in listening to your fears rather than your heart.”

I nuzzled her neck, setting my blunt, human teeth to the spot where I’d bitten her the night before. She shuddered, and the air bloomed with her scent.

“Spring grass,” I muttered. “It was you, all along.” Time was running out, and I broke into a jog.

“Me?” she murmured.

“Until last night, I’d never wanted a woman. Never looked at one and felt desire. I tried once to have sex with a pack member a few years older than me.” She snarled in my arms, and I stifled a grin. “I couldn’t get hard. I tried with a male as well, a friend whose wolf felt called to other males. There was nothing there. I was broken, until you came into my life. Until you saved me, my wolf was asleep. If you hadn’t come to the Den last night, I would have died alone.”

She was silent, so I went on. “I’m the only pup born to my parents, both of them still alive. They live in southern Wyoming now, near the northern border of the pack. When I failed to shift after three years, my parents moved from their home close to the Den to as far as they could get from here, so they didn’t have to explain to their friends what was wrong with me.

“A year after we moved, my father built me a shed next to their home so I could pretend to have some sort of independence, or so he said. I think it was so he didn’t have to look at me, didn’t have to see what a failure his son was.”

Annalise cursed quietly. I lifted her a bit higher, turned on by her protective impulse, then continued. “I didn’t even dare to hope for a true mate. How could a shifter who couldn’t even connect with his wolf be given that sort of gift? It was pretty clear that I was defective somehow. The only times I ever felt anything like desire was in my dreams at night, or on my trips to the Den for the rituals. More than once, I smelled spring grass around the Den, and my cock would grow hard.” She shifted in my arms, the scent of her desire growing. “Now, I want to know everything about you, but since you’re feeling shy, I’ll go first.”

She grumbled, and I smiled into her hair. “Right. I love reading shifter history and playing the guitar. I don’t like asparagus, or the smell of beer, or too much noise, and I don’t need a lot of people around me to feel comfortable. In fact, I’ve been living that way more or less for years. In the shed.”

“What about your mother?”

My heart ached. “She loves me, but it’s hard for her to express that, with my father feeling as he does. When I was very young, she used to say I was an odd pup. That I cried for years, asking for… Never mind. In any case, I’ve been on my own in most ways for a good long while. You might discover we have more in common than you thought.”

She made a small sound that may have been a giggle, then said, “I mean, we’re both virgins, so there’s that.”